Yep I was this close 

Hotel from The Kills 

Hells Yeah 

VV from The Kills 

Relationships Continued

Ok SO I have been taking up a lot of space on ThatGirl's comment box. SO here's what I wrote last night:
What do people want from relationships? Do we even know what we want? Most women want the crap they see on Lifetime, which I hate to tell you, doesn’t happen. Most will say someone to love them or someone to grow old with; I think that’s what I would say. OK next question, when do you want it? Do you really want it now? Most would probably say yes, but really think about it. I have been there done that as many have. The best advice I pass to younger people, like I am old, is wait for marriage, if it’s true love it will be there when you guys are more mature. Granted they never listen like I didn’t when I was there. Anyone who knows me or read this site knows I am only 22 years old, though sometimes I try to act out like a 22 year old, I am actually more mature. I have lived a lifetime in a short time. The past 4 years I turned 18 and partied, got married (because she was pregnant), had a child, been laid off, and been divorced. That is pretty much Middle American life. Though now I am trying very hard to be selfish and have fun, it is still kind of hard, knowing that my ex is sitting back home with my son, though there isn’t much I can do about it right now. Right now though how much I want that “Soul mate” to grow old with, if you had the person right now you would miss out. I missed out on living as a carefree 18-year-old life, I was working when I could to pay bills and feed my family. When I turned 21 I couldn’t go out and do the bar or club scene. Though I love my son and I wish that first marriage would had been with my “Soul mate” and at the time I thought she was, it wasn’t and we missed out. People nowadays need to come to terms of what they “really want, right now” and discuss it with the “possible partner”.

Here's what I was thinking today:
Obviously I don't know much about relationships, most of mine weren't the best times of my life, though you may think so at the time. I think marriage is over-rated. People should have enough respect for their partner and the discipline to not need a certificate saying that they love the other. I really envy Uncle Tom and Sugarduck. They are by far the perfect couple. Though I haven't spent much time with them both together. Just knowing them and hearing how Tom talks about her, I know. They seem to be just both giving in the relationship, no take. They are perfect together, I hate them...j/k. OK I am getting paid by the hour now so, I need to actually start working. Have a good day, Tonight is THE KILLS!!!

Thanks to DCist

Somehow apparentle a website DCist stumbled apon my little blog and posted about my review about Bloc Party. Though I am not a talented writer and wish I was so I could get paid to go to concerts and write about them, I would like to thank them for the props, and also say a "nah nah nah nah" to canowine who brags to me about all the people who link to his site. Maybe if he could have came like we wanted him to, I am sure his site would have been on there instead. His damned talented writing ass...lol. But as for all people coming from there stay tuned for my drunken recalls of the Kills wednesday, Garbage the 22nd, and Silverstein and Fall out boy on the 30th. Ok I am drunk and need to go to bed.

Let the Concerts Begin

SO Last night was my first concert of 4 this month, and it was an excellent start. The first band took the stage, I couldn't find them online before the show so didn't know quite what to expect. They were Hotties! And good music too. They interacted great with the crowd and were having fun, which is what it's all about. Luckily at the Black Cat, the first band usually ends up in the back with the mercahndise. So as well as getting them all to sign their EP, I aslo got a couple pics with them and a hug from Lisa Smith, the hot bassist. I was in Heavan!

As usualy we were on the right side of the stage leaning against a stack of 5 15inch speakers so my ears are still ringing from The Pony's, a completely different band from Pony Up. Again a great performance. I missed most of it though going back and trying to catch all Pony Up for the pics and autographs, I had higher priorities.

Then there was Bloc Party. The only problem about seeing bands like this live is that it almost ruins listening to their CD anymore. After you see them having fun feeling their music, it's hard to go back to a bleak studio version. The only thing that pissed me off was seeing Gordon Moakes and Russell Lissack looking like little kids, though they are apparently older than me, ripping these awesome sounds on their guitars. I am so envious it's not even funny. Just some of the URRGGGGG, I can't even explain it, the are great musicians. I suggest anyone who can check out all of these bands. Last night was the last night of Bloc Party's tour in the US so hope you can catch them next time around.

P.S. Next on the list is The Kills on Wednesday!

Gordon Moakes 

Kele Okereke jamming 

Uncle Tom and Pony Up 

Me with Pony Up! 

T-Shirt Hell

If you have a very deranged and sick sense of humor like I do, I suggest you check out T-Shirt Hell. It is full of funny ass shirts. The awesome thing is that you can customize your shirts, the color, size, type, it's the shiztnitle. And if those shirts are to tame for you, you can check out Worse than Hell You will always be able to click my funny little banner up top with Dick's new T-shirt.

Alcohol meeting

I have been trying to post this since yesterday, luckily I copied it before I hit publish.

SO today I had to go for my screening of what level of alcohol counseling I have to go through because of my alcohol incident(DUI). I was very nervous especially when I started filing out the papers. All kinds of really messed up questions that unless you really really needed help or wanted out of the military you wouldn't answer truthfully. The I had to meet with a counselor guy, who by the way was extremely awesome. SO this guy was only an E-5, but super smart, had to be a psycologist or something. He kept trying to trick me and make me contradict myself, at least it seemed. He threw in little jokes and small talk too. I want to start off by saying I am in no way a liar, I just seem to have a gift of convincing myself and others who are usually authoritarians of a different version of the truth to avoid conflict. Anyway, I stuck to my story and though he did find some flaws such as I only had 4 beers the night of my DUI, he asked how tall I was andd how much I weighed and looked at his chart to find out I had at least 7. I quickly recovered by, they were glasses and may have held more than a normal bottle of beer and the people I met were buying them so I wasn't really keeping count of how many I had. Then was asking if I was tipsy, drunk or what. It is hard to describe a feeling of drunkeness by these words though. SO I eventually said I was drunk and had poor judgement which caused me to think I could drive the 2 blocks back to base. After some more grueling questions and some little jokes, such as:
him:How well do you think under pressure, I will ask you a couple questions and I want you to say the anwer 5 times.
me: depends on the problem and what the pressure is, ok
h: what color is this paper
m: white white white white white
him and me repeat several times
h: what do cows drink
m: milk milk milk milk milk
him and me mix them up several times, then he writes both answers on a piece of paper.
m:(smack myself in the forehead) water water water water water, but calfs drink milk.
h:(laughs) I didn't say calfs, I said cows.
m: I heard that one a long time ago and fell for it then too, damnit!

