UnderOath and Silverstein Tomorrow!!!!!

So I am stoked for my road trip tomorrow, Chris and I are so dedicated to these awesome bands that we are driving 6 and a half hour to see these guys play together, though they are coming to 930club seperately in November. But since I am kind of Strapped for Time right now here is some sites to listen to them and the lyrics so you can read along. These are only the new songs lyrics but listen to all them because they kick ass! Just right click the band name and open in new window, it will open purevolume and click on the song there and listen!!

Silverstein
"Smile In Your Sleep"

When I'm lying in your bed play the motions through my head
you know that I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
and I have reasons to believe that I'm not the only
one you spend this time with, but I'll stay...

You say, you're weak,
you wont let me down
you lie through your teeth
you smile in your sleep

When we met you said we were the same, you know
that we're different, we're different,
and all the times you promised me that everything would
work out in the end, you were gravely mistaken

You lie, you lie through your teeth
you wont let me down, you lie
I deserve better than this
I dream of steel.
Maroon and warm, your end.
You gasp for air. I'll see this through,
I'll see through you, your pale blue eyes.

When you're lying in your bed, your eulogy's been read
You know that it's fitting, you lie.

You smile I deserve better than this

"Fist Wrapped In Blood"

(Come on!)

Finish me off, follow the plan
break all the bonds, sever the ties
and now your mission is complete, find and destroy me.
torturing me, with words from your lips
filleting my skin, pulling my teeth
please forgive me for not being good enough.

Drown your sorrows in my pain (pain)
and it's something you can't explain.
when I'm choking on words you'll never say (say)
and you'll never feel the same
(Same!)

Bound and gagged, I cannot move or speak
these things I want to say, I can't explain them anyway
so if I had it all again, if I could start from the first words I ever said
I would do it all the same.

Your joy is my pain
my fingers are yours to cut off
and my bones are yours to shatter in pieces.
my teeth are yours to pull out and my soul is yours to slowly rip apart.

I can't trust anyone I meet.
From now on, my chest feels more like
a fist wrapped in blood


UnderOath
"Reinventing Your Exit"

12th and hyde on a sunday
Feeling like were gold
And we're nothing short of invincible (INVICIBLE)

It starts again
Can you feel it
It takes your breath away
Stop saying that we're invincible
(its round and round)
Youre uninviting, unrewarding
And I'm misinforming you
Misinforming you

We all want to be, wanna be somebody
Right now we're just looking for the exit

This is the way I would have done things
Up against the wall
Up against the wall
You've got me up against your wall
This is the way I would have done things
Up against the wall
Up against the wall
You've got me up against your wall

Its you and me on a monday
The lies that we told
This is were we both go numb now
You broke my heart again this time
Your fading now you crossed the line
You crossed the line

Reaching out for a hand
Its not here
But your not here
Your not here

"It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door"

I've been up at this all night long
I've been drowning in my sleep
I've prayed for your safe place
And its time for us to leave

Time is running, its running on empty and the gas is running out
I've decided that tonight is the night
That I let love aside
Full speed ahead this seems to be the place
I've seen this once before
Planned perfection sought in my dreams
Hoping this would take you home

My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
So kiss me one last time

Around this turn where the cross will cast your shadow
The people will all gather
To remember such a day
Where the flames grew as high as trees
And the world stopped for you and me

I will now bring new meaning to the word alone
Endless nights of dreaming of life
And the days we should have spent here

Drowning in my sleep I'm drowning in my sleep
Drowning in my sleep I'm drowning in my sleep

Glass shatters and comes to a halt
I thought we'd be there by now
I thought it would be so much quicker than this

Pain has never been so brilliant
I made sure you were buckled in
Now you can walk hand in hand with him
Hand in hand with him

WTF was that?

Ok so we had this used books/movies and shit sale at work to raise money for our unit and shit. Well it was over yesterday and apparently canowine found a movie that he thought I'd like called The Doom Generation well it has Rose McGowen so I thought hell yeah. The cover says "Sex. Violence. Whatever." So again sounds like a great movie to me. Well I just finished watching it and had to blog about it NOW! This movie is the most fucked up thing I have ever seen, and I have seen some fucked up shit before. I think I really liked it because of the weirdness but damn it is nuts! I recommend that everyone see this movie, but I will warn you, it is not for people with weak stomachs. So Rose is this hot chick with a pussy stoner boyfriend, they pick up this other guy and they go to a store and end up accidently blowing the clerks head off, they run, chick sleeps with weird guy, pussy boyfriend doesn't care. Everywhere they go someone thinks Rose is someone else and they end up killing someone, also everywhere they buy stuff the total is $6.66 Well this goes on a couple times and then the last person who thinks she's someone hunts them down while both these guys are double penetrating her and they are ne-natzi(spelled wrong on purpose don't want that to come up on search engine) and they do crazy shit that I don't want to say so I don't ruin the ending because you have to see it to believe it. Fuckin-A I don't know if I can watch it again, though I may need to take it to Chris's and make him watch it. I think I can only watch it, if it's with someone who hasn't saw it. Kind of like Gummo That I had to watch because Chris and Mike kept talking about it but refused to watch with me, I had to watch it alone. Though this movie kind of has a point and does have a story line though it is quite sadistic. Please if anyone has seen The Doom Generation, please let me know and what you thought. All I can say is WHAT THE FUCK!

Fuck Katrina

So like when the tsunami hit whatever island over near asia, I thought it was pretty bad but truthfully I didn't give a shit as I am sure that most people felt but yet people still blogged about the tragedy and again with Katrina, thats all people are talking about. Well most hurricanes I wouldn't really give a shit either because the dumbasses who move to Florida know that they are going to be hit with several hurricanes every year and it's their own stupidity. It's not like living where tornadoes might hit because they are more sporadic, but Florida will get hit. Anyways this time it didn't hit Florida it hit further over where they weren't expecting it. And this would make me think damn that sucks but I'd still not lose any sleep over it. Well the other day I found out that one of my buddies that just transferred that way last month is ok though I don't know the details but his family is in Louisiana who I guess got hit hard. So my thoughts are definately with him and his family. People bitch about the looting, I say who cares if they rob the stores, they just lost a lot. But them shotting each other and hijacking red cross trucks is rediculous and those drivers should be carrying shotguns and blow those idiots heads off and then tie them to the hood so people will learn not to do retarded shit. But cops going to stop people from stealing from stores that are loaded with insurance instead of saving people who needed help...WTF? Again they have insurance, the person dying isn't going to come back like the stores new TV. Ok well now I managed to piss myself off. But it's almost FRIDAY and saturday is road trip!!

Another concert added

Yep yet another concert has been added to my list...
9/30/05 @ Sonar The Motherfuckin' Pixies (the day after my Bday)

It's gonna be a good time, a nice intimate setting for an awesome band, looks like it'll be Myself, Uncle Tom, Canowine, and perhaps SugarDuck(UT's fiance). Shit was expensive but I bought 4 tix at 10 when they went on sale. I'm still not up to shit have been bored and lazy. Thinking alot about next month when I am taking a vacation yet again, since I have use or lose leave. So I am taking 10 days off. Sep 21-30th and then of course I have the weekend off. I am planning a trip for the first weekend and then when I get back I will probably just be lazy and lay around and get drunk, I was planing on seeing how much I can drink on my Bday by starting right at midnight and going until midnight but now I have to be awake the next day for this concert and I may make Chris go out and do something with me so I may have to be able to function instead of laying on the toilet. But who knows thats next month things may change by then. I just hope I have fun on my Bday, last year was memorable in San Antonio and is going to be hard to top, I still have the pic from the strip club...lol. Ok Well here is a joke that I thought was funny:

The Idiot
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding
in a car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the
three
men found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates of Heaven, where
St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen", the Devil started: "Due to the fact that Heaven is now
overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of
people
entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't
know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven, if
not
then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up. "OK, give me the most comprehensive
report on Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of
paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to
Hell." With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you
can ever think of" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper
appeared next to the Devil.
The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then
go to Hell". With another snap of his finger, the mathematician
disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair" The Devil
brought forward a chair.
"Drill 7 holes on the seat" The Devil did just that.
The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing
up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right"
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole"
And the idiot went to Heaven.....

