2 Jobs Suck

That's right I said it. I got off at 11 today, I should be home taking a nap and watching porn but no I am an american, well person. And that means I am a slave to the almighty dollar(franks, or whatever your fucking countries have). So I work 2 jobs. It's not really that I NEED 2, but I never have enough money, well not as much as I want. I always have enough for bills, gas, smokes and all the little shit. But as a person we are greedy and want more, so here I am reading my email and getting ready to go play with lead bricks and continue to abuse my back. Oh well. Now I get newsletters from Tshirthell.com and they are hilarious. If you can't go to this website from work like I can't, well not from the navy, here is an excerpt just for you. I hope Chris reads this since he is in San Antonio!!! And he loves to bust on HB for being Mexican. Anyway you can check the full newsletter HERE. I gotta get to work.

America Fixed in Five Paragraphs

America is currently facing two huge crises. Immigration is the one making all the headlines, but with gas prices passing three dollars a gallon, it shouldn’t be forgotten that we are also in the middle of an oil crisis. And while politicians waste all their time bickering and finger-pointing, both of these situations continue to worsen. That’s why I’m extremely pleased to announce that I have solved both of these problems simultaneously. The solution is very simple.

Cars fueled by Mexicans. I have designed a prototype and I am just amazed at the performance of this machine. Why this technology didn’t already exist, I’ll never know. Even more baffling is the fact that when I contacted America’s leading automakers, none showed interest. Most of them replied with a simple “Is this some kind of sick joke?” and hung up. I’m assuming I got this response because they didn’t take me seriously. But once I send them all a video of me putting parts of Mexicans into a blender, pouring them into a tank and demonstrating the car’s power, I’m sure the offers will come pouring in.

All of this is not to suggest that I don’t support alternative fuel sources. Hybrid cars and ethanol have both made immeasurable contributions to the cause, but they both have their setbacks. Hybrid cars, while environmentally friendly, offer very little power. And ethanol, for all of its positives, will ultimately leave farmland overworked and useless. And neither of these options does anything to help slow the immigration problem.

Cars fueled by Mexicans (CFM’s), on the other hand, provide many positives, and virtually no negatives. First and foremost is the fact that it will do wonders to curtail the illegal immigration problem facing this nation, but there’s so much more. They provide all the power of conventional autos with virtually no harmful effects on the environment. In fact, my design includes something not too dissimilar from a dryer’s lint-trap, which collects the bits of Mexican which don’t go toward fueling the car and make an excellent lawn fertilizer. And I haven’t even mentioned the fuel efficiency yet. My current design gets nearly 1,000 miles to the Mexican, depending on his or her weight. And considering how plentiful and renewable they are, I couldn’t possibly imagine a better option when you take our present situation into consideration.

So there you have it. The solution to not one, but two problems facing America. If I can find a sponsor or an automaker bold enough to think outside the box and back me financially, we should be able to roll these off the production line within six months. And if Congress approves my bill proposing that we ship unemployed African-Americans to other countries to help pay down the national debt, there’s two more problems solved. Keep your fingers crossed for a better America, and a better tomorrow.
-T shirt hell