There's hate in the air...

SO it's spring time again. The old saying with Spring, "love is in the air", not for me. I went to get my mail (my mail is in a box in the hospital), it's about 10 minutes total walking time. I passed close to 20 couples. There is never that many people out at 7pm. All but one of the chics were hot and with jackasses. I wanted to stomp in all their faces. Why is it on tv and even sometimes in real life, you see those beautiful women with the skinny nerdy guy, but that skinny nerdy guy is never me. Last spring I was rollerblading around pushing my son in a stroller, pretty happy with how things were going. Now I am just bitter. I take that back, I think she left in May last year. OH well before she left I was blind and thought that everything was going good. Talk about Ironic, I bought Nine Inch Nails new album and put it on before I started typing. The first song says "Why do you get all the love in the world". Anyway, people are out happy with their significant others why I go through my normal nightly routine of coming home, turning on King of the Hill, strippin to my boxers, eating/drinking, playing on the computer, shower go to bed. Repeat Mon-Thurs, then weekends try to find someone to hang out with so I don't get depressed and sit here and drink alot and maybe go try to find people(like when I got my DUI).At least when I move out, I will have friends close(across the hall and perhaps a roommate). That will cure the not having any friends, completely alone in this world feeling but not the God I will never find a woman who will like me, It's been so long since I have even had physical contact with a woman, what the hell is wrong with me, I must be a complete fucking freak feeling. Hell I know my looks aren't great, my rating of 7.6 on hotornot tells me that. Yes I got on there, it was fun for a short bit but then got boring, all I learned from that is I can get laid if that's what I want. Don't get me wrong I love that too, but I am a nerd and have been neglected my whole life by everyone from parents to friends and just want to be loved. I remind myself of the little abused dog I got when I was 15 from the pound. All he wanted to be was loved, despite his faults and insecurities, he couldn't hold his bladder/bowels well. Being a pissed off, drugged up teen who had to clean up after him, I punished him and now I am being punished the same way. God there is so much shit in my life that if I could go back I would change, though there is quite a bit I am glad I suffered so I could learn from it, my mistakes that hurt others is what I'd change. Looking back, I've always asked what have I done to deserve this and I've always known what I've done to deserve this shit. I just always wanted to overlook it like "that didn't really count" Maybe Karma does exist. Though I have grown to act different maybe my past and the thoughts I dare not do can still affect karma. I don't know anything but like my mother used to always tell me, "Life's a bitch and then you die". And it's the truth.