Happy mama's day and I am still pretty evil...

So I just finished the Heroin DIaries, and the rest of the book is great, such a beautiful tradgedy. I have been coming up with pretty good lyrics and stuff lately, but I still can't fucking play and sing. I keep trying but as soon as I say 2 words I am off on my rhythm, it is hard as hell, the only one I can do is Johnny Cash- Hurt for some reason, but I can't do anything original. But later today I am going to take that book back to my cousin and borrow the new season of Entourage, he got me addicted to that show, it is pretty good. I just like the idea of one of my friends becoming rich and famous and being able to mouch off them! Obviously if I was the rich one I'd take care of my friends too. I've always said that I don't really care about money as long as we're having a good time. The only thing there would be as long as there is money set back for my son. But anyways now I finished my book and am bored, I need to find a new one. Nikki mentioned some in his book that he read while he was fucked, so maybe I'll pick up some of them. Or I've always thought about Dontes Inferno, I took a quiz about it, apparently I am still evil...

But it's mama's day and I need to get ready to hang out with family. Later


The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Extreme

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

The heroine Diaries

SO my dad said that the people across the street parked fucked up yesterday taking up all the space so after they left he did it, so apparently no verbal or physical altercations which is good cuz my dad would destroy all the punks that live there, it would be pretty funny to watch.

I am reading Nikki Sixx book, The Heroine Diaries the book is awesome! Seriously! I mean its fucked up but its nice to know that people go through some of the shit you've been through and you know its real and its got commentary after most entries about how the people feel today about it. It is crazy, dark , demented, and beautiful! I am really digging it! And I know I mentioned before his band Sixx:AM that he did a soundtrack to it that is equally as kick ass!! And I will be seeing them at Cruefest in Indy!! If you don't know who Nikki Sixx is, he's the bassist from Motley Crue and the book is diaries and scaps of peper he kept while he was living the rock and roll lifestyle and fighting his heroine addiction. Plus the graphics are great fucked up sketches, that I may be able to find my next tat out of! This book has helped me realize and analize parts of my life like I usually do way to much but I did realize that in my situation it is a big step that I have not really been depressed. I have been bored and lonely and kinda scared about my and my sons future but I have not been depressed and that is pretty cool. Now I just need to work on some confidence and motivation to fight and find me a better job and maybe a woman, even if they are trouble, I enjoy the company and entertainment. GAWD I wish I was a rockstar! Someday!!

Let the drama begin...

SO I was at work today and my mom called, I knew that she knew I was at work so I thought something was wrong, but she left me a message that my dad wanted me to park in the driveway, I thought ok whatever. Well I got home and dad had his 2 cars and moms car in front of the house spaced out so no other cars could fit, so apparently one of the neighbors pissed him off. It never good when someone pisses him off. Its weird cuz usually the people across the street hog the parking but most of them are college kids and gone now, there are only a couple left. I kinda wanna go down and ask but they are asleep so I am stuck waiting til tomorrow to find out what the hell is goin on. We've talked about doing it before but I told him no because they could do the same thing to us while we're at work. I am usually the one who gets fucked cuz I don't get home til 1130 when I work. But I am sure this will start a neighborhood war of some sorts and as I said my dad isn't one to piss off. He's like me calm and stuff most the time but has a bad temper. But more to come probably tomorrow...

Schools out for Summer...

SO I finished my finals yesterday!! I should have passed both that I went to. I am pretty sure I failed my Ethics class though. I guess I have none... Here's my beef with that though. SO I tried the last half of it, but the teacher kept giving me shitty grades on my papers. These papers have no right or wrong answers, I gave my opinion and even on the tests and quizzes, the questions have no right answers...NONE!!! But she still gave me failing grades!!What the fuck! And most of the questions weren't ethical, it all came down to what the protocol for the place you are working in has!! There were questions on the final about if a retired doc was dying and asked for a lethal dose of morphine... Obviously don't do it and refer them to Kavorckian! Stupid shit! But anways so today was my first day of summer. I got my new rollerblades, they are too small but I am stuck with them because they were the biggest size I could get, they are 12 1/2 and I need 13, hopefully I can break them in and they will be ok, or I can just cut a little hole for my big toe. I tiook them out and started to go around town and it started to rain so I had to come back home. I picked up my guitar for a while. I wish I could post some of the things I came up with online but I can't. I tried to do it on that pohone in thing on the side but it sounds like shit and you can't really hear it. I might head out here in a bit I think it stopped raining, go do my tagging... I need to start a rollerblade gang! I used to kinda have one when me and my friends would tear up the town. While I was out earlier I found some places I can try grinding but I need to find someone with a camera that way if I get hurt I can put it on scarred or americas funniest videos so I can get some money out of my pain. Mom was asking me about it today I told her I haven't broke anything yet and she reminded me of when I almost broke my arm and fucked my face up but of course I said almost only counts in horeshoes and hand gernades. But I am gonna go watch NOFX show and maybe go tear it up.

