Ignorance is Bliss

Now that I have given thanks I can go back to bitching! I'm just kinda in one of those moods today, maybe because I am dealing with shit and arguing with myself in my head, I wanna go get something to get drunk but I won't, I wanna go to a concert Friday but I am broke, I need food and gas but I am broke. Here is what I was thinking about on my way back from dropping the kid off so I wouldn't stop at the liquor store. I and many have said ignorance is bliss, thouse who thinking otherwise are fucking idiots. You may be an optomist who will tell me about how good your life is or hell how lucky I am about something I may not see... You can have the perfect fucking life, but you are still ignorant. Look at the problems in the world, we have people with millions and billions of dollars but yet people with none and living on the street and eating out of the garbage. I would like to believe these millionaire think about those people but I am sure they don't. And that is fucking retarded. We have little girls going into or being forced into prostitution to make money because they know they can make money fast that way. I am being completely honest, I would do it in a heartbeat if I thought people would pay me for it and if it wasn't illegal. Hell I have put serious thought in trying to be a stripper but I couldn't find one around here for guys. This economy is based on the almighty dollar and people will do anything and disreguard anyone for it especially themselves. It makes me sick when I think about it as I'm sure it does most other people, that is why we ignore it!

Second thoughts, my heart or lack there of. As I stated before around April/May I lost 3 people that were close to me, 2 by death and the other by my own doing. Around that time I also fucked up my toe and have dealt with a black and blue toenail that is close to coming off. I think I am going to miss it. Its crazy to look how I and everything else has changed in 6 months. I completely shaved my head around that time as well, now I look like a guy that was in Dazed and Confused. I had lots of money back then, nothing to worry about, I said I was broke if I had less than 500 in my checking account and always had a savings to back it up. But it has all changed, in that time I went through and emotional trainwreck. I didn't know what to do what to say or how to feel and after crying, throwing fits, wishing myself dead, and drowning myself in alcohol I entered and emotional coma. I am sleeping RC(far from beauty). I've tried to meet women, it was fun while it lasted but I am incapable of opening up, I keep telling myself it is too soon. I didn't have feelings for anyoen for a year and a half after my wife and she fucked me over real good and I didn't like her much to begin with. But then I look at my friends who have all carried a piece of my heart with them, now scattered all over the world. Most of them probably keep it shoved in the back of a closet and forgot all about it. Thanks to myspace I can get a message from a few once in a while to let me know they are still alive but thats it. I don't call any of them because I don't have much to say. Hows your life? Mine is ok I guess, I am poor, going to school, working, I've put on 10 lbs of muscle the past month or so, I cut back on drinking, quit smoking and thats it. Life story of the past year in 2 minutes. Its easier to put it on myspace. I tried to IM Chris a few times lately to see how he's been, he usually just ignores me and never answers back. I have become just a memory to most. There are a couple back here well one old friend who has tried to get me into the group though with sceduling conflicts its hard to keep in and then they forget to invite me sometimes since they just aren't used to it or they know I am working or have my kid or I was invited last night I knew my parents would watch him but I can't afford to go out. And it sucks! Life seems that it will always suck! I wasn't happy sitting on my ass not doing anything, I was somewhat content being to busy cause at least the bills were getting paid and now I am just busy enough to not be able to do things with friends but not working enough to make any money. So I am fucked just like always so this is what I do at times like these, I want to go get drunk and either get in trouble, get in a fight, or fuck someone. Nice easy goals that I know I can accomplish at least one if not all, all at once. But I fight it, I have become a fighter lately fighting for myself when before I was always the last one I gave reguard for. I have to fight my urges to be stupid just because things aren't going my way. I have to ignore all the bad shit that I go through, I have to ignore my problems. You may say ignoring them won't make them go away, but they are things that can't be dealt with. I have been keeping my eyes open for new jobs that could get rid of one problem but the rest is all unsolvable. My life is unsolvable, the best thing to do is ignore. I have noticed I am happiest when I am working out because I am listening to music that I love and I am working towards a goal I have had since I was little. I will admit, I am starting to look good, well my face still needs work but my body is on its way to being awesome! And my body works out its frustrations as I drown myself in music and igore the rest of the world. Its just me, music, and whatever I am doing in that moment. Nothing else matters and as I smirk into the mirror I know Ignorance is Bliss!!