Just an Update

So I think my last post was about the temptations of alcohol. Well I did end up getting a bottle of Beam, but I have controlled drinking it. I make me a drink every once in a while. I have been quite obsessed with getting my tattoo, anyone who has a couple may kind of understand. It is addicting as well, I must just have an addicting personality, I seem to get addicted to everything, drinking, smoking, concerts, tattoos, watching tv, sex, certain people, and probably more. But it is good, I had my third session yesterday, it was just coloring but my shoulder is quite sore, more than it has been the other 2 times, I probably have 2 more until its finished but I may only have the money for one more, its been costing 100 a pop so.... I'm sure I will come up with the money even if I end up broke! It is therapeutic, the pain feels good and I just sit there for a couple hours talking with a cool dude about shit and when we don't talk my mind sorts through different problems. I am just excited to about how its all coming together on my arm and looking fucking awesome as hell. Since I haven't put a pic up and the people who see it on myspace probably can't figure it out, I had a 4 leaf clover on my shoulder, I surrounded it with flames, put a ca deuce(medical symbol) underneath it and at my elbow is kind of a make shift Pandora's box( it doesn't quite look like a box like I wanted but it fits great and works a lot better) It has a couple heart shaped symbols in it and coming out of it are different emotions: Anger, hope, love, sadness, Hate, Pride, desire, happiness, fear. Then hopefully the last session will be Homer and bart simpson on the inside of my arm to symbolize me and my son. The guy doing it seems to keep putting this off for last cuz he knows its gonna be pretty difficult and painful.

Aside from that I have made a new friend, it has been quite interesting, we made it clear that we were just gonna be friends with benefits because I don't want a relationship and she said the same but I think she is starting to have feelings for me. Its kinda funny, I figured I would be the one to start getting attached but I just kind of feel like a cold asshole. It hasn't gotten to bad though, we'll see what happens with that. She is really cool, and pretty hot, really skinny though, its bad when I think I am gonna break someone in half, I am pretty skinny. But yeah theres that.

HB won't talk to me anymore cuz she called and said she was missing movies and kept asking if I was sure I didn't have her girly movies, I said no. She eventually found them and apologized. Then she said sorry for being a cunt, all I did was jokingly say I was used to it and she hung up won't return my calls and kicked me off her myspace and everything else. Hell we joked alot worse than that before, I apologized several times if it did offend her, but I think she just wanted an excuse to end all contact and I gave it to her since all bills are paid and we got our money. It would have been easier to just say something like hey I think it would be better for me for us not to talk or something instead of trying to make me feel like it is all my fault when it isn't but whatever. We can't all be perfect.

Here's the lyrics from a son on Silversteins new album which I LOVE!! What else is new, they are awesome!

Silverstein- Worlds Apart

Lying all alone, wishing you would call.
Writing all my thoughts has broken all my bones.
You gave it all up, you threw it all away.
There's nothing I can do.

What do I think of dying?
You know it's even worse than what's in my head.
You don't believe me when I tell you,
I don't want to be a fraud and pretend that everything's fine.
I won't be here when you get home.
I'm not gonna sit here and die.

I'll follow through again this time.
I'll swallow swords
I'll be just fine.

You read me like a book.
You know I'm running out of legs to stand on.
I won't believe you when you tell me.
These old habits die so hard.
There's not intervention in sight.
There's no point in calling you.
I'm just gonna stand here and fight.

I'll follow through again this time.
I'll swallow swords, spit out my pride.
I'll be just fine.
You fill my head with endless lies.
You're killing me, I'm killing time.
I'll be just fine.

So, maybe one day the pain will go away,
And I will see your face,
I won't even care.
Changing all the locks 'cause I can't change you.