Sickly Weekend

Yeah So I have been pretty fucking sick all weekend. But that didn't stop me from having a pretty good time. Our field trip Friday would have been extremely boring but actually turned out pretty fun. I have debated with myself whether or not to post about it because shit always changes so fast in my life that this could be gone as soon as it came but fuck it. So Friday we got off the bus and had our own little smoke crew light up and the has been a hottie thats been here a little while I'll call her HB(hot brownie(Uncle Tom likes to call latinas brownies)). But she bums a smoke off me and everyone breaks off to go into groups and split amonst the ship and museum. Since everyone was gone our smoking group went to the ship together. The was 5 or 6 of us including 2 guys who are kind of dicks, you know the "het hottie, I'm the shit" guys. But she kind of ignored them and we talked a bit. We then proceded over to the museum where we talked a little more, sat and watched part of a cheesy black and white movie that I said was our first date, and then there was another one so that was our second date. Talking we have alot in common. She has a 2 year old and will be offically divorced on Wednesday. It was kind of scary how much we had in common. She is/was convinced I am a closet psyco, because thats been the kind of people she has been attracting lately. I warned her that I was really wierd but not really a psyco. Though she did get a little scared when I told her I had a few daggers and used to start fires, but hey I'm an honest person...lol. But we sat together on the bus ride back and I finally worked up some courage to ask her what she was doing and if she wanted to see a movie. She just kind of giggled and then the bus stopped to let her group(she kind of works in a different building) off so she left without an answer. SO I figured that yeah it was just like normal, I suck. But Decided to send an email and ask why I didn't get an answer. A little while later she said yes. She is sick too, so I figured 2 sick people hanging out wouldn't be too bad. SO we had dinner and then just sat and talked for hours. It was really nice. The only problem is she is on leave this week to go back home and actually bring her son up here to live with her now that she is settled. And I know that they'll need alot of bonding time since she hasn't seen him for a while and he's gonna need to get used to living here. But we'll see what happens when she gets back.

Buddy Nielsen from Senses Fail, all my pics look like this but worse and generally far away. My camera must have been on a bad setting. 

Mike Glita from Senses Fail, the only good pic my camera fucking took
 

Senses Fail kicked ass!

Yeah so this morning I had to get up after 4 and a half hours of sleep and put on the most uncomfortable uniform the navy has (the working blues) it has a tie and I hate ties with a passion. My throat is killing me from smoking like a chimney, my cold, and screaming my lungs out last night. First up was a band called Emanuel who wasn't on the list, it was supposed to be Say Anything. But they kicked some ass. I was gonna buy the CD but after Senses Fail I was too tired and sweaty and dehydrated to go buy it. The lead singer kept doing this skinny white boy dance which I found filarious because the kind of music he was screaming could only be headbangged or moshed to.

Next band was Early November who all of you would probably like, a little rock/pop. I saw them before with Hawthorne Heights, but I was really fucked up for that show so I kind of forgot. They were decent and we kept screaming like little girls to make fun of all the little kids trying to rock out and even starting mosh pits and crowd surfing. Neither of which should be done while seeing this band.

Then we had Saves the Day Who was pretty good as well. Around this point we were a little tipsy and my "spot" at the bar in this place is right next to the free water so we start handing out water to all these little kids that were coming out of the "pit" and since Chris has been making me stop damning god and jesus because he is currently driving 10 hours to Mississippi to return a friends dog and didn't want a repeat of UnderOath, I am telling everyone that Jesus loves them. Well Ok screaming that Jesus loves them and everyone else. But Kevin, another guy that went with us, wanted to crowd surf. So this music was ok to crowd surf to, not really to mosh to but whatever so I take him into the crowd and throw him up, by time I got back to Chris at the bar he had been dropped but got back up and rode to the stage. He enjoyed it. The had a shirt that I wanted, but it was a girls tanktop and probably wouldn't look too sexy on me, it said "I(heart)my STD" but undernieth said "Saves the Day" I(heart) my STDs or lack of, whatever.

Then it was time for the main event, SENSES motherfuckin FAIL We get all 3 of us in a good position pretty close to the stage, which by the end we had one row between us and the stage. Now this is a talent that I have mastered through my concert experience that is quite hard for 3 pretty tall guys. But I get us up there. They kicked ass, sung all my favorite songs and put on just a great show. We didn't start any mosh pits this time though we tried but were to close to the stage for anyone to join in. I was pushing back to try to stop squishing this 4ft something girl in front of me and this kid kept shoving me up. Chris saw me getting irritated and I threw an elbow and caught this kid above the eye. He backed off, Chris watched him to make sure he didn't do shit. After the song he told me to watch the elbows, I told him to watch my kidneys they are kind of sensative. It was funny. Next on the menu is UnderOath again on November 3, unless I can talk Uncle Tom into going to see The Melvins on Tuesday. We'll see how that works out. I'm off to my field trip, yay, IT'S FRIDAY!

Mama Taught me...

So I don't have much to say today, my cold is kicking my ass, though it's getting better now. I sat here this morning with my eyes watering and snot flowing like a hose. Did you know that on average most humans swallow about a quart of snot daily, well I think I swallowed a gallon today. Yummy. Oh well, Senses Fail is tonight, I got my camera(with memory card) so hopefully I will have some good pics tomorrow. I can't drink too much because I really have to be at work on time tomorrow for our field trip to some Navy museum. My aunt sent me this email the other day and I thought it was funny and reminded me of Matini's mama saying "someday you'll see" post the other day, these are things that I'm sure everyones mama told them at least once.

My Mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My Mom taught me about INDIVIDUALISM.
"I bet if all your friends jumped off a bridge, you would too!

My Mom taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that stain will come out of the carpet."

My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My Mom taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mom taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My Mom taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about!"

My Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My Mom taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mom taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

My Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS.
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My Mom taught me about WEATHER.
"It looks like a tornado swept through your room!"

Killing Yourself To Live

Ok so I finally finished Killing Yourself to Live : 85% of a True Story by Spin magazines Chuck Klosterman. And I loved it, I swear this will be the last time I talk about this book. But next Time I am at Borders I am going to pick up Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs : A Low Culture Manifesto by good ole Chuck. I just really dig the narrative story line where he has to kind of jump one place to explain shit and then jump back to where he was. But he goes around the country to visit places where famous rock stars died. He talks about his life and love and a ton of useless information about rock stars. Now this awe-inspiring roadtrip wasn't to write a book about, it was origanlly for an article but he seems to have kept a journal and at the end tells his editor that after he writes the article that he is thinking about expanding it into a book. She pleas with him not to because he'd be making an ass out of himself and she say idiot bloggers will write things like "Ultimately, the author should have listened to his friend Lucy Chance." Well if Chuck ever stumbles on my blog, I am glad you wrote it Chuck. Everyone needs to go get this book, though I know the few people who do read my site never actually take my advice and probably nevere even click the links I give.

Chris would also like to openly admit he is gay and is madly in love with me!

AA & CT

SO I went to AA yesterday and it wasn't as bad as last time, the homeless kid wan't there. I talked to some of the former crackheads and they were ok. I went to my counseling that was stupid as shit. We watched a video about HIV/AIDS that had such famous faces as Majic Johnson, Arsenio Hall, Pauly Shore, Blossom, Urkel, and other stupid stars from the 80s. It was a waste of my time. I need to find some haunted houses to go to in the area. I used to love going to them. We used to get fucked up (usually trippin balls) and go to them back home. It was awesome. I think it'll be almost as fun to get a group of friends and get drunk and go. I feel like shit and don't want to be here. I am tired, hungry, sore, and getting a cold. I was gonna bitch about something but I forgot. So last night I converted another person into the blogosphere. I'd like everyone to check out Miss Understood and welcome her. and while your at it go yell at Uncle Tom for starting a blog and never posting even though I yell at him like once a week to blog. If he'd just bitch about shit there I wouldn't have to listen to it all the time. He should rename it "Disgruntled Ramblings"! But I hope everyone else has a Happy Humpday.

