ERG

Well I am starting to feel a little better. I realize that my current lifesyle needs to change before I die. Yesterday I ate a double quarter pounder meal for lunch at noon and saved 2 Mcchickens for dinner that I ate around 9. The rest of the time I was on a liquid diet. I can't eat healthy when I can't cook but I think I am going a little overboard. My digestion system is probably all jacked up, not to mention my constant dehydration, I don't take the time to fully rehydrate myself before starting again. I am taking 2 days off from drinking and going to try to eat some good food, well as good as it gets. My chest has been hurting, I don't know if it heartburn from drinking or my lungs from smoking more when I drink. This morning I felt like raw shit. Drinking water is still making me have an upset stomach but thats probably because there isn't much solid food in there to soak it up. It's almost lunch time, I may try to talk people into going out to get food so I don't have to suffer through my packaged noodle meal. So I drank and played Halo until like 11 last night, then I decided to blog and then noticed it was after 11, soul mate should be driving home from work, so I called her. She actually answered, we had one of those awkward conversations where you run out of things to say. I think she is hooking up with this one guy she used to be kind of close to. She said she was hiking with him and thats why she didn't return my phone calls from this weekend.

SO then I laid in bed drunk thinking of love lost. There have been 3 women that my life has revolved in a wierd and topsy turvey circle filled with bad choices. First I was with NY(new years girl) old friend that I always end up making out with, such as when I was home for new years. We ended because she was way younger than me, 3 years is a long time when your 16 or however old I was then. We remained good friends and then fell for SM(soul mate) While I was on hold waiting for her to break up with her boyfriend and having an affair with me, NY girl wanted me. We had our occasional fling and then got tired of waiting for SM and moved to my ex who I knew and saw wanted me. SM broke up with bf and then it was too late ex was pregnant and I was stuck. Ex wouldn't let me talk to either because of her jealous rage which was probably necessary because something would have happened because I wasn't happy with her. So now I was stuck with ex SM wanted me, NY moved away and then I joined the military. Now I am far away while they all live their lives and I sit here all alone reminising of loves lost. NY has a bf who is jealous of me and doesn't want her talking to me because he was there on New Years, SM is a single mom, who may have a bf and it just seems really awkward because I think she knows I still feel for her because I am alone and have nothing better to do while she is living. Who knows, I am just pathetic and will be that hermit guy when I am old telling my son these stories when he stops by to see me on holidays.