Damn narcolepsy

I was supposed to hang out with CG today, she called and said she would be over in half an hour or so, I fell asleep watching tv. She called me a couple times and got mad and left. I woke up a half hour later and realized what happened and called her like 3 times but she didn't answer. She finally called me back and yelled at me and gave me a guilt trip saying she isn't going to be here much longer and shit. WTF, I apologized for falling asleep and it was only like 530 so it wasn't too late to hang out. I told her I had to buy a dress shirt for court on Wednesday and since she has school tomorrow I needed to go to the mall today. She came back over took me to the mall, picked out a shirt for me(I don't dress up and have no fashion sense). And then dropped my sorry ass back off. She said she had to study for her class. So I ate my frozen dinner and am now playin Halo 2 with my Jim Beam.

A friend of mine went to Croatia for some confrence shit and she brought me back a shot glass. It is really neat, looks like a little stein. I might take a pic of it later and post it. Ok I people waiting on Xbox for me. Laters.

Otep

First I forgot in the last post, I didn't get to follow my 2 drink limit on Friday, it wasn't my fault though. Uncle Tom kept bringing them, I had like 4 beers and CG got an amaretto and coke and drank a little and said it was too strong so I had to drink it, then she got a Vodka and red bull and did the same thing. I was barely tipsy though so it was all good. Last night I did follow my rule except I had 3 which was really good. There was almost a repeat of last Otep experience, the same guy that I got into it with last year was doing the same shit this year. He is a big boy who just walks through the pit pushing people and throwing the little guys. The pit is for people to jump around and fucking feel the music and slam into people. Now if he'd been headbanging or even bouncing I wouldn't have a problem with him but no he just walked. Luckily I wasn't drunk like last time, plus it was only CG and me so I wasn't going to leave her alone. Though when I went up front to get my pics from up front I made sure to bump shoulders with him. I'm not sure if he remembers me but I sure remembered him. It was a good night though, there were 5 bands, most no names even to me and I don't remember many of them but it was a lot of screaming that I couldn't understand but I liked the music. Otep as usual mixed spoken word and then doing a song. They did their infamous dark and dirty Jonestown Tea. Along with speaking her mind about politics, being sure to say she hated the people in office right now but being sure to say that she supported the troops and their shows and everyone's freedom is thanks to us. Which was really cool. She actually seemed happier this year, first coming out sporting a trucker hat cocked to the side. Jumping around more. Though she did do a couple songs with a stocking hat pulled down over her face. They are a great show and Jaxx is an awesome place to see them because it is so small and intimate. I had a blast.

Everyone loves Pig's heads and headbanging 

Otep's ever popular pic head on a stake 

Scotty from Otep can scream! 

She is Hot 

Jennifer Arroyo formerly from Kittie now with Suicide City 

Suicide City 

Mark Thomas Kluepfel from Action Action 

T.J. Minich from Spitalfield 

Mark Rose from Spitalfield 

Waking Ashland 

Action Action

This is going to be a very quick run down since CG is on her way and I was to be helping buddy move half an hour ago. I will post pics maybe tomorrow. First up was Waking Ashland, I dug their songs but there were a bunch a little teenie boppers there for them and were all jumping around looking retarded. They sounded kind of like Dashboard Confessionals except a little more rock guitar and the singer would throw in little screams every once in a while. All in all I liked them and got a pic of me and one of Uncle Tom with the lead singer whose name I will find when I post the pic.

Spitalfield was awesome, same excitement that you hear on their album. They rocked. The drummer was sick the night before and still last night but still did awesome. Talked to him after his set and got a drumstick from him. I also had to ask him if all the band members would sign the cute little Spitalfield shirt that CG bought and they did. That was really cool of them.

Action Action kicked as much ass as I would have hoped. Everyone except the drummer had keyboards set up next to them while they played their guitars and on certain songs they would reach over and play them it was great. A couple times I think the lead singer played without even looking at the keyboard. A little more than half way through CG had to go to the bathroom, I didn't, thankfully Tom had to so he went down with her (the bathrooms are downstairs, stage is upstairs). While they were gone they actually played a cover of Nirvana's Verse Chorus Verse and it sounded really good actually. I thought if I ever heard someone try to cover a Nirvana song I would kill them but they did good by me. So Pics to come later and Otep is tonight, last time I saw Otep I got my shirt ripped up from me and a marine taking out this asshole that was knocking little guys around in the mosh pit. I think I posted about it whenever it was, oh well. Later.

T.G.I. motherfuckin F.

It's Friday, I don't have shit to do today, but as usual I have to stay to check if any shipments come in at like 2. So I can't go home and get my nap like I want to before my concert tonight. I will hopefully post pics sometime this weekend. I am going to be busy this whole weekend. Concert tonight, help a buddy move tomorrow, concert tomorrow night and who fucking knows about Sunday. Hopefully Sunday will be a recovery day. I know CG will be with me tonight and tomorrow and again who knows about Sunday. Now my goal is to not get wasted but have some drinks and have a good time. The problem is when I go to have a few drinks, especially at concerts, I get thirsty and instead of paying for a soda I buy a drink. This leads to many of the reasons I don't remember concerts. As I was talking with a friend outside smoking, he said stay sober so you don't piss her off. But why, if getting drunk is a part of who I am. That's what I do as an alcoholic, I get drunk a lot. Hell most of the time it is out of boredom or to "be socialable" since I am not really a people person, get a little bit of that liquid courage. I don't fucking know anymore.

I found out what I am doing for our exercise next month, IV's. Yay I get to train a bunch of little wannabe doctors how to do IVs. Hell I haven't done the shit myself for almost 3 years. Hopefully it's like riding a bike. But I have to go early with them to help them set up when I was trying to get out of it. So I go to Ohio for 4th of July weekend, get back late the 4th and leave for that of the 5th, which means probably the last time I will see CG is the 29th. That sucks to not even get to say goodbye. That's got me a little salty knowing that, I am still trying to convince her to come home with me but she is heading to her home that weekend as well. I may need a ride though if the court takes my license away. It's always my luck to get closer to a person when they or myself are getting ready to leave. It's weird how much she's changed since I've known her. I used to not be able to stand her when I hung out with her roommate. She was a huge drama queen and now she's just cool as shit. Maybe if she would have been this cool back then we could have hung out more. Again oh well, I don't fucking know anymore. Can't change shit, just have to roll with whats going on and deal with it as the obstacles keep coming.

I'm everyone - and no one. Everywhere - nowhere. Call me... Darkman.

I feel I need to wrap my face in bandages like Darkman. If you haven't seen that movie, go see it. So my face is peeling like a bitch, really bad. I was supposed to hang out with CG tonight but her car was in the shop and of course I can't go pick her up so here I sit putting lotion on my face every half an hour, so I guess it's cool. My feet are still red as hell but don't hurt quite so bad anymore. I need some of that exfoliating face wash to scrub all this skin off or something. I went to the denist today, they explained to me that my teeth are way more fucked up than just being crooked. I had to get cleaning and get a filling. I get lectured about quitting smoking by both of the doctors. I hate the denist, it's not so much them in my mouth or the pain, I am used to dealing with pain, but the squealing of those instuments. It freaks me out! Anyway I am bored as shit and about to start playing some Halo, since CG has been distracting me from it. I will also be going to some concerts on Friday and Saturday. Friday includes Action Action and Spitalfield. I purchased their CDs recently and they are awesome. Then on Saturday I am going to see Otep again, they kick absolute ass at Jaxx a small little club in Springfield, VA. I will be sure to get pics of both concerts as long as my camera doesn't crap out on me again. CG is going with me to both so I am setting myself to a 2 drink minimum to reduce my chances of being a dick like on Friday and stumbling down the street and babbling stupid shit and try to prove I am not dependent on alcohol. I just prefer being drunk.

All say hi to...

Well Finally I have converted another to the blogosphere. Ok not another he is actually my first person to convert but whatever. All please say hi to him. He is my brother from another mother who decided to use a name too fucking long because he is a huge fan of Senses Fail and had to use their lyrics. all we are is a spec in life I have no idea how often he will update but I will try to harp on him to post frequently and check out other blogs as well. My ass is back in work today, but I have a dental appointment at 9, I hate dental. I have to get a filling, bastards. I actually remember parts of dreams last night, I think it's because I wasn't truely asleep due to the pain in my body(sunburn), they were really weird. I was driving and people were running in herds like deer across the streets. I hit one and it was like a deer, you get out look at the damage to your car curse at the person you hit, kick it a couple times and drive off. Then there was one wierder but I don't remember it now. Oh well. Everyone please welcome Spec in Life to blogger.

