Jesus's Revenge Part 2

Yep it looks like Jesus is still taking his revenge. Unfortunately I can't talk really about how this is coming about because it could in fact ruin my career and so on and so forth. It is hard for me not to talk about the details but I have been freaking out all weekend. Friday I got really fucked up and stayed up all night watching movies and shit by myself, wallowing in my fear and feeling the depression and dismay sneaking up and getting ready to pounce on my frail little soul. Saturday wasn't too much better though I actually had people around to distract me, had some drinks, played pool, and bullshit. Sunday I was so down I didn't want to move, I laid on the couch all day, I got up twice, once to get pizza and once to use the bathroom, Finally about 530pm I went home. I feel the binge drinking phase coming back into my life. What else do I have to loose? It seems every little mistake I make is put under a microscope and I am punished for it to the full extent. Well I am begining to wonder why all this shit happens to me. I am already alone and have slowly been pulling myself out of the hole I've been in since July of last year and starting to get some ambition again and all that is probably going to get hacked back off in the next week or so. Results of these happenings is supposed to come the day before I go on vacation next week. SO I may be hiding next wednesday to be positive I don't get punished before my trip though I may then have to deal with it on my birthday but fuck it, I don't really give a shit anymore, most people when you punish them they learn a lesson, I used to be that way until I got punished the worst for the little things and I see people getting slapped on the hands for worse shit. Punishing me only makes me hate the system more. Chris had a great shit Sat, it read "I don't discriminate. I hate everybody." I know none of this shit make sense but I really don't care perhaps when the results are in on what the hell is going to happen to me, I will go into the details.

On a different note New Years girl called me last night. First time I have talked to her since then. Apparently her boyfriend is psyco and got his ex pregnant and shit. I found it kind of amusing but felt bad for it. Her and I have been friends for so long. I miss her and our friendship. She kept apologizing for blowing me off and not talking to me, I couldn't be mad, I had to do the same thing with my ex so I explained that it happens and now we know that if someone wants you not to see or talk to your friends, they aren't worth it. She's having really hard times and he's stalking her, I am ready to go home and kill him. Why not what else do I really have to lose. She will be seeing my son soon, she works in a daycare that my son is supposed to be going to. I warned her about how much of a hellian he is now. It was nice to hear from her, though most of her talk about him just pissed me off. I can't stand the thought of guys being complete dicks to girls I am friends with let alone one I used to hook up with. But anyways I tried to tell her how much shit I was in to try to keep her from crying and distract her from problems, It seemed to work temporarily. Then I went to sleep, I finally finished the last little bit of Beam that had been in my fridge since before Vegas, that's over a month! I used to get a new bottle every week, now I think I will be back to it. Who cares, no one.