I'm still fucking tired

Really I am. SO Sunday night I was hanging out with a friend and didn't get home until 4am Monday, so I got to take a short nap before I came into work where I continued to drag ass. Then went to my other job where I fought to stay awake by doing the unthinkable...working. During the process I busted the shit out of my knuckle and it bled like I hit an artery, not really the squirting but a nice steady flow that seemed to never end. By time I got to a bandaid it looked like I was wearing lipstick from me sucking on my wound. Yes I am a vampire and like the taste of blood, I prefer my own because I know where it's been but am willing to try others. But that's off topic. So I go home eat and try to watch Stewie's untold story which was filarious, at least until I fell asleep half way through and kind of woke up at the end. Good thing I woke up because I can't go to bed before 9, or I have to wake up sometime to call and see if I have to take a piss test. God that still pisses me off. So today I have to take my PRT(physical readiness test) which includes me running a mile and a half under 13 minutes, doing at least 50 pushups and situps. I have been training by smoking a little over a pack a day and drinking Beam as always. But though I extremely hate doing the PRT taking it today is bad, cuz it's CT and that means if I take it at noon I can't go to the noon AA at the new place I wanted to try, I'll have to go to the 4 at the same one from last week and deal with the crazys. So I am really not looking foreward to today. But on a plus note I will be going to see Senses Fail Thursday, though I will have to get up early on Friday to come to work and go tour the Navy museum or some shit.

Update: Finished my PRT did 46 pushups(luckily I only had to do 43), 75 situps and ran in 11:19. PS. DO NOT trim yourselves before you run, it feels like someone took a cheese grater to me then set my balls on fire. Your all welcome for the visual.

But I leave you with some:

Senses Fail-"Let It Enfold You"

So the lie now is my weapon
Like a bush dried withered in the sun
With this spark I'll go up in flames.
I'd lay my guts out but they're too small to see
It's kinda cute how I pretend to be
Everything but the instrument I am.

Peace or happiness
So let it enfold you

A birth to life is what I'm after
My first name won't be my last one
Let the light just drip into your eyes.

So it's true my words are contrived
I tell lies just to get into your mind
I'm as fake as a widow's smile.
This mask of glass is what I choose to wear
So I won't ever have the need to bear
The total truth to anyone but me.

Peace or happiness
So let it enfold you

I'm just a bad actor stuck with a shitty script
All of my lines are cheap and the cast is weak
There was no music for the first time I got kissed
There was no femme fatal, my mistress wasn't rich.
So I've been formatted to fit your TV screen
The film went straight to tape, I'll bow out quietly.
So quietly. So quietly.

Please do this now I beg
Duct tape my arms and legs
Throw me into the sea
(Please save me, please save me)

Now watch the waves eat me
Setting my cold heart free
I'll wash ashore in weeks
(You can't save me, can't save me)

Now watch the waves eat me
Setting my cold heart free
I'll wash ashore in weeks
(You can't save me, you can't save me now)

More Useless Facts

The largest number of children born to one woman, who was a Russian peasant is 69.

The projection light used for IMAX theaters can be seen from space.

Someone gets divorced every ten to thirteen seconds.

African Baobab tree's circumference can reach 180 feet. If the trunk is hollow, 20 people would be able to fit inside of it.

Hockey pucks were originally made from frozen cow dung.

A Singapore singing group by the name of "The Oriental Singers," sang non-stop for 74 hours and five minutes.

The University of Plymouth was the first university to offer a degree in surfing.

In 1989, twenty-three people were hired in Jacksonville Florida just to flush toilets so the pipes would not freeze.

The largest ketchup bottle is a 170 feet (52 m) tall water tower.

Bamboo plants can grow up to 36 inches in a day.

There are mirrors on the moon. Astronauts left them so that laser beams could be bounced off of them from Earth. These beams help give us the distance to the moon, give or take a few metres.

Daytime dramas are called Soap Operas because they were originally used to advertise soap powder. In America in the early days of TV, advertisers would write stories around the use of their soap powder.

The best time for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon. This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time.

Gardening is said to be one of the best exercises for maintaining healthy bones.

At age 47, the Rolling Stones' bassist, Bill Wyman, began a relationship with 13-year old Mandy Smith, with her mother's blessing. Six years later, they were married, but the marriage only lasted a year. Not long after, Bill's 30-year-old son Stephen married Mandy's mother, age 46. That made Stephen a stepfather to his former stepmother. If Bill and Mandy had remained married, Stephen would have been his father's father-in-law and his own grandpa.

Dark Side of The Moon (a Pink Floyd album) stayed on the top 200 Billboard charts for 741 weeks! That is 14 years.

HNT

Uncle Tom gave me these at work today and requested that I wear them for this weeks Half naked Thurday. I almost forgot it was Thursday but then he said I should only wear these and my boxers. So now I am a little freaked out why Uncle Tom wants to see me not wearing any pants, but since he is my friend I will amuse him by wearing the nipple thingies that I have no clue where he found or why he gave them to me. But pants are staying on.

WARNING: THIS MAY GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!

Happy Birthday Navy

That's right today is the Navy's birthday, so I think that gives me, hell everyone, a reason to drink and celebrate tonight. Today marks the day that Congress established the Continental Navy in 1775 which makes us 230 years old. We are the second oldest service, behind the army. Our few ships were originally under George Washington's army before Congress made us our own branch. We usually have a nice little cake cutting ceremony, the Navy is all about tradition, and tradition is that the oldest and youngest at the command cut the cake. And of course for the third staight year, I am the youngest. I am not the most jounior(lowest ranking) anymore but still at 23, the closest in the Navy is 25. So as usual I was voluntold that I had to. I don't like being told to do things, so I was bitter. But the cake was really good. Tomorrow we have this thing, a Combat dinning in, we get free food and beer. It's again mandatory fun, so people aren't really looking forward to it. But that's because we(me and few friends) don't like too many people here, but free beer. I can get drunk and piss the higher ups off because they watch everytime I get a beer and give me a dirty look, but hey I can walk back to the barracks so HA! Fuckers, I really hate them but thats another story. I am doing the color guard thing for it, I finally get to be National flag again so that should be fun, well if Uncle Tom were in it, Chris is in it. Fuckin Uncle Tom(I know your reading)...lol. Oh well Everyone drink up and celebrate 230 years of drunken sailing!

Tagged, well sort of...

So Martini didn't actually tag me, but said "RC666- That is why I cheated my 23rd was lame.. so you should just cheat and do it anyways come on!! Okay you don't have to but if you get bored it is quite fun to look back!" Now I guess it is supposed to be your 23 post and 5th line. Well THIS was my 23rd post,
My 5th line is: "Which Historical Lunatic Are You?" so that is boring.

So I will go to my 24th post kind of about the upcoming Valentines day back earlier this year. I will read the 5th sentence from the Washington Post article, since my writing just explains it.

"Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
Is everything that you are not."

I can be kind, intelligent, loving when I want to be, but it usually isn't me so I guess it kind of fits me well. And hot is out of the question, I can clean up pretty nice when I want to again but yeah not so much. I am not going to tag anyone because I don't seem to have many readers. On a plus note people have stopped finding my site from google images for T1la T3quila(spelled wrong to keep those fuckers from coming) My hits went down from 100-150 a day back to 20-40. Thank GOD! Happy Humpday!

CT (counseling Tuesday) and AA

So I attempted to go to an AA meeting during lunch today, and as usual the sheet they gave me was wrong. The address that I went to didn't even exist anymore. SO I was pissed as shit that I wasted my time and was throwing a fit saying that they better not give me any shit at my counseling about me not going to AA, I attempted to 3 times now and their sheet was wrong. But I took some initiative and found another one that had a 4pm meeting, so I could go to that and then to my counseling at 6. I need to find a different one, I knew this shit wasn't going to be happy but I felt really bad and uncomfortable there. One kid, couldn't have been 18, was homeless and sleeping on benches, almost everyone there was also a crack addict, they ended it with a prayer. Truthfully the prayer set me over the edge. When they were talking I felt really bad and shit, some of the crackheads freaked me out, but the holding hands and prayer was the one that kind of made me realize I really couldn't keep going to that one. The one I tried to go to at lunch moved to a different place, I think I am going to try to check it out tomorrow.

CT(I am getting tired of typing counseling so it is CT from now on) was ok. Last week we had a sub counselor or some shit that was cool. This one was ok, but talking about the shit he gave reasons that people drink, and they totally outweighed the consequenses. Though we did watch another 70s movie lecture. I learned about THIQ, please take the time to read THIS STUDY It is really fucking interesting. THIQ is kind of an opiate, similar to heroine, that is found in the brain of alcoholics. OK my last piss test, I drank quite a bit the night before and the opiate part almost came up hot, it barely had a line. I was wondering how this was, I know I didn't do any opium or any shit like that. Well now this makes since, my dad is still an alcoholic, drinks beer like water. And I am pretty sure I will end up like him. He wasn't a bad alcoholic, sometimes he'd get cranky but he was usually mellow, like me. But one thing that I don't understand is what is the difference between a "normal" or "social" drinker and an alcoholic. I still think I am a social drinker except right now "I drink alone, yeah, with nobody else. You know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself"

Story of the Year, blurry but cool 

Hell yeah Dan Marsala right there 

Funeral for a Friend 

Anberlin  

Anberlin 

Story of the Year

I am at my other job, so kind of have to make this quick. So the first band was He is Legend which sounded pretty good but the lead singer looked like a hippie and danced around like a hippie fairy. He was freaking me out.