Back to my Roots

Well due to the Seldon Plan making me realize I haven't posted about music lately, and to rub my future concert ventures into Zefyur's face. But here is some new music that I have stumbled over from Myspace and Pure Volume, followed by my concert schedule.

If Not Winter

Of Fate and Chance

Small Towns burn a Little Slower

Dead Poetic

Behind Crimson Eyes

36 Crazyfists For Zefyur

9/3/05 Hungtington, WV @Hyamp UnderOath w/ Silverstein, Since By Man, Sullivan
10/8/05 Camden, NJ @Tweeter Center Beck
10/9/05 @Sonar STORY OF THE YEAR, FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND : ANBERLIN : HE IS LEGEND
10/20/05 @930 club Senses Fail w/ Saves The Day, The Early November, Say Anything
11/3/05 @930 club Thrice With Underoath, The Bled and Veda
11/16/05 @930 club Armor For Sleep with Matchbook Romance, Lovedrug, and Gatsby's American Dream
11/21/05 @930 club Hawthorne Heights with Silverstein and Bayside

and who knows what else I'll find. All will be in loving memory to my buddy Zefyur. I will be sure to get some good pics if I can fix my camera. 930 is getting back to the good shit!

The Seldon Plan

SO after a busy night of getting thrown off a car and such Saturday I wanted to see the Violent Femmes free show in Bmore but the guys who told me about it bailed so I ended up going down the road a little bit with Chris to see his brothers band again. The place they were playing at looked like an indoor bus station. It was a nice intamite setting. They played with the lights in the whole placed turned down. They were great as always. The main thing that I enjoy about seeing them is, they have fun. They sound awesome and they are jumping around and talk to the crowd. Well after their set I was outside smokeing and joking, Dave the bassist bummed a smoke off from me and says, I think I read your blog. I was like oh god, they now know I'm crazy. He said they get a couple hits a week off from my daily download, that has been there for months and needs to be changed to kick ass download. He also told me he liked it how I talk about music, well I did, I have been straying due to lack of good concerts. But I thought that was pretty cool. They have a new record called "Making Circles" Listen to some of their songs HERE!. Trust me it is really good. Don't worry, they're not my normal screamo. They are rock, some soft some faster, but always good. You people in Bmore need to go to some of their shows. And Michael Chris broke your anntenna before I fell off the roof of your car. Chris was wooried about me, I was more worried that I dented your roof or something. I looked nothing but a couple scratches that he said were there before. My bad.

Chris and I are on a roadtrip next weekend, we finally made the final decision to drive 6 and a half hours to see Underoath and Silverstein in Huntington, WV on Saturday. So that is going to kick major fuckin ass! you can probably expect some audioblogs.

Crazy Friday

Ok so I went to work today and didn't work. We had a picnic which included a keg of yuengling(east coast beer that is awesome) but I couldn't drink too much because eyes were on me due to my DUI. Afterwards I went to Chris's where I hung out and watched him play Halo for 5 hours. Then we went to a bar/club that was far from our scene but our buddy Nate was tryin to hook up with this chick so We all went there with Chris's girl. So I had a couple drinks before we left, including I had absinth, which is illegal to sell in the US and is supposed to have the same effects as LSD but it tastes nasty and I guess I couldn't drink enough to get those effects though I almost felt high. SO we left the bar and I was on the phone sitting on Chris's trunk and he gunned it in reverse and threw me off. I jumped on the roof and sat there where he gunned it back and forth but my as was through the moon roof. He then grabbed my ass and balls so I popped my ass out. He continued to gunn it back and forth where I held on to the moon roof window, then he gunned it and took off around a corner. He said he wasn't going that fast, maybe I just had a little more than I thought but I flew off the roof. I landed on my hip, flipped over and hit my knees and wrists. They all have road rash. My hip and knee on my right side(the one I mainly landed one) are killing me. But I landed and was like "wholy shit I flew off the car" and then heard him stop and get out of the car, so I went limp and pretended to be out cold. He freaked out, was slapping me screaming for me to wake up, til it started to hurt and I looked at him and smiled. He called me a couple names and I laughed. Then we headed for Taco Ball. On the way we got caught at a long light where we got out and pretended to have a screaming match and then started shoving each other and slapping each other. All the cars where watching us and were trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Then we got back in and continued on our mission. We got to one Taco bell/KFC which was closed at 130, we were pissed then went to find a real Taco Bell. We did find one and then came back to his place and ate. His girlfriend had no idea that we were this crazy. He feels real bad for throwing me off the car but apparently I didn't have a good grip with one hand and the other on the phone. I kinda keep throwing it in his face but then say it was my own stupidity. I am sore but I'm not going to bolame him. I have never been thrown off a moving car before, but now I can say I have. He left to take everyone home and I am here at his place and am going to crash on his couch. He will probably stay at his girlfriends but I have to get up early and go to my other job so I can get some money and we'll see what kind of stupid stuff we can get into tomorrow.

Pic from Baltimore Orioles game

Looks neat, Navy over ran this detail! 


On the field at Camden Yards stadium 


Gonzo and I, don't we look so happy. That's our game face! 


I couldn't decide which one I liked better 

Useless facts volume who gives a fuck

So I did get to do the O's game last night, I had fun and thought it went pretty good, I think someone actually messed up. We got a copy of the tape, I haven't got to watch it yet though. Had a couple beers, had to have at least one with Uncle Tom since it was his B-Day! Not much else happening so, my mailbox is full of them again so here they are:

You can start a fire with ice.

The Blue Whale's tongue weighs more than an adult elephant!

Honey is the only food that will not spoil.

In Ancient Greece, if a woman watched even one Olympic event, she was executed.

Prior to 1900, prized fights lasted up to 100 rounds.

A full grown bear can run as fast as a horse.

41% of the moon is not visible from earth at any time.

Peanuts are one of the ingrediants of dynamite.

In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either unbathed or poorly dressed.

Fingernails grow fastest on the hand you favor.

4.5 pounds of sunlight strike the Earth each day.

Court Results

The results are in and we will find out right after this break. I remember when American Idol used to do that all the time and think it was funny like everyone didn't know that they were going to say it yet again. Like "oh that's played out, he has to say it first this time". But anyways went pretty good. Got 1 year probabtion, $170 fine and have to do some impact course where you listen to people who know someone who's died because of drunk drivers. But the impact course is also something I am still supposed to do for the military. So not too bad, I just have to tell my probie when I leave the state, they are supposed to get ahold of me sometime this week. When I got back to work today the mouse for my computer was gone, this chick that works upstairs, Patti, she made those guys look like they were dead from my operation I think I put a pic of her up when I got back, but she steals my mouse because I got it from when they had a drug fair it's for Seroquel how fitting I never knew what it was for but apparently it's for bipolar or schizo's. But it has like water and some floaty thing in it and looks kind of neat and is different so I use it instead of the normal grey mouses(in this case would it be mice) well while I was writing that last sentence she came down and was asking where her computer, I went up and stole her mouse, keyboard and monitor, was and I denied everything and her friend said that it could be someone else so they went to look for them. I wish they would have said who then I could take it there and frame them and it would be hilarious and I wouldn't get caught. My office is saying that I'm already violating my parole but it's a payback joke so it shouldn't count. So Let's see how freaked out she gets. I love being mean. At least I left the CPU. But anywho, so it sounds like I am not doing the game tonight for some fucking reason, they said I was and then I asked Uncle Tom what time we had to meet up and he said I wasn't on it so now I'm making him call up our guy in charge and find out why the hell not. I already told my other job I wasn't going to be in. I may still go in, I need money so I can take another vacation!