SO at the end he runs through my sheet and asks me if I think I have a problem and I say no. He looks at his sheet and me for a couple minutes, while I am sweating. He says according to his papers I have an alcohol dependancy and because of my DUI that makes me an alcohol abuser, what do you think. I say that I made a bad mistake and I know I will have to suffer consequences for my actions. He asked what I thought I needed, I said nothing. he says that I can't leave with nothing and that he really didn't think I had a problem either. He gave me a choice of 3 days a week for 4 weeks attending an AA type meeting or a 3 day, all day alcohol education thing. I said the 3 day. At the end he says "someone either preped you real good on what to say here or your a great actor or perhaps you really are sincere." to which I replied "I wish I was a good actor maybe then I could be rich" I left thinking he was really smart and seemed really cool, I should have asked him if he wanted to go get a couple beers and bullshit, when I told a buddy that he replied that I should add on there that I'd drive...lol. OK well that's my fabulous day now I suppose I should get to work since they are paying me.

New List

I added a new list to my I am nothingness blog. I am a simple man who wonders how things have evoled into the way they are today and if anyone knows the answer to any of those things please let me know how or why.

Funny shit

This had me rolling thought I'd share a smile. It's long but worth it.

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it.
Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili #1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili #2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

Chili #3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-Faced.

Chili #4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills, that 300lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

Chili #5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Fuck those rednecks!

Chili #6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Chili #7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a fucking grenade in my mouth, pull the fucking pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my fucking mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my goddamn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Fuck it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the fucking 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili #8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

Emergency We Need To Help!

As you may or may not know Taco Bell used to have an awesomely delicious burrito, a chilli cheese burrito. I actually called the corporate office and spoke to a representative(secretary) today. She said that the more people who call in and request that it be put back on the menu, the more likely that they will put it back on the menu soon. All they ask for is you name, mailing address, and phone number. If you wish you can make all three up just please call! I and others are really craving a Chilli Cheese Burrito!!!!
The number is 1-800-TACO-BELL or 1-800-8226-2355,

I know there's an extra number but it works. CALL NOW!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Pass this to others that will help us save the chilli cheese burrito. Please share this on your Blog to help get more calls. Thank you.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Next Phase please

I just finished a book called Blankets by Craig Thompson. It was an interesting book, though not much of a book, it is more like a huge comic book without superheroes. It seems books and movies I have seen lately don't really have an ending. You know those movies where at the end everything is wrapped up nice and everyone lives happily ever after, ok maybe not happily, but you know it's the end. Everything lately has been left open, most movie because they want to do sequels. It is really annoying. This book though strangely enough relates to real life. Which brings me to my theory that life is all stages, I am pretty sure I'm not the only one. You know as a kid you have your childhood chums you play games at the park and stay over at each others houses, then you start to drift and become casual acquaintances til High School. High school you make completely new friends and hardly even look in the old friends direction, it wasn't really snubbing off though I was ridiculed a few times from being a completely different person. After High school you have to become an adult and usually lose touch with everyone from high school except about 2 or 3. Then you get married have your own family and make new friends usually at your office or wherever. Then if your unfortunate, sometimes seems lucky, as me you start back over as a single person. Then you make new single friends to hang out with, you can't have your wingman being married. Sometimes you look back and see all these different phases and wonder why am I not friends with those people from down the block, we used to be such great friends but then I guess we just grew up and apart. What ever happened to the next door neighbor's grand-daughter the one who was my first kiss, last time I saw her was when my son was born and she was working at the hospital part time and going to school. I haven't seen her since. The guys who lived down the block, my childhood chums, I have no clue what happened to one who was my best friend since I could walk or his brother. One that used to play sports and stuff with us at the park was recently arrested for burglary, murder and possible rape of an old man(and they said I was the weird one). SO where's the next phase going to end up?

Random Useless facts

I am, almost daily, learning stupid useless facts that I will never need to know. But they are good conversation starters, so I think I'll try to remember or save them and maybe once a week or so post them to share the useless knowledge with everyone else. Plus I usually forget them after a week so I will always be able to refer back to these to remember.

The average human body contains over 100,000 km (60,000 miles) of arteries, veins and capillaries.

The Orion Nebula is the brightest nebula in the sky.

Vincent van Gogh was born in Groot Zundert, The Netherlands on 30 March 1853.

35% of the people using personal ads for dating are already married!

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

The leading cause of poisoning for children under the age of six in the home is liquid dish soap.

The Giant South African Earthworm can grow up to 22 feet long and 1 inch in thick.

A frog can't empty its stomach by vomitting. To empty its stomach contents, a frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.

When gentlemen in medieval Japan wished to seal an agreement, they urinated together, crisscrossing their streams of urine.

Ask Uncle Tom

So Canowine, Uncle Tom, and myself all share an office. Canowine is like the yoda, all-knowing, chick magnet. Uncle Tom is the advise giving, angry at everyone, person with no people skills. I am the token "devilworshiper", evil being, goth/punk/freak guy. Obviously since I am the outsider(as usual) I have my own blog. But we finally convinced Uncle Tom to join a blog to be a unusual news guy (he always sends us stupid news articles) and then convinced him to be an advice columnist. So I invite evryone to go to Canowine's blog and ask Uncle Tom a question his email is
uncle_tom_2005@graffiti.net Please don't be shy you can ask him anything. This is a great idea I might need to do my own advice column, I have been known to be a good listener and give pretty good advise though I seem to never follow it myself. I might really think about it though my evil meter may scare away potential clients.

I am God's unwanted child

Unfortuanatly I have realized that I am fucked by recieving a DUI. I am not really that upset about that as I am the other previous post realizing that I am soon to be alone here in a strange place. If my License is revoked I will no longer be able to hang out with almost anybody. If I am put on restriction(God forbid) I will not be able to attend my 3 awesome concerts I have tickets for in April. I had to meet with eveyone today and confess my sins and arrest. I am being put into Drug and Alcohol awarenes program(DAPA) My Masterchief claims that since I was double the legal limit and could pass a field sobriety test that I must have I high tolerence and must be an alcoholic though I claimed to only have 4 drinks the night in question. I have been making a good name for myself at the comand, being Color guard member of the quarter and year, serving on the Axillary security force and trying to be present at most command functions. I was called back at 3pm while I was almost to my second job to meet with our Executive Officer who is cool as shit and said that these facts would not go unnoticed during my UCMJ trial(captains mass though I am at a triservice command with the XO, CO being army) Hopefully my punishment won't be too severe.