Second band was Anberlin who I've heard a lot of good things about but haven't listened to them. They were ok, didn't really live up to the hype that I was thinking. The singer looked like a late 30s surfer pretty boy.

Third on the list was Funeral for a Friend who kicked ass! Chris's friend Kevin and I went up and got pretty close to the stage and almost got in a fight because apparently some girl in front of Kevin tryed elbowing him the nuts and he called her a name or something and her friends started talking shit. A fight would have been fun, but then we'd missed Story of the Year. Well they played a cover of STP's "Dead and Bloated" that kicked ass!

Story of the Year came out, we fought our was back up front after a couple more drinks. On the second song the singer Dan jumped out in the crowed and surfed over top of us. They did a nice little cover melody, kind of like the Ramones did for MTV that canowine posted this about. I can't remember all the songs, I remember Twisted Sister "we're not gonna take it", 50 cent "Candyshop" and some classic rock songs, I forget them all but it was awesome! It The bassist, Adam, climbed o the speakers ad jumped right on us. It was great, my ears are still ringing and neck is killing me from headbanging. Unfortunately I forgot to put my memory card thing in my camera so I could only take a couple pics, I will post them whenever I make it home. Story of the Year's new CD comes out tomorrow, so everyone needs to go buy it! Next on the list is Senses Fail's Sold out show.

Friday

Yep, TGIF at least for now. I got out of work at like 1030 today. That was awesome but I took my van to get fixed and it's costing me like $700 so that sucks. Damn thing needing tires and brakes, if winter wasn't coming I'd say fuck it but I think I might need them. As for tonight and tomorrow night I have no clue or plans as to what I am going to do. I think Chris is going to lend me his apartment to get fucked up in so I don't have to sit in the barracks and he at least gets good cable. I am waiting on him to get off to take me to pick up my van. So I was thinking about calling someone or anyone else up to find something to do but now I am broke until next weekend when I get paid. So I will sit and be bored. Maybe try to read some more of my book. I love it! It's an awesome style of writing and a great story that is 85% true. Well I am not very talkative right now so everyone have a good weekend. Hopefully I will get some good pics of Story of the Year Sunday, which is also Martini Love's B-day. In which I will consume several drinks for and then Monday I'll sleep off her hangover since I will have it off and unforunately she won't. That's what I'm here for, to be a good friend!

HNT

Yep it's that time of week again. So I've been throwing around the idea of my next Tattoo. I want it to read "Life's A Bitch. Then You Die!" I was originally thinking around my stomach, you know kind of like where 2Pac had "THUG" or some stupid shit, but I was thinking about when I get old and either get fat and have a big gut, or even worse I stay like my skinny ass and get the loose wrinkly stomach. So I've thought about my back, I already have a tat on top of my back, though it would be cool at the top of the shoulders, it's too late for that, so now I am thinking about right above my pants. So I somehow managed to take a pic of my back and then photoshopped kind of what I want and this is what it looks like. What do you think?

AA or A Not

So Last night I attempted to go to my AA meeting. I get there nice and early so I was sure I found it and wasn't late. SO I sit in the parking lot for a while reading my book and smoking a pack of cigarettes. Finally at 645 I go in and there's a guy there who looked like a roady for ZZ Top... actually he looked like my uncles old friend Snake, when my uncle used to watch me we would go to Snakes and they would sit in a circle and I didn't know why I got tired, hungry, and want Cherry 7up. Ah my first contact at like 9. Well one day at SM's grandparents house we were looking at a plate with a family tree on it, I knew most of her family. I saw a name I think it was Diane or someshit. SM said but she goes by Coochie(sp?) and I jump back and ask Coochie is she married to a guy named Snake, she said yes. It was really weird I had known these people since I was old enough for my uncle to take me over there while he'd gotten stoned. OK but this Snake lookalike tells me the don't have meetings at 7 they have them at 830. SO I said I didn't really feel like sticking around in VA til after that and then driving back home so I left. I decided to go home and drink instead. I took my uniform home to iron it and make it look all sharp for color guard practice today since I haven't been to one in a while but forgot it in my car so now I look like shit today. But you know what I don't give a fuck I am still better than everyone except maybe Uncle Tom and Chris, they are as good as me. For some reason I started dreaming again. And they are getting really weird. Last night I watched a fox and bobcat get eaten by a lion and then it chased me up a tree and then a bear came and kept me in the tree. I pulled out my cell and was going to call someone but I woke up before I could see whose number I was scolling for. I guess I better not go on any safari's for a while. I was like super high in the tree to, thinking that if the bear shook it I'd fall and die on impact.

OH yeah, so I can't go see Beck concert in Jersey on Saturday, I told my PO and he said I can't leave the state until they evaluate my case later in the month. So it's a good thing that I told him I was already gone on my trip when he gave me the results. So no Beck but still got Story of the Year on Sunday and no Work on Monday because of Columbus day! Yay! 3 day weekend.

First Counseling session

So I had my first counseling shit yesterday. It wasn't too bad, just annoying. I was supposed to be there at 6, SO I had time to kill after I left here, I went and got some groceries since I had no more food in my room. Then I kind of fell asleep while eating nachos and watching that 70s show. I woke up at 550, thinking FUCK! I had to miss my other job to go to this and if they make me come Thursday, Im gonna have to miss work again. SO I jumped up ran out and called them on the way saying I was stuck in traffic, there was an accident in front of me and all that good shit that happens all thim around here. I said I'd be like 15-20 minutes late, she gave me a hard time but then just told me to hurry up. SO I am speeding my ass there, figuring that I'd get pulled over for speeding and expired tags (they're not expired really they just haven't sent me the new ones in the mail yet) But no problems, then I found a parking lot close to the building so I didn't have to walk the normal block in a half. OH yeah I had to piss like a motherfucker, I didn't have time to go after my nap, and wasn't sure if I had to take a piss test before the meeting. So this parking lot is exclusivly for a liquor store with the sign that says it and violators will be shot and have their car jacked or some shit like that. But I am late and have to piss and have no idea how long this shit was gonna last so I risk it. I get up stairs tell them I'm there, they dick around so I grab the keys and go to the bathroom. I figured if they wanted to test it they should say something before they let me take the keys. I get back and sign in and take a breathalizer and go to class. There was all kinds of people in there, a couple guys in suits, a big biker dude, me and a bartender. So we watched a video from like the 70s with some professor/priest(he had the white collar thing) who talked for ever making not so funny jokes. He compared alcohol to ether and other fluids(water, milk, coffee) made some interesting points that I've already forgotten, I should have took notes. People would look at me funny but hey it's only so I can share it with the world right here. We had a short discussion at the end about the film and what we thought about it. And tonight I'll probably go to my first AA meeting, I found one by my other job, I'll see how they sign the sheet for the counselor and see if I like it or not, if not I'll sign the sheet. Forgery isn't that hard really. Wait who wrote that.....Prank post, Prank post! What'd Shaggy say, "It wasn't me!" Well Happy Hump day, enjoy your cocktails this evening while I'm in AA, I'll catch up when It's over.

Scary shit

So I came across THESE pics and I was really scared. Then I saw THIS video which then makes me think that it was all meant to be funny. It is funny but I still think I'm gonna have nightmares about her. But I really wanted to share it so everyone can share it with me. Apparently Gem sweaters are cool.

Slipknot

I started thinking of the "fuck it all" lyrics and then realized that I don't have that CD anymore. I used to have hundreds of CD's but the ended up getting thrown out by the ex during a fight one night. I remember when I only had a few CD's and my shitload of tapes. I wish I remembered what my first CD was I know one of the firsts was Bon Jovi- Crossroads, that one kicked ass. But here are some Slipknot lyrics that kind of catches how I'm feeling, Duality and Wait and Bleed, the duality seems a little more fitting at the moment.

Slipknot- "Duality"

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on...

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited as my time's elapsed
Now all I do is live with so much fate
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact
You cannot kill what you did not create

I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice

Put me back together or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the pieces, then you can leave me alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way - nothing is what it seems

(I push my fingers into my) eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it!

