Alcoholism

I am cool with the fact I am an alcoholic. But what qualifies as alcoholism? I don't actually need it I just prefer to be drunk than deal with life. I drank half of a big bottle(1.75 liters) of CAPT. Morgans last night because they were out of Beam at the store and am probably going to drink the other half tonight, I am pretty close alreay. But most people consider raging alcoholics thoser who are mean when drunk or scare people off so they can drink. I don't really have anyone to scare off. I just sit alone and get dunk in this piece of shit room and scream at little kids on xbox. I actually think its pretty fun, sure I'd prefer the company of others but that just doesn't happen all that much. Yesterday CG(confusing girl) said she didn't feel good and didn't want to do anything. I sat here all day and got drunk. I was going to call her today but ended up getting drunk and playing Halo, I just noticed it was 9 pm and I needed to eat. I didn't leave the barracks at all yesterday and only left today to go to Mcdonalds. Other than that I sit in my boxer(because they still haven't turned on the airconditioning) and play Xbox and listen to Senses Fail. I talked to my boy today and told him I was coming home to celebrate his birthday and he said tomorrow. I told him he had to wait a month. I am going home for fourth of JUly weekend. Then I am leaving for our operation for most of July. I will probably have a bunch of crappy audioblogs while I am there. I am not sure which sense fail song I posted last night so here is another one that kicks ass!!

SENSES FAIL "Choke On This"

Half smoked cigarettes and you're the trash that infests my sheets
can't make a wife out of a whore, don't want your skin on me
And you're, you're addicted to the drug of lust
Detoxing the cold sweat of shame
and I love your pain

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on a dusty shelf

So this love's been worn down, like songs on a tape
The sex has lost all of its fun, like gum loses taste
And you're, you're addicted to the drug of lust,
Detoxing the cold sweat of shame
and I love your pain

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf

I'm here lying in your bed babe
Remember what you said to me
"You can be my james dean, I'll be your sweet queen"
I said that you were my first, but you weren't even close now
Like a frame in a movie, you're just one of many
Can you grant me one last wish
Play russian roulette as we kiss
I'll be your cheap novelty
Blow your brains out on me

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf

Fuck it all

One of my favorite set of lyrics is from Slipknow "Fuck it all, fuck this world, Fuck everything you stand for. Don't belong, don't exist, don't give a shit, Don't ever judge me!" Well here's some more lyrics fron Senses Fail, I posted about there album a while back but hadn't bought it, I have been listening to it with my bud, though he always skips this song, the lyrics is what I love, even if it doesn't sound the best on the album. We will be seeing Senses Fail after we get back from Vegas, we will have one day to recover sleep and the next day Warped Tour is here! Here's the Lyrics:

"Angela Baker And My Obsession With Fire" by Senses Fail

I won't forget the day that, that I came to
And I started thinking that there's more
Than just perfect prom queens and silver spoons
And all I ever wanted was someone to
knock me back to the bliss of ignorance
'Cause I feel like running head first into traffic.

And so I'm here to say
That thoughts in bed with pain.

I won't forget the day that, that I found God
In a kitchen knife now and on my arm
So paint the pale white floor with, with my red life
And tell myself this pain is the pain I love
As I swallow the pills of happiness
And you watch me fall like New York in an earthquake

And so I'm here to say
That thoughts in bed with pain.

I stand outside my pretty house
I light a match to start the fire
I call the cops to let 'em know
It's 22 Walthery Ave.

I thought I wanted this.
I thought I wanted this.

(I'm here to say)
I said I wanted some more attention
I thought I wanted a story ending.

(I love the pain, I hate the pain)
I just give in.
(I love the pain, I hate the pain)

I think that the truth is I'm scared
I think that I'm just scared to live
I think that the truth is I'm scared
I think that the truth is I'm everything that I hate.

Half a holiday weekend review.

As usual I am drunk so fuck everyone for my spelling errors. I usually would have posted yet but something happened last night that I need to post about so here we go. Friday nothing new went to a buddies house got drunk and played Halo and watched him play Halo more than I played since it was his house. I passed out on his couch. Saturday we were supposed to go to one of his buddies house, that we went to Silverstein concert with. So I finally drag him off the Halo because I wanted to party, we get there and no one was there but him and us. So it was a total sausage fest 2005. We get drunk except my buddy and we were hungry so we went to Taco Bell, who else is open at 1am, when he was tryin to park his buddies stick shift, he isn't used to his car, a car flew up and almost hit us. So his buddy said "follow his ass" so we follow him as he made like 7 right hand turns. I point out that I saw a bald spot and this is some old guy and we could see he is on a cell phone. One said he was probably on the phone with the cops, I said he was probably talking to a friend to get some guns ready. So he eventually pulls over we drove by him slowly thinking and ready to jump out and beat some ass but we continued driving. We got no more than 20 yards away from him and flashing lights behind us. Cop gets out and take all 3 of our IDs and ask us what's going on. We tell him this guy almost hit us and we wanted to find out what his problem was. Next thing we know we got 4 cop cars around us, 2 city, a sheriff and state trooper...hahaha. I start sayin DUI flash backs. They told us his mother had a medical emergency and he was afraid to stop and show us where his mother lived. We just kind of laughed and told the cop he was speeding, didn't make any full stops at stop signs and didn't use any turn signals. He told us not to chase people down because who knows, he could have been on drugs or had a weopon, or he could have been an old man we could have gave a heart attack. Then he told us to take off. We got back to his buddies place and see the old guy in his jeep going in a different direction than before we started following him with a police escort. It was some hilarious shit. Now if I had not pointed out the bald spot we may have been in trouble. Then when he pulled over, we would have jumped out and confronted him and probably have all got arrested. Instead it was just another fun time to tell to grandkids when I am a a crazy old man. Well time to play some Halo. Have a good rest of weekend.

