Unrealized Dreams

As I sit here bored at work just like every other day counting down til I can go home, I've been thinking of all the great things I thought I was going to do once i got out of the military. I was going to go to school, I was going to get a great government job, I was going to start working out more. All of these things would be realized since I wouldn't be working 2 jobs anymore, I would have all of this free time, yet here I sit still with nothing accomplished. Granted the school and job thing needs to wait until I move but still. I have always lacked motivation. HB and I were talking last night a bit about it. When I have free time I usually want nothing more than to sit and veg in front of the TV. I barely even read the book that I wanted to because there is things on TV. I don't work out. I have a set of dumbells in the basement I figured I could lift a bit everyday while I watched TV but no I sit and mess around on my computer or spend an hour playing with my guitar and continually leaning an easy part of a song that I never intend to finish leaning the whole thing. My life is always full of unrealized dreams. I start something and never finish it. Hell like 2 years ago I started working towards a degree, I took 3 classes, failed one but passed the other 2 and that was it. No more since then. Hell I start to try to seek medical care before I got out but didn't really finish or follow up. I think I've slightly mentioned a few times but it is kinda embarrassing, they said I have irritable bowel syndrome. For the past 2 years or so my poo is more like soft serve to water. It has gotten somewhat controllable lately since it seems to hit just right. I get to work clock in and then wham there it is, usually just once a day but sometimes more. They gave me a couple different fiber things but didn't really help so I just stopped taking it and deal with it. I should have had a GI scan done to figure out what exactly was the cause but never followed through. This I can blame a small amount of my fatigue and lethargia but the rest is my fault. Maybe its depression or uncertainty or ADD I have no clue but it is something that I don't know how to correct. Maybe its just my dumbass being lazy. This obviously isn't the first time I've realized this, but why didn't I get help when I had medical. My strongest reason has been that if anything goes down between me and my ex then I have a clean "mental" slate when it comes to medical records which I know she doesn't. Another is I just don't like talking to others about my problems, I never have I probably never will. I mean something yes I will tell friends or the people it affects but when it comes to inner turmoil, I think its best to remain in and it will eventually go away. I know its not true but like everything else, I know most the facts, I know what I do is wrong, I know there is some chance that my problems could be solved somehow medically but I don't. Maybe its pride or whatever. I really have no clue all I know is I can't fix it. Will I someday, probably not. It just seems I am constantly in limbo. I'm gonna do this when I transfer, I'm gonna do this when I get out, I'm gonna do this when I move to Texas, I'm gonna do this when we get our house, when will it end. When will it finally be that time. When will I stop procrastinating. Short answer- probably when I die.