Christmas card...kinda

Recently a friend said that I should use a pic of my son adn I on our christmas cards, but I don't send any, but then I started thinking about the little letters that sometimes go with them. There are many people who I haven't really talked to since I have been back in Ohio, so I thought I'd write one up and probably send it to them on myspace since that is the only place that I really keep in touch. SO here is my year in review christmas card...

My life this year has been prett boring, like usual. I still work taking care of mentally handicap people. I'm still working with the older gentleman that I have since I started. He has a roomamate now, a 24 year old guy who gets pretty cranky at times. I also take out a 23 year old autistic guy once a week. He is non-verbal, so I get to spill my guts to him and not worry about him telling anyone. Its hard at times but very rewarding, knowing how much I am helping even just being there with them. I am still in school, I spent a year to become a state certified EMT, but no one is hiring, one was except my DUI was within the last 5 years and that company couldn't hire me. So now I am going for LPN. Got to keep going to school, because my GI Bill is paying the bills, my job doesn't pay too well.

Highlights of the year.. Just spending time with my son, we are really close again. FOr Spring break I drove down to Georgia and slept in my car on the beach for a couple days, just me and my guitar, it was a nice getaway. Spent the whole summer with my son and my cousin, trying to keep him out of trouble. I've got a couple more tats, should be working on another in the next couple weeks! Didn't get to as many concerts as I would hope due to finances, scedule, and location but I did get to see Cruefest(Motley crue, buckcherry, Sixx:AM), AC/DC, Sick Puppies, Saving Abel, The Bravery, Saliva, Sevendust, The Kills, The Black Keys, Mr.Gnome and some smaller bands. But thats about it.

my scedule, an excuse for not blogging

So yeah, I know I always say I am gonna blog more, but apparently I never do. Seriously I don't understand how I can be so bored almost all the time, when in actuality I am almost always on the go. I guess its cuz my days. Monday is school from 7am-230, then work from 3-11, so I am not home. Tuesday is school from 7-11, then I get to come home and work on homework, til I work from 4-8. Then come and watch some TV. Wednesday is the same as Monday, I am not home, then Thursday is my day to do nothing, which means I usually have to do homework, clean up the house, and try to catch up on my DVR shows. Then every other weekend I get my son, so if I have him I get him Friday and spend the weekend with him. If I don't have him I work, usually I don't have to work until 4pm-10pm on Saturday which means I have Friday to do something but most my friends work 2nd shift, so I have no one to hang with until 11 when they get off and then they are usually tired. Saturday I usually can't do anything since I have to get up and work from 10am-10pm on Sunday, then do it all over!!! And between all this I am trying to get out enough in hopes of meeting someone that can deal with this shitty schedule I have and be able to talk to and get to know. Which if you have read or know anything about me is difficult because I hardly approach anyone. And in rare occasions(like once every 3 years) like 4 or 5 posts below, I get swamped with chicks for a week and I of course choose the wrong one, though in that case I think I chose the best one to have fun with while I could. The others were too far away and still would have went to shit. But anyways...

So things have been the same lately, busy but boring. Trying to get shit for christmas, been planning on my next tattoo that I need money for. But yeah thats about the just of my life lately...sucks... Trying to keep positive which is very very hard... But thats about all for now, I am tired and going to bed early... Sweet Dreams!

man-period over...and AC/DC

So thankfully I got over mytle man-period thing pretty quickly. Shit just kinda esculated and I of course had to make a bit of an ass of myself. But thats what I do. But I am all better now, its not like smilie was a great or really even a good person, she was just cool. Keep on looking. NEXT! lol. Yeah if only it wsa that easy, I Need to set up interviews. So school is still going, last week was just kind of a pain in the ass, I felt overwhelmed with everything even though I missed 2 days to go see ACD/DC in concert, I don't think I even mentioned it cuz all the other shit.. They kicked ass of course! We had decent seats on the lower level, though we were kinda straight back, at least we weren't up in the nose bleeds! It was a good time, and I got to do it with my parents, so that was fun. Last time I saw a concert with them was Lynyrd Skynyrd and ZZ top. But now I'm back to normal, no more day dreaming about stupid shit and texting a million times a day. I am pretty sure she found someone to treat her more like shit, so thats good for her. I just don't understand why women do it, but hey its their perogative. Just keep hopin someday someone will actually appreciate that I am not a dick. But time is going fast and I need to get back to class.... Have fun!

Drama...