Cabin Fever!

I am in one of my moods, where I usually get myself in trouble. I think I have cabin fever or something. I am just going crazy. This is the feeling I used to get before I'd go out and get drunk and do stupid shit. I've been thinking about calling up my cousin and getting some illegal substances, why the fuck not I might as well fucking escape my reality for a little while. But no I have to resist. I've thought about buying some Beam and just chugging, but no I don't need to be doing that either. I've thought about going up to the bar but then I'll probably get drunk and since I am alone and feeling like this I'd probably start a fight. It sucks, I hate this fucking feeling. I am restless but have no one to talk to or anything to do. I've been surfing the internet almost all day. I went walking around town earlier. I tried to call my only 2 friends who were at work to hold my own intervention, they just got off and 1 said he was too tired and the other is workin overtime. I've played my guitar for like 2 1/2 hours, my fingers are killing me, and my hand is cramped. I was hitting my punching bag earlier.

While I was walking, I was thinking bout the past. I oredered new rollerblades online since my old ones broke, they should be here next week and I will probably be rollerblading around town all night. Its nice out! But anyways I walked by places I used to shred up when I was younger, the coffee shop I used to hang out at, the places uptown that used to be cool to hang out at, the eternal flame me and a buddy put out, and thought about how I always go through cycles of only a few friends. I know I need more, I can't always rely on the 2 I got but, they are good ones. They don't do drugs, they drink but not a lot, they keep me out of most trouble, where most of my older friends kinda fed into it. I don't know. I think I'm gonna go for another walk and prob stop up at the bar and maybe have a drink, maybe it will calm me down a bit. What the hell else am I gonna do. I haven't been sleepin well. Hopefully I won't get into trouble. I need to get my blades quick so I can burn off this energy!! Walking isn't as fun!

**update**

So I went for my walk and stopped up at the bar, there were some people from high school, no one I really got along with, no hot chicks so I got 1 drink and then kept walking. I ended up at the library. It is an old fort from the Indian days, there are 2 cannons that sit on the hill, facing the rivers, 2 rivers meet right there. The area has been underwater quite a bit this year. We even made CNN! Looking at the old cannons where everone has carved stuff into, even I had a couple times, I decided that I am gonna get a white out pen and a marker and I am gonna start tagging things with this website. Why not? Most anyone who will come will probably be teenagers, hopefully not the stupid ones. I have been trying to be somewhat of a mentor to all my younger cousins, let them know that even though things seem dire at that age, its not the end of the world. Life isn't all smiles and sunshine for me either, but its not worth moping around or hurting youyrself over, you know. Who knows maybe I can help other youths. But thats my plan of attack for now... And I stayed out of trouble!

Wrong number...

So lately since I have no reason to get up early other than my 11 oclock classes which means I have to be up by 10, I sleep in and its nice. Well here at 830 this morning my phone rings and wakes me from sleep, I didn't recognize the number so I answered it hoping it was about a job or something. They say hey and what am I doin and I sound rough, I said I just woke up and asked who they were. There was a silence and then they asked who I was. I said you fucking called me, who the fuck are you, and they hung up. Now this of course got my blood boiling and I couldn't go back to sleep. People do that all the time, they call the wrong number, start talking and then ask who they are talking to. What is their problem with introducing themselves and saying "Sorry I have the wrong number" like that is fucking hard. So now I am debating on whether or not to call the number back around midnight or 1 and ask who it is then, but then I may start a war or something and the person either sounded like a chick who smoked 2 packs a day or a boy going through puberty, and either way not really people I want to deal with. So my best bet will probably be to let it go. fuckers!

So my finals are monday, then no more class and I get to be bored like this all week long with my shitty work scedule. I crunched numbers and will probably keep this scedule through the summer though so I can spend it with my son. It sucks cause it's gonna eat up bout half my savings but I need to spend more time with him. Hopefully sometime this summer some place will need EMTs and I will be ready. I am really getting tired of my job, not because of the guy I take care of but the other people are pissing me off. There are chores that need to be done everyday, and the guy is supposed to do them, not us, well he is slow and doesn't do a great job. Well apparently people think I am supposed to do them and because it isn't spotless that we didn't do them and they leave bitchy notes and I just want to set them all on fire and laugh, except for the guy we take care of of course, hes been cool lately.