Happy Thurday

Well kind of... OK I'm a little tipsy right now but her's my day after work. Wrok was ok but boring as usual. As I'm coming into the barracks my phone rings, who is it, the chick from Saturday nights standup, wondering what I'm doing tonight. I say nothing and ask what she has on her mind, after some flirty talk I tell her to come pick me up and we'll decide what to do. We end up going to Dave n Busters for happy hour, having a couple drinks and playing a bunch of games. She keeps complaining how her body's so sore and I told her I'd give her a massage( I have massaged her shoulders and back before), I have always got nothing but compliments about my massages. So we come back to my barracks room and watch some TV and I start massaging, she complains her ass is sore, so I massage that too. She gets a fullbody massage, I am not expecting anything more because she has fucked with me before and I have learned to stick to my guns and be "that guy" who is just trying to help and not get his(I tried the "hey I want to get laid" before and didn't work) So I give her massage and then just kind of laid next to her and watched some TV, had some good conversation then she said she had to get up at 5am, I said she could crash here if she wanted, as I suspected she refused and insisted I walk her to her car. I made her wait while I smoked( part of hey your not the boss of me) Walked her down, got a hug and she was off. Now I know she is far from the typical girl. I have known her for a while, I was close friends with her roommate til she transferred. Like I said she has pulled the "all over me" bit before, then went to bed and upset me. So now I have been puttin her off and putting her off, tryin to make me seem less desperate. Now she is leaving in July and all I really want from her is sex. You all know I'm not really that shallow, but that's just the person she is, she is sweet sometimes and then a bitch when she doesn't get her way. So she isn't my type much on the relationship stand point but she is really hot. I think she likes me, but doesn't know how to show it too much, she knows I usually don't rush things(I had the hots for her roommate as well) so I don't know if she is tryin to make it a "relationship" or what, what's the point she's moving in 2 months, or is she just using me to be her friend and keep her company. I am, like usual, clueless. But you know what, I don't really care. I am not fallin for her or anything, because I know what's going to happen. All I am trying to do is have fun. She seems like a prude though, always flirting and never delivering, whatever(I apologize for sounding sexist, but I hear you girls talking about just trying to get yours too, so I don't want to hear it).Oh well 930, I guess I'll just play some Halo for a while and go to sleep. Women, can't live with them. Definatly can't live without them!

Let's talk about movies

Sorry I've been busy checking my replacement into the command, so I've been busy running around instead of sitting on my ass in front of the computer like usual. I was recently interview by Arethusa and it got me thinking, one question was about living in a film era. But I saw leaving Las Vegas the other day and it made me notice how much I love the movies without happy endings. The movies with the depressing endings become my favorite because it's more of real life. Life is never like Big Daddy, where at the end everything is wrapped up neat and everything works out, and we all live happily ever after. Let's think of some of my favorites for a minute.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas- A psychedelic trip through Vegas ending not really sure what the hells going on or what just happened. But there are several low and dark scenes where you kind of feel sorry for Raul (Johnny Depp) waking up in a flooded hotel room with a tail and the room just being trashed.

Leaving Las Vegas- You seeing a theme here Vegas is evil, just kidding it's gonna be a blast. But here we've got a hooker and an alcoholic worse than me. She is all sorts of fucked up, he drinks himself to death, It's real life!

Butterfly Effect(director's cut)- I first saw this on DVD and only watched the director's cut, where at the end he goes back to when he's in the womb and kills himself so everyone else can live happily ever after. Then I saw the regular one and didn't like it. He just tells her he never wants to see her again, that sucked.

American History X- You think everything is wrapped up nice and neat, they changed their ways and then BOOM! all comes crumbling down, the part I always wonder is did he go back to being a skinhead because they killed his brother? No one knows.

Requiem for a Dream- I first saw this movie only a couple months ago. I am behind the times on certain movies. As soon as it was over I was like wholly shit I love this movie. Not only does the main character end miserably, everyone does. Him, mom, girlfriend all sorts of fucked up.

I don't know maybe it's just me but though I like to dream of a better life, I don't want to see it happening to people in movies. Women do it a lot, they see guys doing all this romantic stuff and in most cases, not all, it doesn't happen that way.

Blogger?

It's not showing my page for some reason.

By the way

My audioblog is workin, if you wanna go back and listen to my dumbass.

Music Tag

That Girl tagged me about music. I am sure no one has ever heard of most of the music I listen to, since not many screamo bands get airplay. So I will try to link some of the songs to the bands webpage that no one will probably check. Here we go.

# of music files on the computer: I will say a lot but here are the figures: 1433 songs, 88:01:22 (yep 88 hours), taking up 4.63GB

Last CD I bought: Nine Inch Nails: With Teeth

Song playing right now: Fuck the People by The Kills (not killers)

5 Songs that mean a lot to me, in no order:

Nirvana- Where did you sleep last night. The haunting emotions in his voice during their unplugged set still almost brings a tear to my eye. My favorite song of all time from my favorite band of all time.

Hawthorne Heights- Ohio is for Lovers. I am from Ohio and have felt this way: "And I can't make it on my own. Because my heart is in Ohio. So cut my wrists and black my eyes. So I can fall asleep tonight, or die. Because you kill me. You know you do, you kill me well. You like it too, and I can tell. You never stop until my final breath is gone."

