I finally got to see Silverstein live and let me tell you, they kicked ass! I finally got my new digital camera and apparently I broke it. So Gym Class heroes were the first band, they also opened for when Hawthorne Heights was here a while ago. They sucked pretty bad. I still don't understand why they are opening for these screamo bands, they are hip hop. Oh well. SO while they were on stage me and my crew chilled in line to get shirts and drunk. Then when they were on their last song, they made me lead the way to the front since I am tall and skinny they assumed I could see and fit into small spaces and they could follow, which did work. I got us real close to the stage. Silverstein came out, everyone was jumpin and screamin, I took a couple of pics and then my new camera stopped working, I don't know what I did but I can't get the ones I did take onto the computer. I am really close to hitting it with a hammer. At the end I caught 2 water bottles thrown to the crowd, thank god, it was hot up there! And a buddy got a drumstick, bastard.
SO Silverstein ended we went back and drank some more, it is really important that if you drink a lot, to get really close to the stage, to dehydrate yourself more. If you drink a lot and just stand back you don't sweat it out and have to piss alot. SO when Fallout Boy took the stage, we weren't impressed, we came for Silverstein. But decided to go out and start mosh pits. It was awesome, 3 of us making our way through the crowd and then just start slamming into each other and then others joined in and we bailed towards the stage. It is a good way to make room if you can. We sucessfully started at least 3 pits and made our way to the front, there was just one fat bitch and her skinny hippy boyfriend between us and the barrier. I would have took some pics but my fuckin camera sucks ass! Don't ever buy anything from dell!!!!
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Silverstein!!!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Man Rules
I finally finished my leadership course. Yay! But tomorrow I have to take my PT test, which for me is about 50 pushups, 80 situps and run a mile and a half in about 11 mins. I hate all of them, especially running. Ok back to my Man rules, so I had this emailed to me today. I didn't know that by being a man I am supposed to follow a certain set of rules. There are always the underlying rules that every man knows they should follow but that's not for the rest of the world to know about, so here are the ones that can be posted for the general public.
Rules To Be a Man
(50 ways to keep your Testosterone flowing)
1. Don't call, ever.
2. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself.
3. Lie.
4. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as "Spike".
5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them.
6. Here's a good pickup line, "My girlfriend's pregnant, will you go out with me?
7. Drink Vernors.
8. Play with yourself. Talk about it.
9. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do.
10. Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault.
11. Lie.
12. Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths.
13. Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help - don't ask. People will think you have no penis.
14. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
15. Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check your hair, clothing, etc.
16. If you don't like a girl, but can't think of a good enough reason why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don't know. I just don't like her personality."
17. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.
18. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit.
19. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine.
20. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on her.
21. Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1.
22. Say things like "Wha...?"
23. Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks.
24. Lie.
25. Deny everything. Everything.
26. Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me."
27. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her. Because if any of your female friends like you, they'll really want to know.
28. Don't have a clue.
29. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.
30. No means yes.
31. Yes means no.
32. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. Enforce this rule at all times.
33. If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions and locations. Improvise.
34. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often signifies the end of a relationship.
35. Feelings? What feelings?
36. Tell this to your girl before you have sex, "Don't worry. If you don't have an orgasm, you won't get pregnant.".
37. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ass.
38. Gays are an unacceptable part of our society. Take it upon yourself to personally eradicate all of them from the planet.
39. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. Example: Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day.".
40. Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual meaning. Do so.
41. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various genitalia. If, by chance, you have Play-Doh, make sure you make an exact replica of your penis. Measure to make sure it's right.
42. Lie.
43. "Love" is not in your vocabulary. Don't even think about saying
it.
44. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it.
45. Diss your girl friend. Beg and plead until you get her back. Diss her again. Repeat cycle.
46. Lie.
47. ALWAYS apologize. NEVER mean it.
48. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't.
49. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's birthday and eye color.
50. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see you.