So my son has been saying how girls were gross and stuff, I showed him a pick of his first kiss, he was like 2 and crawled up on my exs friends girl and kissed her and I had a pic of it. He said he wasn't gonna kiss another one and I made a video of him betting me 1,000 he wouldn't kiss another one before he turned 16. This was on saturday. Yesterday, Tuesday, he called me and told me he asked his mom if he could have a girlfriend and she said he had to call and ask me. I said sure go ahead...lol. I told him though instead of him paying me 1,000 he just had to buy his own car. I figured I saved and paid 1,000 for my first car so can he. He was saying that a boy in his class thought a girl was sexy and his mom started yelling that he can't say sexy and stuff... When I was his age or close to it, I remember talki9ng about fucking girls. I think thats when I started grabbin girls asses and had a girlfriend who would wear a dress and we would swing and I would jump off the swing and look up her dress, that was somewhere around 1st or 2nd grade. And he is my son, soooo who knows. Gotta get ready for my last class before finals, we get to watch a movie...yay!

Saliva and Sevendust

SO yeah yesterday my buddy told me he was going over to Fort Wayne to see Saliva and Sevendust and asked me if I wanted to come. Of course I wasn't a hard sell, I was like hell yeah I aint doin shit anyway. It was him, his bro, and me in his truck and he had 3 other friends in another one. Well a couple of his friends in the other truck were already drinking alot (not the driver though) So we get there and in and they have chicks going around with trays of test tube shots at this place. They buy 2 trays, we do them and like 20 minutes later they want us to get another one, so we did and one of them was fucked! So I spent most of the opening bands trying to keep him from getting his ass beat and out of trouble. The opening bands were Overscene and Neverset, they were pretty good, unfortunately I couldn't give them my full attention. Same with Saliva because he kept disappearing and we had to try to find him, he was at the bar trying to get more drinks when he was out of money and couldn't get a card out. Thankfully they took him home at that point. So my buddy and his bro were back by the bar all night they didn't wanna get beat up or whatever, they are pretty big boys, almost my height and at least 50lbs on me. SO I was up bymyself for Sevendust, the guitarists kept trying to throw me guitar picks but they kept hooking and falling short. I was right up front there was like 3 people in front of me maybe. SO I went back and made my buddy come up, it took some talking and calling him a pussy and pulling him but he was happy when we got up there, we weren't getting shoved that much the pit was kinda close but not too close. The singer ended up throwing me a hand towel that I caught, then I ended up getting a pick finally but I gave it to my buddy for inviting me and coming up front with me. It was a good time. Unfortunately they wouldn't let cameras in. Oh yeah we did get to see some titties waiting for the encore, some chicks got up and was flashing. That kinda made the night just that much better...lol. Good times!

Your Vegas, Fiction Plane, and The Bravery

Sorry its taken so long but I have been busy as hell and I'll probably come back later to bitch more about that.

So Friday I went up to Toledo to take my EMT test, it sucked and I was very unsure about all of it, but I found out yesterday that I did pass!! It took me less than an hour and I had to kill 7 hours before the show. SO I drove around it was beautiful out, I found a shopping center and walked around it, I got to chill in a bookstore, it wasn't a borders or barnes and noble though so it wasn't as cool. I didn't find any books that grabbed my attention. I drove around trying to find others but couldn't find any, only bad neighborhoods so I went to the venue which had a bar attached that recently opened so I of course had some drinks while waiting. It was a good atmosphere, I played the video quiz thing for a while, trying not to drink too much.

First up was Your Vegas who was really good, the crowd dug them, I just hate how most people at shows don't really get into the opening acts since they don't really know them. I was jamming as usual. I also made some friends with some girls, so I was slightly distracted. And some underage chicks kept trying to get me to buy them drinks like I was a retard or something, dumbasses.

Next was Fiction Plane, By this time I made my was to center stage with my new friends. We were dancing and having a good time. Again people weren't getting into it, I never heard of anyone but the bravery but that doesn't mean that you can't show the band you dig them. The band definatly noticed my tall ass up front having a good time. The singer came over and gave me five and the drummer threw me a drum stick. I wanted to get it signed but they didn't come over to the merch table...

The bravery of course kicked ass yet again! I was pissed at myself I didn't charge my camera before I left and my battery kept dying when I was trying to take pics, I did get a few but most were blurry apparently it didn't want to use its antishake. Of course everyone was jumping, dancing and having a great time for the bravery. They mostly played songs from their new album but did play a couple from their self titled. They didn't turn the lights up so we stuck around waiting for an encore but then they started tearing down. I was kinda mad, but oh well. It was still a great show as I expected. Well back to homework, I will prob be back later with a bitchy post...

