HNT

So last week I heard a term HNT (half nekkid Thursday) How the hell have I not heard this. Well I wanna participate. Granted the pic below is not really me half nekkid, but I don't want to scare everyone away just yet. Anyone who knows me does know that I am nekkid in that pic, I am not wearing my 5 year old staind and falling apart Korn hat. It is a rare occasion to see me without my hat. SO thats my start and eventually I will be showing more pics, hopefully I can get pics of other people so I don't have to show my skinny hairy ass. Well time to start drinking again, Happy HNT!!!

On vacation, no haircut, peach fuzz on my chin 

Happy bday t9o me

Happy bday to me
happy bday to me,
I am drunk on Jim Bam,
And eating cambellos chunky

Yeah fucking a!!

This sucks ass

Yeah it really does. Well last night was fun, I went to Uncle Toms and he cooked me a nice meal, steak, shrimp, beams, potatoes. It was awesome, last time I was there I noticed horses across the street and told him that next time I came out I was going to get drunk and ride the horses. SO I was back out there drank a bunch of beer, he made me finish his rum and then said I was going to ride the horses, him and his bro were to scerd to come across the street, some friends huh. So I went over there, walked back and forth until the cars stopped going by and hoped the fence, I went up really cautiously to the horses, there were 3. I petted them and then they kind of ran away, so I walked back. I told them they were out and they had to come with me in case I get kicked off and hurt, someone had to get me out of there. I eventually talked Tom into coming down to the road. I went and did the same thing and was petting a white one and tried to jump on it, but it was too tall and ran away, then I came to a slightly smaller one, petted it and hoped on. It ran to the white horse and then made a weird sound so I got scared and jumped off. But it was a goal that I set and it was accomplished. I'm scared to listen to the audioblog because I am pretty sure it sounds stupid so I won't listen.

On to today.I had a counsling meeting thing, that was apparently about my drug problem, yeah that post that I was freaking out, I messed up, oh well. So I had to take a breathelizer when I get there and a piss test. The staff spoke spanish more than English and it pissed me off. I have to do AA once a week, go there once a week, and call a number every night and if my color code comes up I have to take a piss test the next day. It sucks ass! I have been doing a lot better at my drinking, like I told Tom a couple minutes ago I don't mind admitting that I drink alot, yeah my body may be messed up but I hate have shit against me on paper and all this is on paper. My drinking isn't affecting my work or anything else. I wasn't planning on drinking til midnight, on my Bday but now I am tipsy because they stressed me out and I wanted a drink. 2 things I think I hate the worst in life is pity and worry. And my bitching on here generally brings both, especially if I express my depression, granted I am not too bad right now but still. I deal with the consequences of my actions. I am a fuck up and I know it, yes I am better when I have my son, since I don't have him now I am having fun. I do have good friends that I know will be there for me if I need someone to talk to or need anything else. One of the questions on the sheet I was filling out today asked how many close friends I have and to be honest I think this is the most I have ever had, depending on how you look at it. To talk to I have 5 or 6, to borrow anything from or to bail me out of jail I probably have 3. But before today I never really realized it. Like Tom says learn what you can from this shit and right there a question on a sheet made me realize that I do have good friends here and I am really going to be sad when they/or me leave. I have already had a couple of them leave especially Zefur, but thats one of the downfalls of the military. and now I am rambling so I bid farewell and leave you with some lyrics though don't really fit, I was listening to the CD and I love this song:

"Swallow The Knife" by Story of the Year

So our open wounds will bleed
Until our veins run dry
Now we have to take this thorn
And tear it from our side
Agitated at the fault line
Still agreed to disagree
Your connected to the heart
But tonight we'll set you free

So swallow the knife
Carve the way for your pride
Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Even now as i write this down
All pretensions disappear
Now our impulses will bite
At the ankles of our fear

So swallow the knife
Carve the way for your pride
Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Words are spoken
Words are broken down

So lets make this night be our best mistake
So lets take the time to wipe the blood away
Now our hands are tied
And our world is caving in

Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Now our hands are tied
And the problems lie within
Words are spoken
Words are broken
Broken Down

I hate fucking People!!

I hate fucking pricks and women who listen to them and follow their orders are just as bad. 10 minutes ago, I get a call from New Years girl. She asked if I was near my comp, I said yes, she says to check my email. I am thinking she sent me some pics or something, she didn't sound happy but I did, she waited in silence. Here is what I read:

Randy,
I can not speak with you either e-mail or over the telephone because
you know I love jeff more than anything and the fact that you are my best
friend and cannot accept him is a problem. Jeff has asked me not to speak with
you anymore, and I respect what he asks of me. The same is with Steph, and
she and I no longer speak either. I am making my choice. Please don't reply,
because it won't be read, your e-mail has been blocked.