Dashboard Confessionals- Screaming Infidelity. Do I really need to say anymore? "I wish that I was anywhere with anyone making out"

Funeral for a friend- Escape Artists Never Die. Great song! It's kind of confusing and you can use personal experience to make a meaning of the song for you.

Silverstein- Last days of summer. Last but not least. Though this song isn't on any online, the other songs are just as good. This song is a little slower and touched me last time I was home. "I won't leave, leave this way again"

Now I guess I am supposed to tag someone else but everyone I usually check has already done it. So Oh well, if you haven't and you want to let me know and I'll consider you tagged.

Audioblogger sucks

It seems that my first attempt at an audioblog failed. I was ignoring it because I knew that if I listened to it I'd probably delete it. All it was, was me drunk and babbling about my weekend sucking. I was supposed to go to the club with this chick and got stood up. Stupid bitch, my room doesn't have hot water for some reason so I took a freezing cold shower. Then I play some Halo waiting, she calls around 8 something and said about being at the mall and will call me when she leaves, I say ok and know she is full of shit so I start drinking about here. She calls around 930 and says something, I really don't even remember her excuse but we didn't go. So I sat in my room alone again and played Halo and drank about 3/4 of a bottle of Jim Beam. Oh yeah we had our Color Guard detail on Saturday morning, it went really well from what we could see. It's kind of hard to tell when we are all doing it and don't have someone in the crowd to actually watch us. Well I need to go meet my replacement here, so this is a short one. Damn you Audioblogger for not working and helping me remember what the hell I said.

Star Wars

I know all the geeks in blogland are probably posting about Star Wars today, let me start by saying I am not one of those geeks. One of the people I work with is, he came and fixed my computer about a week ago because I couldn't get to the internet from work, so I owed him a favor. He came and told me DC101 were giving away passes to the screener yesterday at 7 on insider advantage and he didn't have enough points to get it. I have a shitload of points, so I got them for him. The catch was I had to go to claim the prize. I have never been a huge SW fan, I haven't even saw Episode 2 yet. So we went to the Uptown theater, with lines galore for that screener and the midnight show. People are retarded, camping out in downtown DC. The crowd was full of overweight nerds, some dressed like storm troopers, one Darth Vader, and a very huge princess Leia. Suprisingly there were a bunch of teens camping out too. In our line for the 7 show, there were quite a few slimmer buisinessmen and again some younger crowd. There were TV stations all over the place too, I almost ended up on the news, in the background of course. After only an hour wait in line, we were in the theater. God I want to do some nerd bashing. People were clapping and screaming, it's a screen, no one from the movie is there to hear you!!!! Everytime Yoda did anything, people cheered and screamed with delight. It was probably the worse movie experience, even when I willingly went to see the opening for one of the matrixes, I forget which one. Towards the end it started to get really hot in the 866 seat theater, I started to doze off, I think it was only for a minute or two. Some of the fight scenes were way to long, I said the same for the matrix, just give a minute or two and then go to something else already. Everyone already knows how it ends, Anakin turns into Darth Vader. The movie did of course have some cool special effects, I was disappointed that our showing didn't have any previews, I was only looking foreward to great previews and seeing Natalie Portman(HOT!), who by the way goes from being pregnant and not showing to pretty big in the matter of minutes and there wasn't a time change or anything. And it didn't really show here in sexy clothes either. If I was a critic I'd give this movie a "B", I am sure everyone else is going to say that it was the best thing they have ever seen, but they should open their eyes more often.

Meet a Hero

 

Meet Brian Chontosh.

Churchville-Chili Central School class of 1991. Proud graduate of the Rochester Institute of Technology. Husband and about-to-be father. First lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps. And a genuine hero. The secretary of the Navy said so yesterday.

At 29 Palms in California Brian Chontosh was presented with the Navy Cross, the second highest award for combat bravery the United States can bestow. That's a big deal.

But you won't see it on the network news tonight, and all you read in Brian's hometown newspaper was two paragraphs of nothing. Instead, it was more blather about some mental defective MPs who acted like animals.

The odd fact about the American media in this war is that it's not covering the American military. The most plugged-in nation in the world is receiving virtually no true information about what its warriors are doing.

Oh, sure, there's a body count. We know how many Americans have fallen. And we see those same casket pictures day in and day out. And we're almost on a first-name basis with the pukes who abused the Iraqi prisoners. And we know all about improvised explosive devices and how we lost Fallujah and what Arab public-opinion polls say about us and how the world hates us. We get a non-stop feed of gloom and doom. But we don't hear about the heroes.

The incredibly brave GIs who honorably do their duty. The ones our grandparents would have carried on their shoulders down Fifth Avenue. The ones we completely ignore. Like Brian Chontosh.

It was a year ago on the march into Baghdad. Brian Chontosh was a platoon leader rolling up Highway 1 in a humvee. When all hell broke loose. Ambush city.

The young Marines were being cut to ribbons. Mortars, machine guns, rocket propelled grenades. And the kid out of Churchville was in charge. It was do or die and it was up to him. So he moved to the side of his column, looking for a way to lead his men to safety. As he tried to poke a hole through the Iraqi line his humvee came under direct enemy machine gun fire.

It was fish in a barrel and the Marines were the fish.

And Brian Chontosh gave the order to attack. He told his driver to floor the humvee directly at the machine gun emplacement that was firing at them. And he had the guy on top with the .50 cal unload on them.

Within moments there were Iraqis slumped across the machine gun and Chontosh was still advancing, ordering his driver now to take the humvee directly into the Iraqi trench that was attacking his Marines. Over into the battlement the humvee went and out the door Brian Chontosh bailed, carrying an M16 and a Beretta and 228 years of Marine Corps pride.

