The Death of April

Thank Gawd today is the last day of April! The month that's supposed to be the start of spring and watching nature come back to life. The month that this year has brought death. Maybe its just because I have only had 2 people die that I knew so far in life but I have been really depressed lately. Being back in Ohio didn't really help. People are so stupid. My uncles girlfriend he was with when he died is trying to let my family change her last name to my uncles, they weren't married and my uncle as far as I knew didn't plan on getting married again. We think she wants to so she can try to claim money even though my uncle didn't have any. Something is definitely up with her. Quite a bit of my uncles things are gone and haven't been found. My grandma is giving away his clothes and stuff to family members, I got 2 hats since I am the only one who wears hats non stop. Then my great grandpa, now I mentioned in the last post how my fathers family is fucked up. I had the please of helping clear out his apartment and house since I am the oldest great grandkid. quite a bit of his money started missing a couple months ago, my uncle is in charge of the estate and everything is supposed to be divided between him, my dad, and aunt. So it is probably him. There was a paper that my grandpa wrote out of who he wanted to have certain things, that paper disappeared, probably because he liked my uncles ex wife more than him and she probably would have gotten some things he wanted. Going through his belongings my aunt kept saying "that might be worth something, I want it" greedy fucking bitch. She is also trying to keep his war scrapbook that he promised me. That I will have. I am the only one besides him who has served in the military, It is something that I want to pass down to my son who got the chance to meet his great great grandpa. My dad is pretty hot on this too, he said he will kick all their asses and if I can't have it no one will since his original will stated that it was to be donated to a museum. I just said I would find it in their house and take it. It just pissed me off how everyone wanted anything that may be worth money instead of things that had sentimental value. All I want is his scrap book, all my dad took was some of his old work shirts and some coveralls. Oh my dad did kinda steal his WWII compass and gave it to me. But only after he realized the scrapbook was gone. As stated in the last post my grandpa/ his son, didn't show up, I informed my mom to forget that they were related to me or my son. I did figure out the beef between them. My grandpa had great grandpa take out a $20,000 loan for him and refused to pay for it, he claimed it was a part of his inheritance. So obviously that pissed him off but he was willing to forgive but he didn't come up for his moms funeral so he said fuck him. It does help show me why my aunt and uncle act the way they do. My mom was pissed at the funeral, he had military honors and the flag was supposed to go to me if I was there and my younger cousin if I wasn't. Well the flag was presented to my uncle, who later gave the flag to my cousin who was supposed to get it. I don't mind that he got the flag, personally I would rather he got it, he was closer to him than I was. They used to go fishing all the time, I wasn't much of a fisher. But the flag should have been given directly to him, he's like 13 or something, he is able to be handed a flag. It's all just a bunch of horseshit. People in general piss me off but when it's my own family it just enrages me to a boiling point. And I'm sure this is only the beginning with everyone getting older.

I still can't get out of my slump. I haven't been able to sleep at night, I just lie there tossing and turning thinking of everything. It sucks.

