Friday still

iT IS ALMOST 11 i AM On my I don't know what drink and about to pop a benedryl and pass out after I drunk dial some people including old SM which I haven't talked to in a long while though I know it's just be one of those awkward conversations. I been playing Halo for the past 3 and 1/2 hours waiting for someone to call me and ask me to do something which is not going to happen. I been doing pretty good but now am getting drunker which means I yell more and kill less. Whatever I can't wait til Vegas Baby, I am going to party all night and sleep all day. At least that is my plan with the heat. I'll probably end up falling asleep on the street somewhere like a loser. No one is going to show up. It's going to be me and Chris, me getting drunk and him losing his money. I will want to be cool and go to the clubs and pretend I am someone I am not and then fail miserably and end up sitting at the bar and not talking to anyone but the bartender. Though if I get drunk enough maybe I will grow balls and act like the way women want men who are dogs. I doubt it. Who fucking knows. Today was my last day at work Thank god. Monday and Tueaday I will probably go to my second job So I can have money when I get back for Warped tour and perhaps a TRIP TO ri, cg SAID THE VOICE ON HER PHONE WAS HER SISTER'S Fiance or husband that she will be giving her phone to when she leaves. Damn cap locks, I am too lazy to fix it. Oh well almost time to. It had a sticker price on it. I tried to scrape it off, I need to buy an amp and cord for it. I was at Uncle Toms last night, me him and his brother was jamming out. It was cool, his brother said to bring them next time I came over. Tom was funny as shit, both of them whooped my ass at foozeball, I was trying to get Tom drunk so I could win, I had him falling over when he squated but then he wouldn't play. I need to go over there more often, He cooked me some steak with sauteed mushrooms, rice. It was awesome. Best meal I have had in a long time, and for home cooked thats probably been a couple years now. Ok I am slurring my typing time to drunk dial and fall asleep. Goodnight all, hope you Fri wAS BETTER THAN MINE, AS USUAL.

Another boring Friday

As I sit here getting ready to play Halo and start on my second drink, I want to go out and do something. If I go out by myself I will get in trouble like usual. I was gonna hang out at Mike's but he said him and his wife were going to do dinner and a movie and I didn't want to be the 3rd wheel. I even took my nap when I left work at 2, woke up at 5 ready to go do anything but sit here and get drunk. Tomorrow my supervisor is having a post operation cookout with a keg of Yuengling so I'll be there. He is the coolest guy to work for ever! OK pl;aying halo will finish these thoughts later when I am drunker.

Stomach Problems back

SO my stomach problems came back since I have been back in the barracks. This means the reason lies in my room. I think I have narrowed it down to 3 things. My water bottles, they are about a year old, I just refill them from the faucet and put them back in the fridge. Maybe they have grown mold or something. My Homer Simpson drinking mug. I drink from it almost every night and rince it and put it back in the freezer, it has started to become discolored. Then there's the water in general, I drink it and make ice with it. I should be able to eliminate these and see where it leaves me. I will but a couple gallons of water and throw away the bottles and also my one at work which is almost as old. Wash my mug and see if problems go away. I know it's not the Beam because I had it still my first couple days in the field. Not the diet because my weekend back at Chris's I had no problem. I wish I was a scientist and could test these different items and find out what exactly is causing this. Like on "House MD" the other day they were testing al kinds of pesticides and the finding traces of a certain kind on a pair of pants. I could swipe my water bottles and mug and test the water for all different kinds of bacterias. It's kind of cool that I don't do much in my room that I can narrow it down to 3 things. Tonight I am supposed to go hang out with Uncle Tom, I have been her almost 3 years and have not been to his house or canowine's. Hell canowine wouldn't let me meet his wife til a couple months ago she came in the office and I was here...lol. I am the black sheep of the office. Oh well I have a shitload of work that I need to do today since I put most of it off yesterday. A week from today I'll be in VEGAS BABY!!!

Court and my life

First I just got back from court again and again it was a waste of my time. They said they'd appoint a public defender and that was it. I noticed that attorneys are all nerds, they're not like the smart witty and sometimes hot ones on tv. I just kept laughing watching the fat guys with the come over and the young nerdy ones and the older looking middle aged women. It was funny.