And he ran down the trench. With its mortars and riflemen, machineguns and grenadiers. And he killed them all. He fought with the M16 until it was out of ammo. Then he fought with the Beretta until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up a dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up another dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. At one point he even fired a discarded Iraqi RPG into an enemy cluster, sending attackers flying with its grenade explosion.

When he was done Brian Chontosh had cleared 200 yards of entrenched Iraqis from his platoon's flank. He had killed more than 20 and wounded at least as many more. But that's probably not how he would tell it.

He would probably merely say that his Marines were in trouble, and he got them out of trouble. Hoo-ah, and drive on.

"By his outstanding display of decisive leadership, unlimited courage in the face of heavy enemy fire, and utmost devotion to duty, 1st Lt. Chontosh reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service."

That's what the citation says.
And that's what nobody will hear.

That's what doesn't seem to be making the evening news. Accounts of American valor are dismissed by the press as propaganda, yet accounts of American difficulties are heralded as objectivity. It makes you wonder if the role of the media is to inform, or to depress ? to report or to deride. To tell the truth, or to feed us lies.

But I guess it doesn't matter.

We're going to turn out all right. As long as men like Brian Chontosh wear our uniform.

Life and Relationships

Ok, I have been shunned by my friends on Halo 2, so I have time to post while watching house. TG has unforunately met the "wolf in sheeps clothing" as hipchick put it. As I have said before TG is my muse and has struck up thoughts in my mind. Yes I have been drinking so don't mind me going off on a tangent or spelling errors.

People Suck!! All people, I have always felt this way. People are closed minded, and a majority are just plain stupid, with no regard to normal human behavior. Granted most "humans" are nothing more than slightly intelligant animals. Hearing some of the things people do make me lose more faith in mankind, and I didn't have much to begin with. Rape, murder, all the things dealt with everyday, espacially in large cities. People are truely corrupt. Nice people are far and few between, yes there are the people who seem nice at first but are truely sick individuals when you get down to the core of the person. Everyone has that part inside of them that they share with no one, and sometimes try to hide from even themselves. Yes I know that deep down I have some sick and sadistic thoughts in my brain, but I know deep down that I am not one of those people that will snap and these thought become actions. Nice guys/girls are hard to find. Most people think "nice guys" don't exist but hardly anyone says "nice girls" don't exist. You see lots of "happily married couples" but who really knows what goes on in their minds or what the do when they are alone. I find being happily married hard to believe. Granted I have found maybe 2 people that I thought could have worked, but obviously it didn't make it that far. ANyhow, most focus is on the fact that "men are pigs", yes most are but when women try with "the nice guy" they usually just use them so they can feel the up on a pedistal, oh so important feeling and then get bored with it and leave. All seems to come back to that old saying that used to be a pain in my ass and now I see oh so clearly..."Life's a Bitch". People alway want what they can't have, even if it's not for the fact that they can't have it. And always chase the dreams that can't come true, being forever happy, but "then you die." Maybe this is my sick and sadistic part of my "nice guy" role. I seem to look at death as an excape as opposed to every one elses fears. Granted it does scare me a bit and I really don't want to die because I have I son that I want to be there for and help out more than my perents helped me. But only then do you truely have no more worries, no matter what your faith.

Damn Straight!!

REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It leads to more honest communications.

3. It reduces complaints about low pay.

4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.

5. It encourages car pooling.

6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

8. It makes fellow employees look better.

9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross.

New TV

So yesterday I blew $450 on a new TV and a microwave. I had to get the jumbo fucking 32 inch. It barely fit into my room and had to rearrange everything to put it onto a desk since it would fit into their "entertainment stands". Uncle Tom thankfully helped me out since I couldn't drive to get it. While trying to put it into the minivan the box tipped a bit and caught the side of my neck, giving me a nice little scratch. Then while putting it into my room I busted my knuckle open. Then this morning while throwing away my old microwave the box scratched up my forearms a bit. This shit is beating me up. But it was worth it last night, sitting infront of my huge ass tv, the biggest I've ever owned, eating my hot Chef Boyarde, playing Halo. Good times were had by me. Vegas plans are coming together. I found the tickets and hotel for a little over 500 thanks to travelocity. I have enough to cover it but to get both tickets I need some help from Chris to make sure I've got money to get drunk on this weekend. Then all I have to do is save money to blow, I've got 500 in savings that should be up to 900 by then for emergency bail money. Everyone needs to plan for a just in case senerio. Reading some of TG's comments from one of her posts had me thinking and wanted to make my own kind of twist on my thoughts but not enough time right now. Hopefully I will remember tonight, if not oh well. TG your kind of like a muse to me, well most blogs are but you more than the others. Ok off to color guard pratice for graduation this weekend, fun fun, means I can't get too messed up Friday damnit. It's almost Friday.

Fuck shit ass motherfucker!!