April is the month of Death

SO my great grandpa dies yesterday. Obviously this isn't much of a surprise, he was 91. I've mentioned him several times on here so I am not going to do a big look back thing. He was truly a great man and I wish I could be a quarter of the man he was. Mom said she say him Saturday and he wasn't doing good, he couldn't sit up and couldn't really talk. He had been there and worse before and still overcame and came back better but this time must have been too much. My biggest complaint or perhaps even fear is if his son, my grandpa will even come to his funeral. He didn't come when his mom died so I kinda doubt he will. My grandpa used to be a good guy and probably still is but he is a tool. His wife, my step grandma, took him and moved to Arizona years ago leaving all of us, here and didn't really have anything to do with us. We last saw them when we drove out to San Diego when I was somewhere between 14-16. I tried talking to them a couple years back when I was in Connecticut, just trying to stay connected and let them know they had a great grandson and well just kinda hope that there were other circumstances for them not being around other than they didn't want to. Well we communicated through emails and phone calls for a couple months and then they moved to Georgia, no more phone calls no more emails no nothing. They didn't tell me much except they were moving and didn't give me any forwarding info, I thought maybe they would call or email me later when they got settled but nothing. He actually called my parents when I was back last time to wish them a Happy Easter but only left a message and with my uncle being dead they didn't really feel like calling them back. I severely doubt that they will come, him and my great grandpa had words after great grandma died but I am not sure what all was said, I don't know the cause of anything. I don't have a clue what I'd do or say if I did see them. All I know is that if they don't come they will all also be dead to me. They have never attempted to see their great grandson, or hell me, or even his 3 kids all they care about is their one son they had together. If they don't come I will get their number and call them to let them know that they no longer have a grandson or great grandson and I hope they are happy. Fuck them. Since I have been getting older I have been seeing how crappy my dads side of the family is. Great grandpa was the only kind one out of them aside from my dad and some cousins. My mom side of the family who I always thought was dysfunctional with people being in jail and people who do drugs are the closest and most caring, they would do anything for each other. Its just weird to look at it grown up than when you were a child and how delusional I was back then. My dads side of the family never once offered to help my with anything, never once just called and asked how I was or if I needed someone to watch my son. My moms side would give you their last 5 bucks to get gas for coming in, ask if I wanted to go out if they could watch my son and spend time with him. Almost every other Saturday night my uncle Don would call my parents to see if my son was over there and if they wanted him to come over so they could go up to the VFW like they usually do every Saturday night. Its just fucked up. Everything is always fucked up. I just wish I could get rich somehow and watch my dads family run to my side then so I can snub my nose at them like they have always done to my and my parents. Someday, someday Karma will come back to bite them.

So my thoughts have been all jumbled since I've got back from Ohio, I've thought about a couple posts but none have made it here. I've actually been pretty busy at work, we had an inspection the week I got back and the guy I work with was on vacation back in the Philippines so I had to do everything, it sucked ass. Then we have been catching up on all the stuff I didn't get done while he was gone since I was doing everything else. My usual "blah" mood has turned to depression and hate. It all started on my drive home from Ohio, I left right after the funeral so I could get some sleep to be at work the next day. On my drive home I was still crying on and off, so 3 hours at the funeral then 3 hours of driving and then it happened. A retarded driver flys up behind me flashing his brights because I was stuck behind some slow moving cars, they moved and I flew off from the car. A little later some more slow cars and the same guy came up flashing his brights again, this goes on for about an hour finally I slam on my brakes and start going 30 in a 55 then speed off, same thing happens, so I get behind the car and start flashing my brights they hit their brakes slow to about 30, I stay behind them, they speed up to 100 I speed up and get behind them and keep flashing my lights, they slow down, we keep doing this for about 30 minutes. I was emotional and thinking of ways to follow them until they stop and how I could kill them and get away with it. Then they speed up to get back up to 100 and a cop pulled off from a hiding spot on the side of the road and nearly sideswiped me and pulled them over. I felt justice was served, I did think about calling the cops but their license plate was in the rear window and the window was tinted so I couldn't make out the plate numbers to turn them in. But I did make it home safely, while it was still light out I saw the driver and he was probably early 30s guy, not some little dumbass or someone with his friends just an older guy alone. A Fucking retard.

On the drive I listened to "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd a couple times and decided I would learn how to play it, I have its actually really easy it's only 4 chords besides the beginning with is easy too. Then we had the Virginia Tech massacre here the other day and that kind of sent me further over the edge. Then I read about the Westboro Baptist Church planning on protesting at the funerals. I've heard of people protesting the military funerals and was pissed about that but I thought they were just hippies I didn't know they were all Westboro Baptist Church. What a bunch of fucking retards I want to kill them all, fucking inbred rednecks, if they hate America so much move somewhere else. Its not that fucking hard, I wish they had a church around here, I would blow their fucking church up! It wouldn't be the first church I've seen set ablaze... Whoever kills Fred Phelps would be my hero and should get complete amnesty. If I didn't have a love and a son I would gladly sit in a federal prison for it.