Now my life, while sitting in boredome I was thinking of a conversation I had this weekend with "a friend". I look down at my boney scar ridden knuckles and arms wondering what happened to the old me. I used to be full of rage and somewhat confidence or whatever the hell it was. I used to like to get in fights and do crazy shit. Now I guess I know too much of the consequences. Though I knew them then, I didn't fear getting caught. Hell when my ex was living here, I still had the rage especially in our fights where I'd punch and break things. Maybe it was just her that brought out the bad in me. I still have my temper of course it almost blew up at our excercise but thankfully didn't come out more than me bitching at people I shouldn't have. I think I am getting old. It's kind of scary thinking about how much I have changed especially since now is my time to live my life. Instead I just drink my life away. Drinking at a party is cool, but when I get fucked up in my room alone is just kind of sad. Ok time for lunch.

Thank God I don't have to be back til WEDs.

Thankfully I had to go through medal detetors today or else I'd stabbed people in the face with ice pickss. I went to 3 different courthouses before I got shit straight then they said I had to wait til I got shit in the mail, Which may be too late, I am fucked up and have been since 12. I wanted to stab everyone in the face with an ice pick hank god I had to walk through metal fetectors every where after my running around I talked to Chris who decided he'd decifef he'd cancerl his party so I can got to RI this weekend to see CG who now has a guys voice on her Voicemail which disturbes me. SO I need to talk to her or the chick I was going to meeet u with at his party befor next weekend. before I erupt into something! We talked he said I should Go to hey ND THEN i CALLED TOHNNIGHT AND HEARD ANOTHER GUY AN HER VOICEMAIL SO i DONT KNOW i AM DRUBK AZS ALWAYS AND FUCK IT ALL !! sO i DON'T CARE AND WILL CALL TOMORROW AND SEE WHAT THE FUCK IS UOP!!/

Thank God I am out of F.I.G.

Fort Indiantown Gap Penn sucks major ass! I got in plenty of trouble since my last audioblog and have been trying to drink away the memories since I got home on Friday. One night I got screamed at and kicked out of my original barracks, since my job got switched to the other operation and since I got brought in with others drunk when we weren't supposed to be drinking. Since I been home I hung out with Chris and Mike and had a shitload of wings and beers. Tonight I went and supported my friends wife in a hooters bikini competition. Tomorrow I have to go try to get my public defender. I am tired as shit so I will post more tomorrow. I posted some pics and tried to get them somewhat in order. I didn't take that many since this was the most boring and worst excersice I been too thank god it was my last. I am on my last beer and have no Beam so I need to go to sleep before I get angry. I don't have to be back to work til Wed, then I am off August 1-14. I am thinking of going to visit CG next weekend, not quite sure yet though. Martini, you better still be going to Vegas!! Chris and I are going to need someone who knows their way around. I'll try to read up on blogs and post something that makes better sense tomorrow.

My driver to FIG hello Mike 

Our Helo ride in a shnuck(sp?)  

Patti 

Patti's creation...the thinker 

Awesome moulage!! 

My poison Ivy starting, it has spread since then. 

Tanks! 

Day 1 of the operation

Today was day 1 of the operation, had I kept my original job it would have been fun and exciting. Since I now have a shitty job it was boring and I got pissed off. The job I have is really really easy but our NCOIC (guy in charge) is an idiot who doesn't know what the fuck to do. Lots of headaches today. I was so ready to go off on him for being stupid. He is a nice guy but just an idiot. We loaded a water tank for drinking water and went to drop it off. The ground was muddy and he dropped it anyway. It started sliding and heres my skinny ass trying to hold 250-500 or so gallons of water in a tank from sliding into these people and vehicles. Needless to say some bigger people eventually helped me. Luckily I turned and mumbled to a buddy that this guy was a fucking moron, because he is 3 ranks above me. Oh well. It's not too bad we work 12 hour shifts. I have a ton of blisters that hurt like hell. I don't know if I mentioned in the audio that I was wasted yesterday. I drank a bunch of Vodka and gatorades when I got off. One of the guys I fuck around with yelled at me and told me to go shower brush my teeth and eat mints. I did and didn't get caught. I am again drinking the same. It is great, everyone thinks I am rehydrating after a hard 12 hours of sweating my ass off (it is hot and extremely humid) BUt really I am dehydrating and getting a buzz. His computer has a low battery damnit. SO I may audio Later. Chis had a person call him last night and it was a wrong number and he was messing with this chick and I think she liked it. It gave our group a laugh for a while. More on that later. Take care peeps. Hopefully I will get a chance to check back later.