I asked if she wrote it or if Jeff did. She says she did. I didn't know what to fucking say. I think I am more hurt that our 10 or so years of friendship is gone because of his jealousy. It's not like we talk very often anyways. We talked once every couple months and exchanged emails and that was about it. So All I could say is "Well hopefully one day you will open your eyes, when you do I'll still be here. Bye" and hang up. It was kind of rude but what the hell else am I supposed to do argue with her. Last time we talked she's telling me about how controlling he was, almost hit her, pretty much kept her captive for a couple nights not letting her leave. wrapping his hands around her throat. She locked him out of her apt and when she woke up, he was there. He is fucking psyco. I may be getting in more trouble when I go back home if I see him. I don't fucking understand. Fucking pricks like that need to be exterminated. And how someone could who I have known so long could change into a pushover like that. She used to be strong and independant. Both of them make me sick!

Mission Top Secret, Destination Unknown

So I am back from my trip. Below are a few pics. I had to take my crappy camera so there no that good, I didn't take that many anyway. But I ended up staying at the Bahia in San Diego. It was very relaxing. I was hoping to be detoxing while on vacation but of course that didn't happen, like every other time I try. Though I didn't get too stupid and didn't make an ass of myself so at least I drank somewhat responsibly. But I had a blast. I love the beach, there was a bar on the boardwalk with sand every where, they had a wave machine thing that people were surfing in. I want to move to Cali now. But it seems the fun of my vacation is over, now back to the normal routine of living in the fucking barracks. I need a drink, I was pretty wasted last night, drank a bunch at the airports, probably just because I hated to say goodbye to my surroundings. I got in at 530 this morning, then drove back here and passed out for a couple hours. I am bored as shit already! Daytime TV sucks ass!!!! Nothing is on, I've seen all my movies a million times, I need to go buy more. I need John Q damnit. I still can't figure out why my emotions have left me. Well ok some are still there but don't leave my mind. I did actually shed a couple tears while I was gone, me and a friend were talking about some shit and then my son and I was feeling really bad that I was on a vacation instead of going home to see him. I feel like a total bum. I need a haircut really bad, I have shaved, Oh well I am on vacation. I am hungry, I need food and coke to go with my beam! I need to balance my check book and figure out how much money I have left. I will post some more shit when I manage to get my brain back, which means maybe later when I have a full stomach and am wasted. Happy Monday to all you people at work and HAHA!

I kept seeing all these crop circles over Texas or New Mexico where ever I was 

More crop circles 

I want to learn to surf 

I love the beach 

My hotel in San Diego 

Could my luck be changing?

So here I sit at my second job, technically my first day of vacation, though I didn't sleep in too much. I got up at 9 and did some stuff and was off to come here and make some money, oh yeah we get paid tonight too, extra bonus. But anyway, I didn't eat and I'm moving all kinds of crap and wondering what I am going to eat, well turns out today is the monthly lunch. Every month we get free food and crap here, of course it's Indian since 90% of the people here are Indian but hey its free. Most of the time by time I get here it's been sittin in the fridge for a couple of hours and not very good. I'm not a big fan of it, some of it is nasty but when your starving, it'll do. I can suffer. So I can only hope that this stroke of luck runs for at least the next week and a half. If only I could hump on humpday! Doubt it.

A Quicky

So I am offically on leave from military though still going to my other job tomorrow before I leave Thurs. I just watched City of Angels again. Still trying to shed some tears and yet nothing. I've watched all the sad movies I have and still numbness. This one has anyone noticed all the "angels" are guys, no girls. And the ending which used to be so sad, she is moving her head and neck and only has minor scraches and bruises, how the fuck is she gonna die? It pissed me off more than anything, at least some of the other movies brought a tear to my eye, though it never fell. I need John Q, Me and Uncle Tom were talking earlier, that movie turns anyone to a bitch at the end. Oh well I thought I'd try one last time before I leave Thursday. Well perhaps I'll post tomorrow, If not maybe some audiobloggs or else wait til MOnday for me. K? Later!

Potty humor and Useless Facts

Here's another costume thought for Branshine.


So Thanks to everyone for your encouraging words as I say, sometimes I just need to get shit off my chest, don't feel the need to say cheer up or whatever, I will eventually. But so to change the mood, I came across a nifty little site yesterday that I thought I'd share, it's got a bunch of really neat pics everyone needs to see, but not around lunch time, unless you don't have a lunch and want to lose your appetite.It's THE OPOSSUM PROJECT HOME PAGE I'll leave out the details so you have to check it out for yourself. And once again I need to empty out useless facts. THANK GOD IT'S FAKE FRIDAY!!!

The amount of aluminum that Americans throw out in three months is enough to rebuild all American commercial planes.

Adolf Hitler was Time's Man of the Year for 1938.

The Sea of Tranquility on the moon is deeper than the highest mountain on Earth.