Tomorrow: SILVERSTEIN and FALLOUT BOY!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
More Useless Facts
First I'd like to apologize to anyone who cares that I haven't been able to post lately. I have been to busy going to this leadership course and working to even read other peoples blogs. It sucks, but next week I'll be back to normal. Monday night our Color Guard team is supposed to present the colors for the National Anthem for the Wizards playoff game aginst the Bulls. I am hopefully going to be a part of it! Here's my random useless knowledge that has been building up since the last one:
In Maine, it's illegal for a police officer to tell you to have a nice day after giving you a traffic ticket.
You have probably heard someone say "He's not the man he used to be." This is literally true!! Except for the minerals in the enamel of teeth, every molecule in the human body is, on the average, replaced once every 7 years.
Toilet seats are usually one of the cleanest surfaces around the home or office, probably because they are frequently cleaned. Phones, computer keyboards, desktops, sink faucets and doorknobs are commonly inhabited by 10,000 to up to 100,000 bacteria per square inch.
The biggest dog on record was an Old English Mastiff that weighed 343 pounds. He was 8 feet, 3 inches from nose to tail
160 cars can drive side by side on the Monumental Axis in Brazil, the world's widest road.
Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.
An employee of the Alabama Department of Transportation installed spyware on his boss's computer and proved that the boss spent 10% of his time working (20% of time checking stocks and 70% of the time playing solitaire). The employee was fired, the boss kept his job.
The world's largest book, "Bhutan: A Visual Odyssey" is in a Chicago public library. The book measures 5 feet tall by 7 feet wide when open. It weighs 133 pounds.
In 2004, one in six girls in the United States enter puberty at age 8. A hundred years ago, only one in a hundred entered puberty that early.
A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did when it was new, because of the -ahem- debris which is absorbed through the years. That debris includes dust mites (their droppings and their decaying bodies), mold, millions of dead skin cells, dandruff, animal and human hair, secretions, excretions, lint, pollen, dust, soil, sand and a lot of perspiration, of which the average person loses a quart per day. Good night!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Garbage
Ok as you can see below the pics suck. It was packed and there was no way of getting closer. The show was good, Garbage rocked, the ending was confusing and phasmagorical(I always like when I can use that word). First on the list was the Dead 60s, I heard their song "Riot on the Radio" on the comp and dug it. Most of their songs sounded the same, but it did rock. During the perfomance of "Riot..." the lead singer pulled out a cowbell and started playing it. This was our highlight of their performance. As all should know Will Farrell did a skit on SNL playing Blue Oyster Cult and was playing the cowbell, it was hilarious. But I would have to say they were just OK. We met them outside and talked a bit, they were pretty cool people. Again I was a little upset that there wasn't stickers there and complained to the band who went into their RV and got us stickers.