Back to the unwanted child. I have not many friends. I don't have a woman to stand by my side. I believe that if I had a woman to be by my side I wouldn't be so down. I live and learn. Only from my mistakes can I understand the severity of my actions. I have my speeches down to give in my trials. I have been looking through my notebook for a writing to post since it has been a while. The majority are about the soul mate I met in seventh grade, though we were kind of together in High school also. Though she had a boyfriend we were also kind of a couple. She left me a message 2 weeks ago, but she works second shift and gets off after I go to bed, and goes to work before I get off. I tried to call her both Saturday and Sunday but she didn't answer nor returned my calls. It hurts, she was my best friend and lead me onto the right path though I soon strayed due to the fact that she had a boyfriend and we "couldn't be together". I remember everything fromthe note I passed her in 7th grade, our fisrst kiss, the night we went to homecoming as "just friends", the day no one was in the house and we had fun on her brothers bed, to the many days we just went rollerbalding in an up and coming neighborhood they were building. I miss her so much. The last time I went home I got a chance to hang out with her and some friends she works with. Though the night didn't turn out as planed. Her ex"boyfriend" was there and she was trying to make him jealous, not wanting to play that role again I walked away for a while to come back to her dancing with an Air Force reservist that was going to Iraq. I was devistated once again. But adapt and overcome and be depressed in private. Life sucks, most women suck(I won't say all, there has to be someone out the compatable for me...doesn't there), I really hate going through my notebook.This notebook was started my freshman year of high school and contains 7women in them though I didn't use there names in there I know which was who, That I thought I was in love with at least for the time being, You know the High school romances and the drama. Out of the 73 writings,14 about ex- wife, 25 about soulmate, then there's the rest of the ramblings and other women, the bad part is that I can only seem to write when I am depressed any other time I seem to have writer's block. Who knows maybe I am as fucked up as others and I joke about. Oh well I guess it's live and let die, have as much fun as I can til that day.

Guess what... I got a DUI

Damn piece of shit, civilian base police fuckers! I pulled into the parking lot for the barracks and the way you come in it is kind of messed up, I was going for my usual parking spot, there was a car in my way so I pulled over by the curb to let the car go and was going to back up and park. Well I pulled to the curb the car came straight into the side and turned his lights on. Sat there for 10 minutes so then I went to back up and park and they almost threw me out of the car thinking I was going to escape. Next there are 4 other cops cars behind me. They yank me out made me walk a line, stand on one foot and all that crap which I did outstanding on, because I practice all the time in case I ever had to do it. Then they cuffed me took me to one police station that had a broken breathalizer, so they took me to another one where I blew a measly 0.16, I was disappointed. They told me I was off some road so I called my buddy to pick me up. After waiting an hour I got tired of waiting and started walking. Come to find out I was not where they told me and where I told my buddy to come. So I ended up stumbling 6 miles down a highway from 4am-630. My buddy finally picked me up about a quarter mile from the base. My feet are killing me! Luckily I shut my phone off before going to sleep I found 10 messages from my cheif, master cheif, along with almost everyone else I know. But you want to know what pisses me off the most, some time in the midst of being arrested I lost the phone number I got from a chick at one of the bars. She was a hottie to damn it. SO now Happy fucking easter to me. I am left alone, with a headache, knowing that I am going to get busted down to E-2, probably get my license taken away, have to pay a fine I won't be able to afford without my license and second job, and my knees and feet are sore as hell. Great fucking holiday. Hope no one else is having this much fun. Time for a nap, shower, and another drink.

Sex Rules

Some ground rules to help people determine if the sex counted. This list of rules can also be very helpful to determine if you have cheated on your spouse or significant other. Wow I think according to these rules I have only had sex with 1 person, the rest didn't count. All can probably be eliminated by the intoxication rule.

Oral Sex does not count.

If you can't remember the person's name the following day... it doesn't count...

If you failed to call the person back to have more sex... doesn't count...

If both of you failed to achieve orgasm...it doesn't count...

Sex with a friend...it doesn't count...it's just another thing you share...

If the act was so lame, you leave thinking "Did I shave my legs for this"...it doesn't count...

An old flame...it doesn't count...

An ex-spouse...it doesn't count, refer to this as a "pity fuck".

Masturbating in front of someone while they do the same, sorry, not sex...it doesn't count...

Cyber-sex - NO WAY - this is glorified masturbation...it doesn't count...

2 heterosexual women having fun, not sex...it doesn't count...

Kissing body parts is not cheating...it doesn't count...

An act to make a married person feel good about themselves, not sex, BUT only if you do not know their significant other...it doesn't count...

An act committed while you were intoxicated...it doesn't count.

An act committed with a family member of your significant other...it doesn't count...this should be referred to as "a skeleton in the family closet".

Acts committed in a public place...it doesn't count...(why should it, it was public right?)

Phone sex...it doesn't count...(refer back to "glorified masturbation")

In car...it doesn't count...way too cramped...if vehicle is in motion and has a console or stick shift...this counts...way too kinky and erotic not to count, unless the act was totally oral, then refer back to rule 1...

An act committed in which the female of the encounter did not achieve total satisfaction (orgasm)...it doesn't count.

An act committed in which total bodily fluids have not been exchanged (pull'n pray method of birth control)...it doesn't count...

An act in which no kissing takes place...it doesn't count... (not considered to be intimate)

An act in which "you do all the work"...it doesn't count.

An act committed with your next door neighbor...it doesn't count, this should be referred to as "being neighborly".

An act committed with an acquaintance because you are angry with your significant other...it doesn't count.

An act which only happens on a random basis...it doesn't count, this should be considered " getting aquatinted "...

An act with a US President...it doesn't count, unless the Senate votes impeachment...

An act with your boss...it doesn't count, just considered career enhancement; and/or additional employee benefits.

Guess what...I'm drunk!

I am so fucking bummed out. I am outta alcohol. I need to keep an emergency bottle of Jim Beam hidden for when I run out and the base Package store is closed. I don't think I need to be driving off base to get more. But thats not why I am so bummed. I found out yesterday but had it confirmed today. 3 people I work with are going to Iraq May 1st. Two of them I am pretty good friends with. Granted 3 people from where I work have been to Iraq and came back safely but they were only gone for about 3 months. They are supposed to be gone for a year. One of them just got married and the other one just had a baby a couple months ago. Why is fate so creul? It couldn't have pulled single soldiers ( yeah they are all in the army). This blows. Not to mention my best friend since my divorce, I been at her house pretty much every weekend, is leaving to go to Korea for 2 years. So I am gonna be alone again. I have been dreading getting back into the dating scene. If I don't have any friends I am gonna have to. I have to find someone to keep me company at least til Jan 2007. But then what I don't know. Damn my life sucks, at least I am not getting thrown to Iraq with a months notice. FUCK! They better get to come home soon. I wish them all the best. I love them, they are great friends. I hope they get home safe and in one piece. Ok I gotta get to bed, I have to play basketball in the morning and get up at 530, yay for me. Goodninght all.

The Perfect Woman

The perfect attitude for the perfect woman. I got this in an email, I agree with everything except the golfing.