The joy of lyrics

So I got a copy of Silverstein's new album until I actually find it in stoes and get the chance to buy it myself. At first I was like, yeah it's ok but like most I just had to hear it a couple times and read the lyrics to get the full effect. Most of my screamo, you have to read the lyrics to understand it and then once you know it you remember it and can hear it more clearly. But while I was reading them this morning I noticed how it could be interpretted in other ways if you were to read it without the music. I was thinking about posting the lyrics to "Discovering The Waterfront" which is the name of the album, it can probably relate to everyone as a good break up song. The part I love the most is the guitar that sounds like the old rock ballads a little, the kind that just hits your soul like Whitesnake or someone. But as usual it is another one of the albums that are about the pain of someone leaving you, I can't really understand why I keep listening to these albums; UnderOath, Senses Fail, Silverstein, Hawthorne Heights; but they are all so good. Maybe it's just since I've been in those positions so much in the past, they still remind me, though it has been a while. But damn it's good. I will be seeing all those bands again this fall. October will be STORY OF THE YEAR, FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND, ANBERLIN, HE IS LEGEND. November will be Silverstein w/ Hawthorne Heights, Aiden, Bayside. and Thrice With Underoath, The Bled and Veda. I can't wait, don't mind the Caps I am lazy and just copied and pasted. All I know is that they are all going to be kickass shows. Actually Underoath and silverstein are together in WV and PA soon but that is kind of far to drive, I wouldn't mind too bad if Chris wanted to do a roadtrip but I doubt that's gonna happen. Wow I just found out that if I hit the Shift key 5 times it turns on some thing called "stickykeys", thats wierd. Well tomorrow is my court date and then if I'm not in jail I will be with the Color Guard for the national anthem for the Bmore O's game, so watch for me on TV though they never show the national anthem for games anymore. I remember growing up and watching games and they always showed it but I guess that tradition has faded. Oh well. I finished all my work for the month today so I can be lazy, YAY!

Mondays suck ass

It's Monday, I am tired as shit. I had a pretty good weekend hanging out with Mike before he leaves probably tomorrow I think. So who knows what I'll be doing next weekend, Chris made some time to hang out with us but kept running back to his girls house. I don't remember really what we did Friday, I think we just sat around, had a couple drinks and hung out, because Mike was going to 6 flags, I went over and slept on Chris's couch even though he wasn't home and Saturday we planned to go to a stip club, that got changed to a bar, and then got changed again to sitting around and drinking. So we started sitting around and drinking and it changed to going to play some pool. We got pulled over on the way back from Champions. Less than a minute before we got pulled over I was hanging out the window screaming at some dumbasses in a car that were looking at us or some shit, So I was screaming that we were going to kill them and all kinds of shit and Mike sped up and I got back in. Cop came up and asked what was going on, he said that he was trying to get away from a car full of crazy guys theatening us. Well turns out he didn't pull us over for any of that. Mike was driving with his parking lights on instead of his headlights. So He let us off with a warning since he has only had the car for like a week. Oh yeah and it was involved in an accident the other day when I was with him too. There was a tow truck that hit a car and we were going to Taco Bell, I was fucking starving, and they were in the lane going the other way. Right when we were going by the tow truck guy flung open his door right into Mike's mirror, it flew off into Mikes lap. He stops and gets out and said "Are you that fucking Stupid?" The guy was puzzled by his honesty and says Huh. We were heading straight towards you, all you had to do was look up and see a fucking blazer heading by in the other lane and think wow I should wait a second before I open my door. So he got his info and I got my Taco Bell. I was happy. Ok so back to Sat, we went back and had a couple more drinks and bullshitted around and slept on the couch. Suday I laid around all day and didn't do shit.

God I am fucking starving, I may get Taco Bell, I have to go over to the hospital to get a hair cut and there's one in the food court. My Shirts should be here today that I ordered from T-shirt Hell! I am excited, they are good ones. I got four of them. This cute one, This honest one, this is just me, This one is just hilarious. So I will be sporting them this week, I got all different colors. I want a bunch more but some of them may actually get me in trouble, plus I have to wait til I get more money I am going broke. My speakers are all good to go now though, sounds great people laugh at my skinny white ass but I just laugh back. Next the minivan is getting spinner hubcaps (not rims the spinner plastic hubcaps), and I need to price some Hydrolics get that shit hoppin and drop it.

God Damn

If myself from before met myself now, he'd kick my ass! Well Aparently (I haven't got all the details yet) But last night I tried to drink like I am used to and ended up puking out Chris's car. We started with a nice dinner at Bennigins, I had Chicken quesidillo because they "ran out of steak" and I followed Mike in our several Beam and cokes. We then went to another place that I can't remember the name and had a shitload more mixed with a couple of yager bombs. Mike made $50 and I can't go into that but then we all had fun and next thing I know I wake up on Chris's couch, he wasn't there and Mike walked in, I look at my watch and it was 930. I jumped up and was running at the door. I asked if I puked and he said yes all over at IHOP. I said damn I thought that was a dream. I asked where my hat and cigarettes were. He said He didn't know about the hat, "it may be in Chris's car and I think you smoked all you cigarettes". And ran out on my way to work peeling out my minivan tires in the rain. Hopefully my hat is in Chris's car, I've had that Hat for over 5 years. I am still fucked up. Apparently I called a bunch of people at 2-3am. I was supposed to practice self control and this is where it got me, but it was worth it, good times with good friends since one is leaving too soon. But yeah apparently I called my mom and she left me a million messages saying it sounded like I was in a car crash and to call home and people from work called because I was supposed to get an award for color guard or some shit and I didn't wake up til 10. I had to call my mom and leave a message saying I was drunk and sorry for drunkdialing her, I wasn't in a car wreck, that I know of. I need to look at my outgoing calls when I leave here and see how many other people I fucking called, if I called anyone who reads this, I am sorry and please let me know what I said, if you answered it. WHEW, I am still fucked up and need to get some coffee and I still have altoids in my mouth to try to cover the smell. Got to go hide.

Damn Best Buy

I went to Best Buy yesterday to get my speakers, I was expecting to spend about 300-350 for my speakers and amp. NO, I had to buy the speakers seperately, the box, amp, and cords for the amp which came to a total of 550, and Simpsons season 6, had to get that too. They were fucking killing me. I found what I liked though I couldn't listen to it because as everyone knows thay have the little set up so you can hear the speakers and how the amps work with them, well the damn board for it was broke. So I had to guess and then when I picked out something, they said they didn't have it. I eventually got close to what I wanted but it cost me more, bastards. The guy was really helpful and could see that I was agrivated, the total was actually 680 but he gave me a discount on the speakers so I was at least pleased with that. Oh but before that while I was at my other job I had an interesting couple of hours. There was a robbery somewhere and they chased the guy to a place across the street from where I work, had guns drawn and everything. I was moving lead carts and was thinking that I was going to post how good I thought I was moving a cart that wieghed 3900 lbs all by myself but then realized that it was just like pushing a car so I guess it really isn't as cool as I thought. I also strained my back in the process though, so I am a little sore today. Anyone want to give me a backrub? God it's been so long since I've had a good massage one of these days I may break down and actually pay for a professional to give me one. But back to the stereo, I can't wait to hook it up. I want to do it tonight but I have to break my "no drinking during the week anymore" rule. We are taking Mike out for food and drinks since he is leaving Monday and has to go to Wrestlemania this weekend. He will be making a stop in Washington and then there is a good chance of him going to Iraq. I know he and I wasn't all that close but I still consider him a good friend. The many times he lent his couch to me and let me drink his booze, thats a friend. Hopefully we will be able to hang out again if he stays in touch. Today is also going to be my first time back at Color Guard practice in a long while and we're supposed to be having a bitch session, I mean meeting. This ought to be fun. Well time to go.

