my scedule, an excuse for not blogging

So yeah, I know I always say I am gonna blog more, but apparently I never do. Seriously I don't understand how I can be so bored almost all the time, when in actuality I am almost always on the go. I guess its cuz my days. Monday is school from 7am-230, then work from 3-11, so I am not home. Tuesday is school from 7-11, then I get to come home and work on homework, til I work from 4-8. Then come and watch some TV. Wednesday is the same as Monday, I am not home, then Thursday is my day to do nothing, which means I usually have to do homework, clean up the house, and try to catch up on my DVR shows. Then every other weekend I get my son, so if I have him I get him Friday and spend the weekend with him. If I don't have him I work, usually I don't have to work until 4pm-10pm on Saturday which means I have Friday to do something but most my friends work 2nd shift, so I have no one to hang with until 11 when they get off and then they are usually tired. Saturday I usually can't do anything since I have to get up and work from 10am-10pm on Sunday, then do it all over!!! And between all this I am trying to get out enough in hopes of meeting someone that can deal with this shitty schedule I have and be able to talk to and get to know. Which if you have read or know anything about me is difficult because I hardly approach anyone. And in rare occasions(like once every 3 years) like 4 or 5 posts below, I get swamped with chicks for a week and I of course choose the wrong one, though in that case I think I chose the best one to have fun with while I could. The others were too far away and still would have went to shit. But anyways...

So things have been the same lately, busy but boring. Trying to get shit for christmas, been planning on my next tattoo that I need money for. But yeah thats about the just of my life lately...sucks... Trying to keep positive which is very very hard... But thats about all for now, I am tired and going to bed early... Sweet Dreams!

man-period over...and AC/DC

So thankfully I got over mytle man-period thing pretty quickly. Shit just kinda esculated and I of course had to make a bit of an ass of myself. But thats what I do. But I am all better now, its not like smilie was a great or really even a good person, she was just cool. Keep on looking. NEXT! lol. Yeah if only it wsa that easy, I Need to set up interviews. So school is still going, last week was just kind of a pain in the ass, I felt overwhelmed with everything even though I missed 2 days to go see ACD/DC in concert, I don't think I even mentioned it cuz all the other shit.. They kicked ass of course! We had decent seats on the lower level, though we were kinda straight back, at least we weren't up in the nose bleeds! It was a good time, and I got to do it with my parents, so that was fun. Last time I saw a concert with them was Lynyrd Skynyrd and ZZ top. But now I'm back to normal, no more day dreaming about stupid shit and texting a million times a day. I am pretty sure she found someone to treat her more like shit, so thats good for her. I just don't understand why women do it, but hey its their perogative. Just keep hopin someday someone will actually appreciate that I am not a dick. But time is going fast and I need to get back to class.... Have fun!

Drama...

SO Smilie and me of course didn't last long. and unfortuantely we didn't even get to hold our conversation in person. She was being wuite hostile to me the last couple nights over IM and I had been drinking tonight because as I have said I have been upset and that is how I deal with it even if it is the wrong way. SO I sent her a message explaining certain things and she said maybe we should just be friends and ok, I am pretty cool with that. I really like her as a person, I thought that maybe because we are kinda similar that we could work dating, I know she is on the rebound or whatever. But she tried to insinuate that she has hooking for money and tried to judge me for drinking while me son was here even though he is asleep. I think bad enough of myself for it, but I have been stressed and I spend all day sober with him and have fun and don't leave to go party like I have tried and done in the past. It is not like I make him go fetch mu drinks like I used to do for my dad. I don't put him through shit like that, even though I didn't know it at that time, now that I do. I shouldnt have been doing that shit! Anyways so that just feuls the fire in me.... I should have know that shit can never go good for me, even for a little while, things alwasy for to shit! Its funny recently I got Slipknots self titled album and been thinking about the past... let me leave you with a quote from surfacing.... "Fuck it all, fuck this world, fuck everything that you stand for, Don't belong, don't exist, don't give a shit, don't ever judge me"

It always comes back around

When I start to see a glimpse of light somewhere up ahead it seems that a dark cloud comes in quickly. SO where to begin... Things with Smilie were going really good, we were having fun and enjoying each others company, but something happened and we haven't been able to get together and talk about it yet. She just said that we needed to slow down, a little more, last weekend she stayed at my place, like wed, thurs, and friday. Things were really good, not sure which way that scared her. But thats one thing. Then school has been getting to me. I am just tired of it! It keeps creeping in my mind that all this work is for nothing, last year I worked hard to become an EMT and look where that got me, jack fucking shit! Then I am in comp 2 because I took comp one online in like 2004, I sent for my transcripts and they said I owe them 450, that my credit card was declined, way back then and for some reason they just never told me. So what now is my work for comp 2 gonna count, am I gonna have to take comp 1 again? The familiar feelings of failure and desire to drink into oblivion are closing in on me. I have been doing so well on just letting things go and just being somewhat happy. Things with SMilie was open, I didn't really care or think about if she was hanging out with other guys or whatever, but with the darkness comes all of this insecurity. We're not even together officially but thoughts still flood my head when they shouldn't, just to add to the turmoil. I don't fucking know. I have my son and will be watchin my 14 yr old cousin this weekend, so hopefully they will distract me.