1. I'll swallow it all, I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored... Let's shave my pussy.
4. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
5. That was a great fart. Can you do it again?
6. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
7. You're so sexy when your hungover.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
10. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
11. Let's go to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be outside painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf every Sunday. How about Saturday too?
14. Honey...Our neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come quick.
15. Is it too tight for you back there? Please try again.
16. No,no. I'll take the car in for an oil change.
17. Your mother is way better than mine.
18. DO me a favor and just forget that Valentine thing...You need those new clubs.
19. I understand. Our anniversary comes every year. You go ahead out hunting with the boys. I know what a stress reliever it is.
20. Oh come on. What do you say we get a good porn movie, a box of beer, and a few joints, I'll get my friend Tammy for a three way.
21. Not the mall again, Let's go to a strip joint.
22. Listen I'll make enough money for the both of us. Why don't you retire.
23. God! I swear! If I don't get to blow you soon, I'm going to burst!
24. I signed up for yoga, just so I can get my ankles behind my head for you.
25. No, no, no...You stay in bed, I'll take care of it. You need your sleep.

Like something out of a cartoon

I found this on Yahoo news, it is a great idea. I know sometimes when I know I won't want to get up in the morning, I put an alarm clock far away so I have to get up to shut it off.

LONDON (Reuters) - Can't get out of bed in the morning?

Scientists at MIT's Media Lab in the United States have invented an alarm clock called Clocky to make even the doziest sleepers, who repeatedly hit the snooze button, leap out of bed.
After the snooze button is pressed, the clock, which is equipped with a set of wheels, rolls off the table to another part of the room.
"When the alarm sounds again, simply finding Clocky ought to be strenuous enough to prevent even the doziest owner from going back to sleep," New Scientist magazine said Tuesday.

I just don't understand how it knows where walls are or if it's like those little toys that run into walls and turn and keep going. That would be awesome!

I'm just following the crowd

Since I have noticed several people doing the 100 things about me posts and blogs. I of course thought that I'd do one myself. I am a weird/ little fucked up guy. Go ahead if you dare find out how much I am. I also added it to the side bar so all can check it. I am just putting random things on there, probably almost everyday. It's nice to have one of those oh I forgot, just add stuff on the end, possibly infinite posts.
My "get to know me list" blog

Some funnies

Check out a nice little animated short about Michael Jackson here. I'm gonna pick me up one so my son will behave. Here's a letter from your boss.


TO: All employees

FROM: The boss

DATE: March 22, 2005

RE: Foul Language

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with . . .
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: fuck it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: fuck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting?

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck are you doing?

Sincerely,

The Boss

God bless Trillian!

For all of you with multiple IM tools, such as msn, yahoo, AIM, ICQ. I found out yesterday there is a device called Trillian. This is a device you download and log into and can access all of them with one tool. You can have multiple yahoos, msns and log into everything and have all your contacts on one screen. It rocks! I was haveing one of the computer peoples at work fix my comp and told him I needed to get updated version of msn(the only IM on my comp at work) and he downloaded Trillian for me. It saves space and time. When I get home from work I jump on my comp and log into Yahoo and sometimes AIM and usually forget about msn since I only have a few friends that actually use it. Now I can log into one thing and everyone is available. No need to click one to see who is on there and then another. God I love technology, it helps me be even lazier. I suggest everyone download it.

My name is Randy and I'm an addict

While I was driving to my second job yesterday, I was thinking about addiction. I know I am addicted to nicotine and maybe alcohol. I drink alot but I don't really think it's an addiction except in public. I can't be a DD because when I see everyone else drinking having a good time, I want to too. But by myself I don't have to have a drink, like I have to have a cigarette. I thought that was it, then I started to wonder if I was actually addicted to going to concerts. The past year since the ex left I have been to a shit load. Here's a break down.

With ex(in 4 years):
Korn/Staind
Godsmack/Staind
Slipknot/Fear Factory/Chamira

After ex(in 8 months):
HFStival bands I saw: O.A.R./Yellowcard/Lostprophets/Yeah Yeah Yeahs/Cypress Hill/Violent Femmes/New Found Glory/P.O.D./Jay-Z/The Offspring/The Cure
Otep/Kittie
The Hives/Sahara Hotnights
Gwar/Mensrea
Marilyn Manson/Slunt
Arcade Fire/Final Fantasy
Ash/The Bravery
Ambulance LTD
Hawthorene Heights/Sugarcult

....I think there's more I'll check my ticket stub collection when I get home.
and next month I already have tickets for Garbage, Bloc Party, The Kills.
Does that count as an addiction? At least 9 concerts in 8 months, that's more than I a month, and many more to come.

Lesson's Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that if at first you don't succeed, check to see if the loser gets anything.

I've learned that brain cells come and go, but fat cells are forever.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Pass this cool poem to 5 friends, they will appreciate it. Maybe something good will happen to you. If not....tough shit!

I love my guitar!

SO since I've gotten my guitar I play every week night(weekends I am too drunk and usually not home) until my fingertips hurt from the strings and my hand cramps from positioning them. I am really trying not to let it be like my electric one I got when I was 16. I was really too busy partying then to learn. Friday I broke a string already and had to go to Guitar Center(HELL). It is so freaking huge and crowded of people and little children playing instruments probably better than I ever will(I hate them all) and the people who work there flock to them and ignore the tall skinny guy dressed like a bum(cuz he has no money)and got new strings, then I broke it while trying to put it on and had to go back last night. FOr all those who need to know how to restring a guitar here is a video for you. Restring your guitar although it shows an electric it shows you the basic that you can use on an acoustic. Also if your good at hearing notes (I think I am deaf, too many concerts and loud noises) Check out this Online tuner.

Anyway I usually spend a night trying to do one song, though the next night I usually forget how to do the song from the night before. Last night I learned Nine Inch Nails- Something I Can Never Have, from the Natural Born Killers soundtrack. It is super easy, only 3 notes. Of course most of the song is piano/synthesizor/other things which I didn't think about when I picked my song to learn. One thing that pisses the hell out of me, when I look up tabs for a song, every different site has a slight variation of how to play the song. I found today that Ultimate guitar has pretty much every song and has the variations as well. It really helps because their all on one site as opposed to searching for one song and getting a million different sites. This week I will be concentrating on Nirvana Unplugged (My all time favorite band and album!) I found a way to copy the tabs into word so I can take them home with me to aleviate the need for me to get online and be distracted by yahoo messenger and AIM and all the rest of the things that people pop up. Well I will probably still be on there, but invisible so I can chose who's worth distracting me.