So this morning I get a call from my Career counslor saying that my extention was denied, which means I can't sit here and try to make my ass fat for another year until I get out of the navy. I had to call the guy who decides where I go (my detailer) and explain to him that I am getting out and it is pointless to send me anywhere. He said that "the new sailor" that I thought found my blog is actually my replacement and since she is alreay in transit that he can't tell her no. He said there is a ship in Norfolk with an opening just for me and to call him back in 20mins. So after my blood pressure went through the roof and a shit load of cigarettes waiting for a lifetime(20min) I called him back. He said there are 2 positions open at the hospital on the same base as me now. I said gimmie gimmie gimmie. One is for the dosimetry center, which I have dealt with before and seem to have a bunch of lazy civilians working there. I am extremely lazy so I picked that. It better go through. I reallly want to stay here, I know everyone and know I don't do shit. I thought I wouldn't be able to get my apartment since I would be leaving in December or will be leaving here still in Dec. I am relieved that I will be staying in the area, but it's not set in stone yet, so I should probably still be worried. I still don't have my damn cell phone yet. I can't get ahold of anyone who was "there". When I do, I'm gonna see if I can get at least the one of me in the mullet since TG is requesting to see it. I will probably only keep it up for a day or 2 so it can't be found again. I have to see how bad it looks. I had to barter a baby to get to wear it. One person was holding a baby, the guy who was currently wearing the mullet wouldn't give it to me, he wanted to hold the baby so I said that if I got him the baby I could have the mullet. He agreed so I got the baby and gave her to him in exchange for the mullet. It was funny as hell, "Hey can I have your baby so I can get the mullet". I guess the sad part is it worked. Back to trying to find my cell.

Weekend in Blur

Friday the 13th wasn't to memorable. A buddy at work said "Dude, you should bring your tv and xbox to my house and we can both play Halo2." I said ok. I took a short nap at work since I knew I wouldn't get my usual 2-3 hour Friday nap. The 30-45 min nap just wasn't the same. After almost dying dropping of another friend, We were speding through heavy traffic on a small road listening to some Senses Fail. We came to a scheeching, skiding stop inches from another car, it was fun. So had a couple drinks there, went back to his place had some more drinks, played some Halo, ordered chinese food, had a full stomach and passes out.

Saturday was probably one of the most fun and crazy days that I've had in a while. I can't go into details. It involves everyone getting plastered, wearing mullet wigs, a guy in lingerie, and people wives loosing their shirts. Good time was had by all. I lost my cell phone in a drunken stumble in a guys house. Hopefully he found it and brings it to work today. I feel naked as hell without it. Was going to do a drunken post but then my battery was dead so I went to charge it and that's where I forgot all about it. I almost got another tatoo but my bud couldn't keep a steady hand and wouldn't do it. I kept saying "Come on fucker! If it sucks to bad I'll just get it covered up later." The bad part is all the first mentioned things are on tape and camera.

Sunday I woke up on someones couch and was hurting a little. relaxed most of the day and went back to friends house, played some more Halo. He brought me home to the perfect end to the weekend, I go to take my tv out of his car and noticed I shut the cord in the door. That's right, cut clean through it, the other end was no where to be found. So now I have a reason to get a bigger tv, while I'm at it I might as well buy a new microwave so I can stop eating cold canned foods. Afterwards he fixed my computer though. I kept getting all kinds of annoying popups, and they weren't even for porn. So he helped get rid of it and hooked me up with a better spyware blocker so it was cool. All in all, it was a pretty good drunken weekend. I guess th tv cord thing had to happen, it couldn't have been perfect.

I've been tagged

SO E has tagged me, well ok I volunteered for it, but she does seem to be flirting with me. Just kidding E, unless you are. Ok so here are me questions, unforunately my answers are really boring. I could come up with a good story for each but they wouldn't be truthful. I am going to try to answer all of them. If anyone wants me to ask them questions I can try.

1. What is your biggest fear in life?
Failure. Most of my life people have always assumed that I was going to fail everything. As you can see from my profile, I was always the outsider, even in my family. All my cousins(I am an only child) were going to be the ones to go to college and make something of themselves and I was going to do what I said I would, work in a factory all my life. Well shit happened I ended up in the Navy, they all do drugs and are stuggling to make ends meet. I hold no grudge to them but I laugh at their parents when they ask me how everything is and what all I have done.

2. If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be and why?
I'd be a strawberry, the most sexual fruit. It is fun to play with and tastes so damn good.

3. What time in your life (moment or period, anything) were you happiest?
Pretty much my son's entire life but especially the first 6 months of it. I was laid off from work(the reason I joined the Navy) and stayed at home with him all the time. It was great. I love that little guy so much. I used to rollerblade alot, he used to love it when I'd push him in his stoller around town on my rollerblades. Everytime he'd see me get my blades out he'd get this huge smile. But then I went to bootcamp and when I got back he thought I was a stranger and was a little different. I think I posted about that a while back somewhere.

4. You're a hero to many and the world loves you. What did you do that made you a hero and what was the legacy you left?
I am confused about this one. Lots of people say that people in the military are heroes, but I didn't do anything but sign up and I have no legacy except don't fuck with the USA. So I am going to make up a super Hero. Except mine is not your average one. I would be one that hunted down every murderer, rapist, anyone who did any violent crimes and kill them. I hate the fact that these people, if ever caught, spend the rest of their life getting 3 meals a day and a roof over their head. We could eliminate National debt by not keepinf these fuckbags alive for 20+ years or spending thousands of dollars on the actual lethal injection or however they die. ( I am a little worked up this morning, I heardon the radio they finally gave some mass murderer from the 80s his lethal injection last night.)

5. What is your favorite smell in the world and why?
To tell you the truth I'm not sure which ones in particular but I know when some women pass and have on certain perfumes, it makes me stop in my tracks and instant... uh happiness. So sexy.

6. The world is in a weird state and you are only allowed on piece of furniture for the rest of your life, what do you have and why?
Sadly when I get my apt, I will have one piece of furniture, a futon. But in this situation I'd have a King sized pillowtop Bed. I have spent probably 3/4 of my life in bed I just sit there and watch tv, nothing can beat a great comfy bed. I now sleep on a small ass military issued hard bed that my feet hang off, well my feet hang off most beds anyway but still, not comfy.

If you work with me DON"T READ THIS!!

I doubt that is going to help but seriously if you work with me and probably have heard rumors not to the extent of what I may know. I never said a word and fuck it this is my damn blog no names were used.