I'm back

Well it's 130 and I am home sipping my Beam and coke already. I just got back from Penn an hour ago. Yesterday we got there by about 8am and started working right away. We busted our ass taking everything out of the connexes(big metal boxes) and counting them and then putting them back. We worked so hard that we finished by about 3. I did however work up an appetite, so that was one thing cured. We all went to Hooters for dinner and had all you can eat wings and a shit load of pitchers of beer. Then a few of us went on to the crappy community center next to billeting where we were stayin, last time we were there they had party of it set up for dancing but I guess not on a Monday night. There is always a few ladies in there being flocked by stupid army reservist. SO we had a few more drinks and then crashed. Today we did some running around and then headed back here. Now through all this working I am burnt as shit. I would put a pic of my face but it just looks like I'm constantly embarasses and below is a picture of my foot. Imagine wearing socks and boots and working and walking all over the place. I am burnt everywhere except where my shorts were. But my feet and legs hurt the worst and my face when I make facial expressions. But time for me to catch up on everyone elses blogs and do laundry. Cheers!

Yes thats what happens when you don't put sunscreen on! 

I'm dying

Yep my life here on Earth is up. So yesterday wasn't feeling that bad from the night before. It was hot I didn't want to eat but got some Wendy's anyways since me and CG were just out running around most of yesterday. I took 2 bites and that was it. I drank 1 gatorade and 1 water. I know I was and probably still am severely dehydrated. And malnourished. I tried to eat something a minute ago and got a couple bites and that was it. I am drinking more water now though. I am going to go to Six Flags to go swimming with CG today, I hope I feel better in a couple hours. Damn her for waking me up so early. I don't know if this is going with the stomach problems I was having earlier in the month or what, it shouldn't be the alcohol, I have drank way more than that and been just fine. Oh well. Glad to see everyones review of Friday night. And to think that was only a small preview of what's going to go down in Vegas. Well I guess I need to pack I am going to be gone Monday and Tuesday to Fort Indiantown Gap, Penn. I am sure I'll be drunk there, maybe try to do some audioblogs but it seems to never work when you want it to.

I followed my rules

Ok so last night was a blast! I drank a little more than I expected to but that's usually how that works out. That Girl of course has the pics. I may post some more of them later. I know I can't do some people faces, don't worry. SO we get there and it was how I expected, TG, hipchick, IG in their group, Blue his friend in their group, and me, chris, CG in ours. I tried to intermingle by gettin TG to sit on our side, but chris went and sat next to her instead. He is going to start blogging soon. I had him start an account a while ago but he hasn't posted anything yet, I will make a post and link when he starts. So some general conversations and drinks as usual. Unfortunately I started drinking at Chris's an hour before drinking his 151, so that may be why I was more drunk than I'd like, oh well. So we move to Howl at the moon. Hipchick and IG didn't join us, they took off. Howl at the moon is a lot better in San Antonio, but it was still fun. Me and Chris were fighting to get our service songs played and as usual he won. Bastard. Blue and bud left, Jasika and greg left so it was down to my group and TG. We got up on stage and danced with a bridal party, Tg has pics. I always look too skinny and goofy in pics. Oh well I guess thats how I look, can't change it. We get back and these 2 guys are at our table hitting on TG and CG, I push the guy talking to CG out of the way and sit down, he left quickly I am good at that. This Air Force pussy stays and keeps talking to TG. Chris was going to beat the shit out of him, I was going to stomp his ass. TG again has the pick of me looking pissed, I was cocked back and ready to swing. I told CG this guy was going to get his ass kicked and she made me walk her to the bathroom. While waiting on her a guy say hey you are in the military I said yeah. He said his buddy(the guy at the table) was. I told him to get him away from our table before he gets killed. He came and got his buddy. I was wasted. Chris walked TG to her car, Me and CG went to his. We talked kissed some and last thing I remember was Chris getting in the car and then I woke up on his couch alone. I woke up to CG calling me to see if I wanted to do something today. I said yes and turned on the TV to Leaving Las Vegas. Chris got up and I asked him what happened after he got in the car. He said he walked TG to her car and told me a little of the conversations he had with her. Apparently we got to his place, CG had to go cuz she had an eye appointment or someshit at 9am. I, I guess, gave he a hug almost falling over onto her and walked in front of a firetruck going though the parking lot and fell onto his couch. So if I hadn't of started with 151 I would have been good and maybe could have talked CG into stayin at his place with me or went to her place but no, I had to let my alcohlism take control. Live and learn I guess. I had fun and didn't get arrested or even in a fight so it was good. CG is on her way so I'm out.

Friday night fun

So this is going to be quick cuz I need to get the hell outta here. I have to stay and check some shit between 2 and 230 so I am just passin time. I found out that I am going up to Penn to help set up for our operation on Monday and Tuesday, I am not really excited about that. I would rather spend Monday with CG like usual. She has been calling me everyday. I am not sure if thats a good thing or not yet. Maybe if she wasn't leaving soon it could have been good but I already set myself up to not be attached, just have fun while it lasts. Oh well. So tonight my bud verified that he would head up to Bmore with me which is good. I thought I was supposed to be able to drive since the last time I talked to MVA they said my suspension was done yesterday. Luckily I called to verify and now they told me it wasn't up until the 25th which is after my court date. So I probably won't be able to drive again until who knows when. Sat and Sun I don't know yet more than likely hang with CG, my bud is mad because I am ditching him for her. "Bros before Hoes", I said yeah but when he was with someone and I called to see what he was up to he would say "Busy" and hang up that was it. But oh well he knows the deal. SO it's 2 now so I am off to do my stuff and get up out of here. Have a good weekend. I may or may not post until like Wednesday.

Fuck it all !!!

I am watching 25th Hour again, I haven't seen it in a while and I have to post this awesome fucking quote from it. If your offended get mad at whoever wrote it.

Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Hasidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass!

Times are getting better and better

Just waiting for the downfall. Leave it to me to start stuff with people when they are leaving me soon. I am of course really liking hanging out with CG and it sucks knowing she is leaving next month and I really only have to the end of the month to hang out with her. Hung out again last night. We went for bagles and then she went tanning, I tried to sneak back into the room with her but staff stopped me and wouldn't let me. Bastards, I wasn't going to tan...lol. So then we went back to my room and had fun hanging out. We'll leave it at that. I finally finished off the pics from DC. I need to try to go get them developed today. I think I am in only one of them and I don't think I can post any of the others, CG might get mad. Although I do think I have some of Uncle Tom and Canowine, I don't care if they get mad. Ok Well I had a lot of fun last night and now have to try to get work done. I need to find out today who I am bringing with me to Bmore. I want to bring my buddy so he can get out but I don't think he really wants to go. If he doesn't I may see what CG is doing. I just don't know how she would take going up there with me to meet a bunch of chicks and maybe 2 other guys. Don't know I have til tonight to try to figure it out, if nothing else I'll just have to fly solo(like I'm not used to it). Ok well should probably get started doing some work before I decide to be lazy all day again.

I planned to work today...honestly

So once again I sat on my skinny ass all day. I planned on doing some work, I even took up my forms to do my surveys. The only problem was our cart were full of crap. So I put the forms up there and came back to surf blogs and then went to lunch at Taco Bell which I should still be boycotting. Especially when I get the grilled stuffed burrito and on the wrapper it still has the Chilli Cheese Burrito on one of the corners that almost brings a tear to my eye. All I want is a damn chilli cheese burrito, is that too much to ask for? I am about to call corporate again. I don't think people took me seriously last time, I really called. Everyone needs too. I may do it once a week. Last night I went to go work on the apartment that I was supposed to move into and am now not going to. Since my driving situation is unstable for who knows how long until I go to court. My buddy will be moving in and then in 3 months or so I will move in across the hall. As long as I can escape the barracks on weekends I guess it's not that bad. He'll be closer when I need a ride so he doesn't have to drive 40 minutes to pick my broke ass up. Then we drove to and from Laurel because he needed to borrow my van, since I'm not driving it, because his car was broke. So we're driving around in the storm. There was a lot of good lightning. I like the storms, I just don't really care for driving in them. They finally turned the air on in the barracks. I had my room freezing last night so I had to cover all up in my blankets. It was great! Ok I was trying to find a song to put lyrics in from Armor for Sleep, most of it is about some sort of person in their life. SO this is just a song I like, the whole album is awesome.