SO Smilie and me of course didn't last long. and unfortuantely we didn't even get to hold our conversation in person. She was being wuite hostile to me the last couple nights over IM and I had been drinking tonight because as I have said I have been upset and that is how I deal with it even if it is the wrong way. SO I sent her a message explaining certain things and she said maybe we should just be friends and ok, I am pretty cool with that. I really like her as a person, I thought that maybe because we are kinda similar that we could work dating, I know she is on the rebound or whatever. But she tried to insinuate that she has hooking for money and tried to judge me for drinking while me son was here even though he is asleep. I think bad enough of myself for it, but I have been stressed and I spend all day sober with him and have fun and don't leave to go party like I have tried and done in the past. It is not like I make him go fetch mu drinks like I used to do for my dad. I don't put him through shit like that, even though I didn't know it at that time, now that I do. I shouldnt have been doing that shit! Anyways so that just feuls the fire in me.... I should have know that shit can never go good for me, even for a little while, things alwasy for to shit! Its funny recently I got Slipknots self titled album and been thinking about the past... let me leave you with a quote from surfacing.... "Fuck it all, fuck this world, fuck everything that you stand for, Don't belong, don't exist, don't give a shit, don't ever judge me"

It always comes back around

When I start to see a glimpse of light somewhere up ahead it seems that a dark cloud comes in quickly. SO where to begin... Things with Smilie were going really good, we were having fun and enjoying each others company, but something happened and we haven't been able to get together and talk about it yet. She just said that we needed to slow down, a little more, last weekend she stayed at my place, like wed, thurs, and friday. Things were really good, not sure which way that scared her. But thats one thing. Then school has been getting to me. I am just tired of it! It keeps creeping in my mind that all this work is for nothing, last year I worked hard to become an EMT and look where that got me, jack fucking shit! Then I am in comp 2 because I took comp one online in like 2004, I sent for my transcripts and they said I owe them 450, that my credit card was declined, way back then and for some reason they just never told me. So what now is my work for comp 2 gonna count, am I gonna have to take comp 1 again? The familiar feelings of failure and desire to drink into oblivion are closing in on me. I have been doing so well on just letting things go and just being somewhat happy. Things with SMilie was open, I didn't really care or think about if she was hanging out with other guys or whatever, but with the darkness comes all of this insecurity. We're not even together officially but thoughts still flood my head when they shouldn't, just to add to the turmoil. I don't fucking know. I have my son and will be watchin my 14 yr old cousin this weekend, so hopefully they will distract me.

Girls Girls Girls...

Ok time to update... lots have kinda happened. So since last time I posted, I have been talking to a couple girls, I went and met one in a town not to far away and was kinda awkward because while I was on my way there her mom and sister showed up there. So we just kinda sat and watched tv and had small talk. Then theres a chick in my nutrition class that keeps flirting with me, she is a pretty big girl but cool. She kept asking about what kinda girl I liked and what size and if she was too big and stuff and I told her yeah since I am really skinny and stuff. She said no prob that she would find someone for me cuz she thinks I am nice and cool and stuff. Then there is girl number 3, who I am probably gonna have to think up a name for because I kinda hope she's around for a while. Shes younger, shes 20. I just kinda found her on myspace and I got a message from a band Mr.Gnome that canowine told me about, that they were playing in Toledo last Friday. I didn't have anyone to go with so I sent her a message thinking the worst she could say was no, but she said yes. We went, we talked, we enjoyed some awesome music. So all was good, we chatted a couple more times, we ended up hanging out for a lil while on friday we just kinda went to the mall and walked and talked. She was supposed to hang out with this other guy on saturday but hadn't talked to him in a week or something so didn't know if it was still on. I told her if he didn't come I was going to take her to my friends halloween party. He didn't show up, she came with. We partied, had a good time. She came back to my place and we hung out and talked almost all night, til like 5am, I had to get my son from my moms at 9, so I let her keep sleeping and got him. But after his mom picked him up we just kinda laid in my chair all day and watched football and cuddled and took a nap. It was really great. Suprisingly we haven't gotten tired of talking to each other yet. She loves tattoos, she hangs from hooks on occassion for a body mod show thing. Shes in college for criminal justice, she likes football and UFC, I mean shes pretty great. We kinda talked yesterday about trying to slow down because she just got over her ex and wasn't planning on getting into another relationship for quite a while. I told her thats cool, I don't wanna fall so quickly either, the last time that happened hurt too damn bad. So with school and work, that only leaves certain days we can hang out and stuff, so hopefully it will work out good. I think I'll call her Smilie, cuz shes always got a smile...lol. Oh yeah and she gets my cheesiness and sense of humor! Thats a hard one to find...lol alright need to get back to class soon...later!

