Monday, July 16, 2007

Sex and other stuff

First off I'd like to apologize to Dan, Uncle Tom, and Zef if you read this. You guys are the last readers of mine that I can spot, a couple come up occasionally but I can't tell who they are or where they are. So if your a stalker and read this please leave me a comment. And if your a dude you may not want to I have decided I am not telling anyone about this blog anymore. People who stumble on it will stumble on it and hopefully tell me what they think. I like the idea of sharing this with people, just not too many people who know me too good. The few who do, I don't mind and please keep reading and leaving comments. So I have had a couple drinks tonight which is more than I have been drinking. I've mentioned before how I have an urge to just get fucked up!! I don't really know why, things haven't been that bad! I just can't understand. There are lots of thoughts running through my head lately. I kind of have a new steady sex, who is addicted and loves my cock, but it just isn't HB. When I kiss her, her lips are so small and I don't know how to explain it, not full and embracing. The sex isn't too bad, she is in great shape for having 2 kids and shit, she is skinny as hell and tight, I thought I'd split her in 2. But so far she just kinda lies there and I like to feel I don't know something. HB is a hard act to follow, seriously. I put all my bets on her and I felt so much for her, that anyone else I just feel guarded against. I feel no one is as good. And when I started thinking about it, I actually have no clue how many people I have slept with. Seriously, I can't name or number how many people I had sex with between my ex wife and HB, I know 3 for sure but the rest is a drunken blur. It kinda sucks. I feel like a douche. I know I am a nice guy but that time of my life was a mess, and I feel that the next girl I am ready to settle down with asks how many people I have been with I will feel like a dick because I can't give an exact number or names or anything. The one I am with now has hinted around to asking and shit. One of the main things is I feel really bad to comparing her or anyone in general that I talk to to HB. I'm still not positive about her, why should I compare people to her. I am still confused to what all was fake and real with her. Everything seemed so real and great and then just all went to hell, we had some tough times but I didn't expect it to go as bad as it did. Now she won't talk to me and shit, makes me wonder you know. Maybe it was all bullshit. I was just occupying her time while she was stuck in Maryland. It really fucks with my head, well like most things. I believed everything until she dropped me like a bad habit for the crappy comment and shit. Then I just kinda think about how it all could have been bullshit. How I am so fuckin Gullible, to believe that she had feelings for me and everything else. Or that how she could just drop the feelings like she did. I can understand moving on but not really the way she did. She planned everything before she even talked to me and that is fucked up. I don't want to go though that drunken, sex phase again where I can't remember all that happened. My ex-wife has been causing drama and shit. Last night my friend was over with her 2 girls, the kids were playing good and shit then the XW calls up bitching that she didn't know these people and there are weirdos here and shit. I bite my lip for a while literally but she kept pressing so I went off on her family and pissed her off, she threatened to come get our son, Then we started yelling, then we talked and then she apologized. It was nuts. I hate that bitch and her family but I have been good on keeping quiet about everything. She should know better than to start shit with me. I am a nice guy until provoked then I can be brutal! Well I can't think of much else to say for now, may be back later after a few!