ARMOR FOR SLEEP "Remember To Feel Real"

so here's the truth
you were right all along
they were never my friends
and i was living a lie
but i wont fall for it next time

you figured me out
i'm like a leaf in the wind
i try to find who i am
but wind up lost in the end
sometimes its hard to know whats real when your not

cause you know i change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me
but i'm sick of trying so hard
waste all your time with me
i know i'm a mess right now
dont give up believe
i'd wait it out for you
waste all your time with me
i know i'm a mess right now
dont give up believe
i'd wait it out for you

everyday i'm just making my rounds
just digging a home 6 feet underground
sometimes it's hard to know what's real when you're not

cause you know i change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me
but i'm sick of trying so hard
waste all your time with me
i know i'm a mess right now
dont give up believe
i'd wait it out for you
waste all your time with me
i know i'm a mess right now
dont give up believe
i'd wait it out for you

nothings here for me
nothings here for me
nothings here for me
but you

waste all your time with me
i know i'm a mess right now
dont give up believe
i'd wait it out for you
waste all your time with me
i know i'm a mess right now
dont give up believe
i'd wait it out for you

i'd wait it out for you!
i'd wait it out for you!

Useless information

I hate Mondays. I have so much work to do but sit here and don't do shit. I sit here and read blogs of people exciting adventures than look at mine and what I got excited about and just laugh. I still say I sound pathetic but hey I've openly admitted that I am a "nice guy" and I guess that is part of my mental condition. I think I need to use my notebook more and just post on here when exciting stuff happens and random shit. It's weird how this thing became a public journal, not that it's all that bad since I have met some good people to keep me company and comment. Well with that out here's some useless crap that I feel like sharing yet again.

Malaysians protect their babies from disease by bathing them in beer.

It is illegal NOT to smile in Pocatello, Idaho.

Rats can tell the difference between two human languages.

It is now possible to print human skin with an inkjet printer!

Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.

Turkeys can reproduce without having sex.

Lightning travels from the ground upwards not from the sky downwards. (this one confuses me, what about the ones that stay in the clouds)

The only poisonous birds in the world are the three species of Pitohui.

John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

Both Hitler and Napoleon were missing one testicle.

Women wishing to enter Canada to work as strippers must provide naked photos of themselves to qualify for a visa!

Baskin Robbins once made ketchup ice cream.

Great Sunday

Ok so last night I drank my usual that I do when I am home alone on the weekend. But I was pleasantly waken up at 11 by a phone call from CG. She asked if I want to go walk around DC since it was such an awesome day out. I said yeah of course. So we take the matro down and end up walking like 5 miles or so, my fucking knee is killing me. We had a great time though. When we got there we went and ate at Hard Rock Cafe. We walked around to all the memorials: White house, WWII, Vietnam, Korean, Lincoln, and Washington monument. My shoulders are burnt, it got so hot I took off my tshirt and wore my "wifebeater" tank top. My pasty white skin is now red fire, but I needed to get rid of my farmers tan. We get back and go to Quiznos for a bite for dinner. Get back to the barracks and invite her up but she says no that she needs to get back and feed her cats and study for her advancement board. I sit there and talk a bit and then finally leaned over and kissed her. It was great! When I got out and walked away I went to light up a cigarette and my hands were shaking. I know I am weird. Oh well at least I made one step foreward. We are supposed to go to Atlantic City, Ocean City, and the Inner Harbor this month sometime. It sucks though that I will be gone next month when she leaves. Joys of the military.

Time to get DRUNK!!

Ok so time with CG was pretty good. Of course I wussed out as always. I could tell the whole story here, but I have noticed since I have been getting into this site I haven't written in my notebook. I actually feel this shit I am feeling needs to go in there instead of on display for the world. Let's just say I am a wuss and suck. I am doing the same shit I did with CG's roommate when she was here. I have a very hard time with advancing on someone who was a friend first because it always turned into a problem. It gets screwed up and I lose everything. Eventually maybe I will come to realize that these "friends" are short term because we get transferred and leave. I hung out with her today and thought I'd try TG's kiss in the car when she dropped me off and when I looked over to her she did that look around thing. I don't know if it's the subconcience nervousness of her, or the "god please don't have him lean over and kiss me" thing. As usual I see these things that may be nothing and over analyze them in a split second and chicken out. Oh well. Here's some lyrics for you:

ACTION ACTION - "Eighth Grade Summer Romance"

Hold your knife against my throat, cut me deeper
Feel the blood drip down your arm, darling
I paint this picture on the back of my mind,
But it's fading quickly like an eighth-grade summer romance

The sleeping pills are mixing nicely with red wine
Catch them all, before panic hits monday
Trapped like rats, and oh the water is rising
We'd use the life boat, but we gnawed through the tubing

You're a drug, like the gun inside my mouth
I know it's wrong but i just can't spit you out
Happiness is a warm pun
And i love the taste of steel tonight
I know it happens for the rest of your life
Not asking, just doing darling

I know it happens for the rest of your life

I paint this picture on the back of my mind,
But it's fading quickly like an eighth-grade summer romance

I am pissed!!!!

I recently saw that Bob pitch some apparent English chap piece of shit provided a link to my "ME" blof through the following quote that is not on my site.

"it doesn't affrect me anymore when I get chased by police or fall through a window... I die as lonly as I came into the world" Loser. 03/06/05 17:05

That is fucked up, when I see that 4 people have already stumbled upon this site. Yes I have been arrested and fell kind of through a window but for fucks sakes, don't link it. I have left a reply to remove the link. I ask you all to sign up and do the same. Thank you in advance.

Friday night biatch

Well It's Friday, I didn't get my nap, like I usually take on Fridays before I go out but hopefully it will still be a good night. I have had my after work drinks and talked to CG and we are doin dinner and movie and perhaps drinks afterwards tomight. Hopefully things will go good. As usual she was flirty on the phone and said she may need another massage tonight (YES!). I should really probably take massaging lessons, like I said I have got nothing but compliments but it's a trade that is really nice to have, especially if I can get better at it. Unfortunatly it's rainy and cold, I told her to wear one of the outfits I helped her pick out a while back ago, they were really sexy. I am probably cheering up a little too much, considering I can pretty much guess what's going to happen tonight. But maybe I can work up some courage to perhaps try some of the advice that my awesome female readers have suggested, but more than likely I will be my loser self. Though I have been gaining some confidence and courage with her. Last time we hung out I was making some foreward progress from my usual shy self. I have already taken my shower and am supposed to call her around 7. So I have like 2 hours to kill listening to my awesome assortment of music. I guess I can get some Halo in, that will pass the time. I am more than likely going to end up posting a drunk blog tonight about what happened, if not be prepared for it tomorrow. TG, my phone will be on in case you want to go though it sounds like even if you go, I won't be invited (I understand). I hope your night goes good.

What to do when your dead

Armor for sleeps's comprehensive guide to your afterlife. (click for larger image)


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Music

I recently bought a couple Cds I thought I'd share. Once again no one will probably like it but this isn't my usual screaming stuff so some people may actually enjoy it. First I bought Action Action's "Don't cut your fabric to this year's fashion". This CD has some really great lyrics, the only thing I don't really care for is that they use a synthesizer too much. If they would replace it with a guitar in some part it would make this CD 10 times better. I still dig it though. The later part of the CD uses some more of the guitar, I am sure that if I could drive and listened to it a couple of times, I'd love it more.

Yesterday I bought Armor for Sleep's "What to do when your dead", this CD is really good and includes a little guide in the case, a guide of what what to when your dead. I forgot it at home today, I want to put some blurbs in here from it so I may do that later or tomorrow. It's kind of funny.

And Spitalfield's "Stop doing bad things", some good rock. I think all these bands are considered emo or something, to me it just rocks. I guess emo is the alternative of this generation. If it's not mainstream it's considered emo. I have only skimmed through these CD since I have bought them yesterday but I have enjoyed hearing them so far.

Last but not least is Sleater-Kinney's "The Woods", this album reminds me of a cross breed of Hole and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It is really good chick rock band.

Here's the Deal unfortunatley I missed Armor for Sleep when they were here in May, but the rest of these bands will be here this month. Spitalfield and Action Action is playing the Black Cat on the 17th and I just talked Uncle Tom into goin. Sleater-Kinney will be at 930 Club on the 25th and I will convince him to go to that too. Good times will be had, It's been to long since I've been to a concert, I am going through withdrawl!