Wierded out weekend

So here it si again, been a while since I posted. Cuz again my life isn't really going anywhere. School and work, thats it! Had my son this weekend, well was supposed to he talked to his mom on the phone and she told him his step-brother(if you wanna call hime that, or his cousin) was spending the night and he hardly stayed the night there, so that made him wanna go home to see him. He asked and I said no because I don't get to see him or talk to him a whole lot. Well he did his sad pouty face and my dumbass made a stupid comment, I am not too sure what it was exactly but something along the lines of him loving them more than me. And I felt bad for trying to make him feel bad, its not his fault he would rather play with a kid closer to his age than me. So I let him go and asked his mom not to call and tell him things like that when it is my chance to spend time with him, that could wait til sunday when he came home. SO since I turned down a couple invitations to hang out thinking I was gonna be spending time with him, I went out and watched a friend of a friends band. It was a good time, they mostly did covers, but their original stuff was good too. There was some crazy guy that was messed up on some shit that kept dancing around all wierd, he was pretty old. He came up and shook our hands when we came in. It was me and my friend and his brother, they look really alike. So this guy kept staring at my friend and made him uncomfy so we went and sat closer to the stage. Well crazy came up and was dancing and kept doing this hand wave to everyone and then he looked at me and flipped me off. I was like OK. Well this goes on for a while, then he walked over to my friend and stroked his beard on his chin. He kinda flinched and the guy walked away. So we bust his balls about it. Well crazy starts dancing again and then flips me off some more and then walks over across the table from me and picks up a chair and acts like hes gonna hit me with it. I just sit and stare him down and wait. He puts the chair down and then tries to shake my hand I told him to fuck off, he grabs my wrists and says he was just playin, then turns to my friends brother and starts punching his shoulder and then went to either give him a hug or a choke hold and as his bro grabbed his arm, crazy grabbed his man-boobs. We told him to go home, he was fucked up. He went to the back and sat down. SO I eventually came to the conclusion that he wanted them and since I came in with them, he was jealous of me! It was hilarious though, stupid fucks. But then Sunday we went and played some football. Lots of people ended up getting hurt. I felt of, I just had blisters on the bottom of my feet from wearing kleats that I hadn't worn in forever. But yesterday I was sore, my joints all ached, my arms fell like I was lifting a car! I only got 2 catches cuz we had so many people, but I did well on defense and had some good tackles suprisingly. But that ended up being my wierded out weekend.

CD collage

SO I made this CD collage thing but its coming up as a slidshow thing, I wanted it as a pic so I could set as my background. I am still messing with it...

Happy Bday, recap

So yesterday was my birthday, I am now an old ag of 26, I have one more year. All the greats have died at 27, and I am pretty fucking great! SO yesterday was the worst bday I have had in like 5 years. Lets recap shall we, since I just finished a test and have some time to kill.
18- I got wasted on scotch an English bloke brought from scotland and my son was conceived... Both good and bad, I love my son to death but it also caused me to marry and bitch and have her later take him and all my stuff!
19, 20- I don't remember I am pretty sure nothing extravagant happened since I was married 19 was right after September 11 and then I signed up for the Navy.
21- Sucked ass! Was still married. I remember getting a bottle of Jim Beam at like 7am, and going to that big ass mall in VA with the mideval times. Its like a couple miles long and walking around to buy stuff for my wife and kid, I think I got a DVD for myself and I kept going out to the van to take swigs of my bottle.
22- In San Antonio, last day, free day after our excericse, which meant party time! At the Wild Zebra strip club! Got a bunch of free drinks and got pulled on stage and a lap dance from 3 girls. Bad part was they stripped me down to my boxers in front of a bunch of people I worked with who didn't need to witness it. And then they spanked me with my belt which I kinda liked until she caught my balls!
23- I don't know if you call it fun exactly but it was interesting. Got off work, went home and pounded some Jim Beam(starting to see a pattern here) and Chris and Mike came with their women to take me out to eat at TGI Fridays. One the way there I was screaming some Silverstein and waving my middle finger out the window when some douchebags thought I was doing it to them, they started talking shit and threw pennies at me. So my dumbass pulled my knife out and made the motion of slicing my throat to them, they chased us and we had to go on base to lose them.
24- With HB a relaxing getaway to a bed and breakfast equipped with a massage and a hot tub in the room! It was pretty cold since it was in the mountains but still a great trip. We went and saw Jackass 2, I almost pissed my pants.
25- The kegger where I almost got my ass beat and was wasted! I ended up slicing the shit out of my thumb and never quite solving the mysetery of how it happened.
26- This year I was stuck at school from 8-230, I did work out a bit at lunch time instead of eating. Then go to work from 3-10. A couple of my friends were going to hang out at the Bowling Alley so I did go out and get a couple Beam and cokes and played some pool. It wasn't a bad time it just sucked about school and work. And I had to be here at school by 8am for class and a test!
So thats my past bdays, I am pretty sure the last 3 maybe 4 years are on here if you check the archives.... But that is all for now. Still waiting on my money and pissed about that but don't have time to get into it, Have to get back to class...Peace!

