October Update

Wouldn't it be awesome if I came in saying that I won the lottery or something great happened... Yeah but that type of shit don't happen to me! SO where shall we start? Work still sucks, I am getting more hours, 37 a week, at my main job which still isn't enough to really afford my bills, I am still working 1 day a week at the other job til the end of the month. I am really tired of it, the autistic guy I work with is a real pain in the ass and has gotten physical with me, last week he ripped off my necklace for the 2nd time and scratched a nice gash in my neck. I am still not sure how I restrained myself but I did remain somewhat calm and took a couple deep breaths. But thats enough to put me over the edge.
Lets see last I was waiting to hear from the nursing program, if I can come up with 100 by the end of the month I can be on the list to finish my classes in spring of 2011... so I am going to start in Jan for a degree in Visual communications, photography, video, and web stuff that I have always enjoyed. Again I doubt I will find a job as that but I will at least be able to get my GI bill while waiting for the nursing. And who knows maybe I will come across a job in it... then I won't have to go back.
In other news still just sit around most the time I'm not at work. Got a big Halloween party on Sat that should be fun as hell, we are havin a hairy buffalo, kewler stew, grog, or whatever you wanna call it when u mix a shitload of clear alcohols in a cooler with fruit. I will be going as a priest, well a catholic one because I will be flashing my goods and harassing little boys, well boys since everyone has to be over 21. But should be fun... Thats about it for now, hope everyone elses lives are going better!

Make up your own snappy title...

So its not as if anyone reads this anyway... most of my hits are from people trying to find out if the Marlboro Ranch thing is for real or not... Anyways so life still hasn't picked up from last post, to be honest everything is exactly the same! I am broke and living mainly off my credit card in hopes that I will somehow come into money to pay them off before I exceede the limits. So I know I was slightly depressed in last couple posts, but now that my son is back in school I am back in familiar territory of not having a reason not to drink! I do work 3rd 6 nights a week now... 5 at the assisted living facility and 1 at my old job with mentally handicapp in hopes of actually affording my bills... though I only work 6 hour shifts at my assisted living... SO I sleep in til 3 or so and get up and lounge til its time to go to work... usually make a drink or 2... A friend who is recently laid off and I are trying to start working out, to give me a reason to get up and give him something to do other than take care of his sick father, who has brain cancer and has not been feeling good.

Also 3 of us have started our own Midwestern Drinking Society(MDS) since we have been drinking slightly more than usual... Even though we are all poor, we take turns buying when we can... the one thing that helps us get together and forget about most of our problems in life. Not very good therapy and we know it, but it works for now... and we are thinking ahead that if we get this thing going it can be a mix of "Old School" and "Beerfest"... I decieded that I want a MDS sponsored Beerfest by 2012! We've heard of a beer olympics happening here sometime... so we figured that would be a good place to go completely public, as we have been setting up our rules and regulations... But as it is getting late it's time for me to start getting ready for work... yay... NOT!

Down down down...

Hello world... its been a while. Life has been fairly shitty like usual, like I should have expected anything different. Work actually has not been too bad, except I only work 4 days a week so I don't make enough money to pay all my bills. I just finished all of my savings this month so now I am completely poor and don't know how I am gonna survive next month. Also I work with a chick 2 of the 4 days who is a piece of shit, she doesn't really work and it just annoys me knowing that she has a job, she should be fired and just pay me her salary too... I do all the work anyway! Speaking of chicks, there still are none, the one that was supposed to be moving up here, we were talking for a week or 2 and things were cool, then she stopped talking to me and thats been it. My cuz who she was supposed to move up here with said she hasn't heard from her either.

Whoever said money can't by happiness was a fool. The last several weeks while I watched my savings dwindle to nothing my depression has been rising. Everytime it does all I hear in the back of my head is that my life is worth $250,000. That would be enough to help my parents for a while and hopefully keep my son from going through this crap. Then its even worse to realize that your death could be what is best for your family. Obviously I have overcame these looming thoughts before and hopefully will again but it just sucks and its obviously a subject best not discussed. I usually burn thru my savings in summer but then start back in school and start adding back to it but this year I can't start fall classes because I have to wait for the school board to approve my application for nursing program and until that happens there are no classes for me to take. SO I am fucked! Lets see if and how I can get out of this hole...

Jumping off a bridge

So I know that I pretty much never get on here anymore. Mostly because not a lot has changed. I did get a new job working a retirement home instead of with menatlly handicap. I did however meet a cool hot chick that is friends with my cuz who should be moving up here from southern Ohio in a couple weeks. We will see how that goes. ALso went and spent the weekend at a lake house with some friends. Included fun in the sun, chilling on a boat in my speedo and oh yeah I jumped off a bridge! Here is my Youtube video of it and if u want check out my channel and see some of my drunken boxing videoes.