Damn the mind (why this is called a lot of nothingness)

I had this long thought provoking post thought out that actually sounded intellectual last night but then I watched Man on Fire, which was good except for the ending pissed me off and I forgot all the great things I had to say. I thought maybe it would come back to me by now, but all I remember is the basic concept which sounds really stupid without the points I had to back it. The problem really is that I think too much when I am sober, yeah I'm healthier but ignorance is bliss and though I may have been slightly depressed while drunk it was better than analyzing every aspect of my life trying to make sense of it. That is just not me, I am easy going, I don't care as long as I'm having fun. But now I think about it and may be able to recongnize mistakes before I make them but I don't know. My head is starting to hurt again. Perhaps it's just lonely little me trying to figure out why I am lonely. For fucks sakes I have been seperated for over a year and divorced for 8 months and haven't had a steady girlfriend or anything. I have had friends but damn, and people all around me are in relationships. I can't believe how hard it is to find singles to just hang out with. I think I am lost, last time I was in the "dating scene" was in High School. It seems a little different in the "real world". It was easy to still pick up chics and be shy in school, here the shy guy sits in his fucking room alone. Yes I'm not that shy when I go out with friends and get drunk, but when I am with friends most of the time I am just trying to have a good time and not pick up anyone, mainly because my friends are usually in a relationship. Which all brings this back to my crazy mind. Chris and I had a funny talk about relationships and love. The difference between "seeing someone", "going steady", when it's ok to say "I love you". I mean there is no line that says start here, now your in this section of the relationship. I know, I know, I don't have to worry about shit like that but one day I might. Random thought bounce through my mind all the time but every once in a while a certain thought or person sticks in there and I can shit (mostlty on the smoke deck) and just stare off into nothingness and analyze the subject or my relationship or feelings about this person. But one thing I have become to notice more and more is how I never reach a final answer. Like a person I can come to the conclusion that I think they are cool and I am like them and then I start thinking that well what do they think about me. Well they said this to me and perhaps there is something behind that then I think maybe I am over analyzing again. Then here I am going on and on about stupid shit that probably runs though everyones head a lot but hey while I was trying to think, this is what poured out. The randomness of my mind. Damn. And you know what this is nothing about what I was thinking last night, I actually now forgot the general idea that I stated with last night and have come to babble on endlessly and am wondering how much of this will anyone actually read. If you made it to this point I comend your dedication or boredome which ever has gotten you this far and I am actually wondering myself how long I can actually keep this going. I swear I have adult ADD but then again wouldn't I get distracted from typing. I stop and sing parts of the songs playing on my computer but I still keep typing without even giving thought as to what I am typing. I wonder how many spelling errors I have made. I usually don't run spell check, plus I can't type like everyone else, I sit and actually stare at the keyboard which has no began to blur. I try to type like I was tought but though I became pretty good at it ok never mind time to go to lunch I am starving.

Boredom Cure

I was bored this morning and stumbled across Killingsometime.com I have been watching the videos all morning, they are great! I may try some of the games and other stuff but they have a shitload of videos. There is also a cool game to kill Zombies at THIS site.

I really need to get my van fixed because it shakes like a motherfucker but yesterday I decided that I am going to buy some speakers and probably put them in this weekend. It will help keep me busy, it's been awile since I worked with car stereos. I figure I'll put to 10s under the middle seat. I like my music loud and factory isn't even close to my standards. I may go to Best Buy today when I get off from my other job and price check or buy it. I'll have my minivan thumpin. I like the bass but I need tweeters to so I can get everything louder. I want my screaming music to ring in other cars. Not to try to be cool or anything, thats just how loud I like it. God I am bored and hungry! Well this study I wanted to volunteer for to get $1600 to stay up for 72 hours is full and I am pissed about that. I could have some extra money to blow on stupid shit. Well I am boring to and don't have much to say but if I think of something I will forget before I type it, don't worry.

Back to work

SO I am back at work today, it's not quite as bad as I thought it'd be. I went through most of the emails yesterday from home and threw out all the crap. I had my phone set not to accept messages so I didn't have to deal with that either. I had to show the pics on the computer and tell my vacation story about a hundred times. I just need a loud speaker so I can tell everyone at once. Everytime I see someone it's "How was your vacation?" Now I'm down to "It's was awesome I had a great time." But you can't get away with that, they ask a bunch more questions, how much did you win or lose, did you get arrested, did you get any hookers, what do you mean you didn't get laid in Vegas. Damn I had fun, stop trying to live vicariously through me. Those I feel I can share the gritty details with know the details.

OK new subject just brought to my attention that I need to get out and go smoke now. My EVAL( yearly kind of progress report type thing) was just brought to me to sign, this is what makes or breaks promotion and tells everyone about your job performance. I have been busting my ass, I have been the front of line for most shit and squared the fuck away all except for the DUI of course. And because of the DUI I get a 1 out of 5 on military bearing. Fuck that shit I was Color Guard of the year and sharper and more squared away than almost all of this fucking place. Fuck that shit plus because of that one bad mark they give me Significant Problems and not recommended for retention. Fuck them motherfuckers. Wait til they see how much of a shitbag I become. I expected to get a lower score but damn I would have dealt with a Progressing. I'm sorry everyone not in the military probably have no clue what I am talking about and these may only be on Navy EVALS, oh well I need a smoke.

Hooker cards that the Mexicans handed out in Vegas 

Stupid shit

Yes I am a stupid shit. But this is just a bunch of ramblings. So let's start with warped tour. So the first band we saw was Hawthorne Heights, one of my favorites, I went up through the crowd and got up front for the show. Chris and Mike stayed back. I was severely dehydrated and getting a headache and like I audioed they wouldn't let us refill our camelbacks and it pissed us off, they continued to blame me since I was the jackass who enjoyed on of my favorite bands and got our camelbacks taken away. We then saw My Chemical Romance who suck ass and are a bunch of poser pussies that I now hate. I was blamed for also standing in the sun to see them because I thought it would be a good show. They suck! Then we saw Senses Fail and Chris and I started a pit or 2 and I crowd surfed towards the end because we were right up front and got kicked in the head too many times and thought I was going to die of concussion and dehydration. Then Chris talked me into going up for Story of the Year along with Mike's broken ass (he has shoulder and knee problems) I crowd surfed out again and then they played a song I loved so I ran back in and went through a pit where I got elbowed in the head to get back to Chris and mike and get my head kicked by more crowd surfers. It was fun at first to grab the women by the hips and just throw them up towards the front but by Story of the Year I could barely put my arms up let alone throw them anywhere. It was still a pretty good time. The next day Chris and I went to K-Mart where he bought condoms and lotion, we went in to try to make it look gay and see what reactions we could get, the lotion was for his nasty ass feet, since he wore sandals to Warped tour and condoms for the obvious. I tried to get him to get a big jar of vasaline but he wouldn't. It was pretty funny, I had my game face on, then he asked me to hold his hand and lost it, so we were cracking up at the counter and it lost all it's fun of tricking the store clerk.

This was the best vacation I think I have ever had. Chris and I had a blast hanging out and making asses of ourselves. He is definitely as close as a brother to me, though I have no siblings, I think of him as a brother. We are so much alike it is pretty scary. My detox lasted a whole 5 days though I broke it tonight with a nice glass of Beam and Coke. I recently decided noticed that I drink too much, I know like I haven't bitched about it before. But I was in a situation and noticed that wow alcohol is really fucking me up. I am going to refrain from drinking during the week and have maybe a couple on the weekend but am not going to do the usual big ass bottle every weekend. Perhaps if I had been in this situation a long while ago I wouldn't have became what I have become but well timing was never my thing. Well I have been thinking way too much and need to find something else to do.

Back to typing

So right now I am putting the pictures on shutterfly, since we shared our vacation by phone I might as well share the pics too. Check them out here!! I miss having my morning cigarette in the window with our awesome view. I hate the barracks. I got back here about 8 and passed out, at 930 or so there was a knoicking on my door, a constant one that I thought was Chris, I scream what and they keep knocking, finally I sit up a bit and screamed get the fuck away from my door before I fucking kill you. By that time the door opens and 2 guys come in to inspect my room. They were trying to yell at me for having shit all over and taking up the whole room when I don't have a room mate. I covered my head with the blanket and said that I am on leave and got back from vegas at 5am. They kept talking and told me to clean it up by tomorrow, I said yeah what ever. I didn't see what rank they were I know they were less than E-7 because they were wearing utilities. Then on the way out one said he thought I was bullshiting him, I said no it will be clean tomorrow. But I was bullshiting because tomorrow I will be at warped tour! I have failed every inspection since I have been here anyway.

SO of course I don't remember everything I said on the audioblogs but I did get to do everything I wanted and I am glad Chris went because he got me to do other shit that was really fun, like climbing out to the edges of the grand canyon, and walking out throught the desert. I found it amuzing that the topless showgirls were mostly A and B cups, I guess they think if they are too big that it would get in the way with their dancing. There were bigger ones but they stayed covered up. Chris just kept saying hey thanks for paying so I could see boobs. It was funny people kept laughing at us. There was also these 2 asian guys that I need to talk about. Funny little asian guys. They were the flexible guys who got into a barrel and was waddling around in spandex with their tiny little penises, doing moves where they were rubbing their ass in each others faces. We were cracking up and we were surrounded by asians. Ok whatever I lost my thought by putting descriptions on the pics so check them out.