TIME TO FUCKIN EXPLODE!

OK I am having a terrible fucking day!! Before I start I was happy to see Uncle Tom Thusday!! Now as I spoke before I bought a scooter, well it died on me today, apparently I blew the engine because I was 150 miles past the oil change, which makes it my fault and voids the warrenty!!! The guy was cool enough to hook me up with the company and got it so I only have to pay shipping cost and part of Labor so instead of paying 600, I have to pay 240. That was nice of him except I have no fucking money!! I have been living off my fucking credit cards because my GI bill isn't going fucking through!! WHy you may ask, its been over a month! Well 2 firdays ago I recieved a letter in the mail from the school saying that I missed a form in my filling of 5 forms saying that I changed majors from EMT to LPN! SO I took that up last monday, over a week ago. Wel I check the website everyday because I NEED that money. SO I just called the school after I found out I had to pay so much for my bike and the lady said that she hadn't recieved the letter. She looks around and found it in the wrong spot, apparently the lady I handed it to is a fucking moron, or she is for not seeing it where ever the hell it was put. Next time I will ask that I physically shove it up her ass instead of handing it to a fucking retarded secretary!! I am so pissed and upset that I don't know what to do!! I wanna cry, I wanna hit my bag(which fucked my knuckles up bad last time I was pissed) Ok lets rewind a couple days! So a new person moved into the house I work at. Anther mentally retarded dude. No prob, seems ok, just testing his boundries trying to get away with stuff. Well apparently he shit himself and on a rug and hid it. The chick from the next shift came in and asked who shit. I told her I thought he did but didn't think of it. Well she found the shit and wrote a letter to the house manager about me not cleaning up. She didn't say one fucking word to me, but I found the letter when I was putting one of my own into his box. Well it turns out that he is writing me up for it, saying I didn't perform the chores on the list. Now let me tell you all about this chore list. It is a list of chores for the people who live there to perform, NOT ME!!! I am not a fucking maid! I am there to help them live on their own, I only cook because it is dangerous for him, it is not dangerous for them to sweep, mop, dust and clean up their shit! They are capable of it. So today I went and filled out an application for Walmart and a videostore. Fuck I'll probably get paid the same, have more fun, less responsiblity and deal with less shit, why the fuck not! Fuck them all! Fuck all the bastards in corprate america charging my ass to death, fuck Time Warner charging me a fucking shitload for my inter net and Cable which isn't gonna carry fox anymore so I wouldn't be abloe to watch the Simnpsons or House. So Now I have to switch to Direct TV, fuck the absence of internet providers in this area that leaves me having to stay with them for Internet unless I want to go to dial up!!! Fuck my bank account that was full of money just 3 months ago! Fuck the last year of my fucking life spending my time and money to become an EMT to only have it shoved up my ass and wasted! Fuck this year of my life that will probably be the same on this LPN shit since there is a fucking waiting list that I will probably never reach. Fuck my whole fucking life and the waste of breath that it has become! What happened to the fun, what happened to me, what happened to the world. WHere is the fucking Karma that is supposed to help someone like me who is truely a good person but has been shit on his whole fucking life. I keep fucking trotting along, somewhat cynical, but still a softy under it all, still willing to help almost anyone. Fuck why the hell do you think I am in medical, just to play with sick people, why do you think I have stayed helping MR/DD people, just to see what the hell they look like up close! Yeah I may talk alot of shit, but the universe should know that I actually fucking care, but I don't know why anymore, it seems it doesn't care about me! Yeah I have a few friends, and alot of family that try their best to help, but I am not a fucking charity case. I am a grown ass man, that will be turning 26 on Monday and will not be celebrating in any shape or form because I am too fucking busy with school, work, and spending time with my son since I haven't gotten to much since school started and I fucking miss him!!!! I may need to explain to him that daddy is getting tired of fighting, Daddy is gonna get a bottle and drown myself, but not to worry I got life insurance, so he won't have to go through the same shit daddy is. (I am not gonna kill myself just so you know)but I may drown myself in a bottle even though I don't want to because I don't have money and it will only make things worse.... FUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little 9/11 and breaking shit!

So I was gonna bitch about stuff but I haven't really came across anything lately! Yesterday was the 7th year anniversary of 9/11 obviously. I toasted those who couldn't be here today. I hate that they show it over and over on TV, I woke up around 9 and MSNBC was playing it, like it wass real time, in time with when it happened. That kinda irritated me. It was tragic enough to witness it the first time. We aren't going to forget. I remember all kinds of things about that day. And then a month later I was signing up for the Navy, then January I was in bootcamp. But I guess if it helps people remember. Though I think its a little excessive to be showing it hit and people jumping out of the windows, it brought a tear to my eye yesterday and I had to turn it. I remember it enough without the constant image of those falling bodies.