I'm a loser....

SO I didn't win gambling. I lost 200, my parents ended up breaking out even. They lost a shitload yesterday but dad won big today, he ended up winning about 1000, after spending some more he said he was even. I lost 100 quick yesterday so then I went to the pool and hot tub and soaked for a while, then I got bored and went back out and won some of it back but then I lost it all today.

In other news, my substance abuse teacher thinks I should be a writer, we had papers due last weeks about an article she handed out. The article was about keeping drugs illegal but the writer was a dumbass and all I did was explain how stupid he was and how sick it made me to think that someone like him got paid to write shit like that. I explained that I write blogs and stuff and don't get paid shit for it and my writing is way better than his. She said that I should write, I asked her if she was gonna pay me for it but she said no...

So tomorrow I go to take my test!! And see the Bravery again. I am seriously thinking about getting a motorcycle, I wish I could get a harley but I'll probably get a little POS hopefully a little better than a moped. Gas is up almost to 350 now, I am tired of it!! It is rediculous. If I spend 1 or 2 grand it should pay for itself in miles per gallon by the end of summer, I just need to get a motor liscense and crap. I'll prob go shop around next week since I work this weekend. But thats all for now, I'll prob post some pics and stuff from the concert sometime this weekend.

Ups and downs

Like usual I have been in a slump, just feeling BLAH!!!! yes with exclamation. My online class is going horribly, I am gonna fail and my teacher hates me, she told me to drop it before I failed but I didn't get the message til after it was too late, she pretty much nicely called me a piece of shit and pissed me the hell off but I have to try to at least get a D- and pass! I passes my EMT final today!!!! Now I just have to take the National registry, I'm gonna try to do it Friday cuz its up in toledo and I'm going up friday anyway to see the Bravery again! I am excited for that but again I am goin alone and that kinda sucks! I need my concert buddies! In DC for the screaming bands I had Chris, and the others I could usually talk Uncle Tom or Canowine to go with me, then when they left I could usually drag HB to most of them, here my few friends work 2nd and can't go unless its a sat night and I either have to work or have my son on weekends. But whatever, I am a loner and will survive, who knows maybe I'll talk to someone...HA yeah right, the problem here is most are little teenie boppers. but whatever. Tomorrow is my parents anniversary, I am taking them to the casino to gamble, since that is all they really like to do is get away. So hopefully we will all win money! I need to start working on my resume again and find a better job as an EMT!! I Am now gonna have tuesdays to myself, but I am getting nervous with school ending, my other classes end in May and that means no more GI bill money, thats what has been paying my bills!! So I definately need a better job and might have to keep the one I have now and work nights or something, I can't beat getting paid to sleep. It shouldn't be too bad since I won't need to write papers or do homework anymore.... But those are the few things stresin me at the moment, hopefully all will continue to fall into place. Or better yet I win a shitload of money tomorrow and find another hot chick who also won a shitload and we live happil ever after!!! Well I would like to complain about more but I need to write a paper and sign up for my national test!

Aggrevating day!!

Well it started bad because I had to get up at 7, I hate getting up before 9. Got up, got ready adn stuff for school. My dad brought me a package from Uncle Tom that came yesterday with shot glasses and some sweets. That was the best part... Went to school, there are a couple annoying people in my class and they were extra annoying all day long. I was starting to get pissed. I passes our skills and only have one more class left for that. SO it was pretty nice out so I decided to go to our state park to run outside, well my headphones kept falling out of my ears and making me slow down, almost fell once and well just pissed me off! SO I come home and have papers to write. I wrote one and decided to check on my online class because I slack on it and find out I am on the line of failing and had a paper due the other day so I bullshitted my way and turned it in late. My computer has been acting up lately, it will say its loading web pages forever and never actually load them. I have been scanning and doing all kinds of crap to fix it somehow. I went to check my phone and for some strange reason I don't have service in my house, I hope its just a temporary thing with a tower or something. I am also looking for the best headphones to run with, I think I need some old school ones with the headband. But I tell you what I could go for a Beam and coke about now. Well I gotta get back to scanning some more to fix this piece of shit!!

Ludo

Yesterday I saw a video on Fuse for a band called Ludo, The video is "Love Me Dead" Check it out....