Here we go....

I deserve my beam and coke tonight, I buit my wall of lead bricks today sure they may only be 10-20lbs a pice but I threw about 80-120 today at least. I talked to martini since that may be the only blogger I get to meet out of this Vegas blogger convention that TG started and id unforunatley unable to follow through with. I am trying to talk Chris into driving to see her if she isn't able to come to Vegas. I think we are both incapable of planning anything, we can come up with general ideas of what we want to do but that will go from when we get there. It is all on a whim like the rest of life we decide at the last moment since we can't communicate straight as always. Whatever happens happens and hopefully I will audioblogg most and get pics like I want too, I may need to buy a bigger memory card tomorrow. Oh well. I am tired as shit and wanted to see if he want to hang out, I know he wanted to see his parents tomorrow but I am bored and know he said last night he was bored since everyone was sleeping when we are on leave. I wish branshine ans CPW would come but she seems not interested in my site lately so why bother her. Martini seems almost as crazy or at least as cool so I better at least get to meet her. Plans have been made and changed a shitload of time so let's see what happens. Time to find something to do!

I just gave Chris a mohawk for Vegas baby! 

Ahhhhh Vacation

It's nice to sleep til 11 though I then jumped up and was out the door by 1130 to get to my second job. That's only so I'll have money when I get back from Vegas. After paying my bills this weekend I saw that I have up to a little more than $1500 to blow. Granted probably 300 is going to go to my new tattoo that I am planing of getting there. My reaper on my bare leg that I have been debating on spending my money on for a little over a year now, what better memory of my trip than a tat. That should be more than enough to spend a little gambling and drinking. I want to see at least one showgirl show out there, they are kind of expensive, I was looking them up earlier, they range from like $50 bucks and up. So if I have to I may have to cover Chris's expense since it is something I want to do, I don't mind, I need to talk to him about it. I have to buy some contacts today or tomorrow to be sure I don't end up having to wear my glasses. I need to find out if he wants me to give him a mohawk. I was thinking about doing it but he brought it up and is used to being bald so it's all him. I'll just have my hair spiked. My mom asked me last night if I was packed and ready yet, I said of course not. I am going for 4 days. I'll throw everything together probably tomorrow night or so. I was also looking up some of the clubs but don't know about them. Dress codes are a big thig that pisses me off. Coyote Ugly is casual, a place called Bikinis says "fashionable", what the hells fasionable? Studio 54 is out it says no Tennis shoes, boots, jeans, t-shirts. I should go in my boxers and in sandals. I hate dressing up unless it's one of those times where I do it for someone else because I want to, like a date or something and even then I hardly wear khakis or a dress shirt, or dress shoes. Usually just one or the other and dress shoes are only for court and funerals. So I will go with my normal jean shorts and t-shirts and maybe I will throw a pair of khakis and my silky dragon shirt in, but no room for dress shoes. Well Vans shouldn't be considered tennis shoes. Hmmmmm. Who cares if they don't want me to come in as me they can burn down, I'm not going in as someone else. Well my boss is here. So need to get off here. #more days til Vegas Baby!!

Friday still

iT IS ALMOST 11 i AM On my I don't know what drink and about to pop a benedryl and pass out after I drunk dial some people including old SM which I haven't talked to in a long while though I know it's just be one of those awkward conversations. I been playing Halo for the past 3 and 1/2 hours waiting for someone to call me and ask me to do something which is not going to happen. I been doing pretty good but now am getting drunker which means I yell more and kill less. Whatever I can't wait til Vegas Baby, I am going to party all night and sleep all day. At least that is my plan with the heat. I'll probably end up falling asleep on the street somewhere like a loser. No one is going to show up. It's going to be me and Chris, me getting drunk and him losing his money. I will want to be cool and go to the clubs and pretend I am someone I am not and then fail miserably and end up sitting at the bar and not talking to anyone but the bartender. Though if I get drunk enough maybe I will grow balls and act like the way women want men who are dogs. I doubt it. Who fucking knows. Today was my last day at work Thank god. Monday and Tueaday I will probably go to my second job So I can have money when I get back for Warped tour and perhaps a TRIP TO ri, cg SAID THE VOICE ON HER PHONE WAS HER SISTER'S Fiance or husband that she will be giving her phone to when she leaves. Damn cap locks, I am too lazy to fix it. Oh well almost time to. It had a sticker price on it. I tried to scrape it off, I need to buy an amp and cord for it. I was at Uncle Toms last night, me him and his brother was jamming out. It was cool, his brother said to bring them next time I came over. Tom was funny as shit, both of them whooped my ass at foozeball, I was trying to get Tom drunk so I could win, I had him falling over when he squated but then he wouldn't play. I need to go over there more often, He cooked me some steak with sauteed mushrooms, rice. It was awesome. Best meal I have had in a long time, and for home cooked thats probably been a couple years now. Ok I am slurring my typing time to drunk dial and fall asleep. Goodnight all, hope you Fri wAS BETTER THAN MINE, AS USUAL.

Another boring Friday

As I sit here getting ready to play Halo and start on my second drink, I want to go out and do something. If I go out by myself I will get in trouble like usual. I was gonna hang out at Mike's but he said him and his wife were going to do dinner and a movie and I didn't want to be the 3rd wheel. I even took my nap when I left work at 2, woke up at 5 ready to go do anything but sit here and get drunk. Tomorrow my supervisor is having a post operation cookout with a keg of Yuengling so I'll be there. He is the coolest guy to work for ever! OK pl;aying halo will finish these thoughts later when I am drunker.

Stomach Problems back

SO my stomach problems came back since I have been back in the barracks. This means the reason lies in my room. I think I have narrowed it down to 3 things. My water bottles, they are about a year old, I just refill them from the faucet and put them back in the fridge. Maybe they have grown mold or something. My Homer Simpson drinking mug. I drink from it almost every night and rince it and put it back in the freezer, it has started to become discolored. Then there's the water in general, I drink it and make ice with it. I should be able to eliminate these and see where it leaves me. I will but a couple gallons of water and throw away the bottles and also my one at work which is almost as old. Wash my mug and see if problems go away. I know it's not the Beam because I had it still my first couple days in the field. Not the diet because my weekend back at Chris's I had no problem. I wish I was a scientist and could test these different items and find out what exactly is causing this. Like on "House MD" the other day they were testing al kinds of pesticides and the finding traces of a certain kind on a pair of pants. I could swipe my water bottles and mug and test the water for all different kinds of bacterias. It's kind of cool that I don't do much in my room that I can narrow it down to 3 things. Tonight I am supposed to go hang out with Uncle Tom, I have been her almost 3 years and have not been to his house or canowine's. Hell canowine wouldn't let me meet his wife til a couple months ago she came in the office and I was here...lol. I am the black sheep of the office. Oh well I have a shitload of work that I need to do today since I put most of it off yesterday. A week from today I'll be in VEGAS BABY!!!

Court and my life

First I just got back from court again and again it was a waste of my time. They said they'd appoint a public defender and that was it. I noticed that attorneys are all nerds, they're not like the smart witty and sometimes hot ones on tv. I just kept laughing watching the fat guys with the come over and the young nerdy ones and the older looking middle aged women. It was funny.

Now my life, while sitting in boredome I was thinking of a conversation I had this weekend with "a friend". I look down at my boney scar ridden knuckles and arms wondering what happened to the old me. I used to be full of rage and somewhat confidence or whatever the hell it was. I used to like to get in fights and do crazy shit. Now I guess I know too much of the consequences. Though I knew them then, I didn't fear getting caught. Hell when my ex was living here, I still had the rage especially in our fights where I'd punch and break things. Maybe it was just her that brought out the bad in me. I still have my temper of course it almost blew up at our excercise but thankfully didn't come out more than me bitching at people I shouldn't have. I think I am getting old. It's kind of scary thinking about how much I have changed especially since now is my time to live my life. Instead I just drink my life away. Drinking at a party is cool, but when I get fucked up in my room alone is just kind of sad. Ok time for lunch.