Short Update

Another update.. Lets start with I saw Silverstein for the 6th time in concert a couple weeks ago. I think I cannot see them in Detroit again. The first time I did I ended up breaking a guys arm, this time I took a friend, but we got lost thanks to yahoo maps directions that led us to Canada, where we were detained for trying to cross the border without passports. We got lost several times but found the place before it started... the show was great, got some good pics. Then we got lost trying to get home several times as well as almost running out of gas from being parked on the highway for no apparent reason. Other than that things have been pretty much the same, just work and school. My finals are tomorrow... my last chance to pass my anatomy class.. which I have a final test and then a comprehensive final right after! Then my Poetry final which I will prob not do well in but I am pretty sure I will still pass it reguardless. I got a laptop finally!! A week before school was up...lol. But it rocks, I love it and now am addicted to it. I sometimes get internet at work, where I am now. Taking a break from studying anatomy... my brain is fried! Looking foreward to Cinco de Mayo, celebrate my independence from this semester of school... and prob drown some sorrows about being lonely as usual. I've been really tired of being single. Which is good timing cuz cinco de mayo is when HB broke up with me, what like 2 years ago. Which was my last real relationship... the one that claimed was my girlfriend since was just a title, and the others have only been friends with benefits... I miss that warm happy feeling. But whatever.. I try to meet people but this just isn't the area for it... I'm hating this place more and more... but hopefully spending the summer with my son will help cheer me up... though he doesn't get out of school for another month... Well guess need to get back to studying... YAY NOT!

My tat finished

I know I look pale but it's winter!!

Marlboro Ranch

So I know it's been forever, I have been pretty busy between work and school. They have me working more hours at work now, and school is kicking my ass! But I have been back for just over a week from my trip to Marlboro Ranch in Montana, it was amazing!!!! Everything was free, free gourmet meals buffet style so you can eat as much as you wanted!Snacks all day in between, free alcohol from 5pm-1230am. Packed scedule of activities, free gear inclyding a parka, gloves, some badass boots and socks. a fat check to cover the pay you were missing from not being at work. The view was crazy out there everywhere you looked looked like a postcard. I had to come back to flat ass Ohio, sucked! But My friend and I had a blast, we went on a wilderness thing and just saw terrific views being surrounded by mountains. We went tubing and snowmobiling. We line danced, toured Yellowstone national park. We didn't get to hook up with any ladies, most were couples and the ones that were just girls were taking back home and stood by thir man even though we tried...lol. We did meet a couple cool as people though. We were put into a drawing to go back in the summer, that would be great if we won that! SO if you're a smoker I suggest you smoke Marlboro, they take care of ya! And if you quit like I did almost 2 years ago, keep on their mailing list and give the coupons to people you know that smoke!!! Gotta run to class! I got pics on my myspace.... take to long to put them here, I took over 200!!!! LAtaz!

New Tat!!

It hurt pretty bad, but the main problem was trying to get comfortable and to keep myself from flinching, my body kept trying to jerk and I had to concentrate on not!!

New Year or same old shit?

So I am back in school, of course as usual things don't work out for me, ever! So I was supposed to only have 2 classes this semester and have all 12 credits to be considered full time. Well the first day, before my nursing class started they asked if I was there and I said yeah, they said I had to go talk to someone cuz I wasn't supposed to be in the class. Apparently I am not yet accepted into the nursing program, and I can't be in the class until I am accepted, and then there are no openings til next fall. I don't understand how I could have had a seat already but now I have to wait so long. So that class was 8 credits, I had to find a way to make them up. Since it was the first day of school, most classes were already filled. Plus I have all the classes I need except the nursing ones! I ended up gettin an understanding poetry class. and a microsoft apps online class. I hate takin online classes because I slack on them too much! But that is only 6 credits so I am only considered a 3/4 time student which fucks with my GI Bill and my monthly payments. WHich I will prob survive, but I am fucked on spring quarter! I'm going to have to get a second job or find a way to get more hours at work!