But today has been a pretty good day, a friend of my friends bought a house and was remodeling it. I got to help smash shit!! My friend and I had the task of a bathroom. We got to knock out a wall, rip a shower and sink out, and throw it out of a second story window!! How great is that!! We were just kicking shit and hitting it with hammers, ah good times! We didn't want to stop, we wanted to keep going through all the walls. The other day I found a phone in my attic, still in its box, it cost $800 in 2004, its a sony ericcson P900, its pretty cool, I can't get it activated though my current Sprint carrier though but its got chess and some games and a video thing, its my new toy. I was going to sell it but I found the same thing on ebay or egay as my cousin got me saying for like $20, hell I might as well just keep it as a toy if thats all I'd get for it!

My cousin and I have decided to go with my idea of buying an old church and turning it into a bar, but we decided to make it a concert venue too for local bands and stuff. He also has equipment for recording and stuff to be a producer so he can do all that shit too! We are going to do some fund raisers and try to get some cash we just need to find someone to sell us a church! We have just been brainstorming. But we've thought about carwashes with my cousins whore friends and bake sales, we made a cake last week and oh my fucking god it was delicious! We are badass bakers! But thats about all for now, I need to get ready to go pick up my son but if you have any ideas for raising money feel free to suggest. I am also thinking about playing some music on corners, hes a better guitar player than me, so maybe we can work something out.

ANd Uncle Tom I saw your comment! Call ME! If you can get up here I got a couch or bed for ya and They have Chilli Cheese BURRITOS at our Taco Bell!!!! If nothing else I can drive my scooter down to meet you somewhere!!

Ad Sense and Randomness

So I added that Ad sense thing to the side bar again. I tried it before and it wasn't really working out because people weren't visiting me enough. But since I don't have anything really to say I figured I could talk about things that may get me more visitors. Like Sarah Palin being McCains running mate and having a pregnant daughter I think her name is Bristol Palin. Or Hayden Panettiere or Leightin Meester or Hi-5 which I am also a member of. Hurricane center or Hanna, The NFL and the GU 63 patch for Gene Upshaw that I saw last night. Kellie Pickler or how the US open is going. Barack Obama and how he does accuses McCain of smear tactics but does the exact same thing. I think I heard something about a new 90210 or something. I know I got lots of hits about Tila Tequila but now there are naked pictures of her all over the place. Then there is Vitas Gerulatis, Roberta McCain, Pork Barrel spending, Michael Fuccile, Rudy Giuliani and so many other things and stuff that I can talk about so This is where I am gonna go off on whatever I find to talk about. I now have a recorder on my phone so whenever I find something I can record so I know what to talk about whereas before I would think of something but by time I got to a computer I would forget. So hopefully I will have entertaining thoughts soon.

Hello world... SO again still nothing really new. School has been going ok, we are supposed to have a new chem teacher so I wouldn't have to deal with the shitty one, but today they cancelled class but didn't tell us, there was a note on the door after everyone got up early and crap. I was a little pissed but then I found a couch and took a nap for about an hour and a half, but I still have an hour before my next class so here I sit. So now that I have been getting up early for class, my irritable bowel syndrome is back, verifying my original suspicion that it has to do with getting up early. I need to do some research or something. If I didn't have to get up early I wouldn't but sometimes we all have to... right. Work is still the same, not too hard, not many hours. I need to find a new one! I was thinking about just calling nursing homes and telling them that I am a certified EMT and that I am going to school to be an LPN and I have worked with mentally handicap for a year and I know alot of them have been hiring, maybe I can get in. Its not a hospital but it should be pretty easy and pay decent and decent hours. We'll have to see about that. Uhh personal life, thats pretty non-existent. I don't have time for one of those. My birthday is coming up on the 29th, I'm gonna be 26, I feel old as shit. Its gonna suck! I have school from 8-215, then work from 3-1115. So I will officially not really be able to do shit. I was thinking about doing something the Saturday before, but I am not sure. I am flat fucking broke! I cashed in my change, I have $30 in the bank. I am waiting for the damn GI bill shit to go through. I am gonna call when I get out of school today!!! I need it bad! SO I may not have money to do anything. Maybe it'll just end up me drinking a bottle of Jim Beam, haven't done that in a while! Who knows?

Catching up...