All I've got - all I've got is insane


Slipknot- "Wait and Bleed"

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I CAN'T CONTROL MY SHAKES!
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

GET OUTTA MY HEAD CUZ I DON'T NEED THIS!
Why I didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - Manchurian Candidate
I - HAVE - SINNED - BY - JUST
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away

GOODBYE!

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
My flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

AND IT WAITS FOR YOU!

After Lunch thoughts

A friend made a comment to me on Saturday night and oddly I have thought about it out of no where, she claims that guys go through emotional PMS just like girls. I of course say no we don’t and she claims that my depressive times are my PMS. So now I don’t know why I am even giving this a second thought, I am down a lot, I am just more vocal about it at times. So today I was sitting here thinking that there was supposed to be some good movies coming out soon, that I really wanted to see. So I am looking on yahoo movies and finding ones that I wanted to see but then I am wondering, who am I going to go see them with. It’s little shit like that that piss me off. Little things like that, wondering what movies are coming out, is a gateway to all kind of other thoughts. I used to see movies with CG and before her was her roommate, both of who I could do couples things with except I didn’t get the sex or physical shit whatsoever. SO when little thing spawn all other shit, I started wondering if this is PMS or something. Ok now this is just getting retarded. But I did get my haircut and get a grilled stuffed burrito, shouldn’t I be happy now. I’ve read 2 more chapters in my book and done absolutely nothing work related today, though I do have a weekly meeting in a little while. One would say it hasn’t been that bad of a Monday despite my mind converting back to the dark side. Need a smoke before meeting!

Back to Work

I don't think I hate anything more than going back to work after a vacation. I really, really didn't want to get up this morning. But I did after a wierd ass dream about me going crazy about some sandwich thing and punching a microwave and throwing it at my dad. I think it was just because I was really hungry and I am still starving. Maybe I'll get some Taco Bell when I go to get a haircut. I feel like a bum, my hair is all sorts of jacked up since I haven't cut it in about a month. But I just finally finished going through all my stupid emails that I tried to keep up on deleting from home but then got tired of it so left them for today. God I just want to eat and go to sleep, Damn Mondays! I feel like a Zombie, feed me brains, I am not thinking of anything. Food, grilled stuffed burrito, cheesy gordita cruch, Chilli cheese burrito with sour cream (damnit why can't they have those here!). Ok Fuck I can see I have no other thoughts so posting is pointless. I guess I can just read my book to distract me for an hour or so.

Pixes and stuff

So Yesterday starts with me going to take one of my random piss tests and shit. Followed by me hurring my ass to pick up Sugarduck(Toms girl) and Uncle Tom. They gave me a birthday present with is actually the only present I recieved and was much appreciated, granted I did get dinner from Chris and money from family but they gave me a present which does mean a lot. First of course there was John Q which I almost picked up the other day but didn't I just finished watching it and enjoyed the tears rolling down my face. And also a book that kicks ass so far, granted I've only read 20 pages but Killing yourself to Live is a book that so far fits me and dreams of a road trip that I would hopefully one day venture on. Sex, drugs and rock and roll!! But we went and saw the Pixies and met Canowine there who will probably do a better review than me but it was still a great time. The opening act was a band called Lake Trout who started out with an instumental piece that I thought sounded decent and then the second song seemed to have the same drum beat but the guitar was awesome and I noticed the keyboardist bringing up a series of other instruments including an oboe(sp?) and a flute, and on one song he was screaming and we all know how much I enjoy screaming. But I enjoyed their performance. The Pixies took the stage and put on a kick ass show! They rolled straight from one song to the next performing for almost and hour and a half! Playing several of my favorites, including "where is my mind", Monkey's gone to heavan", "U-Mass" and other songs that I can never remember the names of, I am bad at remembering song names for some reason, I just know the song. But they rocked so much for seeming old enough to be my parents. But now I need to get dressed finally and head out to cause some chaos. Though Chris made me promise to be good, trouble seems to find me. Happy Saturday peoples!

Pixies

Just got back from pixies concert, was awesome but tired so heres lyrics from a song that was played tonight.

U-Mass

In the sleepy west ofthe woody east
is a valley full, full o' pioneer
we're not just kids, to say the least
we got ideas to us that's dear
like capitalist, like communist
like lots of things you've heard about
and redneckers they get us pissed
and stupid stuff it makes us shout
oh dance with me oh don't be shy
oh kissme cunt and kiss me cock
oh kiss the world oh kiss the sky
oh kiss my ass oh let it rock
of the april birds and the may bee
oh baby
university
of massachusetts, please
and here's the last five
it's educational
it's educational
it's educational
it's educational
it's educational.

HNT

So last week I heard a term HNT (half nekkid Thursday) How the hell have I not heard this. Well I wanna participate. Granted the pic below is not really me half nekkid, but I don't want to scare everyone away just yet. Anyone who knows me does know that I am nekkid in that pic, I am not wearing my 5 year old staind and falling apart Korn hat. It is a rare occasion to see me without my hat. SO thats my start and eventually I will be showing more pics, hopefully I can get pics of other people so I don't have to show my skinny hairy ass. Well time to start drinking again, Happy HNT!!!

On vacation, no haircut, peach fuzz on my chin 

Happy bday t9o me

Happy bday to me
happy bday to me,
I am drunk on Jim Bam,
And eating cambellos chunky

Yeah fucking a!!

This sucks ass

Yeah it really does. Well last night was fun, I went to Uncle Toms and he cooked me a nice meal, steak, shrimp, beams, potatoes. It was awesome, last time I was there I noticed horses across the street and told him that next time I came out I was going to get drunk and ride the horses. SO I was back out there drank a bunch of beer, he made me finish his rum and then said I was going to ride the horses, him and his bro were to scerd to come across the street, some friends huh. So I went over there, walked back and forth until the cars stopped going by and hoped the fence, I went up really cautiously to the horses, there were 3. I petted them and then they kind of ran away, so I walked back. I told them they were out and they had to come with me in case I get kicked off and hurt, someone had to get me out of there. I eventually talked Tom into coming down to the road. I went and did the same thing and was petting a white one and tried to jump on it, but it was too tall and ran away, then I came to a slightly smaller one, petted it and hoped on. It ran to the white horse and then made a weird sound so I got scared and jumped off. But it was a goal that I set and it was accomplished. I'm scared to listen to the audioblog because I am pretty sure it sounds stupid so I won't listen.

On to today.I had a counsling meeting thing, that was apparently about my drug problem, yeah that post that I was freaking out, I messed up, oh well. So I had to take a breathelizer when I get there and a piss test. The staff spoke spanish more than English and it pissed me off. I have to do AA once a week, go there once a week, and call a number every night and if my color code comes up I have to take a piss test the next day. It sucks ass! I have been doing a lot better at my drinking, like I told Tom a couple minutes ago I don't mind admitting that I drink alot, yeah my body may be messed up but I hate have shit against me on paper and all this is on paper. My drinking isn't affecting my work or anything else. I wasn't planning on drinking til midnight, on my Bday but now I am tipsy because they stressed me out and I wanted a drink. 2 things I think I hate the worst in life is pity and worry. And my bitching on here generally brings both, especially if I express my depression, granted I am not too bad right now but still. I deal with the consequences of my actions. I am a fuck up and I know it, yes I am better when I have my son, since I don't have him now I am having fun. I do have good friends that I know will be there for me if I need someone to talk to or need anything else. One of the questions on the sheet I was filling out today asked how many close friends I have and to be honest I think this is the most I have ever had, depending on how you look at it. To talk to I have 5 or 6, to borrow anything from or to bail me out of jail I probably have 3. But before today I never really realized it. Like Tom says learn what you can from this shit and right there a question on a sheet made me realize that I do have good friends here and I am really going to be sad when they/or me leave. I have already had a couple of them leave especially Zefur, but thats one of the downfalls of the military. and now I am rambling so I bid farewell and leave you with some lyrics though don't really fit, I was listening to the CD and I love this song:

"Swallow The Knife" by Story of the Year

So our open wounds will bleed
Until our veins run dry
Now we have to take this thorn
And tear it from our side
Agitated at the fault line
Still agreed to disagree
Your connected to the heart
But tonight we'll set you free

So swallow the knife
Carve the way for your pride
Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Even now as i write this down
All pretensions disappear
Now our impulses will bite
At the ankles of our fear

So swallow the knife
Carve the way for your pride
Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Words are spoken
Words are broken down

So lets make this night be our best mistake
So lets take the time to wipe the blood away
Now our hands are tied
And our world is caving in

Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Now our hands are tied
And the problems lie within
Words are spoken
Words are broken
Broken Down

I hate fucking People!!

