A Lot of Nothingness

Well lets start with one issue and go from there. One week ago today I posted about how this break up with HB was similar to death. I still somewhat believe that, it is the death of a relationship, though hopefully it will continue to be a friendship. At the end of the post and stages of death is acceptance. I said yeah right I wouldn't accept this. Why would I say that. I thought this was a great injustice. This was someone I really cared about with all my soul. But in reality I have already come to accept it. There are things that are really hard with us living together still but I have accepted that things will be slightly difficult. We do still care about each other, we are still attracted to each other, we still have needs as humans, and we still have habits that we are so used to. One main thing is that I still want to kiss her. She says its awkward since we are not "dating" anymore. But why should we deprive ourselves of things we like, when its not really wrong or harming anyone. We aren't dating other people, it isn't going to change the fact that we aren't dating or that we will be living so far away. I understand about trying not to confuse me or herself but there isn't much to confuse, its not going to change anything. Yes I am still sad and scared, but I now understand that it's ok to feel that way but not to let it inhibit me from anything. Definately don't let it make me drown myself in alcohol. It does suck, but it has also helped me along with my book to realize, that I need to go back and be with my son. I try to talk to her but I usually end up sounding like a broken record. Hell I can barely remember what I've posted on here and my thought all feel like I've already typed them before. My mind has been thinking through everything lately. Analyzing and forgiving most of my actions. We are all human, we make mistakes. We learn from our mistakes and move on. Sorry I'm tired and lost track. Hope everyone has a good week. I have to drive back to Ohio this week, my son is having his first school play, I can't miss it.