My newest addiction

Obviously I mentioned before reading a couple self help books well I think I am getting addicted to them. They are really interesting and helpful to me. Plus reading helps distract me and helps pass the time. I mentioned to HB today that she was lucky she had friends here, she accused me of trying to make her feel guilty. I have never tried intentionally to make her feel guilty. It just really sucks right now. I really don't have any friends here other than her. Uncle Tom is here for a little while but he is busy trying to see everyone and spend time with his wife he hasn't been with for a while before they move to England. I have just been really bored and lonely. I feel bad for asking her if I can go with her when she goes to see friends, she invited me to dinner a couple days ago, that was nice but I just want to get out of the house and it doesn't help to get out by myself. Its not like I can go to a bar or club, I don't know how to dance and I don't want to drink and I would just end up sitting by myself and feeling worse. Then again maybe she feels awkward with me just being around. I have done good and stopped trying to kiss her or telling her I love her, that doesn't mean I don't still want to but I have finally managed to stop because I knew that she didn't like it. The books and everything has helped me from telling myself that it's the end of the world. It hurts and will hurt but I will keep going. The other day I actually went for a run around the block just to get out, anyone who knows me knows I hate running but I may try to start every once in a while, it was kind of relaxing. Last night I went for a walk in the rain, it has been a long time since I've done that, it was a little colder than I would have liked but I went to the park and sat on the swings remembered funner times when we would play at the park, it was so quiet and peaceful. I liked it. But I am just trying to find things to keep me busy so I don't sit around and make myself depressed since I don't have friends here. I walked down to best buy and the grocery store earlier, it helped kill an hour. Well maybe there's something on tv now...