A Lot of Nothingness

So my thoughts have been all jumbled since I've got back from Ohio, I've thought about a couple posts but none have made it here. I've actually been pretty busy at work, we had an inspection the week I got back and the guy I work with was on vacation back in the Philippines so I had to do everything, it sucked ass. Then we have been catching up on all the stuff I didn't get done while he was gone since I was doing everything else. My usual "blah" mood has turned to depression and hate. It all started on my drive home from Ohio, I left right after the funeral so I could get some sleep to be at work the next day. On my drive home I was still crying on and off, so 3 hours at the funeral then 3 hours of driving and then it happened. A retarded driver flys up behind me flashing his brights because I was stuck behind some slow moving cars, they moved and I flew off from the car. A little later some more slow cars and the same guy came up flashing his brights again, this goes on for about an hour finally I slam on my brakes and start going 30 in a 55 then speed off, same thing happens, so I get behind the car and start flashing my brights they hit their brakes slow to about 30, I stay behind them, they speed up to 100 I speed up and get behind them and keep flashing my lights, they slow down, we keep doing this for about 30 minutes. I was emotional and thinking of ways to follow them until they stop and how I could kill them and get away with it. Then they speed up to get back up to 100 and a cop pulled off from a hiding spot on the side of the road and nearly sideswiped me and pulled them over. I felt justice was served, I did think about calling the cops but their license plate was in the rear window and the window was tinted so I couldn't make out the plate numbers to turn them in. But I did make it home safely, while it was still light out I saw the driver and he was probably early 30s guy, not some little dumbass or someone with his friends just an older guy alone. A Fucking retard.

On the drive I listened to "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd a couple times and decided I would learn how to play it, I have its actually really easy it's only 4 chords besides the beginning with is easy too. Then we had the Virginia Tech massacre here the other day and that kind of sent me further over the edge. Then I read about the Westboro Baptist Church planning on protesting at the funerals. I've heard of people protesting the military funerals and was pissed about that but I thought they were just hippies I didn't know they were all Westboro Baptist Church. What a bunch of fucking retards I want to kill them all, fucking inbred rednecks, if they hate America so much move somewhere else. Its not that fucking hard, I wish they had a church around here, I would blow their fucking church up! It wouldn't be the first church I've seen set ablaze... Whoever kills Fred Phelps would be my hero and should get complete amnesty. If I didn't have a love and a son I would gladly sit in a federal prison for it.

But then I start to realize how much bullshit life is, you work to be a good person, lead a good life, work jobs you don't enjoy to save up money so you can have a "good" life, but for what, it can all be gone in a second. We have my uncle who lived a life partying then realized his mistakes and was trying to right them all, then he dies. We have all these college kids who were trying to get their education to be something in this world and its gone. All that money gone for nothing, they might as well have sat with their thumb at their ass and then went to class one day and died. What am I doing? What am I saving for? A house or vacation or anything else that I may not live to spend? I'm not saying I'm not fairly happy in my life. I should be happy, my life is much better than it was 2 years ago. I am in love, I have a plan for where I'm going. I may not have a job in a couple months but whatever, I am trying and talking with people. All I really want is to get fucked up, I want to get high, I want to trip balls, I wanna roll, I want to get drunk as fuck and puke my guts out. I want to forget how short life is. But instead I just live everyday exactly the same. I get up go to work, come home care to the animals, watch TV, eat, watch TV, go to bed, repeat every single fucking day. I am tired of it. I don't want to do anything except get fucked up. I don't know why.