ERG

Well I am starting to feel a little better. I realize that my current lifesyle needs to change before I die. Yesterday I ate a double quarter pounder meal for lunch at noon and saved 2 Mcchickens for dinner that I ate around 9. The rest of the time I was on a liquid diet. I can't eat healthy when I can't cook but I think I am going a little overboard. My digestion system is probably all jacked up, not to mention my constant dehydration, I don't take the time to fully rehydrate myself before starting again. I am taking 2 days off from drinking and going to try to eat some good food, well as good as it gets. My chest has been hurting, I don't know if it heartburn from drinking or my lungs from smoking more when I drink. This morning I felt like raw shit. Drinking water is still making me have an upset stomach but thats probably because there isn't much solid food in there to soak it up. It's almost lunch time, I may try to talk people into going out to get food so I don't have to suffer through my packaged noodle meal. So I drank and played Halo until like 11 last night, then I decided to blog and then noticed it was after 11, soul mate should be driving home from work, so I called her. She actually answered, we had one of those awkward conversations where you run out of things to say. I think she is hooking up with this one guy she used to be kind of close to. She said she was hiking with him and thats why she didn't return my phone calls from this weekend.

SO then I laid in bed drunk thinking of love lost. There have been 3 women that my life has revolved in a wierd and topsy turvey circle filled with bad choices. First I was with NY(new years girl) old friend that I always end up making out with, such as when I was home for new years. We ended because she was way younger than me, 3 years is a long time when your 16 or however old I was then. We remained good friends and then fell for SM(soul mate) While I was on hold waiting for her to break up with her boyfriend and having an affair with me, NY girl wanted me. We had our occasional fling and then got tired of waiting for SM and moved to my ex who I knew and saw wanted me. SM broke up with bf and then it was too late ex was pregnant and I was stuck. Ex wouldn't let me talk to either because of her jealous rage which was probably necessary because something would have happened because I wasn't happy with her. So now I was stuck with ex SM wanted me, NY moved away and then I joined the military. Now I am far away while they all live their lives and I sit here all alone reminising of loves lost. NY has a bf who is jealous of me and doesn't want her talking to me because he was there on New Years, SM is a single mom, who may have a bf and it just seems really awkward because I think she knows I still feel for her because I am alone and have nothing better to do while she is living. Who knows, I am just pathetic and will be that hermit guy when I am old telling my son these stories when he stops by to see me on holidays.

Alcoholism

I am cool with the fact I am an alcoholic. But what qualifies as alcoholism? I don't actually need it I just prefer to be drunk than deal with life. I drank half of a big bottle(1.75 liters) of CAPT. Morgans last night because they were out of Beam at the store and am probably going to drink the other half tonight, I am pretty close alreay. But most people consider raging alcoholics thoser who are mean when drunk or scare people off so they can drink. I don't really have anyone to scare off. I just sit alone and get dunk in this piece of shit room and scream at little kids on xbox. I actually think its pretty fun, sure I'd prefer the company of others but that just doesn't happen all that much. Yesterday CG(confusing girl) said she didn't feel good and didn't want to do anything. I sat here all day and got drunk. I was going to call her today but ended up getting drunk and playing Halo, I just noticed it was 9 pm and I needed to eat. I didn't leave the barracks at all yesterday and only left today to go to Mcdonalds. Other than that I sit in my boxer(because they still haven't turned on the airconditioning) and play Xbox and listen to Senses Fail. I talked to my boy today and told him I was coming home to celebrate his birthday and he said tomorrow. I told him he had to wait a month. I am going home for fourth of JUly weekend. Then I am leaving for our operation for most of July. I will probably have a bunch of crappy audioblogs while I am there. I am not sure which sense fail song I posted last night so here is another one that kicks ass!!

SENSES FAIL "Choke On This"

Half smoked cigarettes and you're the trash that infests my sheets
can't make a wife out of a whore, don't want your skin on me
And you're, you're addicted to the drug of lust
Detoxing the cold sweat of shame
and I love your pain

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on a dusty shelf

So this love's been worn down, like songs on a tape
The sex has lost all of its fun, like gum loses taste
And you're, you're addicted to the drug of lust,
Detoxing the cold sweat of shame
and I love your pain

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf

I'm here lying in your bed babe
Remember what you said to me
"You can be my james dean, I'll be your sweet queen"
I said that you were my first, but you weren't even close now
Like a frame in a movie, you're just one of many
Can you grant me one last wish
Play russian roulette as we kiss
I'll be your cheap novelty
Blow your brains out on me

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf

Fuck it all

One of my favorite set of lyrics is from Slipknow "Fuck it all, fuck this world, Fuck everything you stand for. Don't belong, don't exist, don't give a shit, Don't ever judge me!" Well here's some more lyrics fron Senses Fail, I posted about there album a while back but hadn't bought it, I have been listening to it with my bud, though he always skips this song, the lyrics is what I love, even if it doesn't sound the best on the album. We will be seeing Senses Fail after we get back from Vegas, we will have one day to recover sleep and the next day Warped Tour is here! Here's the Lyrics:

"Angela Baker And My Obsession With Fire" by Senses Fail

I won't forget the day that, that I came to
And I started thinking that there's more
Than just perfect prom queens and silver spoons
And all I ever wanted was someone to
knock me back to the bliss of ignorance
'Cause I feel like running head first into traffic.

And so I'm here to say
That thoughts in bed with pain.

I won't forget the day that, that I found God
In a kitchen knife now and on my arm
So paint the pale white floor with, with my red life
And tell myself this pain is the pain I love
As I swallow the pills of happiness
And you watch me fall like New York in an earthquake

And so I'm here to say
That thoughts in bed with pain.

I stand outside my pretty house
I light a match to start the fire
I call the cops to let 'em know
It's 22 Walthery Ave.

I thought I wanted this.
I thought I wanted this.

(I'm here to say)
I said I wanted some more attention
I thought I wanted a story ending.

(I love the pain, I hate the pain)
I just give in.
(I love the pain, I hate the pain)

I think that the truth is I'm scared
I think that I'm just scared to live
I think that the truth is I'm scared
I think that the truth is I'm everything that I hate.

Half a holiday weekend review.

As usual I am drunk so fuck everyone for my spelling errors. I usually would have posted yet but something happened last night that I need to post about so here we go. Friday nothing new went to a buddies house got drunk and played Halo and watched him play Halo more than I played since it was his house. I passed out on his couch. Saturday we were supposed to go to one of his buddies house, that we went to Silverstein concert with. So I finally drag him off the Halo because I wanted to party, we get there and no one was there but him and us. So it was a total sausage fest 2005. We get drunk except my buddy and we were hungry so we went to Taco Bell, who else is open at 1am, when he was tryin to park his buddies stick shift, he isn't used to his car, a car flew up and almost hit us. So his buddy said "follow his ass" so we follow him as he made like 7 right hand turns. I point out that I saw a bald spot and this is some old guy and we could see he is on a cell phone. One said he was probably on the phone with the cops, I said he was probably talking to a friend to get some guns ready. So he eventually pulls over we drove by him slowly thinking and ready to jump out and beat some ass but we continued driving. We got no more than 20 yards away from him and flashing lights behind us. Cop gets out and take all 3 of our IDs and ask us what's going on. We tell him this guy almost hit us and we wanted to find out what his problem was. Next thing we know we got 4 cop cars around us, 2 city, a sheriff and state trooper...hahaha. I start sayin DUI flash backs. They told us his mother had a medical emergency and he was afraid to stop and show us where his mother lived. We just kind of laughed and told the cop he was speeding, didn't make any full stops at stop signs and didn't use any turn signals. He told us not to chase people down because who knows, he could have been on drugs or had a weopon, or he could have been an old man we could have gave a heart attack. Then he told us to take off. We got back to his buddies place and see the old guy in his jeep going in a different direction than before we started following him with a police escort. It was some hilarious shit. Now if I had not pointed out the bald spot we may have been in trouble. Then when he pulled over, we would have jumped out and confronted him and probably have all got arrested. Instead it was just another fun time to tell to grandkids when I am a a crazy old man. Well time to play some Halo. Have a good rest of weekend.