Right in Sam Endicott from The Bravery's face 

More Sam Endicott from The Bravery howling 

More Sam Endicott from The Bravery
 

THE CRIMEA, ASH, and THE BRAVERY oh my!

What a great freaking show! I had to get up at 6am this morning so I didn't drink to much and remember the entire show. Yay! I also got an arms length from the stage and got some good pics, well I think so, I'll check later and post some. I was blown away starting with the opening band. THE CRIMEA (pronounced cry-me-ah) blew mw away. Ironically when Ech and I were in line to get in, we were talking about The Doors and Jim Morrison being wasted at most of his shows. The Lead singer Davey took the stage and acted really wasted. Through his performance he almost clocked a fan with his guitar, knocked down the mic stand several times, did a skinny white boy puck dance that if you did anywhere but on stage you probably wouldn't leave alive. But the music was just magnificient. When we met Davey later he didn't seem wasted, it may have just been an act or him feeling the music As soon as they left the stage I ran to buy their EP "Lottery Winners on Acid", which is great, though not as hard as they performed. They ended their set with a song called Opposite Ends, I can't even explain their greatness of this song live that isn't on the EP. Towards the end they went into this instrumental break that brought a tear to my eye. It was this excruciatingly loud screaming guitar with Davey wailing in the background. Oh I wish I could explain it, it was almost like Nirvana unplugged "Where did You Sleep Last Night" I was totally engulfed in the moment. Ok but then afterwards we met and talked with the entire band by the merchant table and had them all sign or EP.

The next act was ASH who I didn't know to well. They were apparently headlining the tour but then came on second to our suprise. They were very engaged with the crowd. They played alot of fast paced crowd jumpin' songs. They had a lot of fans who came just for them. They had great great guitar solos, though the bassist was very wierd, looking like he was pissed and giving everyone a death stare. We talked about it afterwards and think he may just trying to be like Wes from Limp Bizkit and be that guy in the band.

The we get to THE BRAVERY God, the whole show just completly rocked. Their hair was like Elvis, except the singer Sam Endicott who reminded me more of The Misfits hair. I don't know. It always seem I end up on the wrong place at shows. I am usually on the right side, which I was last night, and the bassist Mike H was on the left. He not once but twice surfed the crowd which was awesome and the first time I actually saw a band member do that. And later an older (like probably 50s) couple was in the front row ended up undoing his pants and they dropped not once but twice also. I know at least one picture of Sam came out, I literally had the camera in his face. He seemed to love performing with his Elvis like dance moves and leaning out over the crowd. They came back out for an encore since Sams parents were in the crowd, probably the one's pulling down Mike's pants. Damn out of all the shows I've seen this one definatly ranks top 5, which is outstanding for the bands not really being that famous. Plus usually the opening band isn't good or one just doesn't sound that good. All 3 bands kicked ass and rocked The Black Cat

WTF is next?

Today while checking my blogstats, I found someone came from Blogshares. I thought I'd check it out and see what this site I never heard of was. It appears that they now have a fantasy blog stock site. I don't quite understand it yet. I signed up so I would have something else to keep me busy at work. I figured they would start yelling at me if I kept bringing my guitar in everyday. Everyone go off and play with fantasy money and try to learn the stock market, get good at it, then invest real money into my company whenever I start one. I don't think you actually win anything. Here is from their intro:

What is BlogShares
BlogShares is a fantasy stock market where weblogs are the companies. Players invest fictional dollars on shares in blogs. Blogs are valued by their incoming links and add value to other blogs by linking to them. Prices can go up or down based on trading and the underlying value of the blog.

And apparently I need everyone who doesn't have a link to me on their blof to please add me, it make the value of my site to go up.

Do you have a personality?

See what kind of personality you have on the Ultimate Personality Test

Randy, you're a Shark!

You've got a healthy love of life and a killer instinct. Chances are you hate rules, and don't plan on getting old. You're flexible and friendly on top of being innovative and smart. In short, people respect you.

You're extroverted and love being in the spotlight. Your mantra is "work hard, play hard" — you live life to the limit.

And that's just scratching the surface!

Me with my new guitar trying to play Green Day-Good Riddance. Thanks canowine for tuning it and showing me how to play this song. 

Which Ring of Hell are you?

Thanks to Brandyland You can find out which level of Hell you will go to when you die. I am very disappointed that it says I am only going to the seventh level, especially when it says extreme for fourth through eighth and very high in nineth. Oh well I am sure I will have fun. My plan has always actually been that when I went to Hell, I am going to recruit a gang with those like Hitler, Napoleon, Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, and all the other super crazy people and we are going to overthrow Lucifer. So everyone look for me in probably 30-40 years down there.

Seventh Level of Hell

---

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Extreme
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Meaningful Misconceptions

I am begining to believe my life has become too boring to blog. Either that or I am just lazy and can't think of anything to blog so here's a cool little joke I got emailed to me.

Meaningful Misconceptions

Abdicate--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly--adj., impotent.

Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard--n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle--n., a humorous question on an exam.

Semantics--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Marionettes--n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around by Mayor Barry.

Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent--n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts

Urg, I hate Mondays

Mondays suck. I had a rough weekend, went to a concert Saturday night. I went to see Ambulance LTD Though I drank half a bottle of Jim Beam before I left for it. So details on the event are a little sketchy. I remember almost wrecking my buddies new car, standing in line, one of the bands kind or rocked(not sure if it was Ambulance or VHS vs. Beta), then going home. All in all I guess it was worth $15 to laugh at canowine and Ech because they wanted to go. The only prob is when Ech called me on Sunday and asked me how it was, I just mumbled still drunk that it was ok. I need to stop getting so drunk at concerts. There are only a few concerts I remember not getting wasted at. Oh well as long as I have fun, right?

I also hate military mail people. I bought a guitar online that was supposed to be here Friday, they were closed. I stop in this morning at 8 when they were supposed to be open at 730, they were closed. I continued to beat on the door until someone in the back heard and opened the door. I told him I was supposed to have a very important package that was delivered on Friday, he said he'd look, and shut the door. I think he just stood behind the door for about a minute and then opened it back up and said nope not back here check back after lunch. I wanted to kick him in the face. All day Friday I was so excited to get my guitar and then all the BS in between. If I can't pick it up after lunch I think I am going to go postal on the post office. Ok think I'm done bitching for now, time to eat and try again on my guitar.

Uhhh, Gawd

This is bad! I am extremly bored at my second job and tryin to look like I am doing important computer work. Wow these quizes are great they are all right on the money about me try them for yourself!!!!!!!!!


You are Tater Tots. Go get your own!!