The first household refrigerator cost about $16,000, in today's money.

The colours yellow, red, and orange are used in fast food restaraunts because those are the colours that stimulate hunger.

Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.

A penguin swims at a speed of approximately 15 miles per hour.

A baby octopus is about the size of a flea when it is born.

If all the salt were to be extracted from the Earth's oceans, you would have enough salt to cover all of the continents five feet deep.

All the Krispy Kreme donut stores collectively could make a doughnut stack as high as the Empire State Building in only 2 minutes.

If someone was to fly once around the surface of the moon, it would be equal to a round trip from New York to London.

Soldiers disease is a term for morphine addiction. The Civil War produced over 400,000 morphine addicts.

A meteor has only destroyed one satellite, which was the European Space Agency's Olympus in 1993.

Over 170,000 Indians from 210 tribes live in the Brazilian Amazon Rainforest.

In 1982, Larry Walters tied 24 weather balloons to his lawn chair in Los Angeles and climbed to an altitude of 16,000 feet.

In Columbia, one can be fined up to $90,000 for gossiping!

At 120mph, a formula one car generates so much downforce that it can drive upside down in the roof of a tunnel.

Autumn is bringing Death

So for some reason my mind is in a continuous state of roaming and torturing me lately. I thought for a while that my numbness was fading but then shit started to get hectic in my life once again. I returned to my scapegoat of alcohol. I know that it doesn’t help me feel though it helps me numb to the numb, not care, I never really care. I sit and try to type though I have no passion, I’m not sure I’ve ever really had any passion. I try to feel but when I do it is for the wrong people or for the wrong reason. I fear that I will feel for someone because I only miss the feelings that can come with being with someone. Though I guess I’d actually have to get off my ass and come out of my shell to even get that far. What am I doing, what have I done. I look back at the past a lot lately. Remembering the times that brought this to now. I remember a time long ago, the exchange of class rings back to their original owners with a note stained with tears. The wrong choices then just like I always I made the wrong choice. I remember my first kiss and the scar I still have from that night. I remember the times I was sure that it was love. It had to be, but now I realize it has all been hope. Which is stronger hope or love? They both fuck up your mind. Neither is actually real, no emotion truly is. Emotions change so often, how can anything real change from one to its opposite, from love to hate. It seems everyone is changing with the seasons; the death of autumn is upon us. Why do I live in the past, perhaps because I have no future. I’ve tried to plan a future but I hate plans because then you get mad when things disrupt them, also things never work the way I plan. I am getting close to the point where I fall for anyone just to feel the pain of loss. Pain is what I am used to and has come to comfort me. Pain rids me of numbness. Life is pain, pain is life.

SILVERSTEIN "Call It Karma"

blame it on the weather, but i'm a mess
and this february darkness. has me hating everyone
and i know i give you comfort, but this trouble makes me sick
and the longer i lay here, i know it's harder to get up
without you

lose another day here
lose another year here
i'm with you

find me something out there, that's making sense
and it's just another trend carefully hidden in your dress
and the cycles neverending, and the fashions overdone
and the further that i run away, the further i'll come back
to shelter...

you are the fire, on my apartment floor
sixteen stories, i'd rather burn then fall
it isn't fate, that took us all by storm
it's just the turn of a card

you are the fire, on my apartment floor
sixteen stories, i'd rather burn then fall
it isn't fate, that took us all by storm
it's just the turn of a card

goodbye old friend
goodbye goodnight
i'll move on
you'll call it fate, i'll call it karma
we had our time, it was fun
while it lasted

i'll look back, with honor
and no regrets
i won't be mad, won't feel bad
these memories will never leave me
don't be sad
cause life goes on, life goes on
it's getting too late
tomorrow is here