At the end of the intermission the lights dimmed and Johnny Cash's version of Hurt came on. God that's such an awesome cover. At the end of it Garbage took the stage, the crowd goes wild. They played an awesome mix of old and new stuff. Shirley Manson was hot as hell with her short skirt, fishnet stockings and a top that had pretty much no back. I think they said on the radio she's 37, she has to be the hottest 37 year old ever! She seemed to make eye contact with everyone in the audience at some point of their performance, which was great, it really made you feel she was there for just you. I'm sure she was eying me, of cource I was the tallest guy leaning on the bar wearing a bright orange shirt(that was my plan). Ok they break and come back for their encore. On the 3rd song which I think was "Sex is not the enemy", it was a new song, I was pretty drunk by this time as well. She was talking about showing us something and pulled the top of her top down, as we could see earlier from her back, she wasn't wearing a bra. So top comes down and she has a wrap or something, all we could see was tan, no boobs or nipples. Here's the phantasmagorical part... So police take the stage and grab her dragging her off from stage, the band seems mad, the drummer thows a drumstick at the police guy taking her. Another one takes the stage and grabs the mic and says shows over. Many of us stood there in disbelief, light came on they started taking apart the set. Was she really arrested for pretending to flash the audience, or was it an act? I listened to the radio this morning and they were debating it but never gave me an answer. But overall they still rock like hell. Next Friday I will be back at 930 club for Silverstein and Fallout Boy!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Tag...I'm it again
I was tagged by Canowine a while ago, but been busy with this damn Navy couse I am goin through. But first off I need to talk about the worst day of my Life yesterday. First I had to go to this damn first line leadership class in Anacostia, D.C., I was told to be there by 630, SO after getting up at 430, getting lost on my way there, I get there by 630. Come to find out, I didn't need to be there until 800. That was the first thing to piss me off. Second was that we didn't have enough people to do the class, we needed 12 and only had 10. One chic said she would call people from her command to come over so we can do the class, we did get out of there by 1230, which was one good part. Third, there was an accident on 495, a cop decided to try to stop traffic to let the cars involved in the accident off the side by sticking their nose into the left lane of traffic traveling at around 80mph, which happened to be the car in front of me. They slammed their brakes, I slammed mine, mine locked up and slid into theirs. After sitting for about a half an hour, I didn't get charged because the officer knew it was her fault, I left. I had homework for this bullshit class online. I get on my computer to see I have a virus and a shitload of pop ups that are still going on. Fourth I need a drink to relax and I had a sip left of Jim. Worst day Ever!
Back to Canowine's thing. He wants me to pick two songs off from my mp3, or computer that descibes me. Like I told him, people are too complicated to put themselves into only 2 songs. I can probably think of 50 songs that could pertain to my life. But I adhere to the rules and here are my two. I have limited time to think but have thought a bit about it.
Dashboard Confessionals- Screaming Infidelity This song is pretty much evey relationship I have had to this point in my life. I wish I was with anywhere with anyone making out. Except This bottle of Beam is taking me home would replace bottle of beast.
Silverstein- Bleeds No More again another song about relationships, only because these are the songs that touch me most, perhaps because those are the skills I am lacking or just the subject itself makes the muscician put so much feeling into it that you love it. This song has more screaming that I love because of the emotion.
I was really debating on several Marilyn Manson song's just to spite Canowine, he says a lot more than people think. And alo Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd. But these are my choices. I guess I am supposed to pick someone else and since I only know of one other person to check(or at least comment) this page....That Girl, your it, if you can fit this task in before you leave.
Friday, April 15, 2005
The Seldon Plan
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In case people don't notice, since I rarely change it, I changed my daily download. I should probably change the name of it to "Download til I feel like changing it". Anyways I saw The Seldon Plan Last night at a small pub in DC. They were really good and were just having fun. The EP I got is really good, but like everything else, it's better live. Give them a listen, let me know what you think.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Concert #2
Last night I had the privilege of seeing The Kills at the Black Cat. Since it was a Wednesday and not many people know how good they are, it wasn't awfully packs. Uncle Tom and I were right up front of the stage and actually ventured towards the left side of the stage. NOTE TO ANY BAND WHO PLAYS THE BLACK CAT: BRING STICKERS!!! I have been collecting stickers for my guitar case and this show didn't have any, I was disappointed.
First on the venue was The Routineers, who put on a great performance. Amanda MacKaye, who some may know her brother Ian the lead singer of Fugazi, made dancing to rock music sexy. Leaning into the mic and wailing, it was great. Ryan Nelson, guitar, had tremendous skills on his guitar, at one point snapping a sting and kept going never missing a note. The Routineers are a local DC band. I strongly suggest seeing them for a great rock show. They need to get some merchandise for they shows though. Their families were taken back stage at the end, I thought about trying to sneak with them.