Thank God I don't have to be back til WEDs.

Thankfully I had to go through medal detetors today or else I'd stabbed people in the face with ice pickss. I went to 3 different courthouses before I got shit straight then they said I had to wait til I got shit in the mail, Which may be too late, I am fucked up and have been since 12. I wanted to stab everyone in the face with an ice pick hank god I had to walk through metal fetectors every where after my running around I talked to Chris who decided he'd decifef he'd cancerl his party so I can got to RI this weekend to see CG who now has a guys voice on her Voicemail which disturbes me. SO I need to talk to her or the chick I was going to meeet u with at his party befor next weekend. before I erupt into something! We talked he said I should Go to hey ND THEN i CALLED TOHNNIGHT AND HEARD ANOTHER GUY AN HER VOICEMAIL SO i DONT KNOW i AM DRUBK AZS ALWAYS AND FUCK IT ALL !! sO i DON'T CARE AND WILL CALL TOMORROW AND SEE WHAT THE FUCK IS UOP!!/

Thank God I am out of F.I.G.

Fort Indiantown Gap Penn sucks major ass! I got in plenty of trouble since my last audioblog and have been trying to drink away the memories since I got home on Friday. One night I got screamed at and kicked out of my original barracks, since my job got switched to the other operation and since I got brought in with others drunk when we weren't supposed to be drinking. Since I been home I hung out with Chris and Mike and had a shitload of wings and beers. Tonight I went and supported my friends wife in a hooters bikini competition. Tomorrow I have to go try to get my public defender. I am tired as shit so I will post more tomorrow. I posted some pics and tried to get them somewhat in order. I didn't take that many since this was the most boring and worst excersice I been too thank god it was my last. I am on my last beer and have no Beam so I need to go to sleep before I get angry. I don't have to be back to work til Wed, then I am off August 1-14. I am thinking of going to visit CG next weekend, not quite sure yet though. Martini, you better still be going to Vegas!! Chris and I are going to need someone who knows their way around. I'll try to read up on blogs and post something that makes better sense tomorrow.

My driver to FIG hello Mike 

Our Helo ride in a shnuck(sp?)  

Patti 

Patti's creation...the thinker 

Awesome moulage!! 

My poison Ivy starting, it has spread since then. 

Tanks! 

Day 1 of the operation

Today was day 1 of the operation, had I kept my original job it would have been fun and exciting. Since I now have a shitty job it was boring and I got pissed off. The job I have is really really easy but our NCOIC (guy in charge) is an idiot who doesn't know what the fuck to do. Lots of headaches today. I was so ready to go off on him for being stupid. He is a nice guy but just an idiot. We loaded a water tank for drinking water and went to drop it off. The ground was muddy and he dropped it anyway. It started sliding and heres my skinny ass trying to hold 250-500 or so gallons of water in a tank from sliding into these people and vehicles. Needless to say some bigger people eventually helped me. Luckily I turned and mumbled to a buddy that this guy was a fucking moron, because he is 3 ranks above me. Oh well. It's not too bad we work 12 hour shifts. I have a ton of blisters that hurt like hell. I don't know if I mentioned in the audio that I was wasted yesterday. I drank a bunch of Vodka and gatorades when I got off. One of the guys I fuck around with yelled at me and told me to go shower brush my teeth and eat mints. I did and didn't get caught. I am again drinking the same. It is great, everyone thinks I am rehydrating after a hard 12 hours of sweating my ass off (it is hot and extremely humid) BUt really I am dehydrating and getting a buzz. His computer has a low battery damnit. SO I may audio Later. Chis had a person call him last night and it was a wrong number and he was messing with this chick and I think she liked it. It gave our group a laugh for a while. More on that later. Take care peeps. Hopefully I will get a chance to check back later.

First Night

OK I have to make this quick. We busted our asses yesterday after driving 3 hours to get here since we were in hummers and 2 1/2 tons that went slow as hell. Went to hooters to get wings and pitchers of beer. On the way back someone said that went they were pissin that it took 60 seconds. I timed myself and it myself. I had a steady stream going for 80 seconds. I was proud and will see if anyone can beat it . On the way back we had to stop to pee at a rest area. Someone said that they took a 60 second piss, I was curious especially after drinking a couple pitchers of beer. SO I tCame back and drank some beam. Apparently someone said that I slept walked into another room and pushed over a locker and then went back into bed. I don't think I did all I remember was getting yelled at to wake up and p8ick it up. I am not used to typing on this laptop and don't have time to correct it. It keeps jumping because my big ass hand rest on the mouse pad. I am going to try to email CG this site now if I can remember her addy since I left it in my room and have to come sit in a van to get a connection. I am having fun though, except I busted my toe open on the tipped over locker. I have been thinking about that all day, I think they are messing with me. I only know of me sleep walking once when I was like 14 or so. Oh well. Hope everyone is ok may check blogs when my buddy actually has his battery charged.

Bye bye CG

So today CG called me and asked me to pick her up from the airport. I went and picked he and her nephew up, their flight was supposed to be in at 745 and didn't show up until 930. So I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I hoped and with her nephew there it wasn't really the goodbye I hoped for either. I took her to her car and embraced her for the last time and kissed her for the last time. I didn't want to let her go. I wish that we could have had more moments like that a long time ago. But it was nice. I followed her for a while heading back. I was screaming to Senses Fail trying to get out the rainbow of emotions that I was feeling, regret, loss, hope, sadness, and I can't think of another word so I'll say love of a friend. If only we had more time. Damn this exercise that I have to get up in less than 6 hours for. I am chugging my Beam so I will be able to sleep. I am far from tired right now. I almost feel like crying but why? WHat's it going to change. It's just another time to remember and learn from. Especially after seeing my great grandfather I know that I need to stop stalling on things and stop being scared of rejection. Just go for it. Oh well. Chug some more. and say goodnight. I will be back on the 23rd I believe and I'll say it again and might actually do it this time but I may audioblog while I am gone. I know I will be drunk as shit this week, there is supposed to be no drinking during this excercise but they said that last year and we still did but everyone else isn't getting there until saturday. We are going advanced party to get everything ready. So I'll bid everyone farewell and I'll talk to you and check everyones blogs when I get back. Damn I hate myself but what else is new. Vegas will be my new start. My fuck it all attitude now has a backing and hopefully this time I can actually keep it instead of caving under the fear. OK I am getting drunk and rambling. BTW I am thinking of emailing CG this site and let her read it. What do yall think? though I probably won't read your responses until after I call her tomorrow.

Review of Ohio

Let's start at the beginning. So I left around 130 on Thursday. I made a nice mix of Senses Fail and some songs from Headbangers ball before I left work, so I put that in and rolled down the windows and took off screaming to my tunes. By time I was half way out of Maryland I noticed that I was on autopilot and my mind was blank. I don't think I've ever actually felt that way before. It was a nice meditation, wind in my face, my kind of music cranked up, just driving to what felt like no where. I realized that I forgot my notebook to write in and kind of got mad at myself but oh well. The air was very hot and muggy though. Through the mountains of Penn the clouds gathered and the wind became a nice cool breeze. That was heaven until the downpour. People were pulling over and stopping while I drove by them keeping between 60 and 70 to be on the safe side. Then the rain stopped and it was perfect again. The last toll booth in Penn, where you have to pay 1.50 for some reason after you already tuned in your ticket and payed 5 miles ago, had the most beautiful woman ever to grace a toll booth. I was in shock. I already had my money ready expecting to see the old person who usually work in them, my music still cranked, a cigarette hanging in my mouth. I drive up and hand her the money, got ready to gun it and looked at her, my mouth dropped to a half shocked smile, she smiled and said thank you. I wanted to say something but you know it's a toll booth, so I drove off thinking "what the hell is a chic like that working here?" But kept driving, got to my town around 9, a nice 8 hours. My son was with ex's cousin because she had to work, I went saw my parents and then went out and saw my cousin, but was too tired to party so I went to Taco Bell where I got my Chilli Cheese burrito with sour cream, yes they have it back there, and then went back and went to sleep.