Weekend's boring review

Alrighty lets try to remember my boring drunken weekend. Friday I went to a friends promotion ceremony. It was pretty cool, though really long. Then went to a friends house and had some drinks. Apparently some people said that when I called them I was really cranky but I thought I was just playin. But I probably was cranky. Slept a couple hours then was woken up by everyone who was at the house I was at. So Saturday, I went to my picnic for my other job, that I was talked into by a couple of the girls that work there, nope they're married but really cool. So I went and it was boring as shit. It was just like at my other job, which is what I kept telling them. I sat off in the corner talking to them and one's husband who showed up and that was it. The white people were in one part of the shelter and all the Indians(actually from India, not to be confused with Native Americas) were in there part. I stayed a couple hours and really had to resist drinking her husbands Rum, I needed a drink. I told them I was leaving to find a place to get wasted. So I came back to my room, had a couple drinks and decided I needed to get a shot glass for a friend. I was going to go to Bmore but DC is closer. I went down and did an audioblog which apparently didn't show up. I was trin to go to to Hard Rock and they were closed for some club/party thing. But on the way there I got myself surrounded by cops yet again. So I missed a turn like always when I'm in DC so I went to make another turn and had this nice ass car with a little preppy fuck staring at me bumpin some Every Time I Die in my minivan so I stare back and say " What you got a problem" He looked away and I realized I needed to get over so the light turned and I gunned it to get in front of him, it's always fun to burn people when your in a minivan. So I get in front of him and then a cop pulls behind me. We hit another red light and he just sat there so I was like cool, but then the light changed and he flipped his lights. So I reach down and pop some altoids just to be sure I didn't smell. And then another pulled up behind him, flash backs again. He taked my license and everything and then one pulled up in front of me. So I was like here we go again. He came back and said I was doing 45 or so in a 25. I apologized and said I was trying to get over, I was somewhat lost and all kind of shit short of I'll suck your cock, because I'm on prob and dont need any more shit. He let me off with a warning. So Then I acually hit Hard Rock and am pissed I went through all that and nothing so I start driving back with the intention of drinking a bottle of Jim Beam and trashing my room, when I get a call and a couple friends want to go out. I said sure and that I hadn't been to LuLu's for a while so I had to be DD so I went and picked them up. We went Big papa(bartender that always used to hit on friend that went to Korea) was there and remembered me so we got some drinks and he as usual brought some shots. Had like 3 or4 Beam and cokes, 3-4 Vodka and Red Bulls(for friendwho also had the follwoing shots), shot of tequila thingy(wasn't straight), Hypnotica for a whoppin 19.75. God I love him! Best bartender ever! Now the part I'm not sure about is I put it on my card and was pretty tipsy, I tried to give a $10 tip but wrote total as 39.75 so I don't know which one it's gonna take on my account. So like the smart guy I am I stopped drinkin around 12-1230 and started drinking water and went down and tried to dance. I am not a dancer, If I'm not driving and I get wated enough I think I dance ok but I wasn't wated enough and had some people laughin at me, but they were friends so I didn't care. There were people dancing way whiter than me so I laughed at them too. SO again I got lost tryin to get out of DC and finally got back around 4am and then was woken up around 9. Had breakfast and watched some movies, there's one called Crash that I never heard of, was really good and had a lot of good actors in it. It's about racial stereotypes. I definatly recommend it, it was good. And then Romeo and Juliet, because I haven't seen it in a long ass time, I need to get it. Then I finally came back to my place since I was out of smokes and needed another drink, so here I sit alone in my room drinking, starving, need to find something to eat, watchin tv as usual. Not too bad of a weekend though it was pretty boring. Oh well better that I was actually with people instead of alone again.

I'm bored

Yep, I am sitting at my other job bored as hell. Yes I could go home anytime I want but traffic has been a big bitch lately. I don't know why. It wasn't this bad when school started back up, just since last week. I figure why sit in traffic for an extra half an hour, when I can sit on my ass and surf the net and make some good money and hope that when I leave traffic will be moving a little faster. We all know my luck though, it will probably be worse and if it makes me miss my show, I will go postal and drive on the shoulder to get home in time! I have atually done that before, but only for like a mile because people were in an exit only lane and were trying to get off from it. It pissed me off so I went around them. I really need the extra money since Maryland sucks ass. It cost me $180 to get new tags today. I thought it was a mistake, I was using some High tech machine to avoid waiting in line, and when it came up I exited and tried again, sure enough it cost out my ass. Luckily I waited til today when I got paid, even though they have been expired since last month. I would have been pissed to have a $225 ticket on top of that, at least I was lucky on one part. I need to get some more Beam, I bought a bottle Monday and finished it yesterday :( What will I drink with my pizza rolls tonight? I need to get groceries again but since I am leaving soon, I figure it can wait or else it'll just go bad anyway. So here yesterday I was playing with lead pigs and tipped one over, I tilted it back up on its wheels all by myself, they said it weighed 500 lbs, I think I am pretty strong for my size, but I don't think it was that much, maybe 300. Then a little later I tipped another one over and it almost crushed my foot. I jumped like a little bitch. I mean flew, the one earlier just kind of slowly went over, this one came down with force. My heart went from 60-150 in a split second. One of the guys I work with was freaking out and asked if I was ok, i said yeah except I thought I was going to have a heart attack. It has been a long time since I was scared. It was really close to my foot too. All it did was a screw on the top sliced my wrist a bit, so now He told me I was going to die of lead poisoning. It kind of looks infected today, but not really that bad. The scab and puss shit should clean it out on its own. There's this nifty little website thing that show how traffic is doing and it looks like it's starting to get better and I need to go around and make sure everything is locked up before I leave so I will end this boring post now. I'm sure everyone feels bored with reading this anyway. But fuck you, this is mine...lol. Theres the Fuck everyone attitude you've all been waiting for.