I hate fucking pricks and women who listen to them and follow their orders are just as bad. 10 minutes ago, I get a call from New Years girl. She asked if I was near my comp, I said yes, she says to check my email. I am thinking she sent me some pics or something, she didn't sound happy but I did, she waited in silence. Here is what I read:

Randy,
I can not speak with you either e-mail or over the telephone because
you know I love jeff more than anything and the fact that you are my best
friend and cannot accept him is a problem. Jeff has asked me not to speak with
you anymore, and I respect what he asks of me. The same is with Steph, and
she and I no longer speak either. I am making my choice. Please don't reply,
because it won't be read, your e-mail has been blocked.

I asked if she wrote it or if Jeff did. She says she did. I didn't know what to fucking say. I think I am more hurt that our 10 or so years of friendship is gone because of his jealousy. It's not like we talk very often anyways. We talked once every couple months and exchanged emails and that was about it. So All I could say is "Well hopefully one day you will open your eyes, when you do I'll still be here. Bye" and hang up. It was kind of rude but what the hell else am I supposed to do argue with her. Last time we talked she's telling me about how controlling he was, almost hit her, pretty much kept her captive for a couple nights not letting her leave. wrapping his hands around her throat. She locked him out of her apt and when she woke up, he was there. He is fucking psyco. I may be getting in more trouble when I go back home if I see him. I don't fucking understand. Fucking pricks like that need to be exterminated. And how someone could who I have known so long could change into a pushover like that. She used to be strong and independant. Both of them make me sick!

Mission Top Secret, Destination Unknown

So I am back from my trip. Below are a few pics. I had to take my crappy camera so there no that good, I didn't take that many anyway. But I ended up staying at the Bahia in San Diego. It was very relaxing. I was hoping to be detoxing while on vacation but of course that didn't happen, like every other time I try. Though I didn't get too stupid and didn't make an ass of myself so at least I drank somewhat responsibly. But I had a blast. I love the beach, there was a bar on the boardwalk with sand every where, they had a wave machine thing that people were surfing in. I want to move to Cali now. But it seems the fun of my vacation is over, now back to the normal routine of living in the fucking barracks. I need a drink, I was pretty wasted last night, drank a bunch at the airports, probably just because I hated to say goodbye to my surroundings. I got in at 530 this morning, then drove back here and passed out for a couple hours. I am bored as shit already! Daytime TV sucks ass!!!! Nothing is on, I've seen all my movies a million times, I need to go buy more. I need John Q damnit. I still can't figure out why my emotions have left me. Well ok some are still there but don't leave my mind. I did actually shed a couple tears while I was gone, me and a friend were talking about some shit and then my son and I was feeling really bad that I was on a vacation instead of going home to see him. I feel like a total bum. I need a haircut really bad, I have shaved, Oh well I am on vacation. I am hungry, I need food and coke to go with my beam! I need to balance my check book and figure out how much money I have left. I will post some more shit when I manage to get my brain back, which means maybe later when I have a full stomach and am wasted. Happy Monday to all you people at work and HAHA!

I kept seeing all these crop circles over Texas or New Mexico where ever I was 

More crop circles 

I want to learn to surf 

I love the beach 

My hotel in San Diego 

Could my luck be changing?

So here I sit at my second job, technically my first day of vacation, though I didn't sleep in too much. I got up at 9 and did some stuff and was off to come here and make some money, oh yeah we get paid tonight too, extra bonus. But anyway, I didn't eat and I'm moving all kinds of crap and wondering what I am going to eat, well turns out today is the monthly lunch. Every month we get free food and crap here, of course it's Indian since 90% of the people here are Indian but hey its free. Most of the time by time I get here it's been sittin in the fridge for a couple of hours and not very good. I'm not a big fan of it, some of it is nasty but when your starving, it'll do. I can suffer. So I can only hope that this stroke of luck runs for at least the next week and a half. If only I could hump on humpday! Doubt it.

A Quicky

So I am offically on leave from military though still going to my other job tomorrow before I leave Thurs. I just watched City of Angels again. Still trying to shed some tears and yet nothing. I've watched all the sad movies I have and still numbness. This one has anyone noticed all the "angels" are guys, no girls. And the ending which used to be so sad, she is moving her head and neck and only has minor scraches and bruises, how the fuck is she gonna die? It pissed me off more than anything, at least some of the other movies brought a tear to my eye, though it never fell. I need John Q, Me and Uncle Tom were talking earlier, that movie turns anyone to a bitch at the end. Oh well I thought I'd try one last time before I leave Thursday. Well perhaps I'll post tomorrow, If not maybe some audiobloggs or else wait til MOnday for me. K? Later!

Potty humor and Useless Facts

Here's another costume thought for Branshine.


So Thanks to everyone for your encouraging words as I say, sometimes I just need to get shit off my chest, don't feel the need to say cheer up or whatever, I will eventually. But so to change the mood, I came across a nifty little site yesterday that I thought I'd share, it's got a bunch of really neat pics everyone needs to see, but not around lunch time, unless you don't have a lunch and want to lose your appetite.It's THE OPOSSUM PROJECT HOME PAGE I'll leave out the details so you have to check it out for yourself. And once again I need to empty out useless facts. THANK GOD IT'S FAKE FRIDAY!!!

The amount of aluminum that Americans throw out in three months is enough to rebuild all American commercial planes.

Adolf Hitler was Time's Man of the Year for 1938.

The Sea of Tranquility on the moon is deeper than the highest mountain on Earth.

The first household refrigerator cost about $16,000, in today's money.

The colours yellow, red, and orange are used in fast food restaraunts because those are the colours that stimulate hunger.

Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.

A penguin swims at a speed of approximately 15 miles per hour.

A baby octopus is about the size of a flea when it is born.

If all the salt were to be extracted from the Earth's oceans, you would have enough salt to cover all of the continents five feet deep.

All the Krispy Kreme donut stores collectively could make a doughnut stack as high as the Empire State Building in only 2 minutes.

If someone was to fly once around the surface of the moon, it would be equal to a round trip from New York to London.

Soldiers disease is a term for morphine addiction. The Civil War produced over 400,000 morphine addicts.

A meteor has only destroyed one satellite, which was the European Space Agency's Olympus in 1993.

Over 170,000 Indians from 210 tribes live in the Brazilian Amazon Rainforest.

In 1982, Larry Walters tied 24 weather balloons to his lawn chair in Los Angeles and climbed to an altitude of 16,000 feet.

In Columbia, one can be fined up to $90,000 for gossiping!

At 120mph, a formula one car generates so much downforce that it can drive upside down in the roof of a tunnel.

Autumn is bringing Death

So for some reason my mind is in a continuous state of roaming and torturing me lately. I thought for a while that my numbness was fading but then shit started to get hectic in my life once again. I returned to my scapegoat of alcohol. I know that it doesn’t help me feel though it helps me numb to the numb, not care, I never really care. I sit and try to type though I have no passion, I’m not sure I’ve ever really had any passion. I try to feel but when I do it is for the wrong people or for the wrong reason. I fear that I will feel for someone because I only miss the feelings that can come with being with someone. Though I guess I’d actually have to get off my ass and come out of my shell to even get that far. What am I doing, what have I done. I look back at the past a lot lately. Remembering the times that brought this to now. I remember a time long ago, the exchange of class rings back to their original owners with a note stained with tears. The wrong choices then just like I always I made the wrong choice. I remember my first kiss and the scar I still have from that night. I remember the times I was sure that it was love. It had to be, but now I realize it has all been hope. Which is stronger hope or love? They both fuck up your mind. Neither is actually real, no emotion truly is. Emotions change so often, how can anything real change from one to its opposite, from love to hate. It seems everyone is changing with the seasons; the death of autumn is upon us. Why do I live in the past, perhaps because I have no future. I’ve tried to plan a future but I hate plans because then you get mad when things disrupt them, also things never work the way I plan. I am getting close to the point where I fall for anyone just to feel the pain of loss. Pain is what I am used to and has come to comfort me. Pain rids me of numbness. Life is pain, pain is life.