Friday I was woken at like 8 by my door opening, my mom was trying to wake me up, I said I'll get up at 9. A half hour later I hear my door open again, I was getting up to yell at her and it stopped and I heard my boy in the living room, so I yelled for him, he came in and gave me hugs and kisses and then I got my lazy ass out of bed. We went to the mall and several stores to find presents for his Bday party, he wanted a lot. He made me get him a Batman motorcycle and a Star Wars light saber thing. Plus I payed for half of the stuff that the ex bought for him. He got a tramplene, pool, sandbox, and god knows what else was from us(get to that later). We went to the park and played, where he made me run all over the place and squeeze through places my tall ass couldn't fit through. We went back to my mom's and went to go see my great grandpa in the hospital. I almost lost it there. My great grandpa is 90 years old, fought in WW2, always smiling and always busy, the most active person ever. Seeing him doped up and just laying there was a unique experience for me. I had crazy thoughts while trying to sleep that night. He lost my grandma about 3 years ago and no one expected him to make it this long. He kept bust boating, fishing, and working in his garden. Everytime I came home he'd come over and play with my boy and chat with us. Now family just goes in there and stands awkwardly for as long as they can stand, trying to talk to him and then saying they have to go. I know he never wanted this to happen to him, as I hope I never suffer through that. While we were saying our good byes he started crying saying that this was it. I think this is when I felt the warm saltiness try to trickle down my cheek, but was quickly caught by my finger. In the last 22 years I have never seen this man not smile, even when grandma died, he was so strong and was glad to see the family who has come to ignore them until holidays. We used to go boating with him every summer, he used to do wood working and made my first toybox which is still in my closet at my parents, and made all his grand children grandfather clocks. He was very talented and busy man. Anyhow, it made me realize I don't want to be like that, old in a hospital where people feel they have to come and sit there while I die. I hope I go fast, then I started thinking about the fear of the unknown(death). And it was hard to sleep that night. Oh yeah the fire works were that night too, I went to my cousin's friends house, my boy played with his boys and then we watched the fireworks with him cuddleing on my lap and we talked. It was great. Oh yeah and CG called me and told me not to cheat on her, We talked about why shouldn't I.

Saturday was his bday party. It is always awkward to get my family and hers together, the always stay at different ends of the house, especially since the divorce. He had fun running around, picking at the cake and wanting to open his presents NOW! After everyone ate we told him he could open them. He ran and would rip them open so he could see what they were and then throw it down and her cousin's son would finish unwrapping it for him. He went through a shitload of presents is like 5-10 minutes. After everone left I helped cleanup and said good bye to him so he could stay and play with his toys. I went out with my cousin and shot our own fireworks off. WARNING: Do not tough the top of a lantern that has been on for an hour. I scolded my thumb and forefinger trying to pick one up. The one firework didn't go very high and blew up right above us. I ducked and put my head down to see little flames land around us. It was crazy, my leg was shaking for like an hour afterwards. We hung out and I left and I went to sleep.

Sunday I picked the boy up around 11 and the ex was still sleeping on the couch. We went to my aunts and went out on their small lake with a paddle boat, he was scared but when I asked him if he was scared he said no he was just nervous. We went back and ate some good hotdogs and hamburgers from the grill. He didn't want to eat so I made him take a nap because he was cranky, then I woke him up so he could swim in their pool, it was 4 foot deep so he had to wear a life jacket, he was scared at first, wouldn't let me let him go. Eventually he would try to swim to my dad and to my cousins who were in there. It was a fun time, we went back to my parents house and played with his new whack-a-mole game. He had fun. And then he went to bed while me and mom watched tv and talked a bit.

Monday We woke up and went to see great grandpa again and my grandma's hip was hurting so we saw her too in the hospital, she was 2 rooms down from him, it was a goodbye in the hospital. I yelled at both of them, that I was tired of people being in the hospital when I come home. They both laughed and said they would try harder not to be in there next time. It was hard saying goodbye to my grandpa because I know it will probably be the last time I see him, and I have no clue if I am going to be able to make it home for his funeral. If he can hole out til September we'll all be fine. My son gave me a fat lip while in the hospital too.; He headbutted me on accident, I told him what he did, and he said he didn't do it, followed by "daddy, your lip's bleeding." I told him I told him so and he apologized and kissed it to make it all better, but shit it still hurts. The drive back to here wasn't quite as pleasant, I had to be on heavy alert of cops since fines are doubled on holidays. I didn't get pulled over and made it back safe. I got here and went on base to get some Jim Beam since all I had there was 2 beers all weekend, everything on base was closed, so I went to the store down the road which only had beer and wine. So here I sit with a 12 pack of Bud and plan on finishing it soon. Hope everyone elses weekend was good.

BTW I almost have had 9,000 people check my blog out!

I need a drink

So here's my day. Worked sucked ass, I had to do a bunch of stupid shit, need a drink. Came home and waited for Chris to help him move, he was late, needed a drink. While waiting I remembered that I need to talk to JAG tomorrow before I leave, getting headache, need a drink. Starting to think I need to bail on Chris so I can hang out with CG for the last time, I was feeling like a dick, needed a drink. Chris calls there was miscommunication, I was supposed to meet him at his new place, I told him I needed to bail, he seemed pissed, I needed a drink. Go see CG thought maybe something special, stood in line at CompUSA dealing with stupid people with no people skills, wanted to choke everyone near me, NEEDED a DRINK! Went to dinner, got a headache and stomach started acting up, needed a drink. Went back to CG's watched tv and she needed to go to sleep, left, now I got my drink. I feel like a huge fuckin asshole for ditchin Chris to do the exact same shit me and CG has been doing nearly everyday for however long. Don't really know what else I feel. I can't wait to see my son, want to see old friends back home, have way to much shit to worry about here. All I want to do is sit here and drink myself to death. I think stress is killing me. I really need to look up ulcer symptoms, it is getting bad, almost everytime I eat I get this gaseous like build up beneath my rib cage that gathers so much it hurts my chest. Maybe I'll remember to look it up tomorrow, I doubt it since I never read my posts after I right them. I still have a bunch of shit to do at work. Fuck I need to pay my bills before I leave. I am so fucking tired! Tired of everything! It's a perfect weather for my emotions though, stormy. WHile in Comp and dinner the lights kept flickerin and almost going out. Tons of lightning. While driving back I remembered watchin lightning with my dad, he used to pull this ratty ass rocking chair onto our old open porch and sit and watch lightning over the roof tops, I used to go out with him. We didn't talk much but sat there and watched togather. I never really had any good conversations with my parents. The most I actually talked to them in High School was when I was on aciid, it was quite funny. I guess it was part of the euphoria effect. I don't know. I think I have always been stressed, in High school I was on drugs to help but then still had my parents stressin me, then got married and had a kid, had the stress of raising a fam, then stresses of military added to everyday life. All I know is... what's that ( I'm rambling too much)... Yep you said it....Life's a bitch then you die. (but I am going to make thing more difficult and still try to have as much fun as possible in the mean time, Fuck it all!)

Useless Facts

I need to get rid of some more useless facts but first... I am dreaming more, last night was kind of weird again. I'm not going to go into details but it involved CG, the ex, "a friend" was there for a brief moment, and for some reason my grandma's old cat got killed by a dog(Fluffy actually died of old age when I was like 14 or so). The ex was playing with my head and "a friend" told her off, it was quite funny. Last night helped Chris move a bunch of his shit til 10 and on my way back to the barracks CG called and said she wanted me to come to her place today, since it is going to be the last time she sees me. She sounded so cute...lol. I told her I have to help Chris move some more shit but should be done around 4ish and will swing by there. So tonight I may post a boozed filled story or tomorrow I will post something and then driving to Ohio tomorrow after work. 8hr drive woohoo, not!

Washington, D.C. has one lawyer for every 19 residents!

Frozen lobsters can come back to life when thawed!

Europe is the only continent without a desert.

All babies are color blind when they are born.

A lot of sex a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Cattle are the only mammals that pee backwards.

A spider's silk is stronger than steel.

Women end up digesting most of the lipstick they apply.

Some species of fish have voices!

The average person spends three years of his or her life on the toilet.

Most tropical marine fish could survive in a tank filled of blood.