Random Humpday Thoughts

Why the hell does my post go all the way down here when my title is up there? I keep trying to fix it but don't know why it does it. Oh well. I finished all my work for the month today. It's sad that I have all month to do 3-4 hours of work, sure other things come up like waste pickups and equipment clearances but that hardly takes much time either. I guess that's why I love my job, I am so used to being bored that I don't mind being bored and getting paid good money for it. I am fucking starving, I forgot to bring a lunch and am too lazy to go get anything, I do have a bag of Utz BBQ chips though, they kick ass! We have a picnic thing Friday for work here, so that will help the day pass, then I have to go to DC, a friend of mine is getting Frocked to Chief(making new rank) sorry bout the military terminology. And Sat my other job is having some sort of picnic too, so I'll probably go down and check that out, try to keep myself sort of busy, so I don't have a reoccurence of last weekend. Though I am sure there will be drinking some where involved on both nights. Next week I have to deal with Monday and then Tuesday is my fake Friday! Wednesday I will go to my other job so I can make some money, the Thursday I am off on my Vacation. I am excited, though Destination is anonomous, I will be back here Monday. Followed by the rest of the month off including my BDay. I've noticed how boring my blog has become and I apologize for that, not that I have many readers anyway. Hopefully I will be back to doing crazy shit shortly, if I don't end up in jail. I'm thinking about auioblogging me puking on my Bday, it depends if I find anyone to hang out with or not, it will probably end up being not since it is on a Thurs, so I might hang out with some people for dinner or some shit and then kill a bottle somewhere. We'll see, won't we. Obviously I'm not feeling too creative today, I am tired as shit even though I got like 8 hours of sleep last night, not nearly enough!

Jesus is a thug who kicks people when they're down

Call it karma, bad luck, fate or what the fuck ever but I have the worst luck ever. So today I was interviewed by JAG on a seperate charge. Our field exercise was suppossed to be a dry one, no alcohol whatsoever! So as usal it was(HAHA) well it seems a bunch of people are being charged with disobeying an order and shit. Of course I told him that I didn't drink or do anything, everything is hearsay. That was fucking 3 months ago. But they recorded the interview and now I have to type my statment and shit. Fun for me. So now I have yet another reason to say fuck everyone and everything. It didn't help that Uncle Tom informed me of my alcohol cologne this morning. I thought it was a good scent, but I'm sure it was wrong for my meeting that I found out about this morning, though no one said what it was for, I already kind of knew it was coming. People talk way to much, and I am very attentive. I see this as a witch hunt. Everyone always points at me, "He's a WITCH!" but thanks to todays system I hope that they need to come up with more proof than that, but we all know how my life works: "He's a WITCH! burn him!" I'll be tied to a flaming tree in a couple weeks, if I'm not already in jail due to whatever stupid thing I do next. I'll leave you with a song since Jesus has befriended me. (Disclaimer: It's hard to blame God if you don't believe in him so I pretend to blame Jesus since I do believe he was a real person though not born from a virgin)

"Hell Yeah" by Bloodhound Gang

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no

Hell yeah

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

Hell yeah

And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Jesus(Hazus) and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God

Jesus's Revenge Part 2

Yep it looks like Jesus is still taking his revenge. Unfortunately I can't talk really about how this is coming about because it could in fact ruin my career and so on and so forth. It is hard for me not to talk about the details but I have been freaking out all weekend. Friday I got really fucked up and stayed up all night watching movies and shit by myself, wallowing in my fear and feeling the depression and dismay sneaking up and getting ready to pounce on my frail little soul. Saturday wasn't too much better though I actually had people around to distract me, had some drinks, played pool, and bullshit. Sunday I was so down I didn't want to move, I laid on the couch all day, I got up twice, once to get pizza and once to use the bathroom, Finally about 530pm I went home. I feel the binge drinking phase coming back into my life. What else do I have to loose? It seems every little mistake I make is put under a microscope and I am punished for it to the full extent. Well I am begining to wonder why all this shit happens to me. I am already alone and have slowly been pulling myself out of the hole I've been in since July of last year and starting to get some ambition again and all that is probably going to get hacked back off in the next week or so. Results of these happenings is supposed to come the day before I go on vacation next week. SO I may be hiding next wednesday to be positive I don't get punished before my trip though I may then have to deal with it on my birthday but fuck it, I don't really give a shit anymore, most people when you punish them they learn a lesson, I used to be that way until I got punished the worst for the little things and I see people getting slapped on the hands for worse shit. Punishing me only makes me hate the system more. Chris had a great shit Sat, it read "I don't discriminate. I hate everybody." I know none of this shit make sense but I really don't care perhaps when the results are in on what the hell is going to happen to me, I will go into the details.