Next on the venue was Scout Niblett. I am still confused about this two piece. They start out with a drummer and Emma on guitar. It was very mellow, what I call hippie bullshit(which doesn't belong at a rock show), and then Emma hits her pedal and goes into overdrive. She starts screeching on the guitar and the drummer starts going nuts on the drums with some great beats. When they were rocking it was great, especially on the last song when she started screaming. But every song went that was, it would be mellow then ROCK, then mellow then ROCK! They ended up having an EP in the back but I was afraid to pick it up. They need to pick a sound and I would choose rock. Though if they wanted to do the mellow thing I am sure they would have a crowd, it just wouldn't include me.
Then we have The Kills. Since we ventured to the left side of the stage, of course, VV ended up being on the right, leaning into the crowd over our usual spot. But we eventually made our way center. GOD was she hot! The thing I noticed was none of the bands really talked with the crowd, The Kills were no exception. They didn't really have to though. This two piece didn't include a drummer. The had Hotel, the guy, on lead guitar which again could make some great sounds and some weird stares through the crowd just like the great rockstar he is. VV, played guitar on some tracks and was of course lead vocals. They were also equipped with a drum machine for the background beat. Why the names Hotel and VV, I have no clue. Hotel's name is Jamie Hince and VV's is Alison Mosshart. But they are rock stars so they can call themselves whatever they want. They had great chemistry on stage, at one point VV was down on her knees bent with her back on the ground and Hotel came up and his guitar was making love to her. IT WAS GREAT! Of course my piece of shit camera kept fucking up and I didn't get quite a few great pics, including that one. SO today I ordered a new camera that should be here in time for the Garbage show Thursday, if cameras are allowed. Tonight a buddy's brother's band is playing some small venue so I may get some pics and review that as well. If not Next is Garbage!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Relationships Continued
Ok SO I have been taking up a lot of space on ThatGirl's comment box. SO here's what I wrote last night:
What do people want from relationships? Do we even know what we want? Most women want the crap they see on Lifetime, which I hate to tell you, doesn’t happen. Most will say someone to love them or someone to grow old with; I think that’s what I would say. OK next question, when do you want it? Do you really want it now? Most would probably say yes, but really think about it. I have been there done that as many have. The best advice I pass to younger people, like I am old, is wait for marriage, if it’s true love it will be there when you guys are more mature. Granted they never listen like I didn’t when I was there. Anyone who knows me or read this site knows I am only 22 years old, though sometimes I try to act out like a 22 year old, I am actually more mature. I have lived a lifetime in a short time. The past 4 years I turned 18 and partied, got married (because she was pregnant), had a child, been laid off, and been divorced. That is pretty much Middle American life. Though now I am trying very hard to be selfish and have fun, it is still kind of hard, knowing that my ex is sitting back home with my son, though there isn’t much I can do about it right now. Right now though how much I want that “Soul mate” to grow old with, if you had the person right now you would miss out. I missed out on living as a carefree 18-year-old life, I was working when I could to pay bills and feed my family. When I turned 21 I couldn’t go out and do the bar or club scene. Though I love my son and I wish that first marriage would had been with my “Soul mate” and at the time I thought she was, it wasn’t and we missed out. People nowadays need to come to terms of what they “really want, right now” and discuss it with the “possible partner”.
Here's what I was thinking today:
Obviously I don't know much about relationships, most of mine weren't the best times of my life, though you may think so at the time. I think marriage is over-rated. People should have enough respect for their partner and the discipline to not need a certificate saying that they love the other. I really envy Uncle Tom and Sugarduck. They are by far the perfect couple. Though I haven't spent much time with them both together. Just knowing them and hearing how Tom talks about her, I know. They seem to be just both giving in the relationship, no take. They are perfect together, I hate them...j/k. OK I am getting paid by the hour now so, I need to actually start working. Have a good day, Tonight is THE KILLS!!!