Happy Thurday

Well kind of... OK I'm a little tipsy right now but her's my day after work. Wrok was ok but boring as usual. As I'm coming into the barracks my phone rings, who is it, the chick from Saturday nights standup, wondering what I'm doing tonight. I say nothing and ask what she has on her mind, after some flirty talk I tell her to come pick me up and we'll decide what to do. We end up going to Dave n Busters for happy hour, having a couple drinks and playing a bunch of games. She keeps complaining how her body's so sore and I told her I'd give her a massage( I have massaged her shoulders and back before), I have always got nothing but compliments about my massages. So we come back to my barracks room and watch some TV and I start massaging, she complains her ass is sore, so I massage that too. She gets a fullbody massage, I am not expecting anything more because she has fucked with me before and I have learned to stick to my guns and be "that guy" who is just trying to help and not get his(I tried the "hey I want to get laid" before and didn't work) So I give her massage and then just kind of laid next to her and watched some TV, had some good conversation then she said she had to get up at 5am, I said she could crash here if she wanted, as I suspected she refused and insisted I walk her to her car. I made her wait while I smoked( part of hey your not the boss of me) Walked her down, got a hug and she was off. Now I know she is far from the typical girl. I have known her for a while, I was close friends with her roommate til she transferred. Like I said she has pulled the "all over me" bit before, then went to bed and upset me. So now I have been puttin her off and putting her off, tryin to make me seem less desperate. Now she is leaving in July and all I really want from her is sex. You all know I'm not really that shallow, but that's just the person she is, she is sweet sometimes and then a bitch when she doesn't get her way. So she isn't my type much on the relationship stand point but she is really hot. I think she likes me, but doesn't know how to show it too much, she knows I usually don't rush things(I had the hots for her roommate as well) so I don't know if she is tryin to make it a "relationship" or what, what's the point she's moving in 2 months, or is she just using me to be her friend and keep her company. I am, like usual, clueless. But you know what, I don't really care. I am not fallin for her or anything, because I know what's going to happen. All I am trying to do is have fun. She seems like a prude though, always flirting and never delivering, whatever(I apologize for sounding sexist, but I hear you girls talking about just trying to get yours too, so I don't want to hear it).Oh well 930, I guess I'll just play some Halo for a while and go to sleep. Women, can't live with them. Definatly can't live without them!

Let's talk about movies

Sorry I've been busy checking my replacement into the command, so I've been busy running around instead of sitting on my ass in front of the computer like usual. I was recently interview by Arethusa and it got me thinking, one question was about living in a film era. But I saw leaving Las Vegas the other day and it made me notice how much I love the movies without happy endings. The movies with the depressing endings become my favorite because it's more of real life. Life is never like Big Daddy, where at the end everything is wrapped up neat and everything works out, and we all live happily ever after. Let's think of some of my favorites for a minute.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas- A psychedelic trip through Vegas ending not really sure what the hells going on or what just happened. But there are several low and dark scenes where you kind of feel sorry for Raul (Johnny Depp) waking up in a flooded hotel room with a tail and the room just being trashed.

Leaving Las Vegas- You seeing a theme here Vegas is evil, just kidding it's gonna be a blast. But here we've got a hooker and an alcoholic worse than me. She is all sorts of fucked up, he drinks himself to death, It's real life!

Butterfly Effect(director's cut)- I first saw this on DVD and only watched the director's cut, where at the end he goes back to when he's in the womb and kills himself so everyone else can live happily ever after. Then I saw the regular one and didn't like it. He just tells her he never wants to see her again, that sucked.

American History X- You think everything is wrapped up nice and neat, they changed their ways and then BOOM! all comes crumbling down, the part I always wonder is did he go back to being a skinhead because they killed his brother? No one knows.

Requiem for a Dream- I first saw this movie only a couple months ago. I am behind the times on certain movies. As soon as it was over I was like wholly shit I love this movie. Not only does the main character end miserably, everyone does. Him, mom, girlfriend all sorts of fucked up.

I don't know maybe it's just me but though I like to dream of a better life, I don't want to see it happening to people in movies. Women do it a lot, they see guys doing all this romantic stuff and in most cases, not all, it doesn't happen that way.

Blogger?

It's not showing my page for some reason.

By the way

My audioblog is workin, if you wanna go back and listen to my dumbass.

Music Tag

That Girl tagged me about music. I am sure no one has ever heard of most of the music I listen to, since not many screamo bands get airplay. So I will try to link some of the songs to the bands webpage that no one will probably check. Here we go.

# of music files on the computer: I will say a lot but here are the figures: 1433 songs, 88:01:22 (yep 88 hours), taking up 4.63GB

Last CD I bought: Nine Inch Nails: With Teeth

Song playing right now: Fuck the People by The Kills (not killers)

5 Songs that mean a lot to me, in no order:

Nirvana- Where did you sleep last night. The haunting emotions in his voice during their unplugged set still almost brings a tear to my eye. My favorite song of all time from my favorite band of all time.

Hawthorne Heights- Ohio is for Lovers. I am from Ohio and have felt this way: "And I can't make it on my own. Because my heart is in Ohio. So cut my wrists and black my eyes. So I can fall asleep tonight, or die. Because you kill me. You know you do, you kill me well. You like it too, and I can tell. You never stop until my final breath is gone."

Dashboard Confessionals- Screaming Infidelity. Do I really need to say anymore? "I wish that I was anywhere with anyone making out"

Funeral for a friend- Escape Artists Never Die. Great song! It's kind of confusing and you can use personal experience to make a meaning of the song for you.

Silverstein- Last days of summer. Last but not least. Though this song isn't on any online, the other songs are just as good. This song is a little slower and touched me last time I was home. "I won't leave, leave this way again"

Now I guess I am supposed to tag someone else but everyone I usually check has already done it. So Oh well, if you haven't and you want to let me know and I'll consider you tagged.

Audioblogger sucks

It seems that my first attempt at an audioblog failed. I was ignoring it because I knew that if I listened to it I'd probably delete it. All it was, was me drunk and babbling about my weekend sucking. I was supposed to go to the club with this chick and got stood up. Stupid bitch, my room doesn't have hot water for some reason so I took a freezing cold shower. Then I play some Halo waiting, she calls around 8 something and said about being at the mall and will call me when she leaves, I say ok and know she is full of shit so I start drinking about here. She calls around 930 and says something, I really don't even remember her excuse but we didn't go. So I sat in my room alone again and played Halo and drank about 3/4 of a bottle of Jim Beam. Oh yeah we had our Color Guard detail on Saturday morning, it went really well from what we could see. It's kind of hard to tell when we are all doing it and don't have someone in the crowd to actually watch us. Well I need to go meet my replacement here, so this is a short one. Damn you Audioblogger for not working and helping me remember what the hell I said.

Star Wars

I know all the geeks in blogland are probably posting about Star Wars today, let me start by saying I am not one of those geeks. One of the people I work with is, he came and fixed my computer about a week ago because I couldn't get to the internet from work, so I owed him a favor. He came and told me DC101 were giving away passes to the screener yesterday at 7 on insider advantage and he didn't have enough points to get it. I have a shitload of points, so I got them for him. The catch was I had to go to claim the prize. I have never been a huge SW fan, I haven't even saw Episode 2 yet. So we went to the Uptown theater, with lines galore for that screener and the midnight show. People are retarded, camping out in downtown DC. The crowd was full of overweight nerds, some dressed like storm troopers, one Darth Vader, and a very huge princess Leia. Suprisingly there were a bunch of teens camping out too. In our line for the 7 show, there were quite a few slimmer buisinessmen and again some younger crowd. There were TV stations all over the place too, I almost ended up on the news, in the background of course. After only an hour wait in line, we were in the theater. God I want to do some nerd bashing. People were clapping and screaming, it's a screen, no one from the movie is there to hear you!!!! Everytime Yoda did anything, people cheered and screamed with delight. It was probably the worse movie experience, even when I willingly went to see the opening for one of the matrixes, I forget which one. Towards the end it started to get really hot in the 866 seat theater, I started to doze off, I think it was only for a minute or two. Some of the fight scenes were way to long, I said the same for the matrix, just give a minute or two and then go to something else already. Everyone already knows how it ends, Anakin turns into Darth Vader. The movie did of course have some cool special effects, I was disappointed that our showing didn't have any previews, I was only looking foreward to great previews and seeing Natalie Portman(HOT!), who by the way goes from being pregnant and not showing to pretty big in the matter of minutes and there wasn't a time change or anything. And it didn't really show here in sexy clothes either. If I was a critic I'd give this movie a "B", I am sure everyone else is going to say that it was the best thing they have ever seen, but they should open their eyes more often.

Meet a Hero

 

Meet Brian Chontosh.

Churchville-Chili Central School class of 1991. Proud graduate of the Rochester Institute of Technology. Husband and about-to-be father. First lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps. And a genuine hero. The secretary of the Navy said so yesterday.

At 29 Palms in California Brian Chontosh was presented with the Navy Cross, the second highest award for combat bravery the United States can bestow. That's a big deal.

But you won't see it on the network news tonight, and all you read in Brian's hometown newspaper was two paragraphs of nothing. Instead, it was more blather about some mental defective MPs who acted like animals.