On a different note New Years girl called me last night. First time I have talked to her since then. Apparently her boyfriend is psyco and got his ex pregnant and shit. I found it kind of amusing but felt bad for it. Her and I have been friends for so long. I miss her and our friendship. She kept apologizing for blowing me off and not talking to me, I couldn't be mad, I had to do the same thing with my ex so I explained that it happens and now we know that if someone wants you not to see or talk to your friends, they aren't worth it. She's having really hard times and he's stalking her, I am ready to go home and kill him. Why not what else do I really have to lose. She will be seeing my son soon, she works in a daycare that my son is supposed to be going to. I warned her about how much of a hellian he is now. It was nice to hear from her, though most of her talk about him just pissed me off. I can't stand the thought of guys being complete dicks to girls I am friends with let alone one I used to hook up with. But anyways I tried to tell her how much shit I was in to try to keep her from crying and distract her from problems, It seemed to work temporarily. Then I went to sleep, I finally finished the last little bit of Beam that had been in my fridge since before Vegas, that's over a month! I used to get a new bottle every week, now I think I will be back to it. Who cares, no one.

People Piss Me Off

Yep who in the world would have guessed that, well anyone who has seen me for a second could figure out that they piss me off. Ok maybe not everyone but damn close. So I was extremely busy yesterday, I had to give boring Radiation training, then go pick up waste and then try to eat, then change into my purty whites for not one but 2 ceremonies. The ceremonies should have been easy in and out same routine as always but NNOOOOOO! They had to fuck everything up, they being everyone but Chris, Uncle Tom, and Me. They threw a stupid ass bagpiper in the mix, who didn't even bother talking to us and figuring out what to do. I was lead rifle and when we were ready and couldn't move, then he wants to come up and stand out of my view and tell me to watch HIS FEET, fuck you Mr. Sac puffer You watch my feet, but of course I can't say anything, I have to have my game face on. So They call march and I start, he is still behind my view and started late and now is off step and supposed to be in front of me. GOD I wanted to hit him right in the back of his fat kilt wearing fucking head. He was in the way, sounded like shit and fucked us all up so we looked like shit. Fuck it, we got another ceremony to get ready for. Chris and I run to smoke. I sit my cover(hat) and gloves on my desk and we smoke, to come back to the door being locked and no one around. My keys were in my desk, I can't carry them in this uniform, they stick out like crazy. So Eventually I get them back and am now running to get upstairs to the ceremony. I'm now sweating and even more pissed. This one I am the national and am going to have the flag in my face, so people won't see my pissed off, sweaty face, but I am supposed to call the commands. No big deal, I can yell out some of the anger. NOPE change of plans again, well since we have so many people we're going to have the middle guy call the commands. WHAT?! The middle guy only calls the commands when we are in a place where it's really hard to hear, we are going to be inside and everyone is going to be quiet and as always the National(Me) is supposed to call the commands, not to mention that the middle guy is newer and doesn't know shit and I just don't really like him too much. Fuck it we still kind of looked like shit, I don't really remember what happened there but fuck it. Then I hurry and change to go to my other job, because I am running late. I get there and people think they know my job and stop what they are doing to try to point out things that they don't know about. At this point I snapped at all of them. Telling them to get away from me, don't you have a job of your own to do, This is my job and I know how to do it you don't. I think that was most of it. Then I realized that while I was rushing to change and get out of there I forgot my wallet in my desk. Technically I can't get back on base without my ID that is in my wallet. Not really a problem, we have rental cops on our gates now. So I drive up and this fake ass rental bitch wants to tell me to pull over and call someone to get my ID or escort me onto base. I pull over and talked to the cooler cop that is usually checking IDs he said he remembers me coming through everyday at about this time so they let me in. Thank god that fucking day is over, I wanted a drink so bad, I instead went to bed at like 9. And am still fucking tired this morning. Hopefully today will be mellow and boring again. And for all you hater that are going to make fun of me FUCK YOU! Tonight is the season premier of The O.C.!

