HB and I celebrated the last thursday of the year last night by preparing a big ass meal of frozen meal including pizza, egg rolls, potato wedges, tequitos, mozzerela sticks, buffalo wings, and jalapeno poppers. pictured here:
The grease and breading made my stomach fat and sore, HB was kind enough to take this lovely picture of my huge belly:
But apparently we are going out tomorrow night to have some NewYears fun and I will try to take some pics and see what she'll let me post. Have a sefe New Years!
Friday, December 30, 2005
Last Thursday of the year
Thursday, December 29, 2005
I'm Back
Ok Let me see if I can recap most events fairly quickly. I woke up bright and fucking early last Wednesday to leave. I couldn't wake HB up though she subconsciously gave me a hug and kiss and mumbled "I love you". I was off by 630. Traffic wasn't bad, it was nice. Hit some snow in Pennsylvania, which state workers tried to kill me not once but twice. First time, if anyone has been on Penn turnpike, it is really curvy and don't have shoulders on the left side in a lot of places so I was cruising around 75 or 80 like usual and going around a curve and out of no where theres one of the trucks with the flashing arrow stoppen on the road. Cars in front of me slam on their brakes as do I, luckily no accident. So later still cruising and there's like no traffic and there's a state park truck on the right shoulder with a big long ass trailer that decided to go from the shoulder across all lanes and through a hole in the median. I had to slam on my brakes an swerve across 2 lanes to avoid hitting his trailer. If there had been another car I would have hit it because it happened so fast I didnt even look. But I made it home by 2pm. My parents were both at work so I went to a car dealership and traded in the minivan. That's right, I no longer drive a minivan! I bought a 2006 pontiac G6 that looks like THIS I may take a pic soon with my new digital camera that my parents got me. But it was great. I went and picked up my son, he's gotten so big! and smart as hell, I could have real conversations with him. We spent time together and with family. I got to see a really old friend that I hadn't seen or spoke to in a long time, caught up on some old times. I went and saw former SM. Aaron played with her kid, it was pretty nice to chat, gotta go see her family that I was really close too I really missed her brothers. It was nice and very helpful. Being truely and sincerly in love with HB I realized that I wanted to consider former SM, I need to think of something else, a soulmate when all she's ever truely been was a best friend except at one point in time it had benefits. I realized that she is like a sister to me like New years girl. Chicks that I'd beat the shit out of anyone who treats them bad and who they've and I've always talked about the ups and downs of relationships with. OK now I'm sounding gay but they are truely like sisters to me, especially FSM because I was really close with her family and when I stopped over they treated me the same as they did 6-7 years ago. Oh yeah NY girl is back with her BF that said she can't talk to me so I didnt get to talk to her but her mom said she'd tell her I said hi. I didn't really hang out otherwise. I spent friday out with my cousin and we couldn't find anything to do, she's in college in a different town so didnt hang around there and isn't 21 so we couldnt go in the bars. That was basically my trip. Spent alot of time with my boy and family. Got a new car. I tried to hook my speakers up myself, after cutting my hands and cursing too much I took it and paid $70 to get them put in. I came home last night to HB's. I missed her way too much while I was gone. My parents were probably sick of hearing me talk about her. When FSM asked if I still planned on coming back next year I told her that I was pretty sure I'd be staying here and told her all about her. She was glad that I finally found someone I am so compatable with. She knew me and the ex didn't get along at all. But I think thats about all. So now I need to get my lazy ass up and dressed to go back to HB's. I will try to catch up on otherblogs tomorrow when I go back to my other job. Hope everyone else had a good christmas. I am glad to be back!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
So I decided to also do some quizzes since I am a copycat and needed to kill some time before I go up to get my records from work. So here are some of the things I did:
| You are a Self-Discoverer |
 You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality. Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine. You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion. You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans. |
Sure, I guess I thought I'd get agnostic or atheist.
| Your 2005 Song Is |
 Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day "My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating" In 2005, you bummed everyone out. Like you care. |
Good song!
| Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker |
 Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm" You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone... Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-) You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear. Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing. The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person. Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life. You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face. Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life* |
I guess, what do you think baby?
| You're A Crazy Drunk |
 When you drink, you get wrecked - and it ain't pretty. |
Yep but I have fun!
| You Are 20 Years Old |
 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
Close, usually I get 3.