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are the bad boy / girl of your school. You
have little faith in yourself and usually find
escape in some sort of addicting substance or
yourself. You would rather torture others
above anything else. You regularly skip
school and when you go, always tend to ditch a
certain class. Some classmates can fear you
while others pity you...and your family. (No
offense) Your cruel behavior and abject
personality tends to single you out from the
crowd...and you prefer life this way at times.
However, lonliness can rear its ugly head and
force you seek a way to silence it. But be
warned, your path is dangerous... but only a
strong person can walk this road.

Some
ideal occupations for you can be a Police
officer, Celebrity (who doesn't love the
badasses?), Wrestler, Polotician, or some sort
of leader. Either way, your destined to be
known by many.


What type of teenager are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your a Vampire! Maybe a tad goth...your obsessed
with the night. Maybe Killing the living,
Sucking the blood off the innocent. You my
friend are the deadliest creature out there.


Are you a Vampire/Goth/Punk/Poser/Emo/ or just a plain PREP!?
brought to you by Quizilla

Garbage is Back!!!

For all the "Stupid Girl"'s and people who are "Only Happy When it Rains", Garbage is back from their break. According to Garbage.com they aren't even sure if they broke up or just took a break. They are gearing up for a rockin limited US Tour for their upcoming album, Bleed Like Me. I will be attempting to get my presale tickets to their show at the 930 club here in DC in half an hour. Their single "Why Do You Love Me?" is popping up on charts all over. I found it online courtesy of Filter Magazine. Give it a listen it is awesome!
"Why Do You Love Me?"

Get to know your fellow Bloggers

This is fun as Hell! I don't know which is better being interviewed or interviewing others. Thank you Branshine your delightful, thought provoking questions were fun to answer.

This is a "Tag! You're It" kind of exercise except you have to volunteer to be tagged.
Here were my questions:

1. What made you decide to go into the military, do you regret this decision?
I never wanted to join the military, I was always anti-everything. I was 18 married with a son, couldn't keep a job, I kept working temp jobs for a month to 3 months at a time. I didn't feel like a "man" because I couldn't support my family. I was in the unemployment office looking on a computer for jobs in the medical field and a bunch of Navy jobs popped up. I went in and joined that month and was at bootcamp 3 months later. I don't regret it, it really helped me become a mature adult. I have grown to love my job, the comradery.

2. Describe the biggest heartbreak you have ever felt.
I kept trying to think of which woman hurt the worse when I realized what my biggest heartbreak truly was. When my ex-wife left, not her though, the fact that she took my son and moved 8 hrs away back to our hometown. He is my world, if it wasn't for him I don't know where I'd be today. In 2 more years I will leave the Navy, which I have grown to love so I can be with him again.

3.If you knew you were going to die in 3 months what would you make sure to do before you died?
I'd spend as much time with my son is possible. Go skydiving, fly all around the world especially to Ireland and Germany, Go to everyone whose ever done me wrong and beat the crap out of them with a bat(probably last thing I'd do), Blow all my money on things for Aaron(my son).

4. If God was deciding to send you parents to Heaven or Hell based only on the job they did raising you, where do you think your parents would go?
They would definitely go to Heaven(if it exists). At the time I hated them, they were so strict on me. But now looking back, they did what they could to make me a good person. The only part that was actually bad was we never communicated. I mean never, we'd go weeks saying only a couple words to each other. But it is much better now.

5. As you entered your "adult" life what was the biggest disappointment about being "grown up?"
Grew up to fast!! My son was conceived on my 18th birthday, We were married 3 months later. So my world was in shock, I was struggling to find work in a small town. Dealing with not being able to go out and have fun like I was used to. I am making up for it now while I can though, once I get back I am Daddy again.

Now, here are the rules for this Blog-a-thon. I'll offer to interview the next three people to respond to this post that will follow these rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions here. They will be different questions than the ones above.
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Mermaids!!

This is a photograph of a dead mermaid that was washed onto a Chennai beach after the Dec 26 tsunami. I received this pic in an email as many of you probably have. This is supposed to be just another email prank. No one has actually seen the body/carcass or what ever you would call it. I don't see why people are such non-believers to begin with. Why can't there be mermaids? Obviously someone somewhere sometime saw one or else how would they be able to invent such a thing. The only problem I have with the notion is why are they all perceived to be females, shouldn't there be male ones too. Do they breed like fish, they don't look like they could do it like mammals like the bloodhound gang.

Perhaps the doubt started because of PT Barnum. According to Ripley's believe it or not in 1842 people paid 25 cents to see the "Fiji Mermaid", but later he admitted that it was the upper half of a monkey fused together with the bottom of a fish. Perhaps if people wouldn't kept fooling everyone we'd all still believe. It's "the boy who cried wolf" syndrome. Just because we don't have proof doesn't make it not real. No I am not a hypocrite for saying how can someone believe in a God they have never seen him, he is a supposed supernatural being which is a totally different story. This is just a creature/animal. I'm also not saying I believe I am just saying it might not be as absurd as everyone says.

A great letter

As per Branshine telling me to get off my ass and post something. I hate the Oscars so I don't want to post them though Selma Hyak and Penelope Cruz looked absolutly beautiful you can see a pic thanks to The Smudge. I can't think straight after being pulled to watch people pee for urinalisis which sucks ass, here is a nice letter about how automated phone service sucks. Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year
old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
published in the New York Times.


Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three
nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the
arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
years.


You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.


My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I
personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to
contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.


>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter
no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am
sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about
him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your
employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me
level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons
as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a
later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May
I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year.
Your Humble Client

Meaning of RC666

According to a link from Lohan tp avoid the copy&paste problem of the HTML they give I just copied the chart itself and pasted. Yeah it may not look as cool but it works. Also thanks to Branshine I have also added my comments on their meaning.

RC666

R is for Rare "I am a rare individual, not many like me in this world"
C is for Crazy "I love to have fun and sometimes it means doing crazy things"
6 is for 6 bottles of Jim Beam "I love Jim Beam
6 is for 6 packs of cigarettes "I smoke alot"
6 is for 6 Condoms "I don't like condoms, but they are necessary"

It wouldn't give me anything for the numbers so I improvised. Then there's

RANDY

R is for Refined "I am polite most of the time, at least to people I like"
A is for Alluring "This one doesn't really fit, I seem more repulsive"
N is for Nervy "I have nerve when it is needed to stand up or fight"
D is for Deadly "I do know several ways to kill people and break bones"
Y is for Yummy "I do probably taste pretty good, I've never tasted"


What Does Your Name Mean?

A Little Excercise

As per Arethusa and The Smudge They have a little exercise to do:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

This is from the book sitting closest to me:

"Frightful outrage. Are you drunk yourself?"
"Now sir, a place and time for everything."