I don't really know what to say or what I can/should say. I am extremely pissed right now. Since I am probably not supposed to share this info with anyone but I will be as discrete as possible. I know a guy who knows a girl who is in an abusive relationship. We'll call this guy NG(nice guy) and her B(battered) and her boyfriend guy Jackass(JA). Ok so she apparently left jackass and eventually met up with NG who like myself treated her like a queen and tried to give her the world. Well I know from what I heard on the radio, since I have never met a person to this exreme in person, that some women get used to this type of relationship and eventually think that he doesn't love me if he doesn't hit me and vice versa, he hits me because he loves me. Now what kills me is that B is so fucking retarded, not really she seems smart, but she keeps going back to this guy dispite friends and family all telling her to leave him. I mean it's really fucking bad. Now I have known about jackass from before. I heard some stories from B about verbal abuse, but then I found out through other friends that he was going to their house to fuck friends roommate. Of course I always here all the rumors here and keep most to myself because they are usually scandalous and don't really bother me too much. So I kept quiet about that especially since I'm not really close to B, but it still pissed me off and was going to say something to him if he came to friends house while I was there to fuck her roommate. I never got that opportunity, I think roommate knew what was going on and knew I knew so we were never ther at the same time. But first I am pissed that jackass is such a jackass and I really want to hunt him down and fucking kill him, no one should ever fucking be like that. Two I want to beat the shit out of(not really but I want to do something) B for going back to this. I can't bring myself to comprehend how someone can be so ignorant or stupid to deal with this. But all I can do is nothing. Except hear what I hear and let my blood boil. I mean she threw aside the nice guy. Granted I know we usually get thrown aside for the "big man" because women want the wild or bad boy or whatever they want, but abusive? ERRRRRRRRR!!! I just want to scream at her and kill him. I know it's not my battle and I'm not involved in this situation at all.

New Sailor?

SO in my morning check of my blogstats thanks to statcounter.com I noticed someone came across my blog in search of "USUHS blog". My site was second on the search from google, thanks to my crappy pics of our Wizards encounter. We are supposed to be getting a new sailor in our department from school in Groton. I am her sponsor but wasn't notified til she was on leave back home. The person who came this way was from New York. If this is her, this bothers me for a couple reasons, I don't know if she is cool enough to know I have a site since only 4 people I work with really know about it since I know they won't rat or bitch about things I put on here. She probably now knows I am an lonely alcoholic, thats gotta be exciting for her to know she's gonna come work for/with me. And last, I don't know if she's single or cute. SO HM3 if you return and read this, ignore it until you meet me. A nice scene modified for this type of situation: wait are you on the internet, prank blog, prank blog(hang up)

Calling all smart people

So I get really agrivated when I get a thought or anything in my head and I can't figure it out. So anyone who can help me save my mind from exploding, I will be forever in your debt. Here it is:
Who originally said " Life's a bitch, then you die"
I have been searching online for about an hour now. That's right folks, I have no life and this is what all of our tax dollars are going to. A bud jumped on for a sec and said that it was Willie Nelson but I can't find anything to support it was him. It is going to drive me insane. I had a nice sad post I was going to do about me sittin at home, drinking more, and whatever. I thought about what my mom always said and wanted to find out who first said it. Here I am an hour or so later just pissed and forgot what all I had planned to say. I guess it's the Adult ADD or something. I'm supposed to be able to find anything on the internet easily, I guess I haven't looked in the right spots. I looked everywhere. Quotation pages, blogs, lyrics, everywhere! OK time out, need a smoke break....

Ok a little better now. SO I found out for Halo2 you can get online at bungie.net and see all the games you've played and how many kills you had per game and stuff, it's pretty neat. I am turning into a big nerd. Instead of not having a life due to my second job, I don't have one because when I leave here I sit at home and drink and play Halo. Maybe that's why I don't get better because I keep getting drunk while playing it. Last night I got into a screaming match with a 14 yr old punk from Ohio. It was pretty bad, little bitch. Ok stay calm now. Well I can't drive anywhere, I don't like calling people for rides and being a nuisance, my microwave is broke, my life is pretty much sucking big time right now. Which get's me back to "life's a bitch". Everyone says cheer up, it will get better, which is true, that's the "then you die" part. No more worries or problems then, right. 3 mores hours til I play Halo for 7 hours again like yesterday. I did take breaks to surf the net for a little while but that's about as exciting as I can get for now.

More completely useless facts

They were building up on me so here's another edition of crap you never needed to know.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Every night, wasps bite into the stem of a plant, lock their mandibles (jaws) into position, stretch out at right angles to the stem, and, with legs dangling, fall asleep.

The outdoor temperature can be estimated to within several degrees by timing the chirps of a cricket. It is done this way: count the number of chirps in a 15-second period, and add 37 to the total. The result will be very close to the actual Fahrenheit temperature. This formula, however, only works in warm weather.

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

There are four cars and ten lightposts on the back of a ten-dollar bill.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "Goodnight, sleep tight".

Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.

There is a company that will (for $14,000) take your ashes, compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewelry for a loved one.

A single sausage measuring 5,917 feet (1,804 m) in length was cooked in Barcelona, Spain on September 22, 1986.

