I am God's unwanted child

Unfortuanatly I have realized that I am fucked by recieving a DUI. I am not really that upset about that as I am the other previous post realizing that I am soon to be alone here in a strange place. If my License is revoked I will no longer be able to hang out with almost anybody. If I am put on restriction(God forbid) I will not be able to attend my 3 awesome concerts I have tickets for in April. I had to meet with eveyone today and confess my sins and arrest. I am being put into Drug and Alcohol awarenes program(DAPA) My Masterchief claims that since I was double the legal limit and could pass a field sobriety test that I must have I high tolerence and must be an alcoholic though I claimed to only have 4 drinks the night in question. I have been making a good name for myself at the comand, being Color guard member of the quarter and year, serving on the Axillary security force and trying to be present at most command functions. I was called back at 3pm while I was almost to my second job to meet with our Executive Officer who is cool as shit and said that these facts would not go unnoticed during my UCMJ trial(captains mass though I am at a triservice command with the XO, CO being army) Hopefully my punishment won't be too severe.

Back to the unwanted child. I have not many friends. I don't have a woman to stand by my side. I believe that if I had a woman to be by my side I wouldn't be so down. I live and learn. Only from my mistakes can I understand the severity of my actions. I have my speeches down to give in my trials. I have been looking through my notebook for a writing to post since it has been a while. The majority are about the soul mate I met in seventh grade, though we were kind of together in High school also. Though she had a boyfriend we were also kind of a couple. She left me a message 2 weeks ago, but she works second shift and gets off after I go to bed, and goes to work before I get off. I tried to call her both Saturday and Sunday but she didn't answer nor returned my calls. It hurts, she was my best friend and lead me onto the right path though I soon strayed due to the fact that she had a boyfriend and we "couldn't be together". I remember everything fromthe note I passed her in 7th grade, our fisrst kiss, the night we went to homecoming as "just friends", the day no one was in the house and we had fun on her brothers bed, to the many days we just went rollerbalding in an up and coming neighborhood they were building. I miss her so much. The last time I went home I got a chance to hang out with her and some friends she works with. Though the night didn't turn out as planed. Her ex"boyfriend" was there and she was trying to make him jealous, not wanting to play that role again I walked away for a while to come back to her dancing with an Air Force reservist that was going to Iraq. I was devistated once again. But adapt and overcome and be depressed in private. Life sucks, most women suck(I won't say all, there has to be someone out the compatable for me...doesn't there), I really hate going through my notebook.This notebook was started my freshman year of high school and contains 7women in them though I didn't use there names in there I know which was who, That I thought I was in love with at least for the time being, You know the High school romances and the drama. Out of the 73 writings,14 about ex- wife, 25 about soulmate, then there's the rest of the ramblings and other women, the bad part is that I can only seem to write when I am depressed any other time I seem to have writer's block. Who knows maybe I am as fucked up as others and I joke about. Oh well I guess it's live and let die, have as much fun as I can til that day.