SO I know I haven't posted much, thats because (big suprise) nothing has really been up til this week at least. SO I've just been up to the usual, go to work, spend time with my son and thats about it. My savings has dwindled down to nothing trying to survive without my GI Bill and my paycheck doesn't pay for shit! Well I don't think I mentioned a new guy that I work with at work, to be honest I don't really remember if I have ever really mentioned work on here other than people pissing me off. I guess I should read my own blog sometimes since I am forgetful as hell and when I data dump on here I forget what all spewed from my brain. So in case, I work with MR/DD people, mentally retarded/developmentally disabled. The one guy I've worked with the year I been working there is pretty cool, sometimes annoying but all in all a good person and pretty easy to work with. Well I got a new guy to work with once a week for 4 hours I have to pretty much take him out and entertain him. Sounds pretty good. Well he's autistic and doesn't talk and doesn't really communicate, which makes it kinda difficult. He's had problems with staff before but he seems to like me. He's only a couple years younger than me so I think he likes to just hang out with me cuz of that. SO I have to take him around and try to keep him busy, it seems so far he screams when he pays for meals after eating them like at restraunts but he is fine paying before like fast food places... I am still trying to figure him out. I've tryed writing yes and no on a paper because they said he could read but he will always just point to yes, no matter what you ask. This is the first autistic person I've ever actually met. I was starting to think they were myths on TV like bigfoot or something(just kidding)
SO School started on Wednesday, I am back to school for my LPN hopefully, I got classes Mon-Wed. I got my old Psych teacher for one class and my Biology teacher is teaching my CHemistry labs apparently so that will probably suck ass! And my Comp teacher is hot and single so lets try up on that and see where that goes. Yeah I'm sure I'm the only one thinking about that too. TOday I bought a scooter. SO I encured another loan but I figure it will pretty much pay for itself in gas within a year. I'll be saving like $5 a day riding it to school. I only rode it home from the dealership since I have a motorcycle permit and didn't have insurance yet but I got it today so I can ride it around tomorrow and start breaking it in. But thats pretty much what I've been up to. I'll try to keep better informed and perhaps shake things up a bit so I have something to actually blog about!!

The fall...

It started last week. On tuesday I was suppsed to be starting with a new person for once a week at my job. He is a guy close to my age with autism. I work up to my computer crashed. I was downloading new music. I was pissed and tried fixing it in an hour before heading to my cousins for my weekly hanging out and trying to help be a good role model to him and helping him pratice his guitar between his lessons as well as for myself to learn what he has learned. I went and hung out and then went to meet my new guy who ended up having a fit after we picked him up and ate dinner, he threw the lady who was training mes glasses across the room. SO he was picked up by his parents. I took my computer to my friends dads who is a computer guy. He figured out my hard drive was fried and had an extra one. He stayed up late fixing it and putting all the crap back on it. The next day I brought it home and started to put all my stuff back on it. I tried to download anti-virus software and ended up getting viruses! An hour after I brought it home. I was moments away from smashing it. But he spent so much time to help me, he had recently went surgery for brain cancer. I felt like a dick for letting this happen. SO instead I put on my gloves and hit my puching bag for almost an hour, straight hard asss punches. When I took off my gloves, my knuckles were skinned alive! It was bad, they have been bleeding and oozing since, everytime I bend them they crack open. It sucks. Well, I was due to go to Rhode Island, right about now actually, to visit my friend who is on mid break from Iraq, I haven't seen in a lonjg time, if you are an old reader it is CG that I used to hang out with. Well she was talkin mad stuff about me visiting then she wouldn't give me her addy, a number or call me since she's been back. I'm hoping its just her being busy and shit even tho, she read my message and left me a comment about being home and shit on myspace. But who knows, I am just upset about it all!Then shit with school starting soon, lack of money, bills, and the lack of confidence about going to England to visit Ech her this fall. I have just been pissy and on the rocks. That and the fact that I haven't been laid in shit very close to a year!!! That is crazy! I need to get some ass!! But I don't wanna get another skank and all that horeshit. Oh yeah I did cave in last week and smoked some weed, finally, only once but damn it fucked me up and made me paranoid as shit!! It'd been like 6 years or so! I have been just craving an escape from it all, it was nice for a night I have been cravin trip too!! I miss that shit! Who knows if I'll find any or do any, and to be honest who cares? Well fuck it, just trying to survive the best way I know how, and I have stress to relieve that I can't seem to do in other ways!