I ain't got much

I have been feeling the blog flu or writers block. Apparently no one wanted to hear 4th25 (pronounced 4th quarter) or they have no idea what to say. I was somewhat speechless but had to share it. Let's see what is up with me. I actually had to do a shitload of work yesterday which sucked ass! CG cancelled on me due to stress from work and having to study and shit which makes tomorrow the last day. Had weird ass dreams again last night. First one was some shit about me and my cousin doing covert ops in a parking garage and things shooting at me. Then the one that woke me up was quite real and strange to be happening now, perhaps a sign for when I go home or my unconscious mind wishing for it. So the part I remember clearest was sleeping in my bed at my parents house, my mom came in and tried to wake me up, I ignored her like I usually do. She wakes me up and I can hear her but I don't move so she doesn't bother me, she seems to do this everytime I am home because she doesn't like me to sleep til noon even though I was out all night. So I ignore her but wake up, she goes back into the living room and I hear her tell someone I am sleeping and ask if they wanted to wait. I am too tired to get up but perk my ears to find out who she is talking to, I hear soulmate say she couldn't wait and had to go. My mom said hold on she'd try again. As soon as I heard the squeak of my door opening, I woke up and jumped out of bed. And in real life, I woke up and jumped out of bed. I looked towards the direction my door is from my bed back home, which is actually a window in my barracks room. Nothing, I was so pissed. I felt so happy and then woke up to disappointment. I haven't really thought of her that much lately thanks to CG's distraction and I would think I would dream of her since she is leaving, but nope. The garage then that, my head really is messed up.

Live from Iraq

I am going to start this out with 4th25 as most people know I like screamo but here is some rap. These army soldiers made a good fuckin album while they were in Iraq, yeah it is slightly controversial but what rap song isn't. This is them putting their feelings and words to songs that as Big Neal puts it "everything I wrote was no more than what you could see on all of our minds... the music, the lyrics... everything. I was just willing to say it loud enough for everyone to hear." You can listen to samples of the album thanks to CD Baby. I must say I am kind of confused how they made the album there, I could see them spittin the lyrics and then sending them here to be put to tracks but they pretty much did the whole album there in Baghdad except for mastering, printing, and duplication. They have some videos on their site as well if you have a strong stomach. Military members get this shit emailed to us every once in a while, including the beheadings and the burnt bodies hanging from bridges. This shit is happening and people say get our troops out of there now, what is most of our answers? Mission accomplishment first, if we pull everyone out today then all those people have died for no fucking reason. If we finish our mission to somewhat establish them then they died for a reason. Listen to the album, even if you don't like rap.

That being said back to my day. Had fun at six flags, saw Jerry Springer there and got an autographed pic of Steve. I forgot my camera at home though. Same as last time just hung in the pools. Lazy river needs an age requirement the little kids trying to run through it was kind of irritating. But good times were had. We went back to her place and took a nap planning to go see High Tension but it only shows twice a day at our normal theatre so it didn't start until 10, she said she was too tired to go so I asked her to bring me home. A little dose of her own medicine perhaps. Things were the same as always. I really wanted to come home because her room is too hot for me. I am used to freezing in my room, cuddled in my blankets. I was sweating my ass off while I was napping. We are heading to the aquarium around 10 tomorrow, almost hard to believe this is our last weekend together. I need some more coke, I am out! Damn vending machines down stairs never have coke in them. Looks like straight next. Well it's almost time to pass out since I have to get up early.

Busy Weekend

Tonight CG and I went to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith, it was a cute movie. Angelina is so fuckin hot too. I wanted to see High Tension but they may have to wait for another day. We are going to Six Flags again tomorrow, my skin still hasn't stopped peeling from the last time we went and then Sunday we are going to Bmore aquarium. So TG if you aren't doing anything give me a call, we'll be in the area. I sit here with my first drink of the night for a Friday, I may have one more before I go to bed. I have been so tired lately. I took a 2 hour nap today. I left work around noon. CG is driving me insane, I really need to talk to her but of course I don't have the balls to. Like tonight after the movie she came up to my room we were watchin tv and she was starting to fall asleep, I moved a bit and she woke up and looked at her watch and said she had to go. Why don't she just stay here, she's coming back in the morning anyway. She said she has to study for her class, but I know damn well she isn't going to study tonight, she is going to go home and go to sleep. She has stayed here before and I have stayed at her place so it's not like it's the first time or anything. She is so damn confusing. My thought is still the same as before, she doesn't want to get too attached the same as I have been but it's unavoidable with as much as we've been hanging out. Even though I am not drunk I am just going to put most of this shit out there even though now isn't a good time since I may have a princess fucking reading this shit and throwing in her worthless fuckin opinion. Ok so now it's pretty much like CG and I are going out, we act like a couple.Hold hands when we walk and talk on the phone everyday, hang out everyday except Tues and Thurs when she has school. But things are less physical than once was. And it been bothering me. Like when I go to give her a kiss goodnight when she is leaving it is like before we kissed, I get a peck and go for more and she's doing the look away or talking thing. I keep trying to tell myself it's the NWTGA(not wantin to get attached)(needs to be abrev now). But I can never know when I don't ask. See this is why it has never worked for me to start to hook up with friends, I have tried all different ways and none of them work, of course they were all different women and perhaps I just did the wrong ways with the wrong women. Choices are as follows: Talk about it with her, Just go for it and hope she likes it and doesn't just do it to avoid conflict(it does happen), wait and hope she shows me a sign(they never come), or nothing and she will be gone soon. Nothing always leave me with regret(like with her roommate). I know it sounds like I am hung up on her a bit. Truth is I am really going to miss her when she leaves, thankfully I am not that attached and will probably get over it after a bottle thanks to friends who will understand that I am blowing them off for a good reason the same as they have done to me over women before (yeah you Spec, and Tom kind of). Live and learn as usual I have a week left. I am going to Ohio next weekend, I think from what they are saying that I have a formation on the 5th and actually deploy on the 6th so that may be my last night with CG, do or die and find some truth or just let it go as a good time. I will probably just let it go. Nothing more can come of this shit. What is she going to come back from Korea in a year or 2 and I am going to be single and run off and live happily ever after, yeah right. And if I ask her and get an answer that I don't want to hear my feelings may be hurt or whatever, thus forcing me further into a hole and out of the game. As the great Bart Simpson said "You're damned if you do, damned if you don't!"

Me dressed up for court 

Court

I just got back from court. It was a complete waste of my time. 3 hours of my life I will never get back. I went and sat there while the judge himself was 45 minutes late to appear. Then after one other person I was called up. He told me the maximum penalty including a year in jail followed by a year of parole and $1000 fine. I have the choice of what kind of trial I want, if I want a state judge or national or some shit, or a trial by jury. If I wanted a court appointed lawyer or my own. Ech typed while I was on the phone "The chicken was good! Me Gusta Pollo Campero". He drove me and sat there for me which was really cool so I bought lunch at some pollo campero place. It was really good, mmmmm pollo. OSo I have til July 27th to decide what kind of trial I want and then my trial date is August 24. I was scared for a wuick minute that I would be confined to the state and not be able to go to Vegas, thankfully it is afterwards. Also since they haven't said anything about taking my license away long I can drive after the 25th of this month, so I can drive myself home next weekend. My parents were trying to figure everything out if they had to drive here and pick me up and bring me back. Now I just need to watch my speed so I don't make things worse. SO all is well so far. Hopefully I won't fall asleep after work so I can hang out with CG. I keep falling asleep watching tv, I did it yesterday too. I am also starting to remember pieces of my dreams and they are quite disturbing and weird. They make no sense whatsoever. Like one I remember was a fox getting it's legs chopped off below their knees or whatever they have and still running around. I don't remember who cut them off or why but I remember seeing them on a plate or something. There was more but I forgot. I may need to keep my notebook next to my bed and when I wake up, write down what I can remember. Maybe these are stange signs that need to be analized. Well I have spent all day in my little cute outfit instead of my uniform. Maybe I'll take a pic of myself when I get home, I look good. People in my office were amazed, they were like what the hell and really freaked out when I put a tie on. Ok I am jumping around and rambling so I'll call this a post. Hope everyone has a happy Humpday.