Long Overdue

I wanted to do an update for a long time but things kept coming up. If I had posted this 2 weeks ago it would be full of happiness and unable to believe the life I have been given. Some ups and downs but over all a great life. I have several jobs that I enjoy doing. I get paid well. The bartender and I got married last year after dating for 3 years. We bought a house. Kids are for the most part good kids. She is no longer a bartender, she works for the county. I am a Paramedic/ Fire Fighter/ Navy reservist. Believe it or not I quit smoking about 7 months ago, I quit drinking on Memorial day to prove that I could. We were on a family vacation to North Carolina when it all came crashing down. I found out that some suspicions I had about my wife talking to another guy was true. And that he was not the first one. This has been going on for 8 months of our one year marriage. My life seems like a sham. I feel like a fool. I have soooo many questions. She has answered some of them. But not nearly enough. We are supposed to have marriage counseling tomorrow but I don't know how to overcome the lies. I haven't been able to eat of sleep in week. Even taking medications for anxiety, sleeping pills, benedryl, 151 still doesn't let me stop the thoughts and sleep. I'm shaky and crying non stop. Why does this have to happen to me? I thought that she was the one. I might try to come back on here more often. I don't feel like I have anyone I can really talk to. I don't want to make her out to be the bad guy. I know I have my faults drinking and doing stupid shit, but I never lied and hid things....