Never Fear I is Here

Yeah I know it says "is" instead of "am". So we made it back today finally. I will try to recap the weekends events the best I can and try to keep it in order since I know I jump around a lot. So Friday not much happened Chris and I just hung out, watched tv, had some drinks, and BS'd. He stayed up all night playin Halo and Talkin to his girl. I took a small 2-3 hour nap that I kept gettin woken up by him or his cat. But anyhow we got up and was on the road by 445am. We picked up some people we work with and they all road in a Govt van while I followed up to PA. I tried to take a nap while they watched a friends army thing, didn't really sleep. Then Chris jumped in and we were off to West Virginia. Chris slept all the way to PA and then most the way to WV. I kept awake by drinking Red Bulls and smoking like a chimney. We got there about 3pm, the concert was supposed to start at 6, so we went to Applebees and had some drinks. Went and waited at Hyamp to get in, we were surrounded by a sea of little kids dressed up like "punks", we laughed and made comments about how all them looked like they were trying to hard, most had the same hair style. Like the guy on the far right here the comb over look that always goes to the right. But Hyamp was really cool it was like a small warehouse type thing. You couldn't smoke in it but the back door was open, you go out there to smoke and could walk around to the car and everything, people could just walk in and say their wrist bands got ripped off or whatever but I don't think anyone did. So the first 2 bands didn't sound that bad, we watched the little ones attempt to mosh and laughed. Some would do this thing where you put your head down and like do arm cirles, swinging your fists. We said if one tried this and hit us they would die a horrible tragic death. Thankfully for them, they didn't. Out back where we smoked the bands were also hanging out with their equipment, suprisingly everyone left them alone. We kind of wanted to talk to them but didn't want to annoy them. Silverstein came up, we fought our way straight up to the stage and had a blast, we got to scream the song into the mic a couple times. During the last song, I turned to make sure I hasn't gonna get my neck crunched again by crowd surfers and got puched in the eye, like I audioblogged, was pissed about that. We got right up front again for UnderOath. Half way through they stopped to thank Jesus and shit, everyone seemed to cheer except for us. Coincidently we both lost our watches during the show. We pissed Jesus off. It was over about 10, wrung all the sweat out of my shirt and then started towards Ohio. Chris tried to drive, because my stomach was killin me from red bull and jumping around. He made it an hour or 2 and then said he was tired so then I drove the rest of the way while he slept. We got to my parents at 4am, and crashed. I got up at like 10 or 11. We picked my boy up around noonish and spent some time playin with him. His mom told me he hit his cousin with a broom stick in the face a couple times, I had a talk with him and he said he shoved him down and told him to " get up. get up pussy" Chris almost lost it. I showed him my piece of shit town, he asked what we did, I told him drugs, party, hang out, and cruise. It really sucks and I dread going back for good, but thats what I have to do to be with my boy. So we went back to my parents, I asked for some pics of my with my long hair because I don't have any. She brought out my high school pic when I was a junior in HS, I looked like a chick, it was when my hair was the longest, down to my shoulders, Chris laughed his head off. It has been so long since I saw them. I would have thought I was a chick, but I would have been a hot one, he said if I had tits he'd fuck me. I left them there and decided to leave them buried in their closet. I got a couple from when it was a little shorter, but I still look kind of gay. One is Christmas and I look stoned, I probably was though. It's funny when I see my dads pics from when he was a young hippy I always laugh and now my son will do the same to me. Ok but from there we went to the cookout for my grandmas bday. They were suprised, we hung out there with my family had some food and played with my cousins. Took my boy back to his moms said goodbye. Went back to my parents for about an hour and then hit the road, luckily I had to stop at my cousins before we left and he wasn't home so we drove around and my tire went flat. We put on the spare and stopped at his house and started to drive back. The spare started to go flat and no one was open so we went back to moms and spent another night. This morning we got a new tire on and made it back safely. It would have sucked if we would have been farther from my house and stranded somewhere with a flat. But we made it without getting in any trouble so all in all it was another happy adventure.

UnderOath and Silverstein Tomorrow!!!!!

So I am stoked for my road trip tomorrow, Chris and I are so dedicated to these awesome bands that we are driving 6 and a half hour to see these guys play together, though they are coming to 930club seperately in November. But since I am kind of Strapped for Time right now here is some sites to listen to them and the lyrics so you can read along. These are only the new songs lyrics but listen to all them because they kick ass! Just right click the band name and open in new window, it will open purevolume and click on the song there and listen!!

Silverstein
"Smile In Your Sleep"

When I'm lying in your bed play the motions through my head
you know that I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
and I have reasons to believe that I'm not the only
one you spend this time with, but I'll stay...

You say, you're weak,
you wont let me down
you lie through your teeth
you smile in your sleep

When we met you said we were the same, you know
that we're different, we're different,
and all the times you promised me that everything would
work out in the end, you were gravely mistaken

You lie, you lie through your teeth
you wont let me down, you lie
I deserve better than this
I dream of steel.
Maroon and warm, your end.
You gasp for air. I'll see this through,
I'll see through you, your pale blue eyes.

When you're lying in your bed, your eulogy's been read
You know that it's fitting, you lie.

You smile I deserve better than this

"Fist Wrapped In Blood"

(Come on!)

Finish me off, follow the plan
break all the bonds, sever the ties
and now your mission is complete, find and destroy me.
torturing me, with words from your lips
filleting my skin, pulling my teeth
please forgive me for not being good enough.

Drown your sorrows in my pain (pain)
and it's something you can't explain.
when I'm choking on words you'll never say (say)
and you'll never feel the same
(Same!)

Bound and gagged, I cannot move or speak
these things I want to say, I can't explain them anyway
so if I had it all again, if I could start from the first words I ever said
I would do it all the same.