SILVERSTEIN "Call It Karma"

blame it on the weather, but i'm a mess
and this february darkness. has me hating everyone
and i know i give you comfort, but this trouble makes me sick
and the longer i lay here, i know it's harder to get up
without you

lose another day here
lose another year here
i'm with you

find me something out there, that's making sense
and it's just another trend carefully hidden in your dress
and the cycles neverending, and the fashions overdone
and the further that i run away, the further i'll come back
to shelter...

you are the fire, on my apartment floor
sixteen stories, i'd rather burn then fall
it isn't fate, that took us all by storm
it's just the turn of a card

you are the fire, on my apartment floor
sixteen stories, i'd rather burn then fall
it isn't fate, that took us all by storm
it's just the turn of a card

goodbye old friend
goodbye goodnight
i'll move on
you'll call it fate, i'll call it karma
we had our time, it was fun
while it lasted

i'll look back, with honor
and no regrets
i won't be mad, won't feel bad
these memories will never leave me
don't be sad
cause life goes on, life goes on
it's getting too late
tomorrow is here

Weekend's boring review

Alrighty lets try to remember my boring drunken weekend. Friday I went to a friends promotion ceremony. It was pretty cool, though really long. Then went to a friends house and had some drinks. Apparently some people said that when I called them I was really cranky but I thought I was just playin. But I probably was cranky. Slept a couple hours then was woken up by everyone who was at the house I was at. So Saturday, I went to my picnic for my other job, that I was talked into by a couple of the girls that work there, nope they're married but really cool. So I went and it was boring as shit. It was just like at my other job, which is what I kept telling them. I sat off in the corner talking to them and one's husband who showed up and that was it. The white people were in one part of the shelter and all the Indians(actually from India, not to be confused with Native Americas) were in there part. I stayed a couple hours and really had to resist drinking her husbands Rum, I needed a drink. I told them I was leaving to find a place to get wasted. So I came back to my room, had a couple drinks and decided I needed to get a shot glass for a friend. I was going to go to Bmore but DC is closer. I went down and did an audioblog which apparently didn't show up. I was trin to go to to Hard Rock and they were closed for some club/party thing. But on the way there I got myself surrounded by cops yet again. So I missed a turn like always when I'm in DC so I went to make another turn and had this nice ass car with a little preppy fuck staring at me bumpin some Every Time I Die in my minivan so I stare back and say " What you got a problem" He looked away and I realized I needed to get over so the light turned and I gunned it to get in front of him, it's always fun to burn people when your in a minivan. So I get in front of him and then a cop pulls behind me. We hit another red light and he just sat there so I was like cool, but then the light changed and he flipped his lights. So I reach down and pop some altoids just to be sure I didn't smell. And then another pulled up behind him, flash backs again. He taked my license and everything and then one pulled up in front of me. So I was like here we go again. He came back and said I was doing 45 or so in a 25. I apologized and said I was trying to get over, I was somewhat lost and all kind of shit short of I'll suck your cock, because I'm on prob and dont need any more shit. He let me off with a warning. So Then I acually hit Hard Rock and am pissed I went through all that and nothing so I start driving back with the intention of drinking a bottle of Jim Beam and trashing my room, when I get a call and a couple friends want to go out. I said sure and that I hadn't been to LuLu's for a while so I had to be DD so I went and picked them up. We went Big papa(bartender that always used to hit on friend that went to Korea) was there and remembered me so we got some drinks and he as usual brought some shots. Had like 3 or4 Beam and cokes, 3-4 Vodka and Red Bulls(for friendwho also had the follwoing shots), shot of tequila thingy(wasn't straight), Hypnotica for a whoppin 19.75. God I love him! Best bartender ever! Now the part I'm not sure about is I put it on my card and was pretty tipsy, I tried to give a $10 tip but wrote total as 39.75 so I don't know which one it's gonna take on my account. So like the smart guy I am I stopped drinkin around 12-1230 and started drinking water and went down and tried to dance. I am not a dancer, If I'm not driving and I get wated enough I think I dance ok but I wasn't wated enough and had some people laughin at me, but they were friends so I didn't care. There were people dancing way whiter than me so I laughed at them too. SO again I got lost tryin to get out of DC and finally got back around 4am and then was woken up around 9. Had breakfast and watched some movies, there's one called Crash that I never heard of, was really good and had a lot of good actors in it. It's about racial stereotypes. I definatly recommend it, it was good. And then Romeo and Juliet, because I haven't seen it in a long ass time, I need to get it. Then I finally came back to my place since I was out of smokes and needed another drink, so here I sit alone in my room drinking, starving, need to find something to eat, watchin tv as usual. Not too bad of a weekend though it was pretty boring. Oh well better that I was actually with people instead of alone again.

I'm bored

Yep, I am sitting at my other job bored as hell. Yes I could go home anytime I want but traffic has been a big bitch lately. I don't know why. It wasn't this bad when school started back up, just since last week. I figure why sit in traffic for an extra half an hour, when I can sit on my ass and surf the net and make some good money and hope that when I leave traffic will be moving a little faster. We all know my luck though, it will probably be worse and if it makes me miss my show, I will go postal and drive on the shoulder to get home in time! I have atually done that before, but only for like a mile because people were in an exit only lane and were trying to get off from it. It pissed me off so I went around them. I really need the extra money since Maryland sucks ass. It cost me $180 to get new tags today. I thought it was a mistake, I was using some High tech machine to avoid waiting in line, and when it came up I exited and tried again, sure enough it cost out my ass. Luckily I waited til today when I got paid, even though they have been expired since last month. I would have been pissed to have a $225 ticket on top of that, at least I was lucky on one part. I need to get some more Beam, I bought a bottle Monday and finished it yesterday :( What will I drink with my pizza rolls tonight? I need to get groceries again but since I am leaving soon, I figure it can wait or else it'll just go bad anyway. So here yesterday I was playing with lead pigs and tipped one over, I tilted it back up on its wheels all by myself, they said it weighed 500 lbs, I think I am pretty strong for my size, but I don't think it was that much, maybe 300. Then a little later I tipped another one over and it almost crushed my foot. I jumped like a little bitch. I mean flew, the one earlier just kind of slowly went over, this one came down with force. My heart went from 60-150 in a split second. One of the guys I work with was freaking out and asked if I was ok, i said yeah except I thought I was going to have a heart attack. It has been a long time since I was scared. It was really close to my foot too. All it did was a screw on the top sliced my wrist a bit, so now He told me I was going to die of lead poisoning. It kind of looks infected today, but not really that bad. The scab and puss shit should clean it out on its own. There's this nifty little website thing that show how traffic is doing and it looks like it's starting to get better and I need to go around and make sure everything is locked up before I leave so I will end this boring post now. I'm sure everyone feels bored with reading this anyway. But fuck you, this is mine...lol. Theres the Fuck everyone attitude you've all been waiting for.

Random Humpday Thoughts

Why the hell does my post go all the way down here when my title is up there? I keep trying to fix it but don't know why it does it. Oh well. I finished all my work for the month today. It's sad that I have all month to do 3-4 hours of work, sure other things come up like waste pickups and equipment clearances but that hardly takes much time either. I guess that's why I love my job, I am so used to being bored that I don't mind being bored and getting paid good money for it. I am fucking starving, I forgot to bring a lunch and am too lazy to go get anything, I do have a bag of Utz BBQ chips though, they kick ass! We have a picnic thing Friday for work here, so that will help the day pass, then I have to go to DC, a friend of mine is getting Frocked to Chief(making new rank) sorry bout the military terminology. And Sat my other job is having some sort of picnic too, so I'll probably go down and check that out, try to keep myself sort of busy, so I don't have a reoccurence of last weekend. Though I am sure there will be drinking some where involved on both nights. Next week I have to deal with Monday and then Tuesday is my fake Friday! Wednesday I will go to my other job so I can make some money, the Thursday I am off on my Vacation. I am excited, though Destination is anonomous, I will be back here Monday. Followed by the rest of the month off including my BDay. I've noticed how boring my blog has become and I apologize for that, not that I have many readers anyway. Hopefully I will be back to doing crazy shit shortly, if I don't end up in jail. I'm thinking about auioblogging me puking on my Bday, it depends if I find anyone to hang out with or not, it will probably end up being not since it is on a Thurs, so I might hang out with some people for dinner or some shit and then kill a bottle somewhere. We'll see, won't we. Obviously I'm not feeling too creative today, I am tired as shit even though I got like 8 hours of sleep last night, not nearly enough!

