Court and my life

First I just got back from court again and again it was a waste of my time. They said they'd appoint a public defender and that was it. I noticed that attorneys are all nerds, they're not like the smart witty and sometimes hot ones on tv. I just kept laughing watching the fat guys with the come over and the young nerdy ones and the older looking middle aged women. It was funny.

Now my life, while sitting in boredome I was thinking of a conversation I had this weekend with "a friend". I look down at my boney scar ridden knuckles and arms wondering what happened to the old me. I used to be full of rage and somewhat confidence or whatever the hell it was. I used to like to get in fights and do crazy shit. Now I guess I know too much of the consequences. Though I knew them then, I didn't fear getting caught. Hell when my ex was living here, I still had the rage especially in our fights where I'd punch and break things. Maybe it was just her that brought out the bad in me. I still have my temper of course it almost blew up at our excercise but thankfully didn't come out more than me bitching at people I shouldn't have. I think I am getting old. It's kind of scary thinking about how much I have changed especially since now is my time to live my life. Instead I just drink my life away. Drinking at a party is cool, but when I get fucked up in my room alone is just kind of sad. Ok time for lunch.