I just finished watching them online, performing in San Antonio for a final four thing. They finished with a cover of Faith No More- Epic, that was funny and cool! I got their CD yesterday and listened to it quite a bit today, it is GREAT!! Pick up "You're Awful, I Love You"!! It is good rock, funny lyrics, great sound. I have a couple songs on my player on the side, you just have to scroll down to the bottom.

Rememberance

SO tomorrow marks a year since my uncle died and the begining of the worst month of my life. I thought about looking back and reading but to be honest I am afraid to. I went to his grave today for a while. I miss him, he could have had such a better life if he wouldn't have kept doing fucking drugs. And What did I do to mourn his death, I solate myself and drink more, when I was already drinking quite a bit. Only to be hit again by my great grandpa dying. I remember the funerals, I remember the long drives back and forth from MAryland to Ohio. I remember leaving directly from my uncles funeral and having to drive to be back and at work the next day and having the guy chasing me and being a dick, I remember the rage inside of me and planning the way I would beat the person to death, visualizing his blood on my hands. I remember the tears streaming down my face. I remember them playing taps at my grandpas funeral. I remember the sloppy way of the old men folding the flag. I wanted to knock them out of the way and fold it right, but remembering they were old and couldn't move as sharp as they once could. I remember being upset that they handed it to my uncle. I wonder if this April is going to be as bad.

Of course nothing is really new for me. I got my hair cut today. I don't look like a bum as much. I've been playing with my loop pedal and my guitar, I tried to put some on the snapvine on the side but it doesn't sound too good from the amp to the phone, it sounded good though. I liked it. I keep trying but I am not talented enough to sing and play. I have been writing quite a few songs lately but I can't sing em, I can't make up a melody for some reason. I guess I just don't have the talent. Not that its gonna stop me though. Who knows maybe I'll find people to help me put it all together. I could be like Nikki Sixx and write and play and have someone else sing, I can scream back up or something. I can at least dream. Speaking or dreams, I have ben having crazy ones about my exwifes family trying to get me and shit. I haven't seen or talked to them. And there was one where I was leaving a military base and was attacked by a panther that was trying to eat me. He was knawing on my legs.

Boredom

I am bored. What else is new? It seems I always am. Last night was kinda fun, I picked my son up and then went to study with my EMT class. My son had fun playing with the other peoples kids, they are all around the same age, and we studied for a while then just kinda goofed around taking pics and stuff. It was fun. Today though we have just been running around seeing the grandparents since I worked last weekend for easter and didn't get to see everyone. It boring, we go there make small talk and watch tv. I'd rather do it at home, then my son gets bored and starts whinning and moping around, gives me a good reason to leave though I guess. Now he's watching Rattatouilli or whatever, gives me a littloe break, I hate watching those movies, but I'll suffer for a while just so we can lay and watch it together and I try to take a nap but he usually won't let me. Tonight I am going to a friends house for a party, hopfully it'll be fun. It sucks never having weekends to myself, but I usually don't go until my sons in bed. It would be a whole lot easier if my parents would just come upstairs and watch tv while he sleeps but no, they want him to stay downstairs. Then I feel bad cuz he knows I am going somewhere even though its after his bedtime. He told me last weekend that he wanted to come with me every weekend, I hope I get a good EMT job after I get my certification so I don't have to work weekends, then he can come every weekend and then when I want to go out or something it will be easier, he could stay wome a weekend or something. But its not like I do much, I don't really care to go out. I don't wanna really drink, I have a couple now and then but I don't wanna sink to where I was before again. I need to find a way to meet some chicks or something!! No one has any cute single friends!It sucks ass! My whole EMT class, we always end up talking bout sexual shit, its funny, the stories we tell, plus we educate each other on different tips and stuff...lol. One lady is in her 40s and I told her bout when her husband was going down on her for him to push on her femoral artery, she said that it felkt good...lol, teaching older ladies new tricks... But yeah, I guess I should get back to the rat movie. Someone needs to call the thing on my sidebar and leave me a message, I don't feel loved. I think it has a thing for different countries!! LAters...

New addition

To the left there you may notice a new element. My cuz found this site and added it to his myspace, I decided to add it to my myspace and here. Feel free to leave me a message, love to hear from everyone, you can remain annonomous!