But then I start to realize how much bullshit life is, you work to be a good person, lead a good life, work jobs you don't enjoy to save up money so you can have a "good" life, but for what, it can all be gone in a second. We have my uncle who lived a life partying then realized his mistakes and was trying to right them all, then he dies. We have all these college kids who were trying to get their education to be something in this world and its gone. All that money gone for nothing, they might as well have sat with their thumb at their ass and then went to class one day and died. What am I doing? What am I saving for? A house or vacation or anything else that I may not live to spend? I'm not saying I'm not fairly happy in my life. I should be happy, my life is much better than it was 2 years ago. I am in love, I have a plan for where I'm going. I may not have a job in a couple months but whatever, I am trying and talking with people. All I really want is to get fucked up, I want to get high, I want to trip balls, I wanna roll, I want to get drunk as fuck and puke my guts out. I want to forget how short life is. But instead I just live everyday exactly the same. I get up go to work, come home care to the animals, watch TV, eat, watch TV, go to bed, repeat every single fucking day. I am tired of it. I don't want to do anything except get fucked up. I don't know why.

VH1 You Outta Know Tour

SO Last night I went up to Baltimore to see this tour the only reason I went was for the opening act Rocco Deluca and the Burden. Unfortunately cameras weren't allowed or else I would have some kickass pics! You may have seen them on a documentary called I trust you to kill me where Keifer Sutherland is their tour manager and takes them around England. That is where I first saw them, hearing their raw emotions and the greatness of Roccos guitar playing I picked up their CD. I have been a fan since. They are great. It is kind of hard to describe their music, its bluesy, rock, soft rock, pop and well any other genre along those lines. They put on such a great show. Rocco is a guitar god! I had goose bumps for their entire performance, just the way you could see and feel the emotions he puts in singing and the way his guitar seems to be plugged right into your soul. Afterwards they were supposed to be hanging out and signing stuff, so I waited a bit and kept checking the merch booth then I saw them over by a table off from the stage so I bought another copy of their CD so I could have something for them to sign but by time I got back they were gone. I was bummed as hell. Eventually I saw an older lady come from back stage with a signed CD I asked her if she could get mine signed, she said she just kinda snuck back there and the guys were happy to sign it. She told me to do the same thing. I ordered a beer to work up some liquid courage and found my moment and snuck back stage like a little groupie, I walked into their dressing room where a stage hand was bringing them out food and stuff, I asked for their autograph while I nervously tried to explain that I had to buy another CD and that when I got back they were gone. The guys just kinda smiled and said sure, someone asked if they could eat first and I said yeah, sorry, then a stage hand asked for my pass or whose guest I was I said I didn't have one. They kicked me out but they said they were gonna come back out later.

The Feeling was the second band, I missed most of their performance doing all the above but they sounded pretty good. A little different. But I heard a couple of songs that will make me at least check out their CD. The only part that turned me down a bit was the bassist was all checking out the little girls in the front row and winking at them and stuff it was kinda creepy.

Mat Kearny Was the headliner again I missed most of his performance waiting to see if the band was gonna come back out, the drummer came out and then was followed by the percussionist who played the bongos and various small instruments. But all the girls seemed to love Mat, his music isn't really my cup of tea but sounded pretty good. So 2 of the guys from Rocco came out but I was waiting and hoping to catch them all together, finally Rocco came out I apologized for interrupting their meal and he said no problem and happily signed the CD and was just chatting with everyone who came up to him. I waited a little longer but lost track of where the other guys went so I only got Roccos but at least I got that and wasn't kicked out for going backstage. They will be playing a couple more shows in the area next month with Keane but it's already sold out. Definitely go pick up their album and then go see them, I guarantee you will not be disappointed! I will definitely see them any chance I get!!