First Night

OK I have to make this quick. We busted our asses yesterday after driving 3 hours to get here since we were in hummers and 2 1/2 tons that went slow as hell. Went to hooters to get wings and pitchers of beer. On the way back someone said that went they were pissin that it took 60 seconds. I timed myself and it myself. I had a steady stream going for 80 seconds. I was proud and will see if anyone can beat it . On the way back we had to stop to pee at a rest area. Someone said that they took a 60 second piss, I was curious especially after drinking a couple pitchers of beer. SO I tCame back and drank some beam. Apparently someone said that I slept walked into another room and pushed over a locker and then went back into bed. I don't think I did all I remember was getting yelled at to wake up and p8ick it up. I am not used to typing on this laptop and don't have time to correct it. It keeps jumping because my big ass hand rest on the mouse pad. I am going to try to email CG this site now if I can remember her addy since I left it in my room and have to come sit in a van to get a connection. I am having fun though, except I busted my toe open on the tipped over locker. I have been thinking about that all day, I think they are messing with me. I only know of me sleep walking once when I was like 14 or so. Oh well. Hope everyone is ok may check blogs when my buddy actually has his battery charged.

Bye bye CG

So today CG called me and asked me to pick her up from the airport. I went and picked he and her nephew up, their flight was supposed to be in at 745 and didn't show up until 930. So I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I hoped and with her nephew there it wasn't really the goodbye I hoped for either. I took her to her car and embraced her for the last time and kissed her for the last time. I didn't want to let her go. I wish that we could have had more moments like that a long time ago. But it was nice. I followed her for a while heading back. I was screaming to Senses Fail trying to get out the rainbow of emotions that I was feeling, regret, loss, hope, sadness, and I can't think of another word so I'll say love of a friend. If only we had more time. Damn this exercise that I have to get up in less than 6 hours for. I am chugging my Beam so I will be able to sleep. I am far from tired right now. I almost feel like crying but why? WHat's it going to change. It's just another time to remember and learn from. Especially after seeing my great grandfather I know that I need to stop stalling on things and stop being scared of rejection. Just go for it. Oh well. Chug some more. and say goodnight. I will be back on the 23rd I believe and I'll say it again and might actually do it this time but I may audioblog while I am gone. I know I will be drunk as shit this week, there is supposed to be no drinking during this excercise but they said that last year and we still did but everyone else isn't getting there until saturday. We are going advanced party to get everything ready. So I'll bid everyone farewell and I'll talk to you and check everyones blogs when I get back. Damn I hate myself but what else is new. Vegas will be my new start. My fuck it all attitude now has a backing and hopefully this time I can actually keep it instead of caving under the fear. OK I am getting drunk and rambling. BTW I am thinking of emailing CG this site and let her read it. What do yall think? though I probably won't read your responses until after I call her tomorrow.

Review of Ohio

Let's start at the beginning. So I left around 130 on Thursday. I made a nice mix of Senses Fail and some songs from Headbangers ball before I left work, so I put that in and rolled down the windows and took off screaming to my tunes. By time I was half way out of Maryland I noticed that I was on autopilot and my mind was blank. I don't think I've ever actually felt that way before. It was a nice meditation, wind in my face, my kind of music cranked up, just driving to what felt like no where. I realized that I forgot my notebook to write in and kind of got mad at myself but oh well. The air was very hot and muggy though. Through the mountains of Penn the clouds gathered and the wind became a nice cool breeze. That was heaven until the downpour. People were pulling over and stopping while I drove by them keeping between 60 and 70 to be on the safe side. Then the rain stopped and it was perfect again. The last toll booth in Penn, where you have to pay 1.50 for some reason after you already tuned in your ticket and payed 5 miles ago, had the most beautiful woman ever to grace a toll booth. I was in shock. I already had my money ready expecting to see the old person who usually work in them, my music still cranked, a cigarette hanging in my mouth. I drive up and hand her the money, got ready to gun it and looked at her, my mouth dropped to a half shocked smile, she smiled and said thank you. I wanted to say something but you know it's a toll booth, so I drove off thinking "what the hell is a chic like that working here?" But kept driving, got to my town around 9, a nice 8 hours. My son was with ex's cousin because she had to work, I went saw my parents and then went out and saw my cousin, but was too tired to party so I went to Taco Bell where I got my Chilli Cheese burrito with sour cream, yes they have it back there, and then went back and went to sleep.

