A great letter

As per Branshine telling me to get off my ass and post something. I hate the Oscars so I don't want to post them though Selma Hyak and Penelope Cruz looked absolutly beautiful you can see a pic thanks to The Smudge. I can't think straight after being pulled to watch people pee for urinalisis which sucks ass, here is a nice letter about how automated phone service sucks. Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year
old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
published in the New York Times.


Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three
nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the
arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
years.


You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.


My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I
personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to
contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.


>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter
no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am
sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about
him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your
employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me
level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons
as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a
later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May
I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year.
Your Humble Client

Meaning of RC666

According to a link from Lohan tp avoid the copy&paste problem of the HTML they give I just copied the chart itself and pasted. Yeah it may not look as cool but it works. Also thanks to Branshine I have also added my comments on their meaning.

RC666

R is for Rare "I am a rare individual, not many like me in this world"
C is for Crazy "I love to have fun and sometimes it means doing crazy things"
6 is for 6 bottles of Jim Beam "I love Jim Beam
6 is for 6 packs of cigarettes "I smoke alot"
6 is for 6 Condoms "I don't like condoms, but they are necessary"

It wouldn't give me anything for the numbers so I improvised. Then there's

RANDY

R is for Refined "I am polite most of the time, at least to people I like"
A is for Alluring "This one doesn't really fit, I seem more repulsive"
N is for Nervy "I have nerve when it is needed to stand up or fight"
D is for Deadly "I do know several ways to kill people and break bones"
Y is for Yummy "I do probably taste pretty good, I've never tasted"


What Does Your Name Mean?

A Little Excercise

As per Arethusa and The Smudge They have a little exercise to do:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

This is from the book sitting closest to me:

"Frightful outrage. Are you drunk yourself?"
"Now sir, a place and time for everything."

Not the most interesting 3 sentences in the book. The book is awesome though. Drinking, Smoking, and Screwing: Great Writers on Good Times
is the book. It is pretty good, I am only half way through it. It is little short stories and some poems.

AADD/ Religion

First the guys at work and I were talking about Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I have thought for some time now that I have it. It's not really bad like when kids have it. I just notice that on the smoke deck (navy term for place outside in the fucking cold we have to go to, to smoke) I think of all kinds of things when I am alone. I start out psychoanalyzing my life, why I do things and why I am the way I am. And then see bugs on the ground and wonder what life is to them and how they see us. Things just pop up everywhere especially when I am trying to write. I start out writing about one thing and think of something else and throw that in, I usually have to rewrite things several times and rearrange every other sentence. It really sucks. And along those lines I don't feel like making a new post so I am going to post something completely off this subject.

Religion, to be honest I have no clue which one I am. I first though I was atheist and then people told me I was agnostic and once I actually had two people arguing with each other about which one I was, It was hilarious. I don't believe that there can be a higher power but I always say "I'll believe it when I see it" so I guess it is kind of both I think I'll start my own religion athie-nostic. If people know which one I fall into please let me know. I have actually researched both and can't really tell. Anyway here is a writing I found about religion that I wrote in when I was 15 or 16. To keep it real I am not editing it, except for punctuation since the paper doesn't have any...lol. Actually reading it I still feel the exact same today. Which is kind or weird. It almost feels like I wrote it last week except for the date and scribbles I called writing. Well enjoy, feel free to give me any rebuttals.

What is the point of religion? You pray every night to a guy you don't even know if he really exists. Every Sunday you spend an hour or two sitting in church listening to a person read crap out of a book. Then you put your hard earned money into a collection plate for a bed-time story, trying to buy off God. I can't believe in any supernatural being that gets kicks out of ruining millions of peoples lives. How can their be a heaven when not one person has ever lived without sinning, including Adam and Eve. If there was a God it seems like he just sits and amuses himself by destroying lives and some have the nerve of saying it makes us/them stronger. If he existed why is there war and hate in the world. He would have the power to make people not commit mass murders and attempt genocide. If he did exist the world would be happy and peaceful. Even after saying this I would open up a church whenever I got a chance, it's a gold mine. Every Sunday they rake in hundreds of dollars and only have to pay the pastor and organ player (if you have one). Plus if your a church who has Wednesday mass too. Wow. They might be able to make a thousand a week at least in a good size city. Why does every religion hate devil worshipers but not the other religions such as Jews or shop's witnesses? How is worshiping the Devil different from worshiping God? They both destroy lives. I'm not supporting devil worshiping, they are just as clueless to me. How can someone control peoples lives when we have free will? Everyone makes decisions everyday how can that lead to a chosen path? God couldn't control everyone's lives. If he could how come we kill and hurt other people and people we love. I've tried to believe. I've prayed, sat through church on Sundays, put money on the collection plate, been baptized, and all the rest. It still hasn't worked my life is and always will be fucked up. It's almost like if he does exist, I pissed him off in another life. I just can't comprehend people worshiping something no one has actually seen. If an adult says they are afraid of the bogeyman people laugh, but believe in God no one laughs. To me they seem the same. They are both stories told to kids about better be good or else. I think they were both thought up to strike fear into people so they act accordingly. Be good or God or the bogeyman will get you.