The odd fact about the American media in this war is that it's not covering the American military. The most plugged-in nation in the world is receiving virtually no true information about what its warriors are doing.

Oh, sure, there's a body count. We know how many Americans have fallen. And we see those same casket pictures day in and day out. And we're almost on a first-name basis with the pukes who abused the Iraqi prisoners. And we know all about improvised explosive devices and how we lost Fallujah and what Arab public-opinion polls say about us and how the world hates us. We get a non-stop feed of gloom and doom. But we don't hear about the heroes.

The incredibly brave GIs who honorably do their duty. The ones our grandparents would have carried on their shoulders down Fifth Avenue. The ones we completely ignore. Like Brian Chontosh.

It was a year ago on the march into Baghdad. Brian Chontosh was a platoon leader rolling up Highway 1 in a humvee. When all hell broke loose. Ambush city.

The young Marines were being cut to ribbons. Mortars, machine guns, rocket propelled grenades. And the kid out of Churchville was in charge. It was do or die and it was up to him. So he moved to the side of his column, looking for a way to lead his men to safety. As he tried to poke a hole through the Iraqi line his humvee came under direct enemy machine gun fire.

It was fish in a barrel and the Marines were the fish.

And Brian Chontosh gave the order to attack. He told his driver to floor the humvee directly at the machine gun emplacement that was firing at them. And he had the guy on top with the .50 cal unload on them.

Within moments there were Iraqis slumped across the machine gun and Chontosh was still advancing, ordering his driver now to take the humvee directly into the Iraqi trench that was attacking his Marines. Over into the battlement the humvee went and out the door Brian Chontosh bailed, carrying an M16 and a Beretta and 228 years of Marine Corps pride.

And he ran down the trench. With its mortars and riflemen, machineguns and grenadiers. And he killed them all. He fought with the M16 until it was out of ammo. Then he fought with the Beretta until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up a dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up another dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. At one point he even fired a discarded Iraqi RPG into an enemy cluster, sending attackers flying with its grenade explosion.

When he was done Brian Chontosh had cleared 200 yards of entrenched Iraqis from his platoon's flank. He had killed more than 20 and wounded at least as many more. But that's probably not how he would tell it.

He would probably merely say that his Marines were in trouble, and he got them out of trouble. Hoo-ah, and drive on.

"By his outstanding display of decisive leadership, unlimited courage in the face of heavy enemy fire, and utmost devotion to duty, 1st Lt. Chontosh reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service."

That's what the citation says.
And that's what nobody will hear.

That's what doesn't seem to be making the evening news. Accounts of American valor are dismissed by the press as propaganda, yet accounts of American difficulties are heralded as objectivity. It makes you wonder if the role of the media is to inform, or to depress ? to report or to deride. To tell the truth, or to feed us lies.

But I guess it doesn't matter.

We're going to turn out all right. As long as men like Brian Chontosh wear our uniform.

Life and Relationships

Ok, I have been shunned by my friends on Halo 2, so I have time to post while watching house. TG has unforunately met the "wolf in sheeps clothing" as hipchick put it. As I have said before TG is my muse and has struck up thoughts in my mind. Yes I have been drinking so don't mind me going off on a tangent or spelling errors.

People Suck!! All people, I have always felt this way. People are closed minded, and a majority are just plain stupid, with no regard to normal human behavior. Granted most "humans" are nothing more than slightly intelligant animals. Hearing some of the things people do make me lose more faith in mankind, and I didn't have much to begin with. Rape, murder, all the things dealt with everyday, espacially in large cities. People are truely corrupt. Nice people are far and few between, yes there are the people who seem nice at first but are truely sick individuals when you get down to the core of the person. Everyone has that part inside of them that they share with no one, and sometimes try to hide from even themselves. Yes I know that deep down I have some sick and sadistic thoughts in my brain, but I know deep down that I am not one of those people that will snap and these thought become actions. Nice guys/girls are hard to find. Most people think "nice guys" don't exist but hardly anyone says "nice girls" don't exist. You see lots of "happily married couples" but who really knows what goes on in their minds or what the do when they are alone. I find being happily married hard to believe. Granted I have found maybe 2 people that I thought could have worked, but obviously it didn't make it that far. ANyhow, most focus is on the fact that "men are pigs", yes most are but when women try with "the nice guy" they usually just use them so they can feel the up on a pedistal, oh so important feeling and then get bored with it and leave. All seems to come back to that old saying that used to be a pain in my ass and now I see oh so clearly..."Life's a Bitch". People alway want what they can't have, even if it's not for the fact that they can't have it. And always chase the dreams that can't come true, being forever happy, but "then you die." Maybe this is my sick and sadistic part of my "nice guy" role. I seem to look at death as an excape as opposed to every one elses fears. Granted it does scare me a bit and I really don't want to die because I have I son that I want to be there for and help out more than my perents helped me. But only then do you truely have no more worries, no matter what your faith.

Damn Straight!!

REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It leads to more honest communications.

3. It reduces complaints about low pay.

4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.

5. It encourages car pooling.

6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

8. It makes fellow employees look better.

9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross.

New TV

So yesterday I blew $450 on a new TV and a microwave. I had to get the jumbo fucking 32 inch. It barely fit into my room and had to rearrange everything to put it onto a desk since it would fit into their "entertainment stands". Uncle Tom thankfully helped me out since I couldn't drive to get it. While trying to put it into the minivan the box tipped a bit and caught the side of my neck, giving me a nice little scratch. Then while putting it into my room I busted my knuckle open. Then this morning while throwing away my old microwave the box scratched up my forearms a bit. This shit is beating me up. But it was worth it last night, sitting infront of my huge ass tv, the biggest I've ever owned, eating my hot Chef Boyarde, playing Halo. Good times were had by me. Vegas plans are coming together. I found the tickets and hotel for a little over 500 thanks to travelocity. I have enough to cover it but to get both tickets I need some help from Chris to make sure I've got money to get drunk on this weekend. Then all I have to do is save money to blow, I've got 500 in savings that should be up to 900 by then for emergency bail money. Everyone needs to plan for a just in case senerio. Reading some of TG's comments from one of her posts had me thinking and wanted to make my own kind of twist on my thoughts but not enough time right now. Hopefully I will remember tonight, if not oh well. TG your kind of like a muse to me, well most blogs are but you more than the others. Ok off to color guard pratice for graduation this weekend, fun fun, means I can't get too messed up Friday damnit. It's almost Friday.

Fuck shit ass motherfucker!!

So this morning I get a call from my Career counslor saying that my extention was denied, which means I can't sit here and try to make my ass fat for another year until I get out of the navy. I had to call the guy who decides where I go (my detailer) and explain to him that I am getting out and it is pointless to send me anywhere. He said that "the new sailor" that I thought found my blog is actually my replacement and since she is alreay in transit that he can't tell her no. He said there is a ship in Norfolk with an opening just for me and to call him back in 20mins. So after my blood pressure went through the roof and a shit load of cigarettes waiting for a lifetime(20min) I called him back. He said there are 2 positions open at the hospital on the same base as me now. I said gimmie gimmie gimmie. One is for the dosimetry center, which I have dealt with before and seem to have a bunch of lazy civilians working there. I am extremely lazy so I picked that. It better go through. I reallly want to stay here, I know everyone and know I don't do shit. I thought I wouldn't be able to get my apartment since I would be leaving in December or will be leaving here still in Dec. I am relieved that I will be staying in the area, but it's not set in stone yet, so I should probably still be worried. I still don't have my damn cell phone yet. I can't get ahold of anyone who was "there". When I do, I'm gonna see if I can get at least the one of me in the mullet since TG is requesting to see it. I will probably only keep it up for a day or 2 so it can't be found again. I have to see how bad it looks. I had to barter a baby to get to wear it. One person was holding a baby, the guy who was currently wearing the mullet wouldn't give it to me, he wanted to hold the baby so I said that if I got him the baby I could have the mullet. He agreed so I got the baby and gave her to him in exchange for the mullet. It was funny as hell, "Hey can I have your baby so I can get the mullet". I guess the sad part is it worked. Back to trying to find my cell.

Weekend in Blur

Friday the 13th wasn't to memorable. A buddy at work said "Dude, you should bring your tv and xbox to my house and we can both play Halo2." I said ok. I took a short nap at work since I knew I wouldn't get my usual 2-3 hour Friday nap. The 30-45 min nap just wasn't the same. After almost dying dropping of another friend, We were speding through heavy traffic on a small road listening to some Senses Fail. We came to a scheeching, skiding stop inches from another car, it was fun. So had a couple drinks there, went back to his place had some more drinks, played some Halo, ordered chinese food, had a full stomach and passes out.