| Your Power Color Is Red-Orange |
 At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?" |
I like orange.
| How You Life Your Life |
 You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down. |
Yep that's me.
| How You Are In Love |
 You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance. |
Half right, half wrong. I don't jump from relationship to another. ANd I think I give more than take.
| On Average, You Would Sell Out For |
 |
Sounds good to me, when do I get my money?
| You Are Japanese Food |
 Strange yet delicious. Contrary to popular belief, you're not always eaten raw. |
I just like the "you try" chicken.
| Slacker Kid |
 High school was a place you showed up occasionally, but you didn't really leave a mark. You hated rules, authority, and structure. In fact, you still do. |
Yep, right on the money, well freaky slacker.
| The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick |
 You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite |
Good movies! GOSH!
| Your Pimp Name Is... |
 |
What do you think baby, can you call me that from now on?
| Your World View |
You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you. |
I'm adventurous sometimes, though I don't really like people.
| The Cure Shares Your Taste in Music |
 See their whole playlist here (iTunes required) |
Righteous!
Monday, December 19, 2005
My luck strikes again
Yeah so things have been going great and all then things starts hitting the fan like usual. Things are still righteous with HB, thankfully. But I had some good money set aside to have a wonderful christmas and was planning on giving my parents some money to help out their problems. As I said before, my van is fucked up and I was going to save some money to trade it in but apparently I didn't/don't have as muh time as I thought. I was hoping to be able to put back $2,000 to put as a down payment since I still owe a shitload on it. Well Saturday the tire blew yet again on my way home from my other job. SO I decided that my time is out. I don't wanna have to keep spending $70 every what, I think that tire lasted a month and a half. SO all the money I had saved up and was going to give my parents are now going for the down payment. I called my dad and asked if he would co-sign, if I needed it, when I got home. He said yeah if he could, their money problems have probably fucked up their credit worse than it already was. SO now I feel like an ass and will have no money to give them. Hopefully I can get away with putting 1,000 down and that leaves me with a couple hundred from my savings that I will need for gas and some more christmas presents. I still have nothing for my dad, I spent 140 at ToysRus today for my boy, and have a couple sweatshirts for my mom. This sucks ass! Why can't an armored car blow up in front of me on the road so I can run out and grab a bunch of cash and run away. Or hell I'd be happy with my van getting totalled so I don't have to pay on it anymore! I guess those things only happen to people in the movies or people who cheat the insurance companies. Hmmmmmmm..... I could, what prank post prank post! damn hackers typing things in my blog. Oh well tis the season to be broke. Thats why I am sitting here at my boring ass job getting payed to blog and do other shit when I could be spending time with my love before I leave. Wednesday morning is when I am planning to make the drive. I doubt I'll be able to blog while I am there since my parents still think the internet is evil but I may send some audioblogs, especially if I get drunk. Well Happy Monday!
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Pics I promised!
Uncle Tom about to cry because he couldn't meet Rachel Ray and try to kiss her on the cheek to win a bet!
Me ringing the bell for Salvation Army
Friday, December 16, 2005
Thusday madness and well today too.