Random thoughts

I'm tired can't think straight. Tired of everything.

A lost soul just wandering this earth
Looking for someone
Don't know who or where
You are throbbing in agony
Drugs help ease the pain
Helps you not care
Loneliness is a disease
It creeps up slowly then devours you
Sometimes you need someone
You look around the empty streets
No one can be found
What can you do
You can’t cure loneliness
Someone has to find you and cure you
It’s easy to hide from it in public
When your alone it conquers you
It’s so bad you can’t think straight
Random thoughts constantly flowing
Nothing but confusion in your head
There's always pain in your chest
Don’t want to do anything
You hate waking up
Hate going to bed
All alone

Everybody have a good 3 day?

I have come to realize the things I keep telling myself are really true. This 3 day week end sucked as all my weekends tend to. My life is so monotonous it's ridiculous. Monday through Thursday I work all but 3 of my waking hours. And weekends I get drunk and lay on my friends couch, wake up, eat, and watch TV and repeat all weekend. My latest drunken follie, I was at a friends house and the owner of the apartment was showing me a vacant apartment that I was thinking about renting. There was no electricity and we were just standing smoking and joking. Somehow for some reason I kinda leaned over, lost my balance and put my shoulder through the window. I am still not sure how/why/what the hell I was meaning to do and how the hell my bony ass shoulder can break anything besides itself. SO then I went to my second job Monday to make some extra money to pay for the window. And then go home and got uber drunk for no reason and played spades with my cuz on yahoo. I need to get a new life, mine has always been pretty boring. So now I am at work trying to cover my Jim Beam breath so people don't give me shit about being an alcoholic again. Oh well, here we go go again another week begins.

The Funniest Thing I have Ever Seen

Yesterday I got an email containing a video from "Who's line is it anyway", remember that prop improve show that disappeared, was hosted by Drew Carey. I used to watch the show all the time, I thought it was funny as hell. I must have missed this episode though. It features a guest prop, played by Richard Simmons. I laughed so hard I started crying, well not really crying but I had tears coming out. Anyways, since I didn't know how to put the video from my email on to here, I had to find it elsewhere on the net. Thanks to Squizzle that I have never heard of, here's the video.

A Nice Joke for you

When is Fuck Acceptable? - by "Odd Joker" at 5jokes.com
There are only eleven times in history when the 'F' word has been
considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

11. "What the fuck do you mean, we're sinking?"
--Capt. E.J. Smith, RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the fuck was that?"
--Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all these fucking Indians come from?"
-- General Custer, 1877

8. "Any fucking idiot could understand that."
-- Albert Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so fucking look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the fuck did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the fuck are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1998

and a drum roll please........!

1. "Geez! I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad!"
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003

Who's next? Hawthorne Heights!

As many may or may not know, yahoo's launch has been doing a Who's next competition for a couple months now. Winners have included Straylight Run and recently Eisley. Please vote as often and as many times as you can for Hawthorne Heights, just click the pic below. Thanks.

The cowardly lion

SO I gave my toast and had a couple drinks and like most of the times when I am down I feel like writing so here's what I came up with. Let me know what you think. I know I am not a very strong writer. I guess I just have a limited vocabulary, plus never been good in English or a good speker. Oh well, here it is...

My life is pure torture. It seems that I am in a constant downward spiral through the depths of Hell. I am always left alone. I am the unwanted child, never meant to exist. My life seems torturous to myself and everyone around me. When I am alone I let out a primal scream of desperation, to try to keep myself sane. Why does the nice guy finish last? I am not a shy person til I am around a woman I like. It seems sometimes when I am friends with a girl; sometimes I get close and would like to maybe take it up a notch. Though I lack the courage to take it to the next step. I am the cowardly lion. I am too afraid to voice my feelings, because of the rejection that hurt so much in the past. My life is a teen drama show. I am Dawson floating down the creek without a paddle, in my so-called life. Why can’t I be a dick like 95% of the rest if the men in the world? Through several friends and a couple tries on dares, being a dick works, but that’s just not me. Why does it seem that I always want what I can’t have, the woman I can’t be with right now, or I am just her friend. I am the shoulder to cry on, the retard to share your feelings with. The nice guy is always just a friend that you can complain about the dick your with to. What have I done in a previous life to be tortured so? My emotions are constantly camouflaged, to keep me from being hurt. I can’t stand the hurt anymore. My heart has been turned to dust, all the pain I have lived through. Who knows what the next section of my life holds in store for me. Let’s see what happens to the cowardly lion.

Damn Hallmark

I just want to thank Hallmark for creating a holiday to sell things to people in love and leave the lonely feeling more depressed. Bastards! At least the weather is rainy and dreary outside, seeing the dying trees wave in the breeze. For some reason I've always loved dreary weather. SO while the lovebirds flock to the stores to buy cards, candy, flowers, and have romantic dinners I will go to my second job to try to forget what day it is. I will then go home and sit and eat some Ramen noodle packs and maybe have a drink or two in my empty barracks room while watching couples fear factor. To everyone else sitting alone tonight I will toast a drink to you and hope everyone survives the day that corporate america created not thinking of the consequence that they may impose on the people who are not in their target selling group.