Not sure if I mentioned it here yet or not, I did have 1 stroke of luck, I won a trip through Marlboro(cigarettes) a trip to their ranch in Montana. All expenses paid, they give me money, and all kinds of shit. Thats going to be Feb 18-21. That will be my buddy and I. Should be fun! I am finally getting started on my new tattoo on wednesday! I am excited, its taken a while because I came up with my concept and my artist was having a hard time trying to make it into a tat... We argued, discussed and made some compromises, and finally came out with a badass sketch! I should put a pic up wed or thurs.. I'm sure it will prob only be an outline, it's gonna be on my side. I know people think why are you doing this when you are constantly bitching about money problems and being broke. This money is from a check I got back from the school last quarter, I put it away for this as part of my christmas present to myself. I never really buy myself anything and I have been missing out on the concerts I wanna see because of school, work, and the weekends I have my son. I never really have "ME" time to be able to see any! SO I save all that into one thing for myself! Plus when things are down, the pain and watching something cool develop like that makes me happy! But that is about it for now.

Happy New Year...updated with pic...lol

SO hope everyone had a safe and happy new years. I did. I spent it with 2 of my buddies and their girlfriends, and on eof theirs had a 6 year old son. SO we got drunk, I decided that before I got drunk that I wanted to get naked and only wear a party hat over my genitals, which I did. You can find that pic below, don't worry you can't see any of the party bits. But we also did some drunken boxing. I don't think I posted about Christmas night. We did some drunken boxing which resulted in me and my bud busting our lips open, but it was all in fun, when someone landed a good blow we stopped and gave time to recover. We New Years he fought the other guy and it was pretty good though the other guy was like 6 inches short and almost a hundred pounds lighter. It was still cool and fun, and we decided that we need to make it a regular event and we started putting them on myspace today...lol. I'm still bugging my tattoo guy to get my tat done soon, he is doing like last time and afraid he can't take my concept and make it look good, but I have faith that he can!
Took my son to see Bedtime Stories today, it was really a great movie. It was a story good for adults and when you notice the usul characters that are in all Adam Sandlers movies, it makes you chuckle. It was really a story for everyone. I loved it. But thast about it. Spent holidays with family and I think My parents, my cousin and I decided that next year we are going to go on vacation for christmas, we are hoping for Vegas! Fuck this winter and running around and little bits of drama, it wasn't too bad but fuck the only part I want is to watch my son open and play with his toys, this will give me an excuse to get it over earlier, so I don't have to mess with him mom and get him for a couple hours here and there. We'll see how that works, but thats the plan.
I can't wait for school to start so I can get back to the gym and stop being a lazy ass! and on that note I am out!

Christmas card...kinda

Recently a friend said that I should use a pic of my son adn I on our christmas cards, but I don't send any, but then I started thinking about the little letters that sometimes go with them. There are many people who I haven't really talked to since I have been back in Ohio, so I thought I'd write one up and probably send it to them on myspace since that is the only place that I really keep in touch. SO here is my year in review christmas card...

My life this year has been prett boring, like usual. I still work taking care of mentally handicap people. I'm still working with the older gentleman that I have since I started. He has a roomamate now, a 24 year old guy who gets pretty cranky at times. I also take out a 23 year old autistic guy once a week. He is non-verbal, so I get to spill my guts to him and not worry about him telling anyone. Its hard at times but very rewarding, knowing how much I am helping even just being there with them. I am still in school, I spent a year to become a state certified EMT, but no one is hiring, one was except my DUI was within the last 5 years and that company couldn't hire me. So now I am going for LPN. Got to keep going to school, because my GI Bill is paying the bills, my job doesn't pay too well.

Highlights of the year.. Just spending time with my son, we are really close again. FOr Spring break I drove down to Georgia and slept in my car on the beach for a couple days, just me and my guitar, it was a nice getaway. Spent the whole summer with my son and my cousin, trying to keep him out of trouble. I've got a couple more tats, should be working on another in the next couple weeks! Didn't get to as many concerts as I would hope due to finances, scedule, and location but I did get to see Cruefest(Motley crue, buckcherry, Sixx:AM), AC/DC, Sick Puppies, Saving Abel, The Bravery, Saliva, Sevendust, The Kills, The Black Keys, Mr.Gnome and some smaller bands. But thats about it.