Monday, April 11, 2005
Thanks to DCist
Somehow apparentle a website DCist stumbled apon my little blog and posted about my review about Bloc Party. Though I am not a talented writer and wish I was so I could get paid to go to concerts and write about them, I would like to thank them for the props, and also say a "nah nah nah nah" to canowine who brags to me about all the people who link to his site. Maybe if he could have came like we wanted him to, I am sure his site would have been on there instead. His damned talented writing ass...lol. But as for all people coming from there stay tuned for my drunken recalls of the Kills wednesday, Garbage the 22nd, and Silverstein and Fall out boy on the 30th. Ok I am drunk and need to go to bed.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Let the Concerts Begin
SO Last night was my first concert of 4 this month, and it was an excellent start. The first band took the stage, I couldn't find them online before the show so didn't know quite what to expect. They were Hotties! And good music too. They interacted great with the crowd and were having fun, which is what it's all about. Luckily at the Black Cat, the first band usually ends up in the back with the mercahndise. So as well as getting them all to sign their EP, I aslo got a couple pics with them and a hug from Lisa Smith, the hot bassist. I was in Heavan!
As usualy we were on the right side of the stage leaning against a stack of 5 15inch speakers so my ears are still ringing from The Pony's, a completely different band from Pony Up. Again a great performance. I missed most of it though going back and trying to catch all Pony Up for the pics and autographs, I had higher priorities.
Then there was Bloc Party. The only problem about seeing bands like this live is that it almost ruins listening to their CD anymore. After you see them having fun feeling their music, it's hard to go back to a bleak studio version. The only thing that pissed me off was seeing Gordon Moakes and Russell Lissack looking like little kids, though they are apparently older than me, ripping these awesome sounds on their guitars. I am so envious it's not even funny. Just some of the URRGGGGG, I can't even explain it, the are great musicians. I suggest anyone who can check out all of these bands. Last night was the last night of Bloc Party's tour in the US so hope you can catch them next time around.
P.S. Next on the list is The Kills on Wednesday!
Friday, April 08, 2005
T-Shirt Hell
If you have a very deranged and sick sense of humor like I do, I suggest you check out T-Shirt Hell. It is full of funny ass shirts. The awesome thing is that you can customize your shirts, the color, size, type, it's the shiztnitle. And if those shirts are to tame for you, you can check out Worse than Hell You will always be able to click my funny little banner up top with Dick's new T-shirt.
Alcohol meeting
I have been trying to post this since yesterday, luckily I copied it before I hit publish.
SO today I had to go for my screening of what level of alcohol counseling I have to go through because of my alcohol incident(DUI). I was very nervous especially when I started filing out the papers. All kinds of really messed up questions that unless you really really needed help or wanted out of the military you wouldn't answer truthfully. The I had to meet with a counselor guy, who by the way was extremely awesome. SO this guy was only an E-5, but super smart, had to be a psycologist or something. He kept trying to trick me and make me contradict myself, at least it seemed. He threw in little jokes and small talk too. I want to start off by saying I am in no way a liar, I just seem to have a gift of convincing myself and others who are usually authoritarians of a different version of the truth to avoid conflict. Anyway, I stuck to my story and though he did find some flaws such as I only had 4 beers the night of my DUI, he asked how tall I was andd how much I weighed and looked at his chart to find out I had at least 7. I quickly recovered by, they were glasses and may have held more than a normal bottle of beer and the people I met were buying them so I wasn't really keeping count of how many I had. Then was asking if I was tipsy, drunk or what. It is hard to describe a feeling of drunkeness by these words though. SO I eventually said I was drunk and had poor judgement which caused me to think I could drive the 2 blocks back to base. After some more grueling questions and some little jokes, such as:
him:How well do you think under pressure, I will ask you a couple questions and I want you to say the anwer 5 times.
me: depends on the problem and what the pressure is, ok
h: what color is this paper
m: white white white white white
him and me repeat several times
h: what do cows drink
m: milk milk milk milk milk
him and me mix them up several times, then he writes both answers on a piece of paper.
m:(smack myself in the forehead) water water water water water, but calfs drink milk.
h:(laughs) I didn't say calfs, I said cows.
m: I heard that one a long time ago and fell for it then too, damnit!