SO today was my first day "off". I was still awoken nice and early by HB after I told her last night that I'd drive her to work this morning since I suspected we'd have a ton of ice on the road. I apparently forgot and she didn't remind me so her attempt to wake me up were answered with grunts and me rolling over and covering my head. I really felt bad when I actually woke up. I went to the USU holiday gathering thing today. Only because she wanted me there. Traffic sucked major ass, took me an hour and a half to go 18 miles up the road. Then she got stuck doing another job so she was late. I played a few games of bowling(it was at a bowling alley) and sucked ass. She showed up and then I had to leave shortly after. I needed to come to my other job to make some more cash. I need to try to get as many hours as possible and try to send some money home because my parents are having some cash problems. But thats another story that I don't have time for since I am on the clock. I think I have an infected tooth. My mouth taste bad, either that or it was the food at the party, but I do have a fucked up tooth. I need to go to the denist sometime, maybe after I check into my new command next month or sooner if HB can't stand the nastiness that may be growing in my mouth. I know I brushed my teeth this morning but it still taste like morning breath. I'm sure all of you are really enjoying hearing this. Sometime this weekend I will go home and seriously put the pick of me ringing the bell. and the pick I took of Uncle TOm crying because he couldn't meet Rachel Ray. So last night HB came to my place and then followed me to the mall she was to be at. We get there and Uncle Tom called me sounding like he was going to cry, saying that you had to buy tickets and they were sold out. We went by anyways and it was crazy. Lines went all around the mall. So we walked around for a while, then I said I had to split to go listen to MADD, I called my probation officeer earlier to make sure it was still on dispite the weather, he said yes. SO I had to fly to the groceery store to get a money order, they only accepted money orders since we had to pay to listen to them. Had problems at the store, I was on a strict time limit, they wanted cash or debit card, I didn't have either, my debit card is like a credit card so I had to run to an ATM and then back to get it. I drove really fast on slick roads made some wrong turns and U-turns and finally get on the right road and park. I walk up and down on the sidewalk that was really a sheet of ice. and couldn't find the building. I was freezing and wet so I decided to give up. When I did that I found the building. 7pm, right on time so I went in, there was a sign set up that said it was cancelled. I was furious! SO I drove up to HB's house. Damn MADD people I could have had a relaxing evening, maybe watched a movie or started my christmas shopping but no. I ran around trying to get there on time and all for nothing. OH well, better do some work so I can take off kind of early. Hope everyone has a good weekend.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Random facts for my last day at USU
Today I am turning in my keys and geeting my 5.26GB of music off my computer and clearing the shit from my desk. Good riddance to this place, though I know I'm gonna miss it. I don't wanna get all emotional and cry and shit(yeah right). But here is some random facts that will cheer myself and everyone else up.
In India, a 9-year-old girl was "married" to a stray dog, which tribal custom requires in order to protect a child whose first tooth appears on the upper gum.
The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day. (Why,Why,Why?)
The Welwitschia plant can live up to 1,000 years.
Over 175 million cubic yards of earth was removed for the creation of the Panama Canal.
India has the most post offices in the world.
There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day. (Let's get that number up to 200million!)
Mexico City boasts the world's largest taxi fleet with over sixty thousand taxis running every day.
Queen Elizabeth II was Time Magazine's "Man of The Year" in 1952. (That's a man, baby!)
When a women is pregnant, her senses are all heightened. (And her cooter catches a cold and leaks snot!)
About 500,000 kids in the US live in same sex households.
When a polar bear cub is born, it can not see or hear. It takes approximately a month for the cub to start to see and hear.
There are five million scent receptors located in a human beings nose.
The artist Michelangelo's full name in Italian is Michaelangelo di Lodovico di Lionardo di Buonarroto Simoni.
The oldest documented footwear found was a 8,000 year-old sandal found in a cave located in Missouri, USA. (Chris found them and wears them almost everyday)
In 1685, New France used playing cards as currency because of the shortage of coins. (Great if you had extra cards when it started!)
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Life
Yesterday's post was about death so I will make todays post about Life. This morning on the way to work they were talking about THIS A skydiver that landed face first in a parking lot after parachute malfuntioned and survived and during here emergency room visit found out that she was 2 weeks pregnant and the baby was still alive and well. You can watch the video and see her HERE. It is quite amazing.
Last night I went with Uncle Tom to ring the bell for the salvation army. It was kind of fun except for the 22* weather. He took a pic of me in the smock and crap that I will post later when I get home. It was fun, old people mostly gave and little kids would get money from their parents to put into the pot. Uncle Tom brought candy canes to give to the kids, it was cool. Ringing the bell was harder than I thought. At first it wasn't too bad though I noticed I couldn't keep a steady ring, I kept changing the pace and loudness. Then as my hands went numb and my fingers became stiff I had to shake my whole hand to get a sound and that was even worse. Then when I had to switch to my left hand it was horendous. We started talking about if someone tried to steal the pot, we wouldn't be able to do anything, out feet were way to numb and sore to be able to run after anyone. It was kind of fun though, we just kind of BS'd and it was nice to know that we were doing something to help out. He's trying to do it like twice a week which is really great. I'd do it with him but I need to make money at my other job. I stayed the night and we went back and drank some beer with his bro and talked. First thing his bro said to me is "hey Tom says you've got a girlfriend and she's hot!" I just started laughing and said "yeah, she's really hot!" His bro is awesome, we talked a bit about Tom's bachelor party in March that we are to plan. Good times!