Jesus is a thug who kicks people when they're down

Call it karma, bad luck, fate or what the fuck ever but I have the worst luck ever. So today I was interviewed by JAG on a seperate charge. Our field exercise was suppossed to be a dry one, no alcohol whatsoever! So as usal it was(HAHA) well it seems a bunch of people are being charged with disobeying an order and shit. Of course I told him that I didn't drink or do anything, everything is hearsay. That was fucking 3 months ago. But they recorded the interview and now I have to type my statment and shit. Fun for me. So now I have yet another reason to say fuck everyone and everything. It didn't help that Uncle Tom informed me of my alcohol cologne this morning. I thought it was a good scent, but I'm sure it was wrong for my meeting that I found out about this morning, though no one said what it was for, I already kind of knew it was coming. People talk way to much, and I am very attentive. I see this as a witch hunt. Everyone always points at me, "He's a WITCH!" but thanks to todays system I hope that they need to come up with more proof than that, but we all know how my life works: "He's a WITCH! burn him!" I'll be tied to a flaming tree in a couple weeks, if I'm not already in jail due to whatever stupid thing I do next. I'll leave you with a song since Jesus has befriended me. (Disclaimer: It's hard to blame God if you don't believe in him so I pretend to blame Jesus since I do believe he was a real person though not born from a virgin)

"Hell Yeah" by Bloodhound Gang

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no

Hell yeah

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

Hell yeah

And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Jesus(Hazus) and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God

Jesus's Revenge Part 2

Yep it looks like Jesus is still taking his revenge. Unfortunately I can't talk really about how this is coming about because it could in fact ruin my career and so on and so forth. It is hard for me not to talk about the details but I have been freaking out all weekend. Friday I got really fucked up and stayed up all night watching movies and shit by myself, wallowing in my fear and feeling the depression and dismay sneaking up and getting ready to pounce on my frail little soul. Saturday wasn't too much better though I actually had people around to distract me, had some drinks, played pool, and bullshit. Sunday I was so down I didn't want to move, I laid on the couch all day, I got up twice, once to get pizza and once to use the bathroom, Finally about 530pm I went home. I feel the binge drinking phase coming back into my life. What else do I have to loose? It seems every little mistake I make is put under a microscope and I am punished for it to the full extent. Well I am begining to wonder why all this shit happens to me. I am already alone and have slowly been pulling myself out of the hole I've been in since July of last year and starting to get some ambition again and all that is probably going to get hacked back off in the next week or so. Results of these happenings is supposed to come the day before I go on vacation next week. SO I may be hiding next wednesday to be positive I don't get punished before my trip though I may then have to deal with it on my birthday but fuck it, I don't really give a shit anymore, most people when you punish them they learn a lesson, I used to be that way until I got punished the worst for the little things and I see people getting slapped on the hands for worse shit. Punishing me only makes me hate the system more. Chris had a great shit Sat, it read "I don't discriminate. I hate everybody." I know none of this shit make sense but I really don't care perhaps when the results are in on what the hell is going to happen to me, I will go into the details.

On a different note New Years girl called me last night. First time I have talked to her since then. Apparently her boyfriend is psyco and got his ex pregnant and shit. I found it kind of amusing but felt bad for it. Her and I have been friends for so long. I miss her and our friendship. She kept apologizing for blowing me off and not talking to me, I couldn't be mad, I had to do the same thing with my ex so I explained that it happens and now we know that if someone wants you not to see or talk to your friends, they aren't worth it. She's having really hard times and he's stalking her, I am ready to go home and kill him. Why not what else do I really have to lose. She will be seeing my son soon, she works in a daycare that my son is supposed to be going to. I warned her about how much of a hellian he is now. It was nice to hear from her, though most of her talk about him just pissed me off. I can't stand the thought of guys being complete dicks to girls I am friends with let alone one I used to hook up with. But anyways I tried to tell her how much shit I was in to try to keep her from crying and distract her from problems, It seemed to work temporarily. Then I went to sleep, I finally finished the last little bit of Beam that had been in my fridge since before Vegas, that's over a month! I used to get a new bottle every week, now I think I will be back to it. Who cares, no one.

People Piss Me Off

Yep who in the world would have guessed that, well anyone who has seen me for a second could figure out that they piss me off. Ok maybe not everyone but damn close. So I was extremely busy yesterday, I had to give boring Radiation training, then go pick up waste and then try to eat, then change into my purty whites for not one but 2 ceremonies. The ceremonies should have been easy in and out same routine as always but NNOOOOOO! They had to fuck everything up, they being everyone but Chris, Uncle Tom, and Me. They threw a stupid ass bagpiper in the mix, who didn't even bother talking to us and figuring out what to do. I was lead rifle and when we were ready and couldn't move, then he wants to come up and stand out of my view and tell me to watch HIS FEET, fuck you Mr. Sac puffer You watch my feet, but of course I can't say anything, I have to have my game face on. So They call march and I start, he is still behind my view and started late and now is off step and supposed to be in front of me. GOD I wanted to hit him right in the back of his fat kilt wearing fucking head. He was in the way, sounded like shit and fucked us all up so we looked like shit. Fuck it, we got another ceremony to get ready for. Chris and I run to smoke. I sit my cover(hat) and gloves on my desk and we smoke, to come back to the door being locked and no one around. My keys were in my desk, I can't carry them in this uniform, they stick out like crazy. So Eventually I get them back and am now running to get upstairs to the ceremony. I'm now sweating and even more pissed. This one I am the national and am going to have the flag in my face, so people won't see my pissed off, sweaty face, but I am supposed to call the commands. No big deal, I can yell out some of the anger. NOPE change of plans again, well since we have so many people we're going to have the middle guy call the commands. WHAT?! The middle guy only calls the commands when we are in a place where it's really hard to hear, we are going to be inside and everyone is going to be quiet and as always the National(Me) is supposed to call the commands, not to mention that the middle guy is newer and doesn't know shit and I just don't really like him too much. Fuck it we still kind of looked like shit, I don't really remember what happened there but fuck it. Then I hurry and change to go to my other job, because I am running late. I get there and people think they know my job and stop what they are doing to try to point out things that they don't know about. At this point I snapped at all of them. Telling them to get away from me, don't you have a job of your own to do, This is my job and I know how to do it you don't. I think that was most of it. Then I realized that while I was rushing to change and get out of there I forgot my wallet in my desk. Technically I can't get back on base without my ID that is in my wallet. Not really a problem, we have rental cops on our gates now. So I drive up and this fake ass rental bitch wants to tell me to pull over and call someone to get my ID or escort me onto base. I pull over and talked to the cooler cop that is usually checking IDs he said he remembers me coming through everyday at about this time so they let me in. Thank god that fucking day is over, I wanted a drink so bad, I instead went to bed at like 9. And am still fucking tired this morning. Hopefully today will be mellow and boring again. And for all you hater that are going to make fun of me FUCK YOU! Tonight is the season premier of The O.C.!

Never Fear I is Here

Yeah I know it says "is" instead of "am". So we made it back today finally. I will try to recap the weekends events the best I can and try to keep it in order since I know I jump around a lot. So Friday not much happened Chris and I just hung out, watched tv, had some drinks, and BS'd. He stayed up all night playin Halo and Talkin to his girl. I took a small 2-3 hour nap that I kept gettin woken up by him or his cat. But anyhow we got up and was on the road by 445am. We picked up some people we work with and they all road in a Govt van while I followed up to PA. I tried to take a nap while they watched a friends army thing, didn't really sleep. Then Chris jumped in and we were off to West Virginia. Chris slept all the way to PA and then most the way to WV. I kept awake by drinking Red Bulls and smoking like a chimney. We got there about 3pm, the concert was supposed to start at 6, so we went to Applebees and had some drinks. Went and waited at Hyamp to get in, we were surrounded by a sea of little kids dressed up like "punks", we laughed and made comments about how all them looked like they were trying to hard, most had the same hair style. Like the guy on the far right here the comb over look that always goes to the right. But Hyamp was really cool it was like a small warehouse type thing. You couldn't smoke in it but the back door was open, you go out there to smoke and could walk around to the car and everything, people could just walk in and say their wrist bands got ripped off or whatever but I don't think anyone did. So the first 2 bands didn't sound that bad, we watched the little ones attempt to mosh and laughed. Some would do this thing where you put your head down and like do arm cirles, swinging your fists. We said if one tried this and hit us they would die a horrible tragic death. Thankfully for them, they didn't. Out back where we smoked the bands were also hanging out with their equipment, suprisingly everyone left them alone. We kind of wanted to talk to them but didn't want to annoy them. Silverstein came up, we fought our way straight up to the stage and had a blast, we got to scream the song into the mic a couple times. During the last song, I turned to make sure I hasn't gonna get my neck crunched again by crowd surfers and got puched in the eye, like I audioblogged, was pissed about that. We got right up front again for UnderOath. Half way through they stopped to thank Jesus and shit, everyone seemed to cheer except for us. Coincidently we both lost our watches during the show. We pissed Jesus off. It was over about 10, wrung all the sweat out of my shirt and then started towards Ohio. Chris tried to drive, because my stomach was killin me from red bull and jumping around. He made it an hour or 2 and then said he was tired so then I drove the rest of the way while he slept. We got to my parents at 4am, and crashed. I got up at like 10 or 11. We picked my boy up around noonish and spent some time playin with him. His mom told me he hit his cousin with a broom stick in the face a couple times, I had a talk with him and he said he shoved him down and told him to " get up. get up pussy" Chris almost lost it. I showed him my piece of shit town, he asked what we did, I told him drugs, party, hang out, and cruise. It really sucks and I dread going back for good, but thats what I have to do to be with my boy. So we went back to my parents, I asked for some pics of my with my long hair because I don't have any. She brought out my high school pic when I was a junior in HS, I looked like a chick, it was when my hair was the longest, down to my shoulders, Chris laughed his head off. It has been so long since I saw them. I would have thought I was a chick, but I would have been a hot one, he said if I had tits he'd fuck me. I left them there and decided to leave them buried in their closet. I got a couple from when it was a little shorter, but I still look kind of gay. One is Christmas and I look stoned, I probably was though. It's funny when I see my dads pics from when he was a young hippy I always laugh and now my son will do the same to me. Ok but from there we went to the cookout for my grandmas bday. They were suprised, we hung out there with my family had some food and played with my cousins. Took my boy back to his moms said goodbye. Went back to my parents for about an hour and then hit the road, luckily I had to stop at my cousins before we left and he wasn't home so we drove around and my tire went flat. We put on the spare and stopped at his house and started to drive back. The spare started to go flat and no one was open so we went back to moms and spent another night. This morning we got a new tire on and made it back safely. It would have sucked if we would have been farther from my house and stranded somewhere with a flat. But we made it without getting in any trouble so all in all it was another happy adventure.