Saturday was probably one of the most fun and crazy days that I've had in a while. I can't go into details. It involves everyone getting plastered, wearing mullet wigs, a guy in lingerie, and people wives loosing their shirts. Good time was had by all. I lost my cell phone in a drunken stumble in a guys house. Hopefully he found it and brings it to work today. I feel naked as hell without it. Was going to do a drunken post but then my battery was dead so I went to charge it and that's where I forgot all about it. I almost got another tatoo but my bud couldn't keep a steady hand and wouldn't do it. I kept saying "Come on fucker! If it sucks to bad I'll just get it covered up later." The bad part is all the first mentioned things are on tape and camera.

Sunday I woke up on someones couch and was hurting a little. relaxed most of the day and went back to friends house, played some more Halo. He brought me home to the perfect end to the weekend, I go to take my tv out of his car and noticed I shut the cord in the door. That's right, cut clean through it, the other end was no where to be found. So now I have a reason to get a bigger tv, while I'm at it I might as well buy a new microwave so I can stop eating cold canned foods. Afterwards he fixed my computer though. I kept getting all kinds of annoying popups, and they weren't even for porn. So he helped get rid of it and hooked me up with a better spyware blocker so it was cool. All in all, it was a pretty good drunken weekend. I guess th tv cord thing had to happen, it couldn't have been perfect.

I've been tagged

SO E has tagged me, well ok I volunteered for it, but she does seem to be flirting with me. Just kidding E, unless you are. Ok so here are me questions, unforunately my answers are really boring. I could come up with a good story for each but they wouldn't be truthful. I am going to try to answer all of them. If anyone wants me to ask them questions I can try.

1. What is your biggest fear in life?
Failure. Most of my life people have always assumed that I was going to fail everything. As you can see from my profile, I was always the outsider, even in my family. All my cousins(I am an only child) were going to be the ones to go to college and make something of themselves and I was going to do what I said I would, work in a factory all my life. Well shit happened I ended up in the Navy, they all do drugs and are stuggling to make ends meet. I hold no grudge to them but I laugh at their parents when they ask me how everything is and what all I have done.

2. If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be and why?
I'd be a strawberry, the most sexual fruit. It is fun to play with and tastes so damn good.

3. What time in your life (moment or period, anything) were you happiest?
Pretty much my son's entire life but especially the first 6 months of it. I was laid off from work(the reason I joined the Navy) and stayed at home with him all the time. It was great. I love that little guy so much. I used to rollerblade alot, he used to love it when I'd push him in his stoller around town on my rollerblades. Everytime he'd see me get my blades out he'd get this huge smile. But then I went to bootcamp and when I got back he thought I was a stranger and was a little different. I think I posted about that a while back somewhere.

4. You're a hero to many and the world loves you. What did you do that made you a hero and what was the legacy you left?
I am confused about this one. Lots of people say that people in the military are heroes, but I didn't do anything but sign up and I have no legacy except don't fuck with the USA. So I am going to make up a super Hero. Except mine is not your average one. I would be one that hunted down every murderer, rapist, anyone who did any violent crimes and kill them. I hate the fact that these people, if ever caught, spend the rest of their life getting 3 meals a day and a roof over their head. We could eliminate National debt by not keepinf these fuckbags alive for 20+ years or spending thousands of dollars on the actual lethal injection or however they die. ( I am a little worked up this morning, I heardon the radio they finally gave some mass murderer from the 80s his lethal injection last night.)

5. What is your favorite smell in the world and why?
To tell you the truth I'm not sure which ones in particular but I know when some women pass and have on certain perfumes, it makes me stop in my tracks and instant... uh happiness. So sexy.

6. The world is in a weird state and you are only allowed on piece of furniture for the rest of your life, what do you have and why?
Sadly when I get my apt, I will have one piece of furniture, a futon. But in this situation I'd have a King sized pillowtop Bed. I have spent probably 3/4 of my life in bed I just sit there and watch tv, nothing can beat a great comfy bed. I now sleep on a small ass military issued hard bed that my feet hang off, well my feet hang off most beds anyway but still, not comfy.

If you work with me DON"T READ THIS!!

I doubt that is going to help but seriously if you work with me and probably have heard rumors not to the extent of what I may know. I never said a word and fuck it this is my damn blog no names were used.

I don't really know what to say or what I can/should say. I am extremely pissed right now. Since I am probably not supposed to share this info with anyone but I will be as discrete as possible. I know a guy who knows a girl who is in an abusive relationship. We'll call this guy NG(nice guy) and her B(battered) and her boyfriend guy Jackass(JA). Ok so she apparently left jackass and eventually met up with NG who like myself treated her like a queen and tried to give her the world. Well I know from what I heard on the radio, since I have never met a person to this exreme in person, that some women get used to this type of relationship and eventually think that he doesn't love me if he doesn't hit me and vice versa, he hits me because he loves me. Now what kills me is that B is so fucking retarded, not really she seems smart, but she keeps going back to this guy dispite friends and family all telling her to leave him. I mean it's really fucking bad. Now I have known about jackass from before. I heard some stories from B about verbal abuse, but then I found out through other friends that he was going to their house to fuck friends roommate. Of course I always here all the rumors here and keep most to myself because they are usually scandalous and don't really bother me too much. So I kept quiet about that especially since I'm not really close to B, but it still pissed me off and was going to say something to him if he came to friends house while I was there to fuck her roommate. I never got that opportunity, I think roommate knew what was going on and knew I knew so we were never ther at the same time. But first I am pissed that jackass is such a jackass and I really want to hunt him down and fucking kill him, no one should ever fucking be like that. Two I want to beat the shit out of(not really but I want to do something) B for going back to this. I can't bring myself to comprehend how someone can be so ignorant or stupid to deal with this. But all I can do is nothing. Except hear what I hear and let my blood boil. I mean she threw aside the nice guy. Granted I know we usually get thrown aside for the "big man" because women want the wild or bad boy or whatever they want, but abusive? ERRRRRRRRR!!! I just want to scream at her and kill him. I know it's not my battle and I'm not involved in this situation at all.

New Sailor?

SO in my morning check of my blogstats thanks to statcounter.com I noticed someone came across my blog in search of "USUHS blog". My site was second on the search from google, thanks to my crappy pics of our Wizards encounter. We are supposed to be getting a new sailor in our department from school in Groton. I am her sponsor but wasn't notified til she was on leave back home. The person who came this way was from New York. If this is her, this bothers me for a couple reasons, I don't know if she is cool enough to know I have a site since only 4 people I work with really know about it since I know they won't rat or bitch about things I put on here. She probably now knows I am an lonely alcoholic, thats gotta be exciting for her to know she's gonna come work for/with me. And last, I don't know if she's single or cute. SO HM3 if you return and read this, ignore it until you meet me. A nice scene modified for this type of situation: wait are you on the internet, prank blog, prank blog(hang up)

Calling all smart people

So I get really agrivated when I get a thought or anything in my head and I can't figure it out. So anyone who can help me save my mind from exploding, I will be forever in your debt. Here it is:
Who originally said " Life's a bitch, then you die"
I have been searching online for about an hour now. That's right folks, I have no life and this is what all of our tax dollars are going to. A bud jumped on for a sec and said that it was Willie Nelson but I can't find anything to support it was him. It is going to drive me insane. I had a nice sad post I was going to do about me sittin at home, drinking more, and whatever. I thought about what my mom always said and wanted to find out who first said it. Here I am an hour or so later just pissed and forgot what all I had planned to say. I guess it's the Adult ADD or something. I'm supposed to be able to find anything on the internet easily, I guess I haven't looked in the right spots. I looked everywhere. Quotation pages, blogs, lyrics, everywhere! OK time out, need a smoke break....

Ok a little better now. SO I found out for Halo2 you can get online at bungie.net and see all the games you've played and how many kills you had per game and stuff, it's pretty neat. I am turning into a big nerd. Instead of not having a life due to my second job, I don't have one because when I leave here I sit at home and drink and play Halo. Maybe that's why I don't get better because I keep getting drunk while playing it. Last night I got into a screaming match with a 14 yr old punk from Ohio. It was pretty bad, little bitch. Ok stay calm now. Well I can't drive anywhere, I don't like calling people for rides and being a nuisance, my microwave is broke, my life is pretty much sucking big time right now. Which get's me back to "life's a bitch". Everyone says cheer up, it will get better, which is true, that's the "then you die" part. No more worries or problems then, right. 3 mores hours til I play Halo for 7 hours again like yesterday. I did take breaks to surf the net for a little while but that's about as exciting as I can get for now.

