The cowardly lion

SO I gave my toast and had a couple drinks and like most of the times when I am down I feel like writing so here's what I came up with. Let me know what you think. I know I am not a very strong writer. I guess I just have a limited vocabulary, plus never been good in English or a good speker. Oh well, here it is...

My life is pure torture. It seems that I am in a constant downward spiral through the depths of Hell. I am always left alone. I am the unwanted child, never meant to exist. My life seems torturous to myself and everyone around me. When I am alone I let out a primal scream of desperation, to try to keep myself sane. Why does the nice guy finish last? I am not a shy person til I am around a woman I like. It seems sometimes when I am friends with a girl; sometimes I get close and would like to maybe take it up a notch. Though I lack the courage to take it to the next step. I am the cowardly lion. I am too afraid to voice my feelings, because of the rejection that hurt so much in the past. My life is a teen drama show. I am Dawson floating down the creek without a paddle, in my so-called life. Why can’t I be a dick like 95% of the rest if the men in the world? Through several friends and a couple tries on dares, being a dick works, but that’s just not me. Why does it seem that I always want what I can’t have, the woman I can’t be with right now, or I am just her friend. I am the shoulder to cry on, the retard to share your feelings with. The nice guy is always just a friend that you can complain about the dick your with to. What have I done in a previous life to be tortured so? My emotions are constantly camouflaged, to keep me from being hurt. I can’t stand the hurt anymore. My heart has been turned to dust, all the pain I have lived through. Who knows what the next section of my life holds in store for me. Let’s see what happens to the cowardly lion.