UnderOath and Silverstein Tomorrow!!!!!

So I am stoked for my road trip tomorrow, Chris and I are so dedicated to these awesome bands that we are driving 6 and a half hour to see these guys play together, though they are coming to 930club seperately in November. But since I am kind of Strapped for Time right now here is some sites to listen to them and the lyrics so you can read along. These are only the new songs lyrics but listen to all them because they kick ass! Just right click the band name and open in new window, it will open purevolume and click on the song there and listen!!

Silverstein
"Smile In Your Sleep"

When I'm lying in your bed play the motions through my head
you know that I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
and I have reasons to believe that I'm not the only
one you spend this time with, but I'll stay...

You say, you're weak,
you wont let me down
you lie through your teeth
you smile in your sleep

When we met you said we were the same, you know
that we're different, we're different,
and all the times you promised me that everything would
work out in the end, you were gravely mistaken

You lie, you lie through your teeth
you wont let me down, you lie
I deserve better than this
I dream of steel.
Maroon and warm, your end.
You gasp for air. I'll see this through,
I'll see through you, your pale blue eyes.

When you're lying in your bed, your eulogy's been read
You know that it's fitting, you lie.

You smile I deserve better than this

"Fist Wrapped In Blood"

(Come on!)

Finish me off, follow the plan
break all the bonds, sever the ties
and now your mission is complete, find and destroy me.
torturing me, with words from your lips
filleting my skin, pulling my teeth
please forgive me for not being good enough.

Drown your sorrows in my pain (pain)
and it's something you can't explain.
when I'm choking on words you'll never say (say)
and you'll never feel the same
(Same!)

Bound and gagged, I cannot move or speak
these things I want to say, I can't explain them anyway
so if I had it all again, if I could start from the first words I ever said
I would do it all the same.

Your joy is my pain
my fingers are yours to cut off
and my bones are yours to shatter in pieces.
my teeth are yours to pull out and my soul is yours to slowly rip apart.

I can't trust anyone I meet.
From now on, my chest feels more like
a fist wrapped in blood


UnderOath
"Reinventing Your Exit"

12th and hyde on a sunday
Feeling like were gold
And we're nothing short of invincible (INVICIBLE)

It starts again
Can you feel it
It takes your breath away
Stop saying that we're invincible
(its round and round)
Youre uninviting, unrewarding
And I'm misinforming you
Misinforming you

We all want to be, wanna be somebody
Right now we're just looking for the exit

This is the way I would have done things
Up against the wall
Up against the wall
You've got me up against your wall
This is the way I would have done things
Up against the wall
Up against the wall
You've got me up against your wall

Its you and me on a monday
The lies that we told
This is were we both go numb now
You broke my heart again this time
Your fading now you crossed the line
You crossed the line

Reaching out for a hand
Its not here
But your not here
Your not here

"It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door"

I've been up at this all night long
I've been drowning in my sleep
I've prayed for your safe place
And its time for us to leave

Time is running, its running on empty and the gas is running out
I've decided that tonight is the night
That I let love aside
Full speed ahead this seems to be the place
I've seen this once before
Planned perfection sought in my dreams
Hoping this would take you home

My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
So kiss me one last time

Around this turn where the cross will cast your shadow
The people will all gather
To remember such a day
Where the flames grew as high as trees
And the world stopped for you and me

I will now bring new meaning to the word alone
Endless nights of dreaming of life
And the days we should have spent here

Drowning in my sleep I'm drowning in my sleep
Drowning in my sleep I'm drowning in my sleep

Glass shatters and comes to a halt
I thought we'd be there by now
I thought it would be so much quicker than this

Pain has never been so brilliant
I made sure you were buckled in
Now you can walk hand in hand with him
Hand in hand with him

WTF was that?

Ok so we had this used books/movies and shit sale at work to raise money for our unit and shit. Well it was over yesterday and apparently canowine found a movie that he thought I'd like called The Doom Generation well it has Rose McGowen so I thought hell yeah. The cover says "Sex. Violence. Whatever." So again sounds like a great movie to me. Well I just finished watching it and had to blog about it NOW! This movie is the most fucked up thing I have ever seen, and I have seen some fucked up shit before. I think I really liked it because of the weirdness but damn it is nuts! I recommend that everyone see this movie, but I will warn you, it is not for people with weak stomachs. So Rose is this hot chick with a pussy stoner boyfriend, they pick up this other guy and they go to a store and end up accidently blowing the clerks head off, they run, chick sleeps with weird guy, pussy boyfriend doesn't care. Everywhere they go someone thinks Rose is someone else and they end up killing someone, also everywhere they buy stuff the total is $6.66 Well this goes on a couple times and then the last person who thinks she's someone hunts them down while both these guys are double penetrating her and they are ne-natzi(spelled wrong on purpose don't want that to come up on search engine) and they do crazy shit that I don't want to say so I don't ruin the ending because you have to see it to believe it. Fuckin-A I don't know if I can watch it again, though I may need to take it to Chris's and make him watch it. I think I can only watch it, if it's with someone who hasn't saw it. Kind of like Gummo That I had to watch because Chris and Mike kept talking about it but refused to watch with me, I had to watch it alone. Though this movie kind of has a point and does have a story line though it is quite sadistic. Please if anyone has seen The Doom Generation, please let me know and what you thought. All I can say is WHAT THE FUCK!

Fuck Katrina

So like when the tsunami hit whatever island over near asia, I thought it was pretty bad but truthfully I didn't give a shit as I am sure that most people felt but yet people still blogged about the tragedy and again with Katrina, thats all people are talking about. Well most hurricanes I wouldn't really give a shit either because the dumbasses who move to Florida know that they are going to be hit with several hurricanes every year and it's their own stupidity. It's not like living where tornadoes might hit because they are more sporadic, but Florida will get hit. Anyways this time it didn't hit Florida it hit further over where they weren't expecting it. And this would make me think damn that sucks but I'd still not lose any sleep over it. Well the other day I found out that one of my buddies that just transferred that way last month is ok though I don't know the details but his family is in Louisiana who I guess got hit hard. So my thoughts are definately with him and his family. People bitch about the looting, I say who cares if they rob the stores, they just lost a lot. But them shotting each other and hijacking red cross trucks is rediculous and those drivers should be carrying shotguns and blow those idiots heads off and then tie them to the hood so people will learn not to do retarded shit. But cops going to stop people from stealing from stores that are loaded with insurance instead of saving people who needed help...WTF? Again they have insurance, the person dying isn't going to come back like the stores new TV. Ok well now I managed to piss myself off. But it's almost FRIDAY and saturday is road trip!!