Your joy is my pain
my fingers are yours to cut off
and my bones are yours to shatter in pieces.
my teeth are yours to pull out and my soul is yours to slowly rip apart.

I can't trust anyone I meet.
From now on, my chest feels more like
a fist wrapped in blood


UnderOath
"Reinventing Your Exit"

12th and hyde on a sunday
Feeling like were gold
And we're nothing short of invincible (INVICIBLE)

It starts again
Can you feel it
It takes your breath away
Stop saying that we're invincible
(its round and round)
Youre uninviting, unrewarding
And I'm misinforming you
Misinforming you

We all want to be, wanna be somebody
Right now we're just looking for the exit

This is the way I would have done things
Up against the wall
Up against the wall
You've got me up against your wall
This is the way I would have done things
Up against the wall
Up against the wall
You've got me up against your wall

Its you and me on a monday
The lies that we told
This is were we both go numb now
You broke my heart again this time
Your fading now you crossed the line
You crossed the line

Reaching out for a hand
Its not here
But your not here
Your not here

"It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door"

I've been up at this all night long
I've been drowning in my sleep
I've prayed for your safe place
And its time for us to leave

Time is running, its running on empty and the gas is running out
I've decided that tonight is the night
That I let love aside
Full speed ahead this seems to be the place
I've seen this once before
Planned perfection sought in my dreams
Hoping this would take you home

My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
So kiss me one last time

Around this turn where the cross will cast your shadow
The people will all gather
To remember such a day
Where the flames grew as high as trees
And the world stopped for you and me

I will now bring new meaning to the word alone
Endless nights of dreaming of life
And the days we should have spent here

Drowning in my sleep I'm drowning in my sleep
Drowning in my sleep I'm drowning in my sleep

Glass shatters and comes to a halt
I thought we'd be there by now
I thought it would be so much quicker than this

Pain has never been so brilliant
I made sure you were buckled in
Now you can walk hand in hand with him
Hand in hand with him

WTF was that?

Ok so we had this used books/movies and shit sale at work to raise money for our unit and shit. Well it was over yesterday and apparently canowine found a movie that he thought I'd like called The Doom Generation well it has Rose McGowen so I thought hell yeah. The cover says "Sex. Violence. Whatever." So again sounds like a great movie to me. Well I just finished watching it and had to blog about it NOW! This movie is the most fucked up thing I have ever seen, and I have seen some fucked up shit before. I think I really liked it because of the weirdness but damn it is nuts! I recommend that everyone see this movie, but I will warn you, it is not for people with weak stomachs. So Rose is this hot chick with a pussy stoner boyfriend, they pick up this other guy and they go to a store and end up accidently blowing the clerks head off, they run, chick sleeps with weird guy, pussy boyfriend doesn't care. Everywhere they go someone thinks Rose is someone else and they end up killing someone, also everywhere they buy stuff the total is $6.66 Well this goes on a couple times and then the last person who thinks she's someone hunts them down while both these guys are double penetrating her and they are ne-natzi(spelled wrong on purpose don't want that to come up on search engine) and they do crazy shit that I don't want to say so I don't ruin the ending because you have to see it to believe it. Fuckin-A I don't know if I can watch it again, though I may need to take it to Chris's and make him watch it. I think I can only watch it, if it's with someone who hasn't saw it. Kind of like Gummo That I had to watch because Chris and Mike kept talking about it but refused to watch with me, I had to watch it alone. Though this movie kind of has a point and does have a story line though it is quite sadistic. Please if anyone has seen The Doom Generation, please let me know and what you thought. All I can say is WHAT THE FUCK!

Fuck Katrina

So like when the tsunami hit whatever island over near asia, I thought it was pretty bad but truthfully I didn't give a shit as I am sure that most people felt but yet people still blogged about the tragedy and again with Katrina, thats all people are talking about. Well most hurricanes I wouldn't really give a shit either because the dumbasses who move to Florida know that they are going to be hit with several hurricanes every year and it's their own stupidity. It's not like living where tornadoes might hit because they are more sporadic, but Florida will get hit. Anyways this time it didn't hit Florida it hit further over where they weren't expecting it. And this would make me think damn that sucks but I'd still not lose any sleep over it. Well the other day I found out that one of my buddies that just transferred that way last month is ok though I don't know the details but his family is in Louisiana who I guess got hit hard. So my thoughts are definately with him and his family. People bitch about the looting, I say who cares if they rob the stores, they just lost a lot. But them shotting each other and hijacking red cross trucks is rediculous and those drivers should be carrying shotguns and blow those idiots heads off and then tie them to the hood so people will learn not to do retarded shit. But cops going to stop people from stealing from stores that are loaded with insurance instead of saving people who needed help...WTF? Again they have insurance, the person dying isn't going to come back like the stores new TV. Ok well now I managed to piss myself off. But it's almost FRIDAY and saturday is road trip!!