Not the most interesting 3 sentences in the book. The book is awesome though. Drinking, Smoking, and Screwing: Great Writers on Good Times
is the book. It is pretty good, I am only half way through it. It is little short stories and some poems.

AADD/ Religion

First the guys at work and I were talking about Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I have thought for some time now that I have it. It's not really bad like when kids have it. I just notice that on the smoke deck (navy term for place outside in the fucking cold we have to go to, to smoke) I think of all kinds of things when I am alone. I start out psychoanalyzing my life, why I do things and why I am the way I am. And then see bugs on the ground and wonder what life is to them and how they see us. Things just pop up everywhere especially when I am trying to write. I start out writing about one thing and think of something else and throw that in, I usually have to rewrite things several times and rearrange every other sentence. It really sucks. And along those lines I don't feel like making a new post so I am going to post something completely off this subject.

Religion, to be honest I have no clue which one I am. I first though I was atheist and then people told me I was agnostic and once I actually had two people arguing with each other about which one I was, It was hilarious. I don't believe that there can be a higher power but I always say "I'll believe it when I see it" so I guess it is kind of both I think I'll start my own religion athie-nostic. If people know which one I fall into please let me know. I have actually researched both and can't really tell. Anyway here is a writing I found about religion that I wrote in when I was 15 or 16. To keep it real I am not editing it, except for punctuation since the paper doesn't have any...lol. Actually reading it I still feel the exact same today. Which is kind or weird. It almost feels like I wrote it last week except for the date and scribbles I called writing. Well enjoy, feel free to give me any rebuttals.

What is the point of religion? You pray every night to a guy you don't even know if he really exists. Every Sunday you spend an hour or two sitting in church listening to a person read crap out of a book. Then you put your hard earned money into a collection plate for a bed-time story, trying to buy off God. I can't believe in any supernatural being that gets kicks out of ruining millions of peoples lives. How can their be a heaven when not one person has ever lived without sinning, including Adam and Eve. If there was a God it seems like he just sits and amuses himself by destroying lives and some have the nerve of saying it makes us/them stronger. If he existed why is there war and hate in the world. He would have the power to make people not commit mass murders and attempt genocide. If he did exist the world would be happy and peaceful. Even after saying this I would open up a church whenever I got a chance, it's a gold mine. Every Sunday they rake in hundreds of dollars and only have to pay the pastor and organ player (if you have one). Plus if your a church who has Wednesday mass too. Wow. They might be able to make a thousand a week at least in a good size city. Why does every religion hate devil worshipers but not the other religions such as Jews or shop's witnesses? How is worshiping the Devil different from worshiping God? They both destroy lives. I'm not supporting devil worshiping, they are just as clueless to me. How can someone control peoples lives when we have free will? Everyone makes decisions everyday how can that lead to a chosen path? God couldn't control everyone's lives. If he could how come we kill and hurt other people and people we love. I've tried to believe. I've prayed, sat through church on Sundays, put money on the collection plate, been baptized, and all the rest. It still hasn't worked my life is and always will be fucked up. It's almost like if he does exist, I pissed him off in another life. I just can't comprehend people worshiping something no one has actually seen. If an adult says they are afraid of the bogeyman people laugh, but believe in God no one laughs. To me they seem the same. They are both stories told to kids about better be good or else. I think they were both thought up to strike fear into people so they act accordingly. Be good or God or the bogeyman will get you.

Random thoughts

I'm tired can't think straight. Tired of everything.

A lost soul just wandering this earth
Looking for someone
Don't know who or where
You are throbbing in agony
Drugs help ease the pain
Helps you not care
Loneliness is a disease
It creeps up slowly then devours you
Sometimes you need someone
You look around the empty streets
No one can be found
What can you do
You can’t cure loneliness
Someone has to find you and cure you
It’s easy to hide from it in public
When your alone it conquers you
It’s so bad you can’t think straight
Random thoughts constantly flowing
Nothing but confusion in your head
There's always pain in your chest
Don’t want to do anything
You hate waking up
Hate going to bed
All alone

Everybody have a good 3 day?

I have come to realize the things I keep telling myself are really true. This 3 day week end sucked as all my weekends tend to. My life is so monotonous it's ridiculous. Monday through Thursday I work all but 3 of my waking hours. And weekends I get drunk and lay on my friends couch, wake up, eat, and watch TV and repeat all weekend. My latest drunken follie, I was at a friends house and the owner of the apartment was showing me a vacant apartment that I was thinking about renting. There was no electricity and we were just standing smoking and joking. Somehow for some reason I kinda leaned over, lost my balance and put my shoulder through the window. I am still not sure how/why/what the hell I was meaning to do and how the hell my bony ass shoulder can break anything besides itself. SO then I went to my second job Monday to make some extra money to pay for the window. And then go home and got uber drunk for no reason and played spades with my cuz on yahoo. I need to get a new life, mine has always been pretty boring. So now I am at work trying to cover my Jim Beam breath so people don't give me shit about being an alcoholic again. Oh well, here we go go again another week begins.

The Funniest Thing I have Ever Seen

Yesterday I got an email containing a video from "Who's line is it anyway", remember that prop improve show that disappeared, was hosted by Drew Carey. I used to watch the show all the time, I thought it was funny as hell. I must have missed this episode though. It features a guest prop, played by Richard Simmons. I laughed so hard I started crying, well not really crying but I had tears coming out. Anyways, since I didn't know how to put the video from my email on to here, I had to find it elsewhere on the net. Thanks to Squizzle that I have never heard of, here's the video.

A Nice Joke for you

When is Fuck Acceptable? - by "Odd Joker" at 5jokes.com
There are only eleven times in history when the 'F' word has been
considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

11. "What the fuck do you mean, we're sinking?"
--Capt. E.J. Smith, RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the fuck was that?"
--Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all these fucking Indians come from?"
-- General Custer, 1877

8. "Any fucking idiot could understand that."
-- Albert Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so fucking look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the fuck did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the fuck are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1998

and a drum roll please........!

1. "Geez! I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad!"
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003

Who's next? Hawthorne Heights!

As many may or may not know, yahoo's launch has been doing a Who's next competition for a couple months now. Winners have included Straylight Run and recently Eisley. Please vote as often and as many times as you can for Hawthorne Heights, just click the pic below. Thanks.

The cowardly lion

SO I gave my toast and had a couple drinks and like most of the times when I am down I feel like writing so here's what I came up with. Let me know what you think. I know I am not a very strong writer. I guess I just have a limited vocabulary, plus never been good in English or a good speker. Oh well, here it is...