Friday I was woken at like 8 by my door opening, my mom was trying to wake me up, I said I'll get up at 9. A half hour later I hear my door open again, I was getting up to yell at her and it stopped and I heard my boy in the living room, so I yelled for him, he came in and gave me hugs and kisses and then I got my lazy ass out of bed. We went to the mall and several stores to find presents for his Bday party, he wanted a lot. He made me get him a Batman motorcycle and a Star Wars light saber thing. Plus I payed for half of the stuff that the ex bought for him. He got a tramplene, pool, sandbox, and god knows what else was from us(get to that later). We went to the park and played, where he made me run all over the place and squeeze through places my tall ass couldn't fit through. We went back to my mom's and went to go see my great grandpa in the hospital. I almost lost it there. My great grandpa is 90 years old, fought in WW2, always smiling and always busy, the most active person ever. Seeing him doped up and just laying there was a unique experience for me. I had crazy thoughts while trying to sleep that night. He lost my grandma about 3 years ago and no one expected him to make it this long. He kept bust boating, fishing, and working in his garden. Everytime I came home he'd come over and play with my boy and chat with us. Now family just goes in there and stands awkwardly for as long as they can stand, trying to talk to him and then saying they have to go. I know he never wanted this to happen to him, as I hope I never suffer through that. While we were saying our good byes he started crying saying that this was it. I think this is when I felt the warm saltiness try to trickle down my cheek, but was quickly caught by my finger. In the last 22 years I have never seen this man not smile, even when grandma died, he was so strong and was glad to see the family who has come to ignore them until holidays. We used to go boating with him every summer, he used to do wood working and made my first toybox which is still in my closet at my parents, and made all his grand children grandfather clocks. He was very talented and busy man. Anyhow, it made me realize I don't want to be like that, old in a hospital where people feel they have to come and sit there while I die. I hope I go fast, then I started thinking about the fear of the unknown(death). And it was hard to sleep that night. Oh yeah the fire works were that night too, I went to my cousin's friends house, my boy played with his boys and then we watched the fireworks with him cuddleing on my lap and we talked. It was great. Oh yeah and CG called me and told me not to cheat on her, We talked about why shouldn't I.

Saturday was his bday party. It is always awkward to get my family and hers together, the always stay at different ends of the house, especially since the divorce. He had fun running around, picking at the cake and wanting to open his presents NOW! After everyone ate we told him he could open them. He ran and would rip them open so he could see what they were and then throw it down and her cousin's son would finish unwrapping it for him. He went through a shitload of presents is like 5-10 minutes. After everone left I helped cleanup and said good bye to him so he could stay and play with his toys. I went out with my cousin and shot our own fireworks off. WARNING: Do not tough the top of a lantern that has been on for an hour. I scolded my thumb and forefinger trying to pick one up. The one firework didn't go very high and blew up right above us. I ducked and put my head down to see little flames land around us. It was crazy, my leg was shaking for like an hour afterwards. We hung out and I left and I went to sleep.

Sunday I picked the boy up around 11 and the ex was still sleeping on the couch. We went to my aunts and went out on their small lake with a paddle boat, he was scared but when I asked him if he was scared he said no he was just nervous. We went back and ate some good hotdogs and hamburgers from the grill. He didn't want to eat so I made him take a nap because he was cranky, then I woke him up so he could swim in their pool, it was 4 foot deep so he had to wear a life jacket, he was scared at first, wouldn't let me let him go. Eventually he would try to swim to my dad and to my cousins who were in there. It was a fun time, we went back to my parents house and played with his new whack-a-mole game. He had fun. And then he went to bed while me and mom watched tv and talked a bit.

Monday We woke up and went to see great grandpa again and my grandma's hip was hurting so we saw her too in the hospital, she was 2 rooms down from him, it was a goodbye in the hospital. I yelled at both of them, that I was tired of people being in the hospital when I come home. They both laughed and said they would try harder not to be in there next time. It was hard saying goodbye to my grandpa because I know it will probably be the last time I see him, and I have no clue if I am going to be able to make it home for his funeral. If he can hole out til September we'll all be fine. My son gave me a fat lip while in the hospital too.; He headbutted me on accident, I told him what he did, and he said he didn't do it, followed by "daddy, your lip's bleeding." I told him I told him so and he apologized and kissed it to make it all better, but shit it still hurts. The drive back to here wasn't quite as pleasant, I had to be on heavy alert of cops since fines are doubled on holidays. I didn't get pulled over and made it back safe. I got here and went on base to get some Jim Beam since all I had there was 2 beers all weekend, everything on base was closed, so I went to the store down the road which only had beer and wine. So here I sit with a 12 pack of Bud and plan on finishing it soon. Hope everyone elses weekend was good.

BTW I almost have had 9,000 people check my blog out!