I'm back and still alive

SO I just got back from my trip a couple hours ago. It was pretty boring but was good. So I left Monday night after I got off at 11pm. I drove 4 hours and just made it to Kentucky by 3 or so and pulled to a rest area and slept in my car for 4 hours. It was pouring rain that didn't let me sleep too well. Then finished my drive, it was nice that it kept getting warmer as I was driving, when I left Ohio it was 33 degrees and there was a little bit of snow on the ground. It stopped raining after driving about an hour. North Carolina sucked, it was curvy as hell, I was pretty sure that I was gonna come around a curve and hit a pile of stopped cars cuz you could only see 100 yards ahead of you. In South Carolina I saw a Yuengling Truck!! I had to take a pic from the car. It was so beautiful, I could taste it!! I stopped for gas and saw it!! I couldn't wait to get to Tybee Island Georgia and get one! SO I got there about 5pm or so. I went to the beach, it was windy as hell!! but it was 73 degrees and felt pretty good! The whole island u have to pay for parking year round though from 8am-8pm. I walked round the beach for a while and then drove round the island finding where the bars were and try to find things to do. There wasn't a whole lot to do there. I started at one bar, it had a cute bartender I kept trying to talk to but she kept bailing on me to hang out and talk with the locals who were all old. But I ordered a Yuengling, they didn't have any!! They said I had to go to South Carolina or Florida!! I was pissed!! So I jumped around to the other bars who also only had old locals there and older ugly bartenders, so I went back to the first bar and kept trying and failed miserably. So I went back to the beach, I set up on a swing and played my guitar for a while as the sky kept getting darker. A fucking couple was walking on the beach adn stopped and was dancing in front of me, I was bout to throw something at them. Fucking people, I am sitting there alone but managing to meditate playing my guitar and staring at the beautiful ocean, the moon dancing in and out of the clouds and it all gets ruined by a happy fucking couple enjoying my misery!! I went up onto the pier and felt alone in the world, thought some more and then returned to my guitar for my sleep. My sleep was disturbed a few times by drunks coming to the beach and yelling in the parking lot where I was parked. Plus my tall ass doesn't fit well and it doesn't help that I toss and turn when I sleep. But I awoke Wednesday nice and early to get some pics and enjoy the sun rise. It was cold and windy, I had to wear my jacket for a while. It warmed up pretty quickly though. I spent most the morning just walking up and down the beach, eventually I stripped down to my swim shorts and lied down to get some sun, apparently I already got enough from walking. I got burnt a little and have bra lines from my wife-beater and a line from wearing my hat and sun glasses. And while I was walking I got a parking ticket for not paying to park because I never saw anyone checking, it was only 20 though. At the bar the tv kept talking about a huge storm heading for the area so I caved in and got a motel room. It felt great to lie down and stretch and get off my feet!! I lounged and watched tv and ordered pizza. When I went to sleep at 10, it was only sprinkling outside, I don't know if a big storm hit or not, I was out cold!! But in my room the weather channel was talking about the winter storm that is supposed to hit here tonight, so I decided to leave thursday to start coming home. I went back and hung around the beach for a while in the morning, it was cold as hell adn windy than the first day so I left around 11 am. I stopped in South Carolina and bought a shitload of Yuengling!!! North Carolina made me offically hate it! I didn't like all the curves the first time and on the way back through it was a parking lot on a mountain!! It took an hour and a half to go the last 10 miles cuz it had one lane closed for repair. Luckily I didn't get mad since I had plenty of time, instead I sang my voice alomost out and thought about things like do dead people still caryy AIDS or Hepatitis after they've been embolmed and since Jews can't be buried in Jewish cemetaries if they have tattoos, what about the ones who Nazis tatted? I have my buddy working to figure out the latter and I will ask about the former in school Tuesday. So I made it to Knocksville, Tennessee by 5 or 6 pm and found a bar, which had Yuengling on tap!!!! They have it there but not in Ohio or Georgia!! I am gonna look at their website in a bit to find out why! But found a sports bar and again no hotties!! I was disappointed but not as bad since they had my beer! SO I had a couple then was off to find a rest area to sleep at, I ended up driving all the way to Kentucky, I think it was 50 miles or so before I could sleep. It sucks sleeping cramped in a car with a sunburn by the way. Then left about 8 and got breakfast and was off. I got home around 3pm. And that was my trip. No excitment but then again I wouldn't have had any sitting here either, at least I gotta sit on the beach for a while. And I learned that if you go somewhere off season, go somewhere with more people that way you can still find people your age. I should have settled for Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, but live and learn. It was relaxing.

