Jesus is a thug who kicks people when they're down

Call it karma, bad luck, fate or what the fuck ever but I have the worst luck ever. So today I was interviewed by JAG on a seperate charge. Our field exercise was suppossed to be a dry one, no alcohol whatsoever! So as usal it was(HAHA) well it seems a bunch of people are being charged with disobeying an order and shit. Of course I told him that I didn't drink or do anything, everything is hearsay. That was fucking 3 months ago. But they recorded the interview and now I have to type my statment and shit. Fun for me. So now I have yet another reason to say fuck everyone and everything. It didn't help that Uncle Tom informed me of my alcohol cologne this morning. I thought it was a good scent, but I'm sure it was wrong for my meeting that I found out about this morning, though no one said what it was for, I already kind of knew it was coming. People talk way to much, and I am very attentive. I see this as a witch hunt. Everyone always points at me, "He's a WITCH!" but thanks to todays system I hope that they need to come up with more proof than that, but we all know how my life works: "He's a WITCH! burn him!" I'll be tied to a flaming tree in a couple weeks, if I'm not already in jail due to whatever stupid thing I do next. I'll leave you with a song since Jesus has befriended me. (Disclaimer: It's hard to blame God if you don't believe in him so I pretend to blame Jesus since I do believe he was a real person though not born from a virgin)

"Hell Yeah" by Bloodhound Gang

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no

Hell yeah

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

Hell yeah

And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Jesus(Hazus) and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God