Today is my going away luncheon here. We are going to Hard Times get some good Chili! I'm not putting on my uniform today and tomorrow I'm going to be naked so I guess I'm not wearing camoflauge again unless it's to play paintball or something. I get paid tomorrow and oh almost foprgot tomorrow Rachael Ray is going to be at the mall signing autographs and canowine bet Uncle Tom he wouldn't ask to get a pic of him kissing her on the cheek. I know he will wuss out so I am to go for one to take the pic and 2 because I am sure I'll have to do the talking as he is drooling and tripping over his tongue. Like both of them did on the way back from one of our excercises and the Polyphonic Spree were on the plane with us and I had to go up and introduce us and get the singers autograph for canowine. Wusses both of them! Plus I have to go listen to Mother Against Drunk Driving at night to, so I'm sure that'll be fun. Happy Humpday one and all!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Mom, Dad, Death
Last night traffic sucked driving home from my other job. I was going between 20-30 mph for I don't remember how long and stopping and going. I fell into a trance, perhaps it was because of the music I was listening to(an old mix CD) but I started thinking about my relationship with my parents and my son, and death. One of the songs was Ugly Kid Joe's version of Cats in the Cradle. I thought about how my dad and I were never close and how we should go to the bar when I go home and have a couple beers and talk. But I don't know really how to talk to him about how I feel and stuff. Then I thought about writing him a letter but that won't work. I mean what I want to say is far from bad, just let him know that even though we were never close, that I still love him and see alot of good traits that I have from him and wonder why mom got so mad at him at times and shit like that. Then I thought, what if he died and I never got to say all this shit to him. I'm sure he knows how I feel, like I said I am like him and he doesn't talk about shit like that and neither do I. BUt I feel that I should. Then I thought about KId Rock's My Oedipus Complex. Now I didn't really hate my dad like it talks about in this song, but dad was just impartial, he was just kind of there and then that song talks about "my son" actually here since it's not a popular song, here are the lyrics:
Kid Rock "My Oedipus Complex lyrics"
I need somebody won't u help me
I need somebody won't you tell me who I am
I need somebody please please help me
I need somebody u must tell me who I am
I've been livin a lie so long it seems I've lived a life time
If u could see what I feel it would make your ghetto lood like heaven
And I believe it stems down from my family situation
I never liked my old man
I couldn't stand to be around him
Sometimes I sit all alone just starin at his picture
My heart turns to stone and I think of this
You never loved me you never held me tight
instead u shook me like a beast to wake me up at night
u tried to make me think that your ways were best
when all I was was an outlet for all your stress
Life it's the ultimate sin
A game with no rules that you're expected to win
My personal hell's hidden with a grin
"Dad take the stand and let the trial begin"
U said that oil and water don't mix though it seems cool
Keep with your own and don't fuck up our gene pool
U should've went to school like your bigger brother
but you played the fool with a different color
Runnin' ship with a whip
I tried to keep up but I kept getting tripped
Money made u so wise
how could u look thru my face and not see your own eyes
Do as i say and not as I do
but I can't cuz when I look in the mirror I see u
And oh the pain how it hurts
it was always your home and your business that came first
U said a man is as good as his word
but your mind was closed and mine never herd
They say the nut don't fall far from the tree
look at u then look at me...
U ain't nothin to me u've never been to me
And all u ever gave a damn about was money see
So now fuck u man you ain't shit to me
And it's the day that I die of this hate that I'm free
Now I know growin up son that it ain't always been easy
and I know at times I was not always there for you
We never spent much time just talkin or havin a good time
but understand growin up son I never had a dime
So I worked my ass off and I put myself thru college
and everything I have to this day u know I built it all
Oh I wish I could go back and change the years that's lost between us
I wish I could take back some of the things I said to you
Son I said I'm sorry...