My life is pure torture. It seems that I am in a constant downward spiral through the depths of Hell. I am always left alone. I am the unwanted child, never meant to exist. My life seems torturous to myself and everyone around me. When I am alone I let out a primal scream of desperation, to try to keep myself sane. Why does the nice guy finish last? I am not a shy person til I am around a woman I like. It seems sometimes when I am friends with a girl; sometimes I get close and would like to maybe take it up a notch. Though I lack the courage to take it to the next step. I am the cowardly lion. I am too afraid to voice my feelings, because of the rejection that hurt so much in the past. My life is a teen drama show. I am Dawson floating down the creek without a paddle, in my so-called life. Why can’t I be a dick like 95% of the rest if the men in the world? Through several friends and a couple tries on dares, being a dick works, but that’s just not me. Why does it seem that I always want what I can’t have, the woman I can’t be with right now, or I am just her friend. I am the shoulder to cry on, the retard to share your feelings with. The nice guy is always just a friend that you can complain about the dick your with to. What have I done in a previous life to be tortured so? My emotions are constantly camouflaged, to keep me from being hurt. I can’t stand the hurt anymore. My heart has been turned to dust, all the pain I have lived through. Who knows what the next section of my life holds in store for me. Let’s see what happens to the cowardly lion.

Damn Hallmark

I just want to thank Hallmark for creating a holiday to sell things to people in love and leave the lonely feeling more depressed. Bastards! At least the weather is rainy and dreary outside, seeing the dying trees wave in the breeze. For some reason I've always loved dreary weather. SO while the lovebirds flock to the stores to buy cards, candy, flowers, and have romantic dinners I will go to my second job to try to forget what day it is. I will then go home and sit and eat some Ramen noodle packs and maybe have a drink or two in my empty barracks room while watching couples fear factor. To everyone else sitting alone tonight I will toast a drink to you and hope everyone survives the day that corporate america created not thinking of the consequence that they may impose on the people who are not in their target selling group.

My Past life

Thanks to Bizarro World
I found out what I was in my past life. I think it is right. Now I am just a closet psycho.

Randy was an Adventurous Serial Killer in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Treatment of POW's

Friday, December 17, 2004 2:58 PM

A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the
treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan war. Below is a copy
of the response.

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was
heard loud and clear here in Washington You'll be pleased to learn
that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating the
Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept
Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance
with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one
terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your
residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for
pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your
standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly
recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help
him overcome this character flaw. Perhaps you are correct in describing
these problems as mere cultural differences.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive
devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those
items locked up, unless you feel that this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters since he
views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly
sensitive subject for him. He has been known to show violent tendencies
around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers
appropriate, but I'm sure that over time they will come to enjoy the
anonymity offered by the bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of
respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
inform us of the proper way to do our job. Take good care of Ahmed and
good luck!

Cordially,
Don Rumsfeld

I'm FREE!!!!!!!!

I haven't been able to post lately because I had to travel back to my hometown, Defiance, Ohio. I had to go to court on Monday to get my divorce finalized. I am now free of the burden of marriage and will not do that again for at least 10 years. My advice to all youngsters is don't be like me. If you get someone pregnant that doesn't mean you must marry them, just make sure you take care of your child. When I was back home for Christmas my mom made me bring my uniform to get pictures taken. She gave me a good one of me and my son, Aaron. I might post it later when I get home tonight. But for now, I'll find something post worthy.

Looks like a music video 

Really Cool 

Closer and not so stable 

Moved closer 

Started back here 

HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS WHHHOOOO!!!!!

Ok so Last night I went and saw an awesome show. Stated out with Gym Class Heroes, A pretty good hip-hop alternative band. The lead singer could freestyle. The only problem was that most the songs sounded the same. They were followed by Hopesfall, who was again excellent. I apologize if this post sucks I am still drunk. But they were rocking out. Followed by one of my Favorite bands Hawthorne Heights, who I was screaming for the whole night. They were awesome. I got my ticket signed by JT Woodruff the lead singer. At least I think, by that time I was wasted. I managed to lose a shirt I bought and a CD they gave me. But I held on to my friends CD, a Hat she bought me, and my digital camera I took. I will post a couple of the pics I took once this damn hello shit stops giving me a network error message. Ok but then when I got back from buying shit and getting it signed, The Early November were on stage, completely wasted I remind you, I forgot about them and thought it was Sugarcult. So I am screaming "Memory" and everyone kept looking at me funny, then they played a song I knew and I felt like an Idiot. Then Sugarcult took the stage, by that time I shoved my female friend and myself up to the front. I have a couple great pictures of them. My Hawthorne Heights pics didn't come out and a lot of them a blurred from my inability to stand up and hold a camera staight. But all in all a great night. Take Action Tour just kicked off, coming to a town near you. Check them out.

Under Slight Construction

I was getting tired of loking at polka dots on my site, it's just not me. I had the one black one that alot of people had, but I wanted something different. So I got one from blogger and thought that I could spruce it up a bit. I learned very basic HTML code in High School, almost 7 years ago. I think it has come along pretty good. I spent most of my day at work, working on it. As you can see, it still has a few gliches in it, hopefully will be able to fix it in the next couple days.

Evil? WTF?!!

After seeing that The Smudge of Ashen Fluff got a 32% Evil, I wondered how his could come close to mine. SO I checked my evilness again....20%?! That's bullshit. His is about Mozart, and crap (no offense, it's good crap). So I am trying to figure out how they figure their "evil". I saw you could put phrases and see how evil they were. My Blast from the past poem only got a 20%. That poem is way more evil than that, I'd say it's 80%. I actually think it is backwards, I put the phrase "kill god, hail satan" and "hail god, kill satan" both get a 1% evil. Now here's where it gets tricky. Kill-50%, kill kill-50%, kill kill kill-50%, kill kill kill kill-1% (WTF), kill kill kill kill kill-99%. Ok lets do some math...1-3 kills is half evil half good, for some reason 4 is all good, but 5 wow that's evil. If anyone can understand how 4 is good, please let me know. Hell canowine's description of me as a "demon loving, chicken blood drinking, virgin defiling friend" is only 1% evil. Here's what the website says.

Basically, Gematria is searching for different patterns through the text, such as the amount of words beginning with a vowel. If the amount of these matches is divisible by a certain number, such as 7 (which is said to be God's number), there is an incontestable argument that the Spirit of God is ever present in the text. Another important aspect in gematria are the numerical values of letters: A=1, B=2 ... I=9, J=10, K=20 and so on. The Gematriculator uses Finnish alphabet, in which Y is a vowel.

Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God's watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.

So basically a website all about God could be evil on the bassis of what letters are used and not the text. Ok that was just urking the hell out of me. I think I will just change my rating myself to 99%, I'll think about it.