The fall...

It started last week. On tuesday I was suppsed to be starting with a new person for once a week at my job. He is a guy close to my age with autism. I work up to my computer crashed. I was downloading new music. I was pissed and tried fixing it in an hour before heading to my cousins for my weekly hanging out and trying to help be a good role model to him and helping him pratice his guitar between his lessons as well as for myself to learn what he has learned. I went and hung out and then went to meet my new guy who ended up having a fit after we picked him up and ate dinner, he threw the lady who was training mes glasses across the room. SO he was picked up by his parents. I took my computer to my friends dads who is a computer guy. He figured out my hard drive was fried and had an extra one. He stayed up late fixing it and putting all the crap back on it. The next day I brought it home and started to put all my stuff back on it. I tried to download anti-virus software and ended up getting viruses! An hour after I brought it home. I was moments away from smashing it. But he spent so much time to help me, he had recently went surgery for brain cancer. I felt like a dick for letting this happen. SO instead I put on my gloves and hit my puching bag for almost an hour, straight hard asss punches. When I took off my gloves, my knuckles were skinned alive! It was bad, they have been bleeding and oozing since, everytime I bend them they crack open. It sucks. Well, I was due to go to Rhode Island, right about now actually, to visit my friend who is on mid break from Iraq, I haven't seen in a lonjg time, if you are an old reader it is CG that I used to hang out with. Well she was talkin mad stuff about me visiting then she wouldn't give me her addy, a number or call me since she's been back. I'm hoping its just her being busy and shit even tho, she read my message and left me a comment about being home and shit on myspace. But who knows, I am just upset about it all!Then shit with school starting soon, lack of money, bills, and the lack of confidence about going to England to visit Ech her this fall. I have just been pissy and on the rocks. That and the fact that I haven't been laid in shit very close to a year!!! That is crazy! I need to get some ass!! But I don't wanna get another skank and all that horeshit. Oh yeah I did cave in last week and smoked some weed, finally, only once but damn it fucked me up and made me paranoid as shit!! It'd been like 6 years or so! I have been just craving an escape from it all, it was nice for a night I have been cravin trip too!! I miss that shit! Who knows if I'll find any or do any, and to be honest who cares? Well fuck it, just trying to survive the best way I know how, and I have stress to relieve that I can't seem to do in other ways!