My Past life

Thanks to Bizarro World
I found out what I was in my past life. I think it is right. Now I am just a closet psycho.

Randy was an Adventurous Serial Killer in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Treatment of POW's

Friday, December 17, 2004 2:58 PM

A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the
treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan war. Below is a copy
of the response.

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was
heard loud and clear here in Washington You'll be pleased to learn
that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating the
Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept
Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance
with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one
terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your
residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for
pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your
standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly
recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help
him overcome this character flaw. Perhaps you are correct in describing
these problems as mere cultural differences.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive
devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those
items locked up, unless you feel that this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters since he
views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly
sensitive subject for him. He has been known to show violent tendencies
around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers
appropriate, but I'm sure that over time they will come to enjoy the
anonymity offered by the bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of
respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
inform us of the proper way to do our job. Take good care of Ahmed and
good luck!

Cordially,
Don Rumsfeld

I'm FREE!!!!!!!!

I haven't been able to post lately because I had to travel back to my hometown, Defiance, Ohio. I had to go to court on Monday to get my divorce finalized. I am now free of the burden of marriage and will not do that again for at least 10 years. My advice to all youngsters is don't be like me. If you get someone pregnant that doesn't mean you must marry them, just make sure you take care of your child. When I was back home for Christmas my mom made me bring my uniform to get pictures taken. She gave me a good one of me and my son, Aaron. I might post it later when I get home tonight. But for now, I'll find something post worthy.

Looks like a music video 

Really Cool 

Closer and not so stable 

Moved closer 

Started back here 

HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS WHHHOOOO!!!!!

Ok so Last night I went and saw an awesome show. Stated out with Gym Class Heroes, A pretty good hip-hop alternative band. The lead singer could freestyle. The only problem was that most the songs sounded the same. They were followed by Hopesfall, who was again excellent. I apologize if this post sucks I am still drunk. But they were rocking out. Followed by one of my Favorite bands Hawthorne Heights, who I was screaming for the whole night. They were awesome. I got my ticket signed by JT Woodruff the lead singer. At least I think, by that time I was wasted. I managed to lose a shirt I bought and a CD they gave me. But I held on to my friends CD, a Hat she bought me, and my digital camera I took. I will post a couple of the pics I took once this damn hello shit stops giving me a network error message. Ok but then when I got back from buying shit and getting it signed, The Early November were on stage, completely wasted I remind you, I forgot about them and thought it was Sugarcult. So I am screaming "Memory" and everyone kept looking at me funny, then they played a song I knew and I felt like an Idiot. Then Sugarcult took the stage, by that time I shoved my female friend and myself up to the front. I have a couple great pictures of them. My Hawthorne Heights pics didn't come out and a lot of them a blurred from my inability to stand up and hold a camera staight. But all in all a great night. Take Action Tour just kicked off, coming to a town near you. Check them out.

Under Slight Construction

I was getting tired of loking at polka dots on my site, it's just not me. I had the one black one that alot of people had, but I wanted something different. So I got one from blogger and thought that I could spruce it up a bit. I learned very basic HTML code in High School, almost 7 years ago. I think it has come along pretty good. I spent most of my day at work, working on it. As you can see, it still has a few gliches in it, hopefully will be able to fix it in the next couple days.

Evil? WTF?!!

After seeing that The Smudge of Ashen Fluff got a 32% Evil, I wondered how his could come close to mine. SO I checked my evilness again....20%?! That's bullshit. His is about Mozart, and crap (no offense, it's good crap). So I am trying to figure out how they figure their "evil". I saw you could put phrases and see how evil they were. My Blast from the past poem only got a 20%. That poem is way more evil than that, I'd say it's 80%. I actually think it is backwards, I put the phrase "kill god, hail satan" and "hail god, kill satan" both get a 1% evil. Now here's where it gets tricky. Kill-50%, kill kill-50%, kill kill kill-50%, kill kill kill kill-1% (WTF), kill kill kill kill kill-99%. Ok lets do some math...1-3 kills is half evil half good, for some reason 4 is all good, but 5 wow that's evil. If anyone can understand how 4 is good, please let me know. Hell canowine's description of me as a "demon loving, chicken blood drinking, virgin defiling friend" is only 1% evil. Here's what the website says.

Basically, Gematria is searching for different patterns through the text, such as the amount of words beginning with a vowel. If the amount of these matches is divisible by a certain number, such as 7 (which is said to be God's number), there is an incontestable argument that the Spirit of God is ever present in the text. Another important aspect in gematria are the numerical values of letters: A=1, B=2 ... I=9, J=10, K=20 and so on. The Gematriculator uses Finnish alphabet, in which Y is a vowel.

Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God's watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.

So basically a website all about God could be evil on the bassis of what letters are used and not the text. Ok that was just urking the hell out of me. I think I will just change my rating myself to 99%, I'll think about it.