Son I said I'm sorry but still u resent me so
Son I said I'm sorry and why do u resent me so
I always loved u I always cared for u
just never wanted U to go thru what I've been thru
I tried to raise my fuckin family just the best I know
and now I'm hated like the devil and for what I don't know
So then I started thinking about my son and how much of a bad father I am. Wondering how he's gonna think of me when he gets older. Now me being a bad father isn't really all my fault because she took him away from me, but I could make more of an effort to go home and see him and to call and try to talk to him more even though he doesn't talk for very long before getting distracted and wanting to go play. Then Ozzy's Mama I'm coming home came on and I thought about how much I really hated my mother growing up. Seriously she was a bitch and considered herself "queen bitch". But I do regret the things I've said to her and have a much better relationship with her and my dad now. I believe most of that is because I am in the military, when I moved out the day before my 18th birthday and even after I had my son, they still weren't really close with me, but when they found out I was joining and with the war starting they began reaching out more. I think they are proud of me, because I wasn't really doing anything while I was there and they don't want me to get stuck in a crappy job like them. Then I started thinking about their money problems and how much better they'd be if I died. Now I'm not talking suicide or anything but seriously if I died they would be set and so would my son. My parents have lived very sparingly and I know that if anything happened to me and that got the 400,000 well I think I have a percentage going to my son, which they'd probably give to the ex, I'm not too sure or if they'd hold it until he turned 18. Anyway my parents would be able to get rid of any debt and save money for my son's education and stuff. My mom and I discussed my death a couple months ago. I told her I wanted the cheapest shit they could do. Cremate me and throw me somewhere, actually I said to drag my body into the woods and leave me but she said she'd get in touble for that so then I said cremation. I can't conceive someone payin 10 grand or more for a box to put into the ground. The body is an empty shell of whatever that doesn't need to be preserved, not saying I wouldn't buy them for my parents or whatever, but I still think it's stupid. But it's odd when you realize how much better, not necessarily happier, but better some people lives would be without you. Then I thought of all the times I could have died, I have been pretty close a couple of times. Kind of eerie, it'll suck though when I go if it's after my life isn't worth that much and everyone will get nothing but a bill.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Boring weekend
My weekend was pretty good though I feel cheap and used. Friday night HB and I fell asleep trying to watch Charlie and the Chocolate factory. She had to wake up early for work, I went ahead to my other job since I had to get up anyway. At my other job I spent awhile blog surfing since I haven't done it for a while, I came across a good one by a boy who died about 6 months ago, Horace Finkle is a funny 13 year old who died in a car crash and is stuck wondering the earth. Good readings. Then Chris and I were supposed to have a guys night out which turned into sitting at his place watchin tv(his girl was there so it wasn't OUR time) then he made me drive him to IKEA to get some furniture and then we had to put it together before we could go out. SO we had some drinks while putting together bookshelves and dressers and then he wanted to finish watchin the movie on tv. After me nagging and bitching, at midnight we went and played pool for about an hour while having a couple more drinks. I won a couple games and then I almost got kicked out right after we got our check, I had to do something to keep me entertained. Apparently you can't wear stocking hats in Champions, so when we got our check I put my hat back on and a bouncer guy started walking towards us and then Chris gave the waiter the check and we started walking out. Bouncer guy just walked to the waiter and probably asked if I was wearing the hat the whole time or something. We laughed at him and the stupidity that you can wear a baseball cap turned whichever which way to represent the gang your in but I can't wear a skull cap that has flames on them, that keeps my head warm and my crazy hair unknown to the world. Fuck them all in their stupid nazi asses! We went back to his place watched some more tv, I passed out and woke up snuggling with a big stuffed purple hippo. I don't think I tried to molest it but I may have a case of sexomnia. Sunday I spent the day with HB just being lazy, watching tv at my place and then going to hers where I helped her clean house, she kept telling me to stop, even though I helped dirty the place and the dishes. Some of those dishes were RANKASSHIT! My attempted chocolate covered strawberries that were in a tubaware was the first nastiness, my god that made me wanna puke, then Gabe had some sippies that at one time held milk in them. Everytime I couldn't help but make a sound and a face and she'd turn and just laugh at me. It wasn't really funny, It was stinky! Then we laid in bed and talked for a while, I really like that, we just lie there and talk about random things about our past or whatnot. And now I'm here on a Monday, got my checkout sheet, need to go around and tell everyone I'm fucking out of here. Wednesday is my going away lunch which no one will probably show up to except for a few and my office, which I am completely fucking fine with. I don't want people to show up just for food and pretend to be my friends. Thusday is officially my last day here and I will be walking through the halls naked with lipstick on my ass telling everyone to put their lips there!
Friday, December 09, 2005
Emails from last year
I'd like to share with everyone a collection of emails about last years holiday party, it was a little stressful but it seemed to work out for everyone in the end.
MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
RE: Christmas PARTY ON DEC. 23RD
DATE: DEC. 1ST
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other type of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party — the days are so short this time of year — or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.
Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home.
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party
I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the %#&^!@ do I care...I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and you are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! > HA !
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
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FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Friday short, or short Friday
We did get some snow last night, and had a 2 hour delay for work! I was hoping they would cancel, like a little kid I kept calling to hear them say that work was cancelled, which it wasn't. So HB and I went out and cleaned off our carsand threw snowballs at each other, I almost pulled that scene from Dumb and Dumber and tackled her and buried her face in the snow but I thought that would give her yet another reason to stab me, so I didn't. I've decided that I'm not even going to put on my uniform today. I will sit here and bullshit listening to my music loud since not many people are here and I will probably leave early. I am starving! Ok so short post so I can go get some MCD's.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Pearl Harbor Day
I know most do not consider today an actual holiday, well I guess neither do I, I mean no present, no day off. Well I guess today is a day of rememberence that most people forget. On this day in 1941 the Japaneese attacked our small island of Oahu. 21 US Navy ships were sunk or destroyed and we lost approximately 2,403 lives in an attack that took less than 2 hours by 353 planes. Which sparked the US to join in the fight of World War 2 and also 4 years later towards the end gave us a reason to drop not one but 2 atomic bombs onto Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Teach the world not to fuck with the USA because we're some crazy ass kicking motherfuckers! They even made a nice little movie turning yet another tagedy into a love story(I still refuse to watch Titanic to this day) starring Ben Affleck, and to that I post this song.
Pearl Harbor by Team America
I miss you more then Michael Bay missed the mark
When he made Pearl Harbor
I miss you more than that movie missed the point
And that’s an awful lot girl
And now, now you’ve gone away
And all I’m trying to say is
Pearl Harbor sucked, and I miss you
I need u like Ben Affleck needs acting school
He was terrible in that film
I need u like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part
He’s way better than Ben Affleck
And now all I can think about is your smile
and that shitty movie too
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you
Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked
Just a little bit more than I miss you
This morning I participated in yet another "last" color guard detail where we raised and lowered the flag for Pearl Harbor. I unfortunatly forgot my shoes at home and had to sueeze my size 13 feet into Uncle Toms exra size 10 1/2 shoes which sucked ass but not as bad as Pearl Harbor.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
I hate DC drivers
Here is another lovely post for me to bitch. These people can't fucking drive when the weather is 80* and fucking sunny, well if you throw a little rain or snow into the mix, people become fucking retards! It started snowing yesterday, I noticed it around 2, so I came inside and said I was leaving so I could get to my other job before all of said retards got on the road. Well apparently all of them heard me in my office and decided to do the same thing. SO it took me a little longer than usual to get to work even though the roads were nothing but wet. On my way home from work there wasn't too many people on the road which was great! Everyone thought we were getting a huge blizzard or something and were off the roads, except for a few morons. Now here's the people I hate I think more than anyone. Ok let me set the scene for all of you. 4 lanes on the road, few cars on it, speed limit 55, I am cruising around 80 (going slower because of the snow) I'm in the far left lane and there is a car in front of me doing 55-60. There is no one in the lane next to us, I come up on his ass and wait for him to get out of my way. I get right on his ass because he is just fucking cruising in the fucking left lane when the other 3 lanes are clear, the left lane is for passing and fast cars(or minivans). All I can do is pass them on the right and give them an evil ass eye as I pass them. It should be legal for me to carry a gun when I drive and whenever anyone encounters fucking idiots like that, when you are forced to pass on the right, to shoot out their tire forcing them to pull on to the shoulder where I can go up and cut open their stomach and pull out their intestines and wrap it around their neck a couple times and then tie to my bumper, and then drive to a hospital preferably 10-20 miles away where they can receive a blood transfusion to keep them alive long enough so I can beat them with some sort of blunt after I pour gasoline inside their open stomach and light them on fire. This need to be a standard practice by all of America, then people will learn to be better drivers, I mean if they want to go slow by all means, just do it in the fucking right lane. Read the fucking signs all over. "Slower Traffic Keep Right"! Maybe if I start doing this I could be a hero of sorts! A pioneer in vigilantism! I need to go get a gun, don't tell my probation officer though I don't think I'm allowed to have one, I need to get a costume made too!