More completely useless facts

They were building up on me so here's another edition of crap you never needed to know.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Every night, wasps bite into the stem of a plant, lock their mandibles (jaws) into position, stretch out at right angles to the stem, and, with legs dangling, fall asleep.

The outdoor temperature can be estimated to within several degrees by timing the chirps of a cricket. It is done this way: count the number of chirps in a 15-second period, and add 37 to the total. The result will be very close to the actual Fahrenheit temperature. This formula, however, only works in warm weather.

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

There are four cars and ten lightposts on the back of a ten-dollar bill.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "Goodnight, sleep tight".

Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.

There is a company that will (for $14,000) take your ashes, compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewelry for a loved one.

A single sausage measuring 5,917 feet (1,804 m) in length was cooked in Barcelona, Spain on September 22, 1986.

Rubber is one of the ingredients of bubble gum. It is the substance that allows the chewer to blow a bubble

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

Weekend in Review

SO Friday started out that I got a letter in the mail from Maryland MVA saying that my license is suspended, but doesn't say for how long. I wanted to say that it was suspended for just that day only, but everyone else said that I couldn't decide how long it was for. So I called future roomate, I need to come up with a better name for him, fuck it he's Chris. If he doesn't like it he can tell me. So Chris became my chauffer for the weekend. We went to Lulu's bar in DC had some drinks Bullshitted adn checked out someof the ladies. Went to his place played some Halo2 on Xbox and passed out. Next day went to the apartment we're supposed to moving in to so we can help fix it and move in sooner. The owner was doing the pluming, which I know nothing about, so we went across the hall to another buddies and got drunk and played Halo2 all night. It seems we are bad influences on each other. He has been tryin to quit smoking but around me he keeps smoking because I do. I convinced him to start up a blog. He got me addicted to Halo2. So I had to go out and buy an Xbox and the game and the online shit, spent about $300. Which I shouldn't have done since I probably can't keep my second job. I have no clue how I can get to Springfield and back. Well I could get a ride there since I work with the same people here, but they live further down in VA. So I'd be stuck there. I need to get my court date so I can see about getting work privledges. I called to see about a court date last week and they said that they might not get the ticket til June and then they would scedule me a date. I was starting to think(hope) that maybe my ticket got lost somewhere and maybe the piece of shit fat lazy worthless civilian base police who think they are real cops had lost it because they are all complete morons, or they were just trying to scare me and notified my command so I would get in trouble here and didn't report it to the state since military members get punished twice for offenses. That's right, no double jeopardy rule here. SO this DUI not only has fucked up my Color Guard shit, the one thing I look foreward to doing here on base for the military but now fucked up my income by making it so I can't get to my second job. I might be able to talk one of the guys to droping me off at the pentagon metro which isn't that far from Springfield if I am correct but then it will take me forever to get back here. Oh well guess it's back to the waiting game to find out what the hell I am goin to do. Besides the suspension I guess the weekend wasn't to bad, would have been better if maybe I'd actually got off my ass and danced at Lulu's but oh well, maybe we'll go back this weekend.

Why oh why

So I have been thinking of why did I start blogging. First Canowine started telling me about it in the office, and then I saw him postin his mostly crappy pop music. I made an account so I could comment, since I was the token evil guy I chose my 666 instead of my usual rc930. It laid dormant for a long while, then I figured it'd be a way for me to share my emo/screamo music with people. I quickly found out that no one really liked my music and didn't really care. Then I thought that since I have put some of my writings on poetry.com, I could post them here and get comments on what people thought of them. That is where people actually started commenting. I surfed through blogs and found a small group that was interesting. Posted some quizes and stuff I found interesting and occasionally my writings which I have kept in a binder since my freshman year of high school. Though some of them are way to messed up to share even on the net and some are just plain stupid. Why do/did I put my full name on my site? Because like I said before when I get bored I search peoples names from home and see if I can find anything, I figured others may do the same and would come across my site, they would see that I am the same as I've always been and probably doing a hell of a lot better than them. In your face bitchassmotherfuckers, teach you to shun me like a redheaded step-child(I mean no offense if you are/were a red headed step-child). People are usually afraid someone will stalk them if they can find them on the net, I will give my address, let anyone who dares come. I may not be big or strong but I will be the one walking away. That's just me though, I use what I can to make sure I walk away whether its a brink or my asp(police expandable baton).

I have also noticed that peoples blogs are like their personality. I don't mean what they write, of course that's their personality. My blog for instance is like me, people come comment stick around a bit then leave and usually don't come back, a new crowd comes in and the same. Peoples like TG's or Canowine's get a large gathering because that is more than likely their personality, being people persons. I just noticed that and found it odd. Like when I was thinking about the Vegas Blogger convention thing TG was talking about. I had to make sure a friend of mine would go with me because I am the outsider. I would know TG but that would be it and she would be socializing with Bran, martini and who ever else who showed up and feel awkward. Though I would hang with Kelbel since she has recently been commenting here also. I'm not complaining for comments, I know who reads thanks to sitecounter. It's not really many, most are searching for Tila Tequila. If you want a bunch of strangers to stumble on your blog say something like"Tila Tequila pics" and you will get hit up alot, some do start to actually read other stuff but not many.

Nine Inch Nails- With Teeth

Ok I keep talking about the new Nine Inch Nails album that came out Tuesday. It fuckin rocks, with the usual electronic dark rock and exposively depressing lyrics that I can always relate to. I suggest everyone goes out and buy it, even if you have never been a NIN fan, you need to own this album. Here are the lyrics to a couple of the songs I really dig though I love the whole album and have listened to it probably 10 times since I bought it yesterday. These are the ones with the semisadistic lyrics that I love, Don't listen to me buy the album and you can understand.

"All The Love In The World" or you can Download
"Every Day Is Exactly The Same" or you can Download
"Only" or you can Download
"Getting Smaller" or you can Download
"Right Where It Belongs" or you can Download

There's hate in the air...

SO it's spring time again. The old saying with Spring, "love is in the air", not for me. I went to get my mail (my mail is in a box in the hospital), it's about 10 minutes total walking time. I passed close to 20 couples. There is never that many people out at 7pm. All but one of the chics were hot and with jackasses. I wanted to stomp in all their faces. Why is it on tv and even sometimes in real life, you see those beautiful women with the skinny nerdy guy, but that skinny nerdy guy is never me. Last spring I was rollerblading around pushing my son in a stroller, pretty happy with how things were going. Now I am just bitter. I take that back, I think she left in May last year. OH well before she left I was blind and thought that everything was going good. Talk about Ironic, I bought Nine Inch Nails new album and put it on before I started typing. The first song says "Why do you get all the love in the world". Anyway, people are out happy with their significant others why I go through my normal nightly routine of coming home, turning on King of the Hill, strippin to my boxers, eating/drinking, playing on the computer, shower go to bed. Repeat Mon-Thurs, then weekends try to find someone to hang out with so I don't get depressed and sit here and drink alot and maybe go try to find people(like when I got my DUI).At least when I move out, I will have friends close(across the hall and perhaps a roommate). That will cure the not having any friends, completely alone in this world feeling but not the God I will never find a woman who will like me, It's been so long since I have even had physical contact with a woman, what the hell is wrong with me, I must be a complete fucking freak feeling. Hell I know my looks aren't great, my rating of 7.6 on hotornot tells me that. Yes I got on there, it was fun for a short bit but then got boring, all I learned from that is I can get laid if that's what I want. Don't get me wrong I love that too, but I am a nerd and have been neglected my whole life by everyone from parents to friends and just want to be loved. I remind myself of the little abused dog I got when I was 15 from the pound. All he wanted to be was loved, despite his faults and insecurities, he couldn't hold his bladder/bowels well. Being a pissed off, drugged up teen who had to clean up after him, I punished him and now I am being punished the same way. God there is so much shit in my life that if I could go back I would change, though there is quite a bit I am glad I suffered so I could learn from it, my mistakes that hurt others is what I'd change. Looking back, I've always asked what have I done to deserve this and I've always known what I've done to deserve this shit. I just always wanted to overlook it like "that didn't really count" Maybe Karma does exist. Though I have grown to act different maybe my past and the thoughts I dare not do can still affect karma. I don't know anything but like my mother used to always tell me, "Life's a bitch and then you die". And it's the truth.

USUHS Color Guard team at Wizards vs. Bulls Playoff game