To my uncle Don

Yesterday my mom called me to let me know my uncle Don died. I am/was set to go back tomorrow. It sucks I didn't at least get to see him before he went. We did hang out for a while last time I was back, I drove him up to the hospital and to my cousins. He was far from a good person. He did lots of drugs had been in and out of prison but he was still my uncle and would do anything for family. He was the youngest of 6 kids. He lived with his mom most the time the last few years. Luckily he apparently wasn't there when he died. He was staying with a girlfriend who came home from work and he wouldn't wake up. If he was at grandmas who knows how long he'd be there before they found out. He slept all the time. He had a bad messed up shoulder and back that prevented him from working. He used to watch me while I was little and would torure me once locking me in the closet for something stupid but over the years had matured and we would laugh about it. He used to tie my garfield to the fan just out of my reach to fuck with me. But since I've grown up we hung out a bit and were cool. After my split with my ex he told me he almost went after her cousin/baby daddy because he was pissed that she was with him so soon after we split. He said he would have got his ass kicked since the guy was a lot bigger than him but he would have stabbed him or something. He said that giggling but we both knew he was serious. He would go to jail for a family member no problem. He had god knows how many kids from who can guess how many mothers. Lately he reconnected with a daughter that is around 15, he was trying to make up for the lost years and be there for her and guide her. He always wanted to be sure that no one turned out like he did. He knew he was an addict and wouldn't be anything professional. But he tried to be a decent person. When my mother told me I was kind of in shock and didn't really cry until I told HB, I drowned myself in some Beam for him. I still can't really comprehend him being dead. You expect old people to die. I've been saying that I need to buy a suit for when my great grandpa dies because he's 90 I know he'll go soon I didn't think that my uncle who may have been barely 40 would go first. So much for celebrating my mom and dads 25th wedding anniversary this weekend. I'm sure we'll all be too busy mourning. I don't know what I'll do when/ if I see my grandma crying. I've never seen her cry, I lose it when I hear/see my mom crying. It's crazy. I am pretty sure it has something to do with drugs, he either OD'd or just the years of drugs tore his body down. He will be missed by those who loved him. He'd always make us laugh and was fun as hell to fuck with. Later Don.

Useless facts to keep you entertained since I am not!

Busy at work, going insane, heres some shit....

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears. never stop growing.

Alexander the Great made his troops eat onions as he believed it would prove their vitality.

In Albania, nodding your head means "no" and shaking your head means "yes."

On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

During World War II, condoms were used to cover rifle barrels from being damaged by salt water as the soldiers swam to shore.

The rarest coffee in the world is Kopi Luwak, which is found in Indonesia. It cost about $300 a pound.

In the United States, 8.5 million cosmetic surgical and non-surgical procedures were done in the year 2001.

The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar an England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada has the largest bar per capita than anywhere else in the world.

In 1477, the first diamond engagement ring was given to Mary of Burgundy by Archduke Maximillian of Austria.

On April 6, 1925, the first in-flight movie was shown. It was a silent film and appeared on a Deutsche Luft Hansa flight.

By law, information collected in a U.S. census must remain confidential for seventy-two years.

Actor Sylvester Stallone once had a job as a lion cage cleaner.

The 20th president of the United States, James Garfield, was able to write Greek with one hand and Latin with the other at the same time.

The average cocoon contains about 300-400 metres of silk.

Finland is also known as "the land of of the thousand lakes," because of the over 188,000 lakes found in this country.

The search engine Google got its name from the word "googol," which refers to the number one with a hundred zeros after it.

Wood frogs can be frozen solid and then thawed, and continue living. They use the glucose in their body to protect their vital organs while they are in a frozen state.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

In the early nineteenth century some advertisements claimed that riding the carousel was good for the circulation of blood.

Approximately 60% of the water used by households during the summer is used for watering flowers, and lawns.

The word assassination was invented by William Shakespeare.

Approximately one out of every 55 women from Canada give birth in their car on the way to the hospital or clinic.

Lack of sleep can affect your immune system and reduce your ability to fight infections.

The most expensive animated movie is "Prince of Egypt", which cost $70 million to make.

Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.

The waste produced by one chicken in its lifetime can supply enough electricity to run a 100-watt bulb for five hours.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

The Greek Philospher Socrates was trained for stonecutting.

New Mexico's state bird is the roadrunner.

Most lipstick contains fish scales

Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

In the United States, lightning hits the ground 40 million times a year.

Cashew nuts contain oil in the shell that is very irritating to the skin.

The Uape Indians, who live in the Amazon, mix the ashes of their recently cremated relatives with alcohol, then all members of the family drink the mix with fond memories of the deceased.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury

Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.

The Kool Aid Man used to be known as "Pitcher Man" when he was first introduced in 1975.

There is a town called Fucking, in Austria.