Rubber is one of the ingredients of bubble gum. It is the substance that allows the chewer to blow a bubble

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

Weekend in Review

SO Friday started out that I got a letter in the mail from Maryland MVA saying that my license is suspended, but doesn't say for how long. I wanted to say that it was suspended for just that day only, but everyone else said that I couldn't decide how long it was for. So I called future roomate, I need to come up with a better name for him, fuck it he's Chris. If he doesn't like it he can tell me. So Chris became my chauffer for the weekend. We went to Lulu's bar in DC had some drinks Bullshitted adn checked out someof the ladies. Went to his place played some Halo2 on Xbox and passed out. Next day went to the apartment we're supposed to moving in to so we can help fix it and move in sooner. The owner was doing the pluming, which I know nothing about, so we went across the hall to another buddies and got drunk and played Halo2 all night. It seems we are bad influences on each other. He has been tryin to quit smoking but around me he keeps smoking because I do. I convinced him to start up a blog. He got me addicted to Halo2. So I had to go out and buy an Xbox and the game and the online shit, spent about $300. Which I shouldn't have done since I probably can't keep my second job. I have no clue how I can get to Springfield and back. Well I could get a ride there since I work with the same people here, but they live further down in VA. So I'd be stuck there. I need to get my court date so I can see about getting work privledges. I called to see about a court date last week and they said that they might not get the ticket til June and then they would scedule me a date. I was starting to think(hope) that maybe my ticket got lost somewhere and maybe the piece of shit fat lazy worthless civilian base police who think they are real cops had lost it because they are all complete morons, or they were just trying to scare me and notified my command so I would get in trouble here and didn't report it to the state since military members get punished twice for offenses. That's right, no double jeopardy rule here. SO this DUI not only has fucked up my Color Guard shit, the one thing I look foreward to doing here on base for the military but now fucked up my income by making it so I can't get to my second job. I might be able to talk one of the guys to droping me off at the pentagon metro which isn't that far from Springfield if I am correct but then it will take me forever to get back here. Oh well guess it's back to the waiting game to find out what the hell I am goin to do. Besides the suspension I guess the weekend wasn't to bad, would have been better if maybe I'd actually got off my ass and danced at Lulu's but oh well, maybe we'll go back this weekend.

Why oh why

So I have been thinking of why did I start blogging. First Canowine started telling me about it in the office, and then I saw him postin his mostly crappy pop music. I made an account so I could comment, since I was the token evil guy I chose my 666 instead of my usual rc930. It laid dormant for a long while, then I figured it'd be a way for me to share my emo/screamo music with people. I quickly found out that no one really liked my music and didn't really care. Then I thought that since I have put some of my writings on poetry.com, I could post them here and get comments on what people thought of them. That is where people actually started commenting. I surfed through blogs and found a small group that was interesting. Posted some quizes and stuff I found interesting and occasionally my writings which I have kept in a binder since my freshman year of high school. Though some of them are way to messed up to share even on the net and some are just plain stupid. Why do/did I put my full name on my site? Because like I said before when I get bored I search peoples names from home and see if I can find anything, I figured others may do the same and would come across my site, they would see that I am the same as I've always been and probably doing a hell of a lot better than them. In your face bitchassmotherfuckers, teach you to shun me like a redheaded step-child(I mean no offense if you are/were a red headed step-child). People are usually afraid someone will stalk them if they can find them on the net, I will give my address, let anyone who dares come. I may not be big or strong but I will be the one walking away. That's just me though, I use what I can to make sure I walk away whether its a brink or my asp(police expandable baton).

I have also noticed that peoples blogs are like their personality. I don't mean what they write, of course that's their personality. My blog for instance is like me, people come comment stick around a bit then leave and usually don't come back, a new crowd comes in and the same. Peoples like TG's or Canowine's get a large gathering because that is more than likely their personality, being people persons. I just noticed that and found it odd. Like when I was thinking about the Vegas Blogger convention thing TG was talking about. I had to make sure a friend of mine would go with me because I am the outsider. I would know TG but that would be it and she would be socializing with Bran, martini and who ever else who showed up and feel awkward. Though I would hang with Kelbel since she has recently been commenting here also. I'm not complaining for comments, I know who reads thanks to sitecounter. It's not really many, most are searching for Tila Tequila. If you want a bunch of strangers to stumble on your blog say something like"Tila Tequila pics" and you will get hit up alot, some do start to actually read other stuff but not many.

Nine Inch Nails- With Teeth

Ok I keep talking about the new Nine Inch Nails album that came out Tuesday. It fuckin rocks, with the usual electronic dark rock and exposively depressing lyrics that I can always relate to. I suggest everyone goes out and buy it, even if you have never been a NIN fan, you need to own this album. Here are the lyrics to a couple of the songs I really dig though I love the whole album and have listened to it probably 10 times since I bought it yesterday. These are the ones with the semisadistic lyrics that I love, Don't listen to me buy the album and you can understand.

"All The Love In The World" or you can Download
"Every Day Is Exactly The Same" or you can Download
"Only" or you can Download
"Getting Smaller" or you can Download
"Right Where It Belongs" or you can Download

There's hate in the air...