Post break up Myspace

So as we all know random thoughts go through my head all the time... Here's what was just running through my head while shaving my balls(why did I put this...who knows). But when was the last time I spoke of CF here? Did I finish the story? SO we split and "stay friends" until she got with her new boyfriend. So whatever shes got a boyfriend. Well she drops me from her friends list on myspace, when I notice and go to add her again, thinking it was an accident, I notice her default pic is from my bday party! A pic of her and her new boyfriend from MY bday party. How fucked up is that. Well she can't be my friend on myspace or in real life because he is jealous, because he knows she still wants me or whatever. But wait it still gets better, he got a new job in Arizona and she is going to move with him, I think her kids are staying here with their dad, but not too sure... but he moved there early, after he left she is texting me asking me to hang out and come to her going away party thing. WHatever, I am not dealing with anyone with a jealous boyfriend, look back about 3 years to New years girl, I haven't seen or heard from her since her boyfriend refused to let her speak to me... And we had been friends since we were like 13 or whatever. So I told her to run away from her problems and forget about me... But then had me think about when HB and I broke up and she deleted me from her friends list, I asked her to change her screen name, HB Hot Brownie, was a name that Uncle Tom and I came up with, it was like my pet name for her or whatever, and it bothered me thinking that some other guys were calling her a name I gave her or whatever... looking back on it maybe I was overacting or something but it did really bother me... I don't know why. But I think the pic from my bday party trumps it. Lets see whos next and what she can do to trump it? I think it'll be a pic with her, me and the new boyfriend... Only time will tell.

But I am stoked about my vacation coming!!!!! I am starting to feel a little better, I have been sick the past couple days. Did I mention Thursday my grandpa had a lobe (1/3) of his right lung removed, cuz he had cancer. I think I did cuz I remember saying he didn't smoke.... I get confused, someday I'll have to actually look back and read what I've posted instead of always being confused on what I've put on here and on myspace... It's a crazy double life I lead... Damn addictions!!

Dead bodies and affairs...

I hate homework!! On the up side, I got to play with a dead body today. We had a cadaver lab for my EMT class, we got to play with some of the organs and stuff, it was a little freaky at first cuz the head was chopped off and sawed in half. But after poking it a bit and talking about it we all got pretty comfortable passing the heart around and digging into to play with the lungs and stuff. It was interesting, I haven't been around dead people since USU, where they were all across the hall from my office. But I am again procrastonating doing homework. I wrote one paper and should be starting on the 2 others I have to do that are do after spring break, which is next week. I guess I am weird(well duh) people are freaked out when I tell them I am going to Georgia alone for spring break. They ask why there? I said cuz its a warm beach, do you know anyone there? nope. Who's going with you? no one. Do you have reservations? Nope going to sleep on the beach or in my car. They just kinda look at me. My luck it is going to suck and be lonely and boring, but you know what, those are the exact feelings I will be feeling here, I might as well go on an adventure and hope maybe something will happen.
I think the EMT chick is having an emotional affair with me... We text all the time, everyday like hundreds of them. Yesterday she was asking why I am single, I am sexy and cool, and this and that. I said because women are blind!! Ans I am just shy and don't go out and meet anyone. I asked when she was gonna hook me up with someone as hot and cool as her. She starts telling me if her boyfriend doesn't start treating her better she's gonna leave him. And all this shit about him. Here's the thing, in general... people shouldn't be in relationships they are not happy in. Yes they have ups and downs but if in general you are not happy, end it, don't prolong the suffering. This is a mistake I made with the exwife, I was miserable liek the entire time pretty much. But I mean she shouldn't be putting herself or me in this situation. I've thought about it quite a bit because of our discussions. Her and I reguardless will never have a future because I think emotional cheating is just as bad as cheating. Hb and I got into an argument about it before, she called an old friend or someone sexy and this and/or that on a myspace comment and I happened to see it cuz he commented back and I clicked his profile to see who he was. Now granted it could have simply been a compliment, I have been called sexy a couple times just as, but that could just as easily be lusting for someone else(who is not a movie star you will probably never meet or see) and turn into an affair of some type. To me to lust about someone within ur reach is pretty much as bad as acting on it. WHile I was with her, I thought chicks were hot but I never thought "I'd like to fuck her" or make out with her or whatever. I don't know cheating is a big thing that I dispise with a passion!! To me there is a thing as emotional cheating and more than likely it will lead to physical cheating. I am not tooting my own horn here, because I in most cases will lack confidence, but I am fairly confident that if I could get her to come over here and hang out or just me and her went out somewhere I could get her to make out with me. But I am not that kind of person, because I like her as a person and don't want to fuck her over like that, even though her boyfriend has cheated on her and all that shit. Retaliation doesn't help you feel better. I almost want to call it drama, but since our scedules clash, we have just kept it to flirting via text. I think that completes my bitching for now. I need to do another paper!

Sick Puppies!!