Monday, December 05, 2005
My Hot date with Hot Brownie!
SO yesterday was my hot date. I'll share some background info. While she was in Texas we talked on the phone alot late at night. I'd stay up way past my bedtime even though I had to get for work early talking with her for 2 hours or more at a time. One night we were playing 20 questions and she brought up a question about fantasy, I being half asleep and was probably drinking too gave a typical guy answer that I need not repeat, I still feel like an ass for saying. Well after an hour or so I ran out of questions so I asked her the same. She told me about this wonderful night. I thought about it and thought I could pull it off, I believe I even said something about it and she said stuff like that doesn't come true. Well when things continued going good when she returned I decided to make it a reality. I kept planning and tried not to leak too much info to her even though I was extremely excited and it was hard. I attempted to get most things ready though it was hard because I wanted to be with her at night. Well I probably shouldn't have stayed over on Friday night because that gave me very limited time to prepare Saturday. After I left her place around 8am, I had to run to Walmart and get a bed(air matress) and some more candles, a toliet seat(my fat ass broke mine somehow) and a few other things, run by the grocery store to get some last minute things including strawberries and to the flower shop to get the rose petals. I finally got home around 10, that gave me 2 hours to clean, cook, inflate bed and arrange rose petals, and candles, and change toliet seat. I fixed toliet, attempted to make chocolate covered strawberries but the chocolate didn't cooperate and I was frustrated and running low on time so I poured the thick ass chocolate onto the strawberries and threw them in the fridge, blew up the bed and arranged the candles. She called and said she'd be over in an hour. SO I started cooking, the lasangna actually came out really good. I arranged the rose petals and put the CDs I made in the right places. I searched and found what qualified as "romantic songs" and made 2 CDs 1 for the living room for dinner and one for the bedroom...lol. I at noon everything was done and I made the plates and sat them in the living room and got a chance to sit and smoke a cigarette. I called to see where she ws and she was just pulling up. She came in and the food had gotten a little cold for sitting out but she didn't seem to mind. The strawberries looked like a disaster but thankfully I had her favorite ice cream as a backup. We talked and then I went to the bedroom, lit the candles and started the music and brought her in. The look on her face was pricless. She laughed at the cheesy first song on that CD being "Can't get enough of your love" by Barry White. Note to anyone attempting to plan something with rose petals, the bleed! Her fantasy included a bubble bath that I told her I didn't have time to go to Bath and Body works, but I was planning on doing the bath before the bedroom, now I know bath afterwards because it stains you clothes and body! It looked like a flower massacre after being rolled around on, thrown at each other, and some were even chewed up and spit out. All in all, I think I did a pretty good job, though now I will have to find a way to top myself. I always do too good at first and now don't know if I can top that but I will try. Oh yeah this was supposed to ba an all night thing but she wasn't comfortable leaving Gabe with someone overnight so I had to put aluminum foil over all my windows so it was dark and looked like night time. He are a few pics that I took before and the ones I got to take during...lol. Ok well nevermind, blogger isn't letting me up load them I may try tomorrow. Ok it's tomorrow... Blogger still won't let me so here they are from Hello.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
A Christmas Story
My aunt sends me all kinds of stupid emails, most refering to god and jesus and shit that I delete but luckily I opened this one by accident and read it. It was filarious and I figured I'd share this heart warming story with all of you.
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year
now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde.
I'm going SOUTH for the season
Fake Monday
Yep this morning I had to resume getting my lazy ass up before dawn, good news is it's still Thursday, so tomorrow is Friday! I didn't get as many hours in at my other job as I really wanted to but enough that I should have a nice check on the 15th, added to my Navy paycheck which gives me a week to buy my Christmas presents before I go home. Thankfully I should be done here at this command by that time so I will be working more again for money after christmas and saving to trade in my piece of shit minivan that is about to collapse under me while driving. It seems everytime I go home I have problems with my vehicle that makes my drive fun as hell worrying about breaking down in the middle of nowhere with no one able to come get my ass. I am still going to Color Guard practice today even though I've already said that I was pretty much done with it, but it gets me out of the office and I get to hang with Uncle Tom, Chris, and my lovely HB who joined! Actually I have to go up for that here in a bit and need to get my smoke on before then so this is a short update. I am still alive thus far, Hope everyones day goes good!
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