The set up

So far Ohio hasn't been to bad but as I said before at least I have more distractions and people to talk to than my last days in Maryland. It's been over a week and last night was the first night I got to sleep in my new place. Amuzingly its not as quiet here as it was in Maryland. I have new scars covering my body. I have been constantly working on the apartment to keep myself occupied busting my knuckles all along the way. I electrocuted myself the other day installing ceiling fans even though there was no power to the lines, I have no clue how that happened, I've stabbed myself with broken lightbulbs, I burnt my back working on the roof, I just keep moving. Until last night Friday night here alone, I sat on my chair next to the window listening to the sounds around me, sweating my ass off from not having an air conditioner in the living room only in the bedrrom. I sat and took turns reading my book, playing my guitar, and just watching tv. It was a little lonely but it was also a little conforting. I can sit here with my body sore and my mind clear and just be. But as soon as I get in bed no matter how tired I am, I just toss and turn and still can't get to sleep. My mind is still aching and still toiling over the events that put me here and now. Tonight me and my parents are going gambling in Indiana, my mom made a comment thatr she got me my own room if I wanted someone to go with me, I said I have no one to go with. She said she felt bad that I am stuck hanging out with them, I just smiled and said at least I have you guys. I've forgotten how important my family is. My parents don't have much money yet they have probably spent at least a thousand dollars repairing this old apartment for me. My dad has been getting up at 5am and working til 730 or 8 then before eating would come upstairs and keep working on the plumming or whatever still needed to be done. Its actually bringing tears to my eyes right now. After losing someone I love, I forgot about the others who love me even more than I could realize. My time I have been spending with my son has been good we only had one fight about him eating lettuce and tomato. Though I was very irritaed and he was throwing a fit like I was trying to kill him I could only laugh at the silliness of it all. I have yet to see any of my friends here nor make new ones, I still haven't even attempted to find a job, I am quickly running out of money, but it doesn't seem to bother me much. Suprisingly it is a little different than before. It's not the "I don't give a fuck" attitude that has brought me to depression many times before, It's more of a " I don't need to worry myself, everything will work out" attitude that I so needed at many points in my life. The apartment is finished, now its time to work on me, my body, my mind, my carrer, my relationship with my family and my son. I need to learn how to not let my past failures haunt my dreams.