The Kills and The Black Keys

So I bought these tickets way back when they were first announced, during pre-sale actually. I love the Kills and It made me listen to the Black Keys and they are badass as well. So They were supposed to play Headliners in Toledo, which was now my concert spot. It wasn't as cool as The Black Cat in DC but it was the best for this area. Well a couple weeks ago I saw it was moved to a new venue, the Toledo Civic Theater. SO I kept my hopes up, this was to be the first concert at this place. Well come to find out the fuckin local government had spent a shitload of money repairing this building and somehow shut down Headliners and all the acts that were due to go there are now going to the Civic. Well the Civic is a hanger for a small plane. Picture that, it has food and shit on the sides and beer. I didn't try the food because I am poor, but looked pretty good. In the back were food court tables. Apparently the govenor was there and stuff but whatever. And up front, the stage is up about 3 or 4 feet, with steps the whole length of the stage in front, and then a baracade in front of that, so if your against the rail, you are still like 4 ft from the stage, it isn't close and personal like headliners. Headliners had enough space for security to catch surfers and that was it.

There were no opening bands, frist up was the Kills, VV was looking as hot as ever!! They kicked ass as always! The played a good mix of songs off their new and old albums. I was getting pissed cuz people in the crowd were talking shit and asking if they were done yet, if my knuckles weren't already fucked up I was about to punch one guy. I'll explain the knuckles later. I was pissed they had no merch and didn't come out and mingle..at least that I saw. And because of the crappy shit I explained at the begining, I didn't get any good pics.

Black Keys Had a great light show, definately played for the hippies. But they did rock. I've been listening to 2 of their albums and they played a lot of songs I didn't know so I don't know if they were from earlier one, I think I had their latest. But it was hot as hell so I grabbed a beer and headed back a ways and instead of a mosh pit, there was a hippie dance pit... Uncle Tom would have felt right at home! But the music all night was pretty good, I was just disappointed in the venue and really don't wanna go back, I know there are a couple other smaller venues around, hope that the bands will go there so I can check them out. But thats all for now, hope to update on life soon....

Cruefest!!

Cruefest kicked ass, just as expected! It started out rough, I was drinking the night before with my friends and I was doing good, I only drank 2 beers but then they started getting shots and I had to do them. I didn't do as many as them only when someone bought round of them. Then I had to help my buddy take 2 of them to his place cuz they were wasted and help carry them in the house and all that fun stuff. I didn't get home til about 4 in the morning and we were supposed to leave around 9. Then my cousin and her boyfriend were running late so we ended up not leavin til after 10. I was a little dehydrated and tired as hell but I knew I'd be alright when the music started. So we drove the 3 hours over to Indianapolis. All good, we get there just as they open the parking lot, but the gates weren't open so we had to sit in the hot as sun for about an hour and thats when I started to feel like shit... Still not that bad but bad enough that I was uncomfortable. This was my first stadium show since well I don't know if you count warped tour or HFStival, if not then Lynyrd Skynyrd when I was about 16 or so. But we get in and we had seats that were almost to the lawn. Trapt was pretty good they played some old and new stuff. Sixx:AM was fucking amazing! James Michael is a magnificent singer! And DJ Ashba was blazing on the guitar. We ended up getting a pic with James and my cousins Boyfriend found DJ Ashba and got a pic with him while I was getting something to drink...fucker. Then Papa Roach was pretty good. Buckcherry was too, but my cuz kept saying he thought he was lip singing every other song cuz he'd pull the mic away and the voice was still going for a second. Throughout the whole concert my cuz was texting with a chick we met on myspace and he's been chatting with, she was down in the pit. The plan was to get her and her moms tickets to get me and him down there for Motley Crue. Well she met a guy who printed off extras, since you have to show them and they punch a whole in them and give you a wristband. So we get them and we get in, then fucking security came over and said they seen us earlier in the seats and said she knew we weren't supposed to be down there, she asked to see out tix, we showed her and she said she knew but couldn't do anything. So we were happy as fuck. We were up close and personal with Motley fuckin Crue! The smoke, lights, and flames messed with some of my pics, some were crystal clear while others looked pixilated when I was the same distance and all that jazz, but whatever. It was great! Defianately recommend seeing this tour, they said they are planning on doing it every year!! Can't wait for the next one!


BadAss!!!


Rock Gods!!


Tommy Lee!


My cousin's boyfriend and I with James Michael of Sixx:AM

A quick ass update

I know I haven't typed on here in a while but not a whole lots been up. Only the usual, WOrk, spend time with my son, and chill and do absolutely nothing. Though tonight I have been tearing up a bar I worked at for a while with my cousin just having fun, haven't drank much, and bout to go back with some of my friends when the get off work in about 20 minutes. Tomorrow is Cruefest in Indy!!! So I can't stay up too late or drink too much cuz I have to drive 2 1/2 hour around 9 or 10 to Indianapolis to see some badass bands. Hopeully I will get a report and some pics up within the next couple of days.

And special note for Uncle Tom if/when you read. I need to Know if my trip out there in October is happening for sure or not! ASAP! I know u got TDYs and syuff but I need to try to plan accordingly.

Love All!

The weekend...