So last night I went up to a concert in Toledo. It was an awesome show! My cousin was supposed to go with me but he took a nap and wouldn't wake up, he works first shift. SO I went on by myself. First band was a local one called Beyond this Point. They were pretty decent, nothing too great but not bad. They had some technical difficulties, with mics fading in and out. They did some screaming and stuff and had some mosh pits going. Next up was Saving Abel, I am not putting up links cuz I am tired and going to bed soon! But look them up, they were a great band from the south, they had an awesome song called "Addicted" that was the best, its about fucking! Next up was Dropping Daylight, I have heard of them before but don't recall ever hearing any of their music. They were also really good. They said that every night on the tour they play a different new song live, we got to experience one that I unfortunately don't remember the name of. They have a new CD coming out Tomorrow that I will probably pick up and I suggest you do the same. Also they did a cover of Journey's "Don't stop believin" that kicked fucking ass!! I called my cousin because he loves Journey! Oh yeah a guy behind me asked me to mosh, I said no and he ended up raming into me anyway, I almost lost it, I grabbed him and threw him to the ground but then I caught myself and helped him up. On the plus side he got me closer to the stage and more centered. Last but positivly not least was Sick Puppies!! The sounded great live! Was full of energy, except Emma, she is hot as hell but she seemed bleak and it kinda bothered me. She didn't look up much, I didn't see her smile at all. But Shimon was defiantely in a good mood and constantly was talking to the crowd and made eye contact and gave me five a couple times, I had my hat off, maybe it was cuz I am startin to look kinda like him, my hair is pretty land and looks like his now. But they also did a cover.... I bet you wouldn't be able to guess what in a million years.... give up.... "SAy my name" destiny's child. I'm not sure you can call it a cover, more a rock remix, but it was funny and sounded better than the original to me, but I love ROCK! I was getting a little irritated cuz there was a guy on the wall in frint of me who kept getting pissed about people pushing up on him... We all hate it but deal with it!! He was shoving this chick behind him into a pit and snapped her head back, I was about to punch him in the face but then just turned my attention back to the stage trying to keep out of trouble and just enjoy the great rock show! I only had 2 beers towards the beginning. I was proud of myself for that and for not starting any trouble... here's some pics...


Saving Abel

Dropping Daylight

Emma from Sick Puppies

Shimon from SIck Puppies

The epitomy of hottness

New Tat!

I have been wanting something of a heart with a sword and dagger but I thought it would look kinda gay but then I stumbled onto this drawing by Derek Hess called the Valentine...


SO part of the story is since my sleeve is about my emotions and stuff and I didn't get my heart on over there, I needed my heart on my sleeve. ANd obviously I am damaged... The sword and dagger kinda come from Silversteins lyrics "your sword vs my dagger" and they represent the 2 major traumas that my heart experienced thus far. The sword was the ex wife who as we all know took everything, my whole life... everything I worked hard as hell to get all my furniture and most importantly my son. Even though we didn't get along all that well for most of the relationship she still did me dirty as hell the way it ended and cleaning out my bank account on top of it! And of course the dagger is HB, which I am not going to rehash everything but as I keep saying, it'll be hard to find someone to replace her. My tat guy didn't really like the idea because the drawing was so sketchy he didn't think he could do a good job, he kept sketching it and didn't like the way it looked and tried to get me to change my mind but of course I usually don't when I get my head on something. I picked one of his sketches and said that was perfect, he said he didn't know. He was just afraid of it looking like shit, hes kinda a perfectionist but when he put the stensil on my arm he said he thinks it will work. He ended up likin it and I love it. So here's a pic and Silverstein Lyrics below it.



Silverstein "Your Sword vs My Dagger"
I'm cutting through
You’re bleeding out
And I would tell the truth
But I can’t help myself

red rushes out, dissect this nerve
And I will stop myself
Before I reach my cell

I wasn’t asking for the world
And I know that I’m not one to follow through

All these city streets
The people look the same
And I can see your face
And I can hear your name
I wasn’t asking for the world

Your stabbing in
permanent scars
And you’ll justify
it all inside yourself
You’ve finishED me
my pulse is gone
And you're satisfied to put this all to hell
I wasn’t asking for the world
And I know that I’m not one to follow through

All these city streets
The people look the same
And I can see your face
And I can hear your name
I wasn’t asking for the world

Drink the poison when you think it’s over
Stabbing yourself when you think it’s too late
Tragic endings are your thing
You love them
You love letting go
The endings the same
Drink the poison when you think it’s over
inevitable, Verona lives inside of you

I wasn’t asking for the world
And I know that I’m not one to follow through
All these city streets
The people look the same
And I can see your face
And I can hear your name
I wasn’t asking for the world