my scedule, an excuse for not blogging

So yeah, I know I always say I am gonna blog more, but apparently I never do. Seriously I don't understand how I can be so bored almost all the time, when in actuality I am almost always on the go. I guess its cuz my days. Monday is school from 7am-230, then work from 3-11, so I am not home. Tuesday is school from 7-11, then I get to come home and work on homework, til I work from 4-8. Then come and watch some TV. Wednesday is the same as Monday, I am not home, then Thursday is my day to do nothing, which means I usually have to do homework, clean up the house, and try to catch up on my DVR shows. Then every other weekend I get my son, so if I have him I get him Friday and spend the weekend with him. If I don't have him I work, usually I don't have to work until 4pm-10pm on Saturday which means I have Friday to do something but most my friends work 2nd shift, so I have no one to hang with until 11 when they get off and then they are usually tired. Saturday I usually can't do anything since I have to get up and work from 10am-10pm on Sunday, then do it all over!!! And between all this I am trying to get out enough in hopes of meeting someone that can deal with this shitty schedule I have and be able to talk to and get to know. Which if you have read or know anything about me is difficult because I hardly approach anyone. And in rare occasions(like once every 3 years) like 4 or 5 posts below, I get swamped with chicks for a week and I of course choose the wrong one, though in that case I think I chose the best one to have fun with while I could. The others were too far away and still would have went to shit. But anyways...

So things have been the same lately, busy but boring. Trying to get shit for christmas, been planning on my next tattoo that I need money for. But yeah thats about the just of my life lately...sucks... Trying to keep positive which is very very hard... But thats about all for now, I am tired and going to bed early... Sweet Dreams!

man-period over...and AC/DC

So thankfully I got over mytle man-period thing pretty quickly. Shit just kinda esculated and I of course had to make a bit of an ass of myself. But thats what I do. But I am all better now, its not like smilie was a great or really even a good person, she was just cool. Keep on looking. NEXT! lol. Yeah if only it wsa that easy, I Need to set up interviews. So school is still going, last week was just kind of a pain in the ass, I felt overwhelmed with everything even though I missed 2 days to go see ACD/DC in concert, I don't think I even mentioned it cuz all the other shit.. They kicked ass of course! We had decent seats on the lower level, though we were kinda straight back, at least we weren't up in the nose bleeds! It was a good time, and I got to do it with my parents, so that was fun. Last time I saw a concert with them was Lynyrd Skynyrd and ZZ top. But now I'm back to normal, no more day dreaming about stupid shit and texting a million times a day. I am pretty sure she found someone to treat her more like shit, so thats good for her. I just don't understand why women do it, but hey its their perogative. Just keep hopin someday someone will actually appreciate that I am not a dick. But time is going fast and I need to get back to class.... Have fun!

Drama...

SO Smilie and me of course didn't last long. and unfortuantely we didn't even get to hold our conversation in person. She was being wuite hostile to me the last couple nights over IM and I had been drinking tonight because as I have said I have been upset and that is how I deal with it even if it is the wrong way. SO I sent her a message explaining certain things and she said maybe we should just be friends and ok, I am pretty cool with that. I really like her as a person, I thought that maybe because we are kinda similar that we could work dating, I know she is on the rebound or whatever. But she tried to insinuate that she has hooking for money and tried to judge me for drinking while me son was here even though he is asleep. I think bad enough of myself for it, but I have been stressed and I spend all day sober with him and have fun and don't leave to go party like I have tried and done in the past. It is not like I make him go fetch mu drinks like I used to do for my dad. I don't put him through shit like that, even though I didn't know it at that time, now that I do. I shouldnt have been doing that shit! Anyways so that just feuls the fire in me.... I should have know that shit can never go good for me, even for a little while, things alwasy for to shit! Its funny recently I got Slipknots self titled album and been thinking about the past... let me leave you with a quote from surfacing.... "Fuck it all, fuck this world, fuck everything that you stand for, Don't belong, don't exist, don't give a shit, don't ever judge me"

It always comes back around

When I start to see a glimpse of light somewhere up ahead it seems that a dark cloud comes in quickly. SO where to begin... Things with Smilie were going really good, we were having fun and enjoying each others company, but something happened and we haven't been able to get together and talk about it yet. She just said that we needed to slow down, a little more, last weekend she stayed at my place, like wed, thurs, and friday. Things were really good, not sure which way that scared her. But thats one thing. Then school has been getting to me. I am just tired of it! It keeps creeping in my mind that all this work is for nothing, last year I worked hard to become an EMT and look where that got me, jack fucking shit! Then I am in comp 2 because I took comp one online in like 2004, I sent for my transcripts and they said I owe them 450, that my credit card was declined, way back then and for some reason they just never told me. So what now is my work for comp 2 gonna count, am I gonna have to take comp 1 again? The familiar feelings of failure and desire to drink into oblivion are closing in on me. I have been doing so well on just letting things go and just being somewhat happy. Things with SMilie was open, I didn't really care or think about if she was hanging out with other guys or whatever, but with the darkness comes all of this insecurity. We're not even together officially but thoughts still flood my head when they shouldn't, just to add to the turmoil. I don't fucking know. I have my son and will be watchin my 14 yr old cousin this weekend, so hopefully they will distract me.