It was a little crazy, lots of fun. Friday was the 4th of July, I went to a party of a chick that was in my EMT class cuz I hadn't seen any of them in a long time and the one that was flirting with me alot has been flirting via texts again. She said she was gonna be there and proceeded to explain the things she was gonna do to me.... So I go out there and before she came she sent me a text explaining that her boyfriend had a change in plans and was coming with her. So things were a little awkward so I bounced and went to hang out with my cousins. We lit off some fireworks and had a good time, was playing my guitar next to the fire and talking. He kept talking about a foam party at a club but it was pretty far away. I was explaining how I needed to get laid... I have became a born again virgin... I haven't gone this long without sex since I started having sex! its been 10 months! I explained to him that I am trying to be good, no more hoggin, trying not to just pick chicks up and do it. I need to grow up a bit... I've had my time of doing all that crap. Well his brother was also having a party about an hour away so at like 1am he decides we should go. SO we did, they were wasted, we hung out for a while and then had to take one of his friends home on our way. We ended up in some wierd house with a guy cleaning blood off his arms cuz he just beat the shit out of some guy who he claimed punched him in the face first. They were all pretty drunk, we were sober so it was strange. We were walking with them to someone elses house through alleys and then there were headlights and everyone froze. I had flash backs of when I used to be a troublemaker, then I realized I hadn't done anything wrong, I wasn't drunk, I didn't witness the fight or even actually know anyones names other than my cuz's boyfriend. So we walked for a bot and then I finally got him to leave. We got back and I came home to go to bed, I got home around 530am. slept for a while then Saturday I went to my buds house, we walked uptown for a car show and just kinda hung out then went to the bar to watch the UFC fight, there were some douche bags there that pretty much took over our table. Some guy kept rubbing up on me til I told him to get away from me before I cracked his head open. He walked away. The chick from my class kept texting me telling me she was gonna come hang out but I knew she was full of shit, she's a fuckin drama queen. So I came home and crashed. Sunday was my buddies dads bday. He recently had surgery, he had a brain tumor that they removed. We had a cookout and swam and had a good time. It is also SM's dad for those of you who have read for a while. So she was there and her ex-husband/boyfriend or whatever the fuck he is was there, he has been allowed in the house since her dad got out of the hospital but no one likes him. This was like the 3rd time I have met him, he's a stupid douche but whatever. We hung out, had a good time then I cam home and watch Hancock illegally on the internet. That movie was awesome!!!! Go see it, or download it or whatever, it was great!

All in all, it was a good weekend, good times, crazy times, sober times, and the only thing that would have made it better was some ass. But can't complain. Hope everyone else had a good 4th of July weekend and enjoyed the freedoms that people have fought to protect!

Crazy dream!

So I usually don't remember my dreams in the morning, but those I do are wierd enough that I write them down on a book I keep by my bed to look up thier meanings when I get a chance. I've kept this for pretty much the entire year I've been back in Ohio, its got some crazy shit on it, but it isn't quite a full page long yet. Well the night before last I had one of those falling dreams that usually wakes you up, you know the ones I am talking about, but somehow I managed to keep myself in it. So I was at some college or something, it was dorms. I get on the elevator and there was another person on it. I didn't know what floor I was going to but I pushed 4. It started going up and then dropped down to the bottom, it did this several times, before going up and when the doors were about to open, it dropped and somehow slid out into the parking lot. The other person and I were ok and we hopped out and said well I guess this ones broken. There were a bunch of chicks on a balcony asking if I was ok. I said yeah, they invited me up. I took the stairs this time. I knocked and some random chick answered, I told her that people on the balcony invited me up. She walks away and I walk in, she pointed to the hallway, I walk down it and into a bedroom, where several girls are lying on a bed lifting small weights and the girls on the balcony say hi and then I woke up. HEres what the dram dictionary says about elevators.

Elevator

To dream that you are ascending in an elevator, signifies that you will quickly rise to status and wealth. You may have risen to a higher level of consciousness and are looking at the world from an elevated viewpoint. Descending in an elevator, denotes that misfortunes will crush and discourage you. The up and down action of the elevator may represent the ups and downs of your life go emerging out of and submerging into your subconscious.

To dream that the elevator is out of order or that it is not letting you off, symbolizes that your emotions have gotten out of control.

Like I said I usually don't remember any of my dreams and I still remember this one vividly is crazy. I guess I am unbalanced and gain stuff and lose them quickly. This seems about right, I am happy for a while then things go to shit. But my emotions out of control? I don't really think so. I don't have many emotions lately. I don't really think about it or them. I just try to appreciate every moment for what it is, just a moment. But thought I'd share. Let me know if anyone has their own interpretation. As for the chicks, no idea and the dictionary didn't really help there.