SO it's spring time again. The old saying with Spring, "love is in the air", not for me. I went to get my mail (my mail is in a box in the hospital), it's about 10 minutes total walking time. I passed close to 20 couples. There is never that many people out at 7pm. All but one of the chics were hot and with jackasses. I wanted to stomp in all their faces. Why is it on tv and even sometimes in real life, you see those beautiful women with the skinny nerdy guy, but that skinny nerdy guy is never me. Last spring I was rollerblading around pushing my son in a stroller, pretty happy with how things were going. Now I am just bitter. I take that back, I think she left in May last year. OH well before she left I was blind and thought that everything was going good. Talk about Ironic, I bought Nine Inch Nails new album and put it on before I started typing. The first song says "Why do you get all the love in the world". Anyway, people are out happy with their significant others why I go through my normal nightly routine of coming home, turning on King of the Hill, strippin to my boxers, eating/drinking, playing on the computer, shower go to bed. Repeat Mon-Thurs, then weekends try to find someone to hang out with so I don't get depressed and sit here and drink alot and maybe go try to find people(like when I got my DUI).At least when I move out, I will have friends close(across the hall and perhaps a roommate). That will cure the not having any friends, completely alone in this world feeling but not the God I will never find a woman who will like me, It's been so long since I have even had physical contact with a woman, what the hell is wrong with me, I must be a complete fucking freak feeling. Hell I know my looks aren't great, my rating of 7.6 on hotornot tells me that. Yes I got on there, it was fun for a short bit but then got boring, all I learned from that is I can get laid if that's what I want. Don't get me wrong I love that too, but I am a nerd and have been neglected my whole life by everyone from parents to friends and just want to be loved. I remind myself of the little abused dog I got when I was 15 from the pound. All he wanted to be was loved, despite his faults and insecurities, he couldn't hold his bladder/bowels well. Being a pissed off, drugged up teen who had to clean up after him, I punished him and now I am being punished the same way. God there is so much shit in my life that if I could go back I would change, though there is quite a bit I am glad I suffered so I could learn from it, my mistakes that hurt others is what I'd change. Looking back, I've always asked what have I done to deserve this and I've always known what I've done to deserve this shit. I just always wanted to overlook it like "that didn't really count" Maybe Karma does exist. Though I have grown to act different maybe my past and the thoughts I dare not do can still affect karma. I don't know anything but like my mother used to always tell me, "Life's a bitch and then you die". And it's the truth.

USUHS Color Guard team at Wizards vs. Bulls Playoff game 

Me and Katie(Wizards dancer) 

The Color Guard Incident

Ok so Lets start this from the begining. We arrive at the MCI center to a great welcome, we park in the press garage that was under the stands and about 100 meters from the court. We unload and walk around the stadium about 4 times with one of the guys who helped us get this gig, he was trying to square everything away and was quite stressed. So then we get to run through our routine on the court. Like I said before I haven't really followed basketball since the Bulls were the shit. SO someone from the wizards was on the court shooting. Who was sitting over on the side of the court 20 feet from us? Old school Bulls, Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant. They glance our direction and that was it, we were too busy trying to figure everything out to get a chance to talk to them. So then the cooridnator tells us that the Air Force Honor Guard was gonna be on court with us in a V formation. We didn't have much problem with it then but we do later. So they show up, we get our positions and think its all set to go. We go to our little locker room set up for us and change into our uniforms. Who comes in to welcome us? Gheorghe Muresan the 7 ft 10 in Giant who you may remember was in a kid movie My Giant. That was pretty cool.

SO we change get ready line up for the main event. The honor guard goes out before us and get in their V formation and everything goes to Hell. We start to come out and they are in our way. This was our lead rifle(the first guy) first detail ever. So amidst our stop and go between him trying to figure out where to go and their staff telling us to stop and then go NOW. We were forced to cut through the honor guards formation. I am pretty sure it looked like shit. If the fucking Honor Guard hadn't came, we'd have looked awesome. Don't get me wrong these guys were awesome and had some really good rifle tricks but they didn't do any. There was absolutly no need for them to be there. SO we then marched out and called people we knew and found out we weren't nationally televised. If the would have shown us when we were in position and leaving we would have looked good, but getting to our spot was very disappointing. Then some went to the seats for the tickets they gave us, which was one row from the last seats in the whole stadium. WTF? we were just center stage, now were last row? But Tom, Lead rifle, and I spent most the game walking around the halls drinking beer, checking out honeys and going outside to smoke. Going outside was kinda bad because all the homeless people come up and tell you stories to try to get money. We finally went to our seats towards the end of 3rd quarter and the rest of the team was ready to go. We took the elevator back to the press entrance where our van was. We got off the elevator to see some of the Wizards dancers shaking their asses!! They came out and talked to us a bit, a friend snapped a pic of me and Katie. I will post a couple pics when I get home tonight, they didn't turn out too good, since he was on the sidelines. We are trying to find pics online, I have no clue who sung the National Anthem but I think she was famous. If anyone sees it let me know.

WIzards vs Bulls

I am far from being a sports buff or anything. I used to watch alot when Michael Jordan played for well both of these teams. Tonight is game 4 of their playoff game. If anyone in blogland would like to try to watch the begining and see if they show the national anthem, my color guard team will be presenting the flags for it. I will be on the DC flag, which is an ugly red one that will be next to the US flag. I am stoked that there may be a chance of me being on TV for something other than Cops. Plus maybe I can meet some of the players, or better yet the players hot model wives. My camera is still broken, so unless someone else has one, I probably won't get any pics of this awesome event. Again I urge everyone NOT to purchase anything from DELL!!!! There is only 4 people who work at their company that can speak english fluently. You would think that for "customer service" in America would be able to speak the American languge, especially on the phone where accents are hard to translate over the phone. OK I am pissed again and need to call them, they are lucky I need to eat, get a haircut, get my uniform ready, don't really have time to blog but thought I'd share this experience with whoever is willing or gave a shit. After we do the presentation we get to watch the game, I don't know from where, but I plan on gettin toasted and maybe will try to drunkblog. I tried before but my voice sounds really bad. I can't sound as sexy as That Girl. I sould like an idiot going through puberty. Especially since I lost my voice from screaming Friday and now have a cold which isn't really helping all that much. But if I am toasted it will at least be on there until tomorrow when I listen to it and wonder what the Hell I was thinking. OK I really gotta run. Happy Monday, or should I say Shitty Monday.