SO at the end he runs through my sheet and asks me if I think I have a problem and I say no. He looks at his sheet and me for a couple minutes, while I am sweating. He says according to his papers I have an alcohol dependancy and because of my DUI that makes me an alcohol abuser, what do you think. I say that I made a bad mistake and I know I will have to suffer consequences for my actions. He asked what I thought I needed, I said nothing. he says that I can't leave with nothing and that he really didn't think I had a problem either. He gave me a choice of 3 days a week for 4 weeks attending an AA type meeting or a 3 day, all day alcohol education thing. I said the 3 day. At the end he says "someone either preped you real good on what to say here or your a great actor or perhaps you really are sincere." to which I replied "I wish I was a good actor maybe then I could be rich" I left thinking he was really smart and seemed really cool, I should have asked him if he wanted to go get a couple beers and bullshit, when I told a buddy that he replied that I should add on there that I'd drive...lol. OK well that's my fabulous day now I suppose I should get to work since they are paying me.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
New List
I added a new list to my I am nothingness blog. I am a simple man who wonders how things have evoled into the way they are today and if anyone knows the answer to any of those things please let me know how or why.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Funny shit
This had me rolling thought I'd share a smile. It's long but worth it.
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it.
Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili #1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili #2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.
Chili #3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-Faced.
Chili #4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills, that 300lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.
Chili #5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Fuck those rednecks!
Chili #6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
Chili #7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a fucking grenade in my mouth, pull the fucking pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my fucking mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my goddamn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Fuck it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the fucking 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili #8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.
Emergency We Need To Help!
As you may or may not know Taco Bell used to have an awesomely delicious burrito, a chilli cheese burrito. I actually called the corporate office and spoke to a representative(secretary) today. She said that the more people who call in and request that it be put back on the menu, the more likely that they will put it back on the menu soon. All they ask for is you name, mailing address, and phone number. If you wish you can make all three up just please call! I and others are really craving a Chilli Cheese Burrito!!!!
The number is 1-800-TACO-BELL or 1-800-8226-2355,
P.S. Pass this to others that will help us save the chilli cheese burrito. Please share this on your Blog to help get more calls. Thank you.
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Monday, April 04, 2005
Next Phase please
I just finished a book called Blankets by Craig Thompson. It was an interesting book, though not much of a book, it is more like a huge comic book without superheroes. It seems books and movies I have seen lately don't really have an ending. You know those movies where at the end everything is wrapped up nice and everyone lives happily ever after, ok maybe not happily, but you know it's the end. Everything lately has been left open, most movie because they want to do sequels. It is really annoying. This book though strangely enough relates to real life. Which brings me to my theory that life is all stages, I am pretty sure I'm not the only one. You know as a kid you have your childhood chums you play games at the park and stay over at each others houses, then you start to drift and become casual acquaintances til High School. High school you make completely new friends and hardly even look in the old friends direction, it wasn't really snubbing off though I was ridiculed a few times from being a completely different person. After High school you have to become an adult and usually lose touch with everyone from high school except about 2 or 3. Then you get married have your own family and make new friends usually at your office or wherever. Then if your unfortunate, sometimes seems lucky, as me you start back over as a single person. Then you make new single friends to hang out with, you can't have your wingman being married. Sometimes you look back and see all these different phases and wonder why am I not friends with those people from down the block, we used to be such great friends but then I guess we just grew up and apart. What ever happened to the next door neighbor's grand-daughter the one who was my first kiss, last time I saw her was when my son was born and she was working at the hospital part time and going to school. I haven't seen her since. The guys who lived down the block, my childhood chums, I have no clue what happened to one who was my best friend since I could walk or his brother. One that used to play sports and stuff with us at the park was recently arrested for burglary, murder and possible rape of an old man(and they said I was the weird one). SO where's the next phase going to end up?
