The Death of April

Thank Gawd today is the last day of April! The month that's supposed to be the start of spring and watching nature come back to life. The month that this year has brought death. Maybe its just because I have only had 2 people die that I knew so far in life but I have been really depressed lately. Being back in Ohio didn't really help. People are so stupid. My uncles girlfriend he was with when he died is trying to let my family change her last name to my uncles, they weren't married and my uncle as far as I knew didn't plan on getting married again. We think she wants to so she can try to claim money even though my uncle didn't have any. Something is definitely up with her. Quite a bit of my uncles things are gone and haven't been found. My grandma is giving away his clothes and stuff to family members, I got 2 hats since I am the only one who wears hats non stop. Then my great grandpa, now I mentioned in the last post how my fathers family is fucked up. I had the please of helping clear out his apartment and house since I am the oldest great grandkid. quite a bit of his money started missing a couple months ago, my uncle is in charge of the estate and everything is supposed to be divided between him, my dad, and aunt. So it is probably him. There was a paper that my grandpa wrote out of who he wanted to have certain things, that paper disappeared, probably because he liked my uncles ex wife more than him and she probably would have gotten some things he wanted. Going through his belongings my aunt kept saying "that might be worth something, I want it" greedy fucking bitch. She is also trying to keep his war scrapbook that he promised me. That I will have. I am the only one besides him who has served in the military, It is something that I want to pass down to my son who got the chance to meet his great great grandpa. My dad is pretty hot on this too, he said he will kick all their asses and if I can't have it no one will since his original will stated that it was to be donated to a museum. I just said I would find it in their house and take it. It just pissed me off how everyone wanted anything that may be worth money instead of things that had sentimental value. All I want is his scrap book, all my dad took was some of his old work shirts and some coveralls. Oh my dad did kinda steal his WWII compass and gave it to me. But only after he realized the scrapbook was gone. As stated in the last post my grandpa/ his son, didn't show up, I informed my mom to forget that they were related to me or my son. I did figure out the beef between them. My grandpa had great grandpa take out a $20,000 loan for him and refused to pay for it, he claimed it was a part of his inheritance. So obviously that pissed him off but he was willing to forgive but he didn't come up for his moms funeral so he said fuck him. It does help show me why my aunt and uncle act the way they do. My mom was pissed at the funeral, he had military honors and the flag was supposed to go to me if I was there and my younger cousin if I wasn't. Well the flag was presented to my uncle, who later gave the flag to my cousin who was supposed to get it. I don't mind that he got the flag, personally I would rather he got it, he was closer to him than I was. They used to go fishing all the time, I wasn't much of a fisher. But the flag should have been given directly to him, he's like 13 or something, he is able to be handed a flag. It's all just a bunch of horseshit. People in general piss me off but when it's my own family it just enrages me to a boiling point. And I'm sure this is only the beginning with everyone getting older.

I still can't get out of my slump. I haven't been able to sleep at night, I just